Vanga’s ‘Animal’ Is A Comical Representation Of Mediocre Actors

9 December, 2023 – I will surely remember this day. Neither it’s my birthday, nor my daughter’s but special in the sense that I chose to watch the movie “Animal”. The theatre was almost full un like other movies which I have watched in Miraj Fun Fiesta and I found people clicking pictures with the banners of Animal. Sam Bahadur played in the next screen but Mumbai crowd is different. They preferred this one. What do I call this crowd? Can I give it a name? Maybe crazy and I am a part of it.

With the entry of Ranvijay Singh aka Ranbir Kapoor the crowd welcomed him with lot of hootings. I could hear some of them even screaming “Jiyo Guru”, “Kya Baat”, “Mazaa aa gaya” et al. Ranvijay Singh sported a bun in his hair which I found silly and immature. There was so much of chaos going on the screen that I couldn’t even decipher the storyline. Someone was getting engaged and Ranvijay Singh seemed upset. Later I could make out that he wanted to marry the would be bride Geetanjali aka Rashmika Mandanna who at that addressed him as ‘brother’. Ho hum!

Geetanjali is brain washed and she chooses Ranvijay Singh. Much to the angst of all the family members, to be honest I couldn’t follow who the members were but that doesn’t matter anyway, these two get married. That too in an aero plane which knew how to fly without a pilot. Later it was shown that both the bride and groom knew how to fly a plane. While the entire theatre was thrilled with such a rush of adrenaline with the young couples holding their hands, dreaming of such a splendid honeymoon and enjoying the movie I broke into a laughter.

Balbir Singh aka our uncle Anil Kapoor turns out to be the father of Ranvijay. Poor Ranvijay craved for his father’s attention but Balbir was too busy building his empire. Amidst all these bedlam I could see flashbacks of Ranvijay taking a gun in his school to take revenge on some hoodlums who had been ragging his sister. No action was taken against him and the teacher stood like a statue while Ranvijay fired the bullets. Then there were lot of fights with Ranvijay bleeding heavily. To my horror songs were played when these fights took place.

There was a brand new weapon which if given permission to Indian Army can forever shut all the wars. The weapon was unique. It resembled a monster tied up with hollow pipes. It had an adjustable hoody and a driver’s seat. Ranvijay takes charge, kills his enemies but ultimately gets badly injured. He goes in coma, loses his hearing and smelling sense, bones have multiple fractures, his urinary bladder is severed and he had to be on a small catheter and last but not the least he needs a heart transplant. I froze. How come a person with so many injuries survive? I wanted him to live. I wanted comedy in my life which has been missing since so long.

One personal fact I would like to share, I too have a big pelvis but my baby weighed only 2.5 Kilos at birth. I almost fainted. Deep in my mind I started contemplating to be a mother again and raise a fat baby. But then I am single. How do I go about it? The film even has a solution for it. Adultery is the new game now. With entry of Zoya Riyaz aka Tripti Dimrii, Ranvijay enters into a relationship with her. No one takes an objection and sex was a child’s play. Did I mention that by this time Ranvijay has completely recovered and had strolled naked to prove that his organs are fully functional.

I don’t know what happened to the storyline except I could hear Ranvijay asking Zoya to lick his boots and she almost did it. I froze yet again. The unchastity did not have much of a consequence and there were some sobbing of Geetanjali with Ranvijay again firing bullet and things coming back to normal. What happens to Zoya, I don’t know. The audiences were fully charged up with repetition of love making scenes and horny dialogues, I guess it was only me who was then planning to write a review on this particular movie.

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Abrar ul Haque aka Bobby Deol needs a beating for sure. Why sign such a kiddish film and that too in a hilarious role? He happens to get married, get the news of his brother getting killed during his nikah, takes out the frustration on his newly wedded wife and consummates in front of all the baratis. I wanted to leave now. I was done except I was gobbling on a large samosa and wanted to savor it with full delight.

I don’t want to rant on the movie anymore. Sandeep Reddy Vanga has made a mockery of the Indian Cinemas. With feminists including me shouting to stop this movie, Vanga has royally made a mockery of patriarchy too. All his characters are mentally unstable and I personally felt Vanga needs therapy and counseling sessions. Bobby Deol’s throat was chopped like a wood been hacked by a saw and I felt a tinge of bile rising up my throat.

Sorry, but this movie neither promotes nor demotes patriarchy. It’s an adult comedy and if you are depressed then you can have a good laugh. Feminists like me need not worry anymore and men can roam stark naked when he wishes. Did I say I heard some boys applauding the action sequences, calling them fantastic and something which they had just learnt? I guess these teens would use these skills when they have a next fight with their comrades.

In closure I say I am thankful to Sandeep Reddy Vanga for directing such a brilliant vaudeville. It’s a stress buster though all the actors wallowed in mediocrity. Nothing great to waste further time writing a review. The film is a criminal wastage of money, time and energy.

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