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We have established that men have needs, while women are just hormonal. Men's needs are just something that are there and must be serviced. Such hypocrisy!
We have established that men have needs, while women are just hormonal. Men’s needs are just something that are there and must be serviced. Such hypocrisy!
I have had limited trysts with porn, the first time being when a couple of us girlfriends watched a porno movie together in college. The second time was when I was pregnant, and I didn’t know pregnancy made women horny. But there I was – horny – and the only information I had about porn was Sunny Leone. So I Googled Sunny Leone and reached a site that then proceeded to place a ransomware on my computer which asked for $500 for me to get back access to my computer. I was able to remove the ransomware with the help of my husband but it scared me off porn for quite a while. Really, one needs to be careful about which sites one goes to and ensure that they are trusted!
The reality is that women too have ‘needs’; in fact, according to a 2016 survey by PornHub one fourth of their viewership is from women. Women watch more porn on their mobiles than men do according to this survey. South Africa, U.S, the United Kingdom, Pakistan, and India are countries with high mobile usage and women watching porn on mobile outnumber men in these countries. Women watch porn and that is the truth, did I hear a preconceived notion shatter somewhere?
On the other hand, porn videos continue to be made in male centric fashion, for the pleasures of the male species, so what do women do? By now you would have learnt that women have needs and seek sexual gratification too. Unfortunately, porn remains the induction into sex for most young men and some women. So what the world learns about sex is again from a male point of view and for male satisfaction.
The good news is that now there are sites that cater to women and what women like to watch such as Belleza, PornForHer and others. However, these videos are largely made with white actors, so I asked a few Indian women what they liked to watch and what porn they preferred.
Shalini* says, “I like romantic porn where there is a deeper connection between the man and the woman than just the physicality of the relationship, with emphasis on undressing, kissing, hugging and non-sexual touching rather than just pure animalistic sex.” Most other women who we interviewed (through a quick Women’s Web poll) agreed that they liked to watch gentler porn which was romantic and had more foreplay. Women also confessed to liking lesbian porn – possibly because it is usually gentler. The women who like to watch lesbian porn need not necessarily be gay or even bisexual. In the past, I have heard men confide that they like to watch Lesbian porn because there are two women in it and they want to watch the women rather than a man having sex with a woman. Lesbian porn as shown on most sites is made for this male enjoyment and male pleasure, and it is not necessarily for the LGBT community.
While men sharing porn clips and images or even jokes is quite common with dedicated Whatsapp groups that men are part of with their friends, where the purpose seems to be to share porn images. Women doing the same in a group or with friends is not common and would possibly be frowned upon. Most of the women we interviewed echoed this and said that either they don’t talk about watching porn with friends or they do so only with really close friends.
All the women I spoke to or heard from through the poll said that they have either not seen or searched for Indian porn and the ones that have, said that they do not enjoy Indian porn as most of it seems nonconsensual. Deepa* says,” Most Indian porn is hidden cam or forced or fetish related which is disturbing to view. Even if consensual, it does not really seem to be as the female partner seems uncomfortable – either clearly or subtly.” Kritika agrees with the viewpoint, saying, “The quality of the videos is very bad – in terms of content, location, acting, direction etc. It’s as if the makers and viewers both know it’s something wrong and shady, and so should be treated accordingly.”
What turns off most women when it comes to watching porn is hardcore porn, rape porn, porn where a subject is being hurt in any manner, body fluids, and porn that is badly shot. Shweta says that she doesn’t like watching porn where men have hairy chests and that she prefers anime porn as porn with real people usually feels like fake acting to her.
While most of the women felt judged or guilty for watching porn and had never mentioned it to anyone before, a few interviewed said that they have never felt judged or had not given it much thought. While the debate about the morality of porn continues, men and women continue watching porn. More and more women are admitting to watching porn and using technology while at it.
UNCENSORED is a Women’s Web handle that lets you share frank, uninhibited notes about sex – a topic that there is far too little honest discussion of in India, especially from the female perspective. Have something to say? Send us your piece at [email protected] and we’ll make sure you stay anonymous if you want to.
*Names changed on request or sent in as anonymous feedback on survey
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