4th Feb World Cancer Day: How Can We Help Families Like Mine Cope With The Loss And Grief?

February 4 is marked as World Cancer Day. As global organizations urge caution and care against the dreaded disease, many bring in calm declaring that most forms of Cancer are treatable if diagnosed early.

Cancer has affected my life personally – I lost my mother to it very early

I re-read this sentence several times. My stomach churns and before I know my eyes well up, sending shivers down the spine. I time travel thirty-six years back when Cancer meant the end of the world for me. It did end my world when my mother succumbed to colon cancer leaving an insurmountable vacuum in our lives. What is the lingering effect of the battle my mother fought? What was it then that we can do better today? Pursuing these answers is in the hope that more and more can relate to the experiences.

How should family members and young children be told about the disease?

I was thirteen with two younger siblings when the bombshell landed. I can never forget the awkwardness when we were marched into the intensive care unit of the hospital. Our tender minds were curious and anxious when we saw Mom surrounded by strangely beeping instruments and tubes spread like a lattice. She had slipped into a coma. To date that is the last memory I carry of her. It has deeply affected me and I have trouble with sleep.

Grief can have a long shadow if unresolved

Over the years, my anxiety about illness in the family continues to grow. I have met several counselors, and interacted with coaches, yet I see no way that offers any resolution around this. I find myself panicking and unable to provide support and relief in any emergency. I constantly worry and think of the worst outcomes.

This brings me to the next question, what can be done and made available to help families and loved ones process the grief? There are many organizations, people, and spiritual services available but these are mostly to ensure awareness. Their reach still falls short.

Death remains a personal agony to grapple with. Many move on, but so many don’t. It wasn’t till a few years ago that I learned how unresolved grief can be the harbinger of health issues. I live with anemia that can only be countered by intravenous shots and chronic gastric trouble. I’m still finding ways to process the unresolved grief which is affecting several areas of my life. Would things have been different had grief counseling been given? I wonder and strongly advocate it especially for children and younger members of the family.

What can we do better today?

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Learning more about any issue helps understand and demystify it

The strongest tool in our kitty is access to unlimited knowledge and the ability to share it on social media. Most importantly for women. Even today some women continue to ignore warning signs.

Every layer of the social fabric should begin to contribute. The academic system has a major role to play. I’m glad to see change when topics like Menstruation, Sex are now a part of the life skills program in school. It will make a big difference if talk about cancer can be included. Young minds are aware minds, they go home and talk about it. They are sensitive to elders discussing symptoms, they can be the ones to push for early diagnosis and detection.

Cancer is a disease where early detection can be a savior. I know of an example in my family, where a senior member kept evading a screening for breast cancer despite feeling a lump. She did not want to risk her daughter’s impending marriage rituals so she delayed the screening.

Seeking second opinions

My mother went through two surgeries when she began experiencing abdominal pain. Till then no one knew it was Cancer. The correct diagnosis took more than a year. Within that year her pain was managed in medical terms and suppressed in human terms.

By the time someone suggested a second opinion, the cancer had become aggressive. Thereon, it was only a downhill journey.

Family members must become vocal, and involved, questioning whether each step is diagnosis or treatment.

Seek help, actively, from friends and family

Widen the network of friends and family. Nothing heals like love and laughter. Isolation heightens negativity.

Thanks to all the research and scientific progress Cancer is more treatable and nothing to be feared. The only constant remains is staying aware and listening to the body.

Image source: by _Ella_ from Getty Images and by EJGrubbs from Getty Images, both Free for Canva Pro

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