When My Gynac Advised That Because You’re A Woman, You Should Give Up Your Goals

All a married woman needs to do is walk behind her husband quietly, head bent, and be happy with the fact that she is getting food to eat. Such regressive ideologies still exist in my country, that too amidst such influential women.

This is a real incident that happened to me. For a while I had been suffering through some hormonal issues, that took a toll on my menstrual cycle and overall health. After trying few doctors, someone recommends I go see this Gynaecologist.

As I entered the room, I find a woman in her late fifties, white-haired and decent smile on her face. She asked me to share my problem and seemed to be the only one who had the patience to hear me out. Not only this she also took out time to explain to me what exactly in her opinion might be happening with my body. I was feeling relieved and grateful that finally, some doctor had the patience to explain what’s happening with my body inside.

Just then it happened!

She suddenly started saying that, ‘I don’t know what’s wrong with women these days, they seem to have lost their minds totally. All a married woman needs to do is walk behind her husband quietly, head bent, and be happy with the fact that she is getting food to eat. Just be happy with the thought that your husband is providing you food to eat and live your life happily, why do you all need to make such a mess of your lives. Walking behind your husband is good for the husband’s ego also as well as the relationship.’

I was shocked.

Regressive patriarchal ideologies still exist in my country.

I didn’t know how to respond for a moment. Here sitting right across me was a gynaecologist, fifty-five years old probably, might as well had been the only girl medical student in her batch probably, someone who would have been looked up to by many girls, as a woman of influence, she is saying something like this?

I shuddered just at the thought of how damaging would her vocal thought process be to the dreams of the girls in her family.

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I was filled with anger, at how years of patriarch had made women mere mouthpieces of patriarchal values and beliefs. So much so that a woman who’s a gynaecologist herself is suggesting I stop dreaming of having an identity of my own. To be satisfied with just the idea of getting free food. Who am I? A cattle? A pet dog?

I tried to politely put in my point by saying, ‘But I am also a Human being, I also have dreams, desires, hard work, ambition’.

She simply shook her head, it was as if somehow all my physical problems were related to my ambitions and dreams. And that everything will go away if I simply stop dreaming.

I simply walked out of her clinic knowing that there is no use trying to talk her out of her years of conditional programming by patriarchal standards.

But it left a deep impact on me. Such regressive ideologies still exist in my country, that too amidst such influential women.

Also, it made me have more respect for my mother, a homemaker herself, but who made sure that I dream, and I get the right education and opportunities to live my life on my own terms.

Image Source: Still from Kahani

First published here.

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