The Ghosting Effect: How Abandonment Impacts Mental Health!

Insensitive. Are these the people? Or the circumstances? Or is it a conflict of interest? Sometimes, it is hard to draw a line. Harder when the person is a dear friend.

Some people live behind shields. Shield to keep themselves safe. Safe enough not to be harmed by the inhumane or granted behaviour of those around us. Alas, we are humans. Emotions deceive us. And every time reaching some brink, we would be overcautious every next time. These layers collapse with time, and we start trusting people eventually.

I used to be one cold person, not that I was the same always. My friends from childhood call me a chatter-bag. And during my growing-up years, there was this friend of mine, a childhood friend.

Oh, we fought like cats and dogs, blaming each other for that one eaten chocolate, fewer marks, scolding, or for any misery of our lives. And before anyone could intervene, we patched up, walking hand in hand.

We were inseparable. We were keepers. Never spilt any secret of ours, let it be a crush, love life, heartbreak, bunking classes, copying in an exam, or insane excuses for sleepovers. We always covered for each other.

Distance stole my friend

Then one day we separated in the name of our higher studies. Mumbai called her, and I went to Nagpur. Distance tricked us. Mumbai took her away from me. I tried to play this long-distance friendship, but could not hold it all by myself for a longer time. I learnt to let go.

After my graduation, I went to Mumbai. She called, and we were back like the old days. Or maybe I thought so.

Never miss real stories from India's women.

Register Now

Whenever she felt low, she called, and I was always available for her. “She needs me. I should be there in her low time.” I did not realize when it became a pattern. We talked whenever she called, let it be a gap of days or months. I managed to fly to her native place to attend her marriage from Bangalore, excusing sickness.

But then she vanished.

After marriage, she barely called or answered mine. And one day she disappeared from my life. She stopped responding to my letters, calls, and texts. My best friend abandoned me.

Ghosting is what they call it nowadays. I was officially shattered. For a long period, I could not make friends or even let people cross a set-up parameter of limited talking. I detested people, for I was scared of finding myself lonely.

I was stuck in the time zone that, what if we become friends and they abandon me? Likewise, I lived this hypothetical life for several years. Not that I did not make friends, but none were close enough to share my heart, hang around, or go shopping with me for a longer period. She robbed my mental peace.

Then one day I landed in the writing community. Eventually, I ended up writing for several forums online and offline. These people had a big impact on me through their strong writing and speaking.

That let me discover my other side—the vivacious one who spoke her mind with others who shared her outlook. Conversation flowed in with writers, authors, poets, homemakers, storytellers, journalists, CEOs, content creators, stand-up comedians, and with several individuals.

A few of them have grown to be extremely close friends of mine. There are even categories today, including “fun conversation person,” “run to suggestion One,” “gossip ladies,” and “mental health expert,” and I adore each one of these women. Humans.

When emotions are involved, you will stumble

In due course, I saw another instance of ghosting. When your invested emotions are thrown off balance, it hurts a lot.

However, I made sure it does not affect my earlier days. I helped myself to acknowledge that I had no control over what had occurred. And also gave me time not to carry the weight of someone else’s circumstances.

Therefore, a heartfelt reminder to those who saw it: look for closure. It will undoubtedly be beneficial to map out the potential of the imagination webbed in your head. And try not to believe them because there are chances, they’ll act the same way again.

Their behaviour will reflect time and again in the name of their issues, inescapable circumstances, and altered priorities. They are no longer interested in putting effort into this friendship or relationship. Stop investing yours.

You are good enough

When the entire world was hanging around and enjoying themselves with friends during their college days, I was battling my insecurities about befriending people. It took years of struggle fighting this monster, and convincing myself over imaginary situations: am I good enough human to become a friend, and I do not sob in loneliness like the time when my friend left?

So, when someone leaves you nowhere and vanishes into the thin air, stop blaming yourself. Work on your mental peace. Get over your self-doubt. Never, ever blame your circumstances. You have always been a wonderful person.

Pass on. And be unconcerned.

Image source: lathuric via Getty Images, free and edited on CanvaPro

Comments