Let Go Of The ‘Perfectionist’ Mamma Tag

Mothers always tend to be perfectionists, but it takes a toll on their mental and physical health. This short story will help many mothers to ease out a bit.

Shanaya was pleased to see her mother when she arrived to stay with her for a week.  After hugging her mother, tears dropped from Shanaya’s eyes. This was unusual as Shanaya and her parents lived in the same city and would meet often.  Shanaya’s mother Madhulika sensed something was not right with her daughter. Madhulika was a lady with a strong aura and was a leading professor of soft skills before her retirement.

Shanaya’s son Yuvin made Madhulika visit her daughter more often these days, but this visit was not for Yuvin… it was for Shanaya, as she could make out that Shanaya is worried over something and was not sharing. Madhulika was waiting for the right time to talk to her daughter.  Shanaya very carefully prepared meals for her 15-month-old toddler and instructed her helper for each task with minutest of the details. Her mother knew that Shanaya was a perfectionist but also that something was taking a toll on her.

Madhulika asked Shanaya, “What happened Sanu”, she asked addressing Shanaya with a name she called her with love.

Shanaya took a few seconds and said “Nothing Ma”, and peeped into the laptop with more confusion.

Laptop turned low battery and switched off in a minute, as the charging point was away. Shanaya thought she will do the bookings later discussing with her husband Rajveer once again and sat to chat with her mother.

Madhulika knew Shanaya likes to be talked to the point so she poised the question in a direct tone to her.

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“What is bothering you Sanu, you never looked more fixed up? Don’t you practice your music lessons nowadays?

Shanaya after a pause answered, “It’s just that Yuvin has now started walking and touches each piece of the house and I am trying healthy meal options for him; and yes how can I take music lessons when Yuvin is around?” With her last sentence, she kind of choked with tears and was kind of diverting the topic asking about her father’s friends trip to Coorg.

Madhulika patted Shanaya and said it is okay to vent out things by crying, you can discuss with me.

Shanaya said sobbing, “I am unable to handle all things properly; I schedule everything but it starts going haywire”

Madhulika nodded and held Shanaya’s hand compassionately and said: “Today I will give you two secrets of my life and how I managed things that interested me and took care of the household while raising you.”

“Shanaya, you are someone who wants to complete the tasks to perfection. I know you can never let go something until its 100% perfect. It is a good habit but when we have multiple responsibilities and myriad of roles to play we can just let go a few things. “

Firstly prioritize things according to your happiness quotient.

Who told doing something in that particular manner is perfect and doing it other way round is not. There is nothing called perfect in life, bachcha. It is we who set the boundaries of a perfect world. My dear just extend your set of boundaries and look at how everything just fits in. Among the entire role, there are some of your dreams to be fulfilled too. Give that me time to give wings to your dreams. The clothes to be washed can wait for an hour, but your music can’t.”

Secondly, delegate work. Shanaya was about to say a word but her mother silenced her with a nod. “You can delegate work to your helpers with your instructions. Like you prepare meals for Yuvin, so chopping of vegetables and peeling of fruits can be done by your helper, whereas you just cook. You save time and energy and you get time to take music lessons.”

Then Madhulika says, “Let’s start this schedule from tomorrow and shun off troubled perfectionist mamma tag from you.”

Shanaya nodded with agreement and kept her head in mother lap still thinking about the wise words her mother just said.

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