*BAHU – BORN TO RECEIVE HATE*

BAHU – BORN TO RECEIVE HATE

Life would have been easier if I had married the one I loved..

Just married and Happily Ever After..

Knock Knock..

I heard my mother screaming. Aren’t you late, just got to work. Her silent Whispers are still audible, 24 years already and no thought of getting married, God just waiting for the moment to see her as a bride please make my wish come true.

I wanted to Ignore my Typical Indian mother but thought it was the right moment and decided to give her news and left it to her to decide if it is good or bad. She was not curious as late night phone conversations, little bit of excuses had worked as some hints and she is all ears now.

I liked a guy who is decent and good looking and is working with a private firm so we have been talking for a couple of weeks and I think I like him and wanted to get married. Though it was a matrimonial match I find it compatible.

What are your thoughts on it.

She wanted an astrologer to decide what was right for me. What if my birth time was wrongly entered by the government doctor ?? Anyways, she went to decide my fate and was home after meeting the astrologer.

The compatibility is very low and forget you are never getting married to this guy, She was so casual.

In a nutshell, Emotional drama of a typical Indian mother. The happily ever after has ended then and there.

My mother who already knew things would happen the way she decides, has come holding three photographs with a deadline to complete the task by choosing one.

Sometimes you decide to go against your choices just to hurt people out of EGO.

You may call it stupidity but I choose to be at a loss that day.

I was upset and wanted to scream I wish to do what I feel but got no guts to speak in front of my family.

She finalized three matches and has come to take my opinion.

I asked her who you think is the right guy as per your compatible chart?

She showed the picture of two guys who were smart and definitely made a good match if said yes to one.

She hid the third photo which was the *Captain Saab*.

This has put me in curiosity and wanted to know why not an Army Officer?

I again asked her what’s wrong with the fauji. She replied

“life gets complicated packing things and doing tours throughout your life and barely you get time to be with each other.

Listening to this I already made up my mind to go against her for putting an end to my new born Love story

Again we fought each day but this time she saw me broken, upset, crying, struggling with health issues and she knew it was not the Mobile Radiation, who is the culprit this time, but understood I was emotionally down.

Still she decided to do what she liked. She arranged a meeting with my compatible companions.

I rejected the other two as I already made up my mind to marry a fauji.

A month before or so I was forced to talk over the phone with the Capt saab.

Like a resume I had all the qualities listed, now I’m hiring the right guy to join my organisation.

*Great sense of humour*

*soft spoken* 

*Zero attitude* were on the top and to my surprise he was rude with zero sense of humour, was a fitness freak and I tried to crack some jokes but all to no purpose.

*Applicant rejected !!*

I was not given an option to see new profiles but my family insisted to meet Capt saab as I already rejected the other two. I had to meet this fauji as my mother decided the time, date and place.

He was dark, smartly dressed, with zero grip on regional language but sounded confident and I was just silent looking at him talk. I wanted to convey what I felt but

I can’t manage without food and shelter if my mother gets to know that I spoke my mind.

He was done talking and suddenly he stood up saying he has to leave and sounded less interested but back in my mind I was impressed with his frank conversation and could sense he didn’t like me. That part was hurting but i somehow felt connected for no reason.

I still fought for the guy I liked but no positive signs. I’ve realised how Indian families play a major role in making decisions on everyone’s behalf.

To my surprise my mom asked if she should proceed with the fauji as their response was a *YES*

I know it was not him but his family has decided on his behalf and now we are sailing in the same boat.

The ethics inculcated in you since childhood will make you vote for family by hook or crook.

The rituals have started, Still learning all about getting wedded to Olive Green.

The family Drama has taken charge. People started hating each other for silly reasons, both the parties are hesitating to compromise, still it’s going on, the marriage date is round the corner and I’m experiencing the traditions, Rules and regulations set by the groom’s family to show their bossy culture. Every time they called over, it was a demand from their end.

I’ve asked my father why we have to go through all this? He said it’s ok beta ‘you liked that guy!! Short and simple.

I was always against dowry but I was told it’s part of Hindu Culture. Buying gold, gifts, fulfilling the demands of the groom’s family, all these sounded annoying but what hurts the most is seeing your dad’s hard earned money is being divided among people who were strangers a day before.

Dowry to his siblings was the vibe that made me come to a perception and felt

why ?

Why can’t people accept a girl from the other family accept her without a monetary Benefit. Still I was told the same, it’s a one time ritual. But it continued for a few years.

Things were not going smoothly.

Unnecessary demands, arguments and instructions from the other side have left me in confusion to step back from this family FOREVER .

I was afraid to speak up for myself !!

Now begins the real mess after marriage.

My husband was posted in the field and I was back with family again as my moms biggest nightmare has come true.

Husband isn’t around and now my in-laws thought it’s the right time to take charge.

Now the timetable was set by his family.

• Calling them each day was the top most condition.
• Preaching on how daughters in their family should be pampered but you and your husband are just born to give and give.
•  His parents were in an illusion that my siblings and parents eat up all       *DAAMAD ka PAISA*, despite we are from an above middle class family.
• Your siblings were treated like a piece of shit but you should respect his SIBLINGS with utmost respect.
• What to wear and what not to was their choice.
• Sarees, gifts, on special occasions or money flow should happen every time you visit but you always return empty hands.
• Poking into personal stuff was their favourite hobby.
• Abusing my parents every now and then was too common for his mother.
• Threatening to get divorce and every piece of shit you don’t deserve was served each day.
• Being the privileged bahu of this family ‘you should never question them why you were never offered a piece of cloth since day 1 of your marriage.
• Throwing cheap gifts on your face with utmost pride was their standard.
• They can be enemies when they don’t like you, besides too friendly for the sake of society.

Mumma’s boy never took a stand but he too struggled between love and rivalry. His work and performance started to affect but his mind was still the same to never take a stand to his wife.

I was never upset with them but wondered how people like them still survive on this planet.

My mother was concerned about me, at times she said wish I could have got you married to the person whom you love. But it’s too late.

But for me it was past and I can’t crib about it. It’s not destined.

I always focused on how to sort people so that I can live at peace.

I want my husband to love me and his family to stay out of my business but my patience has always let that thought skip my mind.

My mother often told,

You are educated and education teaches you to understand what is right and what is wrong. I always learned to surrender but never fought for the rights I deserve she spoke. But we gave you the best but why are you hesitating to stand for yourself.

This has hit differently. 

I was all back with a sorted mind this time. I decided to go against all the odds and make things even.

I decided to lose patience and lose control of words !! Yeah that’s what people deserve.Sometimes taking high roads doesn’t work but getting into the gutter by getting into their standards can do wonders.

Things started to change slowly, his family was now afraid to pick up a fight, hearing the truth in loud tone often disappointed them.

When the money flow stopped the true faces were visible in the limelight. Now they started to hate my man for being a bit supportive of his “WIFE”

I never wanted to prove but I wanted to live life the way I wanted. As a woman I deserve all this just like men.

Love can melt the ice, love can move the mountains. Do good and good will come to you. I’ve always been me, I had never changed for the sake of people, expressing true emotions often felt right. Be it hard on other parts.

The day has finally come. We were together in a peace station. It felt like we were starting from zero.

Being together for the first time after 3 years of long distance has its own ups and downs.

Being a fauji wife you explore new things, you get to see women with a lot of strength and courage who raise family single handedly. They taught me how they managed life with no support from near and dear.

They often said these are piddly things to deal with. It’s everywhere, just balance love and self respect. Life will be easy.

Fauji wife’s are the strongest woman you will ever meet in life. The unsung hero’s who never take credit despite being the backbone of the family.

Though we were together we fought too much initially, little things we did to each other made us feel extra special and my man has helped me in every move I made.

The moment we ignored the daily drama episodes from his family things started to fall in place.

We started saving money, learned to spend for ourselves, go on trips, save for the future.

We started liking each other, nothing mattered to us but love was the only constant.

We always discussed what went Wrong and how to sort it out. We want to grow together and that’s what matters to US the most.

Women should always understand how you were treated back then, how you were humiliated for your appearance, how you were embarrassed, how much hate they shared when you tried to be part of their family. I learned to forgive but never forget. I want to be a lady with class.

It’s over for once and ever. I like being me and let the world adjust.

I take pride in throwing the tag !! *BAHU*

 

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