Why Do We Expect That A Woman’s Individuality Dies After She Becomes A Mom?

Every year on my mother’s birthday, the thing I struggle to do the most is decide a gift for her. Infinite items available all around the world and not one am I able to pick? Sounds relatable? Have you ever given a deeper thought to this?  I have always wondered why this happens? Is it because nothing could justify what she actually deserves?

Maybe, but not entirely.

As I grew up, I have questioned myself- Do I even know her? What she likes, dislikes, how was she as a child? Do I know her INDIVIDUALLY as a woman?

Last night my brother asked her if any piece of cake was left which she had baked- it was not left because she had eaten the last one. You could see the guilt oozing out of her face. Apparently, she is a bad mother now. Society defines mothers to be a perfect blend of sacrifice, sacrifice and sacrifice. She can’t have a piece of cake in peace let alone an individual life!

And the worst part is, my mother expects the same from herself. That is depth of the conditioning. Is this how it is supposed to work? – You give birth to a new life and your individuality dies?

The teenagers and young generation keep ranting about how they don’t get to live a free, independent life, but no one thinks even once about how mothers have been operating since forever. We have normalized these patterns, no one finds it to be questionable.

If someone starts to expect perfection in everything from you, one day it will become too scary or maybe annoying. It’s the same we do to our mothers. It’s not only us, but they too forget ‘their’ life.

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Nobody can take care of you like your mother, no matter how old you grow. They are our safest place, our home. But where is their home? Can we find it? At least we can take baby steps to find it or better, become their home.

Once, just once, sit and ponder how your mother’s life has been and what if it was yours?

Image source: a still from short film Ghar ki Murgi

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