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It's true that patriarchy has been most harmful to women, trapped by their gender. But men are also trapped by their gender, even if they enjoy a huge amount of privilege.
Patriarchy is not only stopping women from achieving greater heights but also restraining men from growing. There are many examples in our life where we can notice such impacts. Here I am explaining a few examples as per my experiences.
“Mard ko dard nahi hota”, most men grew up hearing this.
Dard sab ko hota hai yaar!
Everyone can feel the pain, whether it’s a woman or a man.
While growing up, I rarely saw my dad, brother and other men in my family crying or expressing pain. And I always wondered why so? Don’t they feel any pain?
The truth is – they are as emotionally vulnerable as we women are. They have feelings too. It’s just that they hide everything behind their mask of masculinity, which is dangerous to not only them but everyone close to them.
Their bottled-up emotions come out negatively and can ruin the entire family.
Dear men, it’s okay to cry sometimes. Crying is proven to be good for our emotional wellness. It’s better to sometimes vent it out in tears rather than bottling it up for long and bursting like a hot air balloon.
I respect my father a lot, but like most males in our Indian society, he lacks expressing himself emotionally. I never had any heart-to-heart conversation with him in my life. It was my mom with whom I shared everything.
I don’t blame him for this, as men from his generation were like this only. However, there are still many males who feel the same way.
Being emotional is not a sign of weakness or femininity guys. Not showing your emotions doesn’t make you a strong being.
Your partner really wants to know what lies in your heart. A heart-to-heart conversation with your partner can make your relationship stronger and better.
Like many other males, my father and brother lacked the skill of cooking. Their mothers couldn’t see them in the kitchen when other women were around.
Well, this has not only harmed their life partners as they had a lack of support at home, but it also harmed them because they were helpless when they had to do such things.
For instance, my brother suffered in college as he didn’t know how to cook. Also, when my mother is not at home, my father gets worried about who will feed him.
Cooking, cleaning and other household chores are life skills and are not just meant for one particular gender. Not knowing these basic life skills can make you helpless when a situation arises.
You have to understand that most women are working outside now, and they cannot be available 24×7 to meet your demands. It’s good to know how to cook at least. It will help you as well as your partner.
Why can’t you go in the kitchen and cook when she can go out and work?
This notion is getting debunked now. However, there are still many men who feel this way.
Telling your daughter that we cannot accept your money, relying only on your husband or son for managing finances, and not preparing the women of the house for a future financial crisis are all the signs of this behaviour.
Financial stability in the house should be the responsibility of both partners, like managing household chores.
Don’t drain yourself with the financial burden men!
Instead, educate your daughter and wife to be capable of being financially independent. Women going out for work is not just good for women. It can relieve you from extreme financial stress too.
Caring for parents is the responsibility of all kids of all genders. A recent ruling by the Bombay High Court has stated that a married daughter is obligated to maintain her parents too. Under Section 125(1)(d) of the Code of Criminal Procedure, courts have the right to compel someone to maintain their parents provided that they have sufficient means to do so.
It’s time to leave our patriarchal upbringing behind us and move forward to build an equal world. That’s the right approach to developing a society which is equal for all.
Image source: a still from the film Udaan
I am on the Women's Web because I believe in gender equality and feminism. Being a writer, I find it a wonderful platform where I can share my thoughts, ideas and views with like- read more...
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