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I don't hate my parents, they had their own issues which made them the way they are, but that doesn't give them the right to hurt the very child they gave birth to!
Trigger Warning: This deals with domestic violence, verbal abuse, suicidal ideation, suicidal attempt, depression, and harassment and may be triggering for survivors
I am a 28-year-old independent woman, but this independence didn’t come to me normally like other women my age. I am a daughter of a narcissistic father and a mother who always plays the victim. Likewise, I am a medical professional and was doing good academically except for the domestic abuse which included verbal abuse and even hitting often both of me and my mother.
Luckily for my post-graduation, I got admission to a medical college in a different city after going where I was diagnosed with clinical depression for which my parents blamed me again and not the way they treated me which made me walk on eggshells and anxious always.
Although I was living in a different city, I constantly lived in the fear of them coming to me and asking me to quit my studies because my phone didn’t have coverage in the hospital.
Finally, after finishing my studies, I got a good job in my hometown because I was not allowed to work outside. Just a day before joining, my mom tore her ligament, for which I took her to the hospital and then sent her to my maternal grandmother’s place so that she could rest there.
The next day I couldn’t cook because I had to work, so my sister had to cook for her and our father.
My father didn’t like what my sister had prepared, so he started abusing me verbally and threatened to get me married off and leave my job. I went to the police station the next day after work and asked them to call my parents after I left because I was too scared to confront them.
Not only that, but I told the police that I didn’t want to get married since I had witnessed their unhealthy marriage since childhood and I knew no guy who was willing to marry me. Likewise, I had no friends because my parents didn’t like me having any.
I went to my paternal grandparent’s house after that because I was very scared of my dad hitting me. Everyone in the family except my parents love me and are very supportive.
A couple of hours later my father came to my grandparent’s house to thrash me but was forced to leave since everyone intervened. I told my grandpa about what happened the day before and that I have had enough.
He supported me because he knew everything, including my past failed multiple suicide attempts.
The next day I went to the police station, but it was a different constable this time and when I narrated to him the incident which happened the day before, his reply shattered me.
He said, “God bless your husband, you are a menace already, I cannot imagine what would he have to face after marrying you!”
I am a very respected person everywhere be it hospital, school, college, or even my locality. I didn’t like the idea of going to the police station or the idea of dragging my parents there. Not only that, but I didn’t consult anyone because I didn’t want anyone to think badly of my parents, but this was the only option left because if the police couldn’t help, suicide was the only option left. Likewise, I wasn’t ready to get married.
I politely asked him if he was willing to file the complaint or not, and he said that the constable who was present there a day before was on a holiday. And the inspector I had spoken to has gone out at the moment.
A gullible me believed him and was just about to leave the police station when I saw the constable from the day before outside the police station having tea. I enquired about the Inspector and to my sheer shock he replied, “Sir is sitting inside, you should’ve gone directly there.”
When I was going back inside, the constable who had asked me to leave came running and asked me where I was going. I replied, “I know Inspector Sir is inside his cabin” and he was dumbstruck!
Pathetic how few people fail to do the duty for which they have been appointed. I go out of my way to help my patients, and here is a man running away from his responsibility to avoid paperwork. I went inside and narrated the incident about how my father had come to hit me but left because other family members intervened, and he called my parents immediately.
It goes without saying that my father tried to reason with him saying things like, “I am a father, you must be knowing how your last wish is to get your daughter married, I put a roof over her head, I paid her fees,” other mundane things.
To which the inspector reasoned, “I have a daughter too, but I wouldn’t do anything against her wishes, especially if she was working in a reputed hospital like your daughter. Whatever you have done is nothing extraordinary, and every parent does these things for their children. She is of age and if you do something like this I will have to file a case, and you might end up losing your job.”
I never expected this from my father, but he played the cheap card of telling the police about how I was not ‘mentally stable’ to decide for myself and that I was on medications. I wasn’t schizophrenic back then either, I was just depressed.
Fortunately, the inspector reasoned with him by asking for my prescription and my father had no answer because my medications had stopped a year ago.
My father then tried being dramatic in front of the policemen by crying and begging me to come back home, but I was adamant. I had lived enough in their shackles, and now I wanted to fend for myself and be happy.
I was verbal about my story at the beginning to the people who asked, but they either judged me or brushed me off, thinking that my parents cannot be so bad and that I must’ve done something wrong. Furthermore, I could’ve reasoned by saying that people can kill their children and there are examples to prove that, so why is accepting the fact that my parents can be abusive a big deal?
I chose to not reply instead. It’s not that I hate my parents or that I have hard feelings against them, they had their issues which made them the way they are, but that doesn’t give them the right to hurt the very child they gave birth to.
The regret is just that I could’ve been a happy-go-lucky girl with a lot of potential, but this abuse, suicide attempts and depression have cost me many important years of my life.
I could’ve been in a better place if it weren’t for this. But at the end of the day what matters to me is that I am healing my trauma slowly but steadily!
If you or anyone you know is feeling depressed or suicidal, here are some of the helplines available in India. Please call. Aasra, Mumbai: 022-27546669 Sneha, Chennai: 044-2464 0050 Lifeline, Kolkata: 033-2474 4704 Sahai, Bangalore: 080-25497777 Roshni, Hyderabad: 040-66202000, 040-66202001 SPEAK2us – Tamilnadu 9375493754
Image source: Timnewman via Getty Images, free and edited Canva Pro
Cardiac Perfusionist by profession Strongly opinionated. Love to make people laugh Giving my share in making this world a better place for everyone. read more...
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