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How women are still looked at as objects, not expected to have an opinion or a choice in who has access to their bodies, even in civil society.
Photo by Diego San on Unsplash
Trigger Warning: This speaks of overt sexual harassment and slut shaming and may be triggering for survivors.
Isn’t it nerve-numbing to know that while women are involved in making the Chandrayan-III mission successful, there are women who are subjected to humiliation, disrespect, and silence daily? The feminism button is not accessible to them.
The gravity of the above-said words is felt by me in Patna, Bihar. Ever since I set foot in the city, I have been cornered in almost every event and occasion.
One afternoon when I was home alone, a male neighbour shows up to ask for tea. I remember not inviting him inside but he came in however and locked the door. Being new in the city, I didn’t wish to give into the stereotypes but my heart sank and a current of panic ran through me. I handed over the box of tea, expecting him to leave but he wouldn’t. After a few minutes of chatting, he started examining my tattoos and ran his fingers on my chest. That was the point when I pushed him and yelled. He left.
A few days later, to my surprise, I got a call from a number that turned out to be his. I discovered that he managed to collect my digits from the landlady. I was amazed at how someone’s phone number could be shared without one’s consent. Obscene texts and videos started to flow in and spam my Whatsapp.
I decided to stand against this and reported the series of events to my landlady. Hearing my plight, she blamed me for having tattoos and not covering my body enough. She said that I should know that the “female body lures men”, and that “he is a family man so it is becoming difficult for her to cast her doubts on him”!
To my surprise, my molester was a man of 37 and was married to a girl aged 17. They had a kid of 6.
Next, she asked me to leave her place and look for lodging elsewhere. I was given 15 days to move out. While I was trying my best to leave before 15 days as I was in the clutch of fear and paranoia, I was harassed by the landlady every day. She even barged into the room and threw my plants away. On the other hand, the flow of obscene texts and untimely calls increased.
Spending sleepless nights, cursing my fate and myself, I found a decent place to stay a few days later. I moved out with my things but the calls and messages didn’t stop until one day I took the call and threatened him creating a false story of my father being in the police. Although I didn’t receive calls or texts from the molester anymore, I am still in the grips of insecurity.
Fortunately, my partner found a job in the same place as mine and moved in with me. From this point onwards, I discovered the levels on which marginalisation of women works here.
No matter where I went, I had to carry my partner around. The landlord of my current lodging barely pays attention to my presence when he is around to collect the rent. He always asks for my partner when an issue comes up.
While I was taking all of this personally, on digging deep it came to the surface that it is not only me who is being marginalised but also most women around me. The problem of toxic masculinity and hyper-patriarchy is fuelled by the process of women marginalising themselves and each other. They still bathe in the belief of being protected and need to be protected by men. Women’s participation is barely encouraged in Patna. Girls are conditioned to follow the men in their lives and not be have their own opinions. The women population is still in need of patriarchal insulation from misogyny and chauvinism, both begotten by patriarchy.
Patna, the city that revels in art and aesthetics is lagging by shackling women with toxic masculinity. Only boasting about the ban on alcohol consumption is of little value in the progression of a place. Bihar, for such reasons, is losing its image as Patna happens to be its strongest representative.
A wonderer, wanderer, reader, writer, and sugar quitter. That's it. read more...
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