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I came out of a dark trench in life. Here are a few things I learnt as I got on my feet again, and I want to share these with you.
This morning I was paying all the utility bills, like milk, electricity and newspapers. The bills came to around 5k. Maa asked if it’s too much. I brushed it off saying, this is absolutely fine.
Here is the thing. There was a time (not going into any details) when I wasn’t able to do it. Despite wanting to, so much. I have led sleepless nights worrying about money, during a specific period when I did not work. So, the ability to take care of your mother (my father is no more) though she has her own pension feels so good.
It’s not that your parents always need you. But just to be able to ease their lives is such a blessing.
My mother needed a bathroom slipper. I ordered two. These small things that you can do for your own is one of life’s greatest blessings. The older you grow the more you understand.
Oh, my God, you are still unmarried. Oh, my God, you lost your job. Oh, my God, you are sick again. Bottom line: Don’t share your story with everyone.
That’s self preservation. But one day you need to sit with yourself and your God or whoever you trust in and say, my life is a mess. Nothing is working. I need help. That is the very moment your life starts changing.
But do not discredit your past successes. They are still valid. Your professional, personal success is valid even when you are in deep darkness. Let no one tell you otherwise.
They love a wailing woman crying her eyes out. Don’t ever give it to them. Don’t make a show of your grief. You know your close people. Share it in private conversations. I have a very few I trust. And I have never been betrayed. Don’t become that woman, people love gossiping over at a dinner or party. Everyone is looking for that one woman they can laugh about. Hard fact of life.
Put some lipstick and go to work. Dress clean. Put some perfume. Comb your hair. The world need not feast on your trauma. Even in my worst days, I never showed up without a bath and pressed clothes. Your appearance gives people a sense of who you are. Emotional predators back off.
They left for a reason. Even when you are in deep shit. Treat the exes as ghosts. Ghosts coming back is not a great news. Specially when you are a mess. The best place to deal with your exes is when you are stable. You see them for who they are. And then make a choice.
You can walk out of a place anytime if you have the power to pay the taxi , the rent and food. If you give anyone the power to feed you. You give them the power to starve you too. Money makes you less vulnerable to abuse.
Wear your lipstick in public. Sit straight. Go for interviews. Enhance your skills. Do whatever works in your life. Always walk like you matter in this world. If tearful wear sun glasses. The world does not need to know your story. And if you ever share, share when you are fully healed and no one can use it against you.
Your story matters. Have faith. The one who walked you till here. The one will walk you from here.
Stop crowning clowns because they were a little polite to you in your dark days. Period.
Thank you for reading. It’s almost my TED talk. Be well. See you all soon.
Image Source: Asit Khanda on Unsplash
Proud Indian. Senior Writer at Women's Web. Columnist. Book Reviewer. Street Theatre - Aatish. Dreamer. Workaholic. read more...
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