Busting 3 Myths About Single Mothers; So Dear Haters, Can You Please Treat Them With Some Respect?

“Even if your life is not easy, single moms certainly have it tougher. You don’t know what its like, so don’t judge them,” says the author in a hard-hitting post. 

Women are treated like trash in Asia, by both men and women, but single mothers have it the worst, after single, older women. I’m fed up of hearing comments about single mothers, and how there ‘must be something wrong’ with them.

There isn’t. It’s you. Haters, you are the problem. If you aren’t a single mother, you aren’t going to comprehend the struggle. No, don’t give me that ‘I raised my children without my husband’s help’ crap. I don’t care. It’s not the same. You are still married, you live with your spouse, irrespective of whether he is an absentee/active father. He’s still around, in your life, one way or another.

Single mothers receive enough vitriol from other married women, which single fathers rarely get. This article is an appeal to all women, to kindly stop attacking single mothers. You don’t know what its like, so don’t judge them. Your life is not easy, but they have it tougher than you. Yes, this may be hard to wrap your head around and but its true.

I’m here to bust the myths that are prevalent about single mothers.

Divorced mothers aren’t bad wives or mothers

A divorced mother has either full or partial custody of her child. She has suffered from a long custody battle, and her husband may not be making regular alimony payments.

So she has enough on her plate, with her job, her child and she doesn’t need the society judging her. If her husband committed adultery, if they had irreconcilable differences, or whether the in-laws were physically abusing her is none of your business.

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Stop telling her that she should just ‘suck it up’ instead of going through a messy divorce. You were not in their shoes, you did not endure their pain, sorrow or troubles, so don’t expect all women to take insults, arguments and demands lying down.

No woman wants to get divorced, unless they have to. It’s a difficult decision, so stop doubting their skills at being a spouse and at parenting. Unless you find empirical evidence about divorced women being bad mothers, stop bluffing. If anything, they are more concerned about their child because they are raising them alone, and the difference of opinion on every issue regarding parenting style with their former spouse whilst parenting only adds to that.

Widowed mothers don’t need your pity

For God’s sake, stop pitying them. It’s enough that they are accused of ‘murdering’ their husband by illiterate/ignorant relatives, your pity only adds on to that.

Yes, they lost their husband, yes, they are responsible for their child and their husband’s family. Even when these mothers smile, laugh, and are seen having a good time, (rarely), the world is quick to judge and question – how she can be happy after her spouse is dead? This is just downright appalling.

If they want to get remarried or start dating, stop labelling them as desperate whores. They are not dying for love from a man. They have been through a traumatic experience, and saying things like: ‘The last thing your child needs is a step father. If your son/daughter doesn’t get along with them, do you really want to put your child through that? They are your first priority. Stop having escapades with men all the time’ is insensitive and inhuman!

Yes, they are allowed to have male friends, they are allowed to have a life, which does not include their child. If they send an aunt, friend or relative to pick up their child, please stop calling them haughty or irresponsible. They are responsible, thus, they sent someone to pick their kid up instead of asking them to travel back home.

Stop labelling unmarried mothers as irresponsible lesbians

If you ever come across a single woman who has adopted a child and is single, kindly stop asking her if she is a ‘man hating lesbian’ (not that being a lesbian is a bad thing!). She feels complete by herself, without a man, and can pay for her child’s education. She doesn’t need a man for anything, she’s happy living with her parents, or alone with her baby.

Single, unmarried women don’t necessarily ‘sleep around’, party and ‘do drugs’ with friends just like you expect. They love and adore their child as much as you do, so stop sending them nasty looks when they wear figure hugging outfits, and do not attend school functions.

Stop saying things like : ‘If she has time to attend an office party, she has time to attend this’. Stop asking them why they have to rush because they don’t have a husband or family to look after. Yes, they do, their parents, siblings and child are their family.

Whether they have adopted their relatives’ child or a stranger’s baby, or got a sperm donor, tried IVF, is irrelevant. They are as good a parent as you are. Just because they haven’t followed Asian societal mores, and the traditional form of childbirth, it doesn’t mean they are incompetent moms. Find a better argument to make, with evidence please.

Hence, if pretending that you are better than single mothers makes you feel better, you really lead a sad life. If you revel in the misery of other women and get envious when they know how to have a good time, you need a psychiatrist for being an envious sadist. So stop hating, and respect these women.

Image source: YouTube

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