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I realized that my journey wasn't just about my growth and self-discovery; it was also an opportunity for those around me to learn and evolve.
CW: Mention of Suicidal Ideation and Depression
In the depths of my soul, I am Jessica Care Moore. This is the story of my journey, a tale of resilience and self-discovery that has shaped the person I am today.
From the tender age of 13, I found solace and joy in wearing female clothes. In the secret corners of my world, I would slip into my mother’s garments and gaze at my reflection, my lips adorned with her lipstick. I loved myself as a girl, and that love was pure and unwavering.
But the outside world was far less accepting. The halls of my school became a battleground, where the taunts and jeers of my peers pierced my heart. I was bullied for daring to be different, and for embracing my true identity. Those painful days were etched into my memory, leaving scars that would take time to heal.
As I journeyed through the maze of adolescence and into adulthood, my dysphoria grew more profound. A dark cloud of depression settled over me, threatening to extinguish the flickering light within my soul.
There were moments when the weight of it all felt unbearable, moments when I contemplated ending my own life. I was lost in a world that refused to see me for who I truly was.
Then, in 2018, my body succumbed to the heavy burden I carried. Depression and the relentless pressure of studies brought me to the brink. I slipped into a coma that lasted 24 agonizing days, and when I awoke, my body was paralysed. I had to relearn the simplest tasks—breathing, walking, and even swallowing food. My physical journey mirrored the emotional and mental battle that raged within me.
It was during this period of recovery that I sought help from a psychiatrist. Finally, there was a name for what I had been experiencing all along—gender dysphoria. In the secret recesses of my heart, I knew it to be true. And so, with cautious steps, I embarked on my journey of transitioning, knowing that the road ahead would be treacherous.
But as my body began to transform, as my true self emerged from the shadows, the world around me started to notice.
And so did my parents. Their reaction was not what I had hoped for. They refused to support me, and with a heavy heart, they asked me to leave home. Rejection pierced my soul, leaving me feeling alone and abandoned.
To add to the mounting challenges, I faced discrimination in the workplace. Being a member of the LGBTQ+ community became a barrier to employment, and I found myself jobless for seven long months. Despair engulfed me, and I questioned my worth.
I felt like a burden to my family, unsure of where my place in this world might be.
But within the darkness, a glimmer of hope emerged. Slowly, ever so slowly, my family began to embrace this new identity. Their understanding and acceptance, however gradual, provided me with the strength to keep going.
I realized that my journey wasn’t just about my growth and self-discovery; it was also an opportunity for those around me to learn and evolve.
Today, I stand tall, knowing that my journey is far from over. I continue to navigate a world that may not always understand or accept me, but I am determined to be my authentic self. With every step, I hope to inspire change and foster a society where love and acceptance triumph over fear and prejudice.
I remain hopeful that my situation will change, those opportunities will come my way, and that I will find my rightful place in this world. I am Gauravi, and I am here to rise above adversity, spreading my wings like a butterfly, and embracing my true self.
Read here to find out what you have to do to transition legally in India.
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If you or anyone you know is feeling depressed or suicidal, here are some of the helplines available in India. Please call. Aasra, Mumbai: 022-27546669 Sneha, Chennai: 044-2464 0050 Lifeline, Kolkata: 033-2474 4704 Sahai, Bangalore: 080-25497777 Roshni, Hyderabad: 040-66202000, 040-66202001 SPEAK2us – Tamilnadu 9375493754
Image source: By Shann Daniels, free and edited on Canva Pro
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