As A Single Mom I Love My Kids, But That Doesn’t Mean I Should Put My Life On Hold For Them!

We’re single moms who love our kids; we have nothing to be ashamed of as we’re independent and smart women who know our minds!

Free time? What is that?? I’m sure many of the single mothers out there would agree when I say this….Free time seems like a dream or a luxury!

Why did I choose to write on this topic? Lately I’ve been reading all these articles that have been showing only the tough parts of being a single parent and frankly speaking, these articles made me depressed.

I am a single parent and even though I didn’t choose to be one, the fact is I am. And no, this write up is not about how tough my life is, and definitely not to show me as a victim of fate!

Being a single mother has taught me a lot!

6 years of being a single parent has had its ups and downs, but it has taught me an awesome lot. It has taught me an important lesson — that my kids will never be happy if I’m not happy, and I for one, am not a woman who would sit and cry over what happened, and question everything that life throws towards me.

Like every other badass woman, I too am not the typical ‘Mother’ who would sacrifice everything for her kids!

Now don’t get me wrong…I love my kids but that doesn’t mean I put my life on hold for them. In the initial years I had made this mistake; I would feel sorry for them since they had just one parent, and in that I would end up fulfilling only their needs and ignore my needs.

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I used to feel guilty and would try compensating in every way possible. There was a time I wasn’t working, and I would still go and buy them what they demanded, not thinking how I was damaging them and myself in the process.

When I realised things were going out of hand and that maybe they would use this as an excuse to get things done their way, I sat down and made them understand.

We’re single moms, and we’re badass!

Why am I saying all this? Well, just because like me there are several other women who are single mothers and they too may be giving into their kids’ whims and fancies out of guilt. Maybe my experience may help them just a little.

To all those women….let’s rephrase or redefine single mothers. We are Single and we are Mothers, I suppose some of the lucky few who enjoy both the sides. We can act as whimsical as we want to, because we are single; and ladies we are independent, smart, responsible (cause let’s face it…we are mothers!), intelligent, sexy and hot! Who wouldn’t be jealous of us…enjoying both the worlds!

Mom has her own life too!

So please live your life, because IT IS YOURS, NOBODY ELSE’S!

Take care of your kids but at the same time make them independent and responsible beings who know that you are not just a mother, you have your own individuality too. They should know that you also have your own likes and dislikes specially when it comes to small things like food, TV channels and music. Also, while you treat them as equals and are open with them; they should know that no matter what happens they can never disrespect you, because you will not let them!

My kids know that no one can or will ever replace their father and they don’t even need one, but they also know that if I like a guy and am in a relationship, they don’t need to fear it. Between the three of us, we never hide anything, and no matter what is bothering any of us, we discuss it openly. They tell me about their crushes and I tell them about mine!

I agree it is not a smooth road, but it is a fun road. I follow one mantra in life which is very common, ‘look at the bright side’. So when I feel absolutely low or have loads of stress about what the future holds and how will I cope with it all, and will I be able to cope with it, all I do is think of all the good things and people in my life, and it actually works!

So to all the single ladies, wear that lipstick and get your A-game on!

Published here first.

Image source: a still from the Marathi film Manja

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