My Greatest Fear As A Mother

I know most you will agree when I say motherhood is the greatest miracle. I say this because you cannot rationalize a miracle.

It is a miracle , and no matter what anyone says, it is scary.

The moment you become a mother ,you are responsible for another life .

Strange dichotomy, isn’t it?

For me, my fear changed at every milestone.

Mesmerised from day one, I felt compelled to be the best mother. My greatest fear then was if I could take care of him day and night, to protect him, to nourish him.

As he grew, my greatest fear was that what if he did not start teething, what if he did not walk, what if he did not talk. His growth chart was  like my report card  in school. Oh! The relief I used to get when the doctor would nod his head in affirmation that everything was alright after looking at the growth chart.

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Then came the school admission. I thought nothing is more fearful than not being able to send your kid to a good school. The fear of him being bullied or he becoming a bully , I thought  was something I never conquered even today.

Trying to be okay by not sending him to every after school class that his friends were going and wondering whether I am doing the right thing when all his friends were learning so many things  was a fear, but  I think I did well in dousing it.

The fear of him being lonely , made me a mother second time. Which became a reason for fresh fears, like  would I love them both equally?

Nothing can ever beat the fear of a mother of a teenager, or so I thought. The constant arguments make you wonder If you can get anything right in your child’s point of view.

You find yourself again in the same phase as you were when your child was ready to go to school. Admission into a good college is very important because this decision will pave way for his future. What if you take a wrong decision ,can be the greatest fear at this point of time.

What can be greater than the fear of the empty nest? As you child moves out , you fear for his well being, you fear that you are not with him constantly to help him in case of any problem. The fear of him getting into bad company and so many other problems that arise when he starts living in a hotel can give nightmares to even the strongest of mothers.

Of all the fears , I have gone through as a mother, I have realized that nothing can be more fearful than a child who does not know HOW TO GET UP AFTER A FAILURE.

So, what can be my greatest fear? When motherhood is a journey and every stage brings its own set of fears?

Can you believe it when I say my greatest fear as a mother is of losing myself.

Piece by piece, every single day.

And no one but me, can help conquer that fear.

I am doing my best to get back myself while being a great MOM.

What about you all?

First published here.

Image via Pixabay

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