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You can be a princess yet slay your own dragons, says this mother to her daughter. It's important not to fall for stereotypes!
To my dearest darling daughter,
As I wait in the car to pick you up from school, trying desperately to make sense of life’s curve balls, I can’t brush away the niggling feeling at the back of my head.
There is so much that I want to tell you. So much that I need to pass on. So much that I’ve learned. Not only from my own experiences but from others as well, it almost seems impossible and a bit overwhelming to compile it in a few sentences. But let me give it a try.
I know you are still little and love your tiaras, necklaces, pink poof, and shiny trinkets. But if that’s what you like when you grow up, so be it.
Let no one tell you otherwise. Do what your heart desires.
If a full face of makeup, a new dress, or bright red lipstick brightens your mood, go for it by all means.
Don’t let anyone’s warped ideas of beauty make you doubt your own. Your love for dressing up has nothing to do with your ability to save a patient’s life, change a flat tire or negotiate an important corporate deal.
A princess can be decked up and still slay her dragons. Go spin your own fairy tale.
Sweetheart, your mother was lucky to be raised by a father who was a feminist even before the word came into vogue.
Your firebrand great-grandma, or indefatigable, perpetually busy grandma didn’t work outside their homes to earn a steady income. But they still saved and maintained ‘stree dhan’ or something akin to rainy-day funds—moolah to handle the unexpected trajectory of life. Sometimes, they used it to indulge themselves and buy something that made them feel good. But trust me when I say it always came in handy.
If education sets one free, money gives wings. Wings to soar above the stereotypes and nest where one wants to.
Be delicate if you have to, but be fierce. I know it sounds contradictory, but that’s what it is to be a woman, sometimes.
You don’t have to be the loudest or strongest to be heard. You just have to be passionate.
Always stand your ground and state your piece. Come armed with a quiver full of evidence to shoot them down if necessary.
Take ownership of your opinions.
Controversy, confrontation, and challenges are part of the game. As is the feeling of being alone, isolated and cornered. People will talk. Consider it nothing but background noise and get the job done.
Prepare, practice, and rehearse; learn to play the game and then play it better than them.
Wit, tact and commonsense are underrated. They help when all else fails.
The Spanish proverb sums it all up.
Seasons come and go, and life happens, not always how you want it. There are speed bumps and roadblocks. Obstacles you never expected. But having an old friend reminds you of the past seasons full of sunshine and laughter.
Anyway, the journey is better with a companion. A companion who knows you inside out and reminds you of your younger silly self is a treasure you can’t afford to lose.
Don’t forget the wine and gold—they make the bumpy parts of the ride much easier. (That’s metaphorical, and I am not advocating ‘drinking and driving’ any which way.)
You will always be a part of me, no matter how far you think I am. No, I’m not talking through my hat. Science has proven that genetic material from babies remains in their mothers’ bodies forever. It is called fetal microchimerism (you are most welcome to look it up)
I will always, always love you, no matter what, even on days when my love is the last thing you want.
I am here. Even if you can’t see me.
Let me quote Khalil Gibran. This is how your dad and I treat our partnership, and I hope you do, too.
Love one another, but make not a bond of love:
Let it rather be a moving sea between the shores of your souls.
Fill each other’s cups, but drink not from one cup.
Give one another your bread, but eat not from the same loaf.
Sing and dance together and be joyous, but let each one of you be alone,
Even as the strings of a lute are alone, though, they quiver with the same music.
—Kahlil Gibran (On Marriage)
Take risks. Make mistakes. Dance. Be careless. But not with someone’s heart.
Your brother is as much a piece of my heart as you are! And I don’t need to tell you that the heart functions best when all its parts fit together and behave cordially.
Hug him often. He loves you far more than you give him credit for.
Now, my dear girl, put on that glittery gown and be beautiful, wild, and delicate.
Shine like nobody’s business!
Don’t be stingy with sunscreen. Your skin will thank you someday.
And take all those compliments they shower on you with a gracious smile and your head held high. You worked hard for it! Now, that’s the skill I wish I had mastered.
*****
A Radiologist by profession, Supriya Bansal, spends most of her day inhabiting a monochromatic world consisting of different shades of grey ranging from black to white. She is an active member of many online writing read more...
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