I miss my Mama

My Mama and I are absolutely different in terms of thoughts and life. We barely know about each other and when we talk deep it is either spiritual or the goodness of life. But we are happy in knowing that atleast we connect when we talk about the universe. I see stars shining in her eyes.
All this while,she has only been feeding good food and sincere life as a woman. I missed her as a mother, I hardly remember the last time she caressed me with love and said me ,’I love you’. I expected her to tell me that I need not to carry the weight of the world. I expected her to guard me but instead she sowed just another woman like herself. She said me to sacrifice and told me to please others. Home is made from a woman like her. I won’t lie,that has saved me a couple of times by being an incredible oblation figure. But then that wasn’t me. It made me happy that they are happy but I wasn’t happy. Breaking yourself and making others happy is a not a real happiness that I was looking for. I wanted a mother. I wanted her to be a listener. But then again,I have come out from the womb but I don’t own her,just like I think, that I don’t own my daughter and her life.
I thought that she would learn from her compromises and not let us (me and brother) drown ,I thought that she would built a strong woman from the ashes. But the fire is still burning, I guess and I know it is not easy what she is going through. I would have been devastated till now and shunned away everything. But it is she, and I wish no mother should suffer like mine (Again that’s her story)
I am not saying that I am fragile. I am just like her somewhere in the kitchen species and cilantro, my clothes smell from incense sticks and I am always sacrificing my food and sleep and what not.
I think,i have have come a long way through good books,outstanding teachers and good people in my life.
I wish I could have shared my everything with her only if she allowed herself out from the pantry and the garden. And she hasn’t changed all these years. Just like any other day, I miss my beautiful Mama a lot.

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