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This murder-suicide on 21 year olds on a campus that is presumed to be 'safe' has really shaken me. Why do young men feel they somehow "own" young women?!
Trigger Warning: This deals with violence on campus, murder, suicide, and may be triggering for any survivors.
I am horrified by the news that a Shiv Nadar student shot dead ex girlfriend and then himself. On campus. According to this news item in the Indian express “the duo were in a relationship and (he) was angry that (she) ended it and was with someone else.”
He apparently made a long 23 min video before the incident speaking of how their relationship began, and how in Dec 2022, the young woman had ended it. That he “couldn’t handle” this “betrayal”.
They were 21. Just 21.
How and why do young men get this in their head that they somehow “own” a woman who gets into a relationship with them? This toxicity clearly comes from misogynist mindsets about “women’s place” and our irresponsible movies and other pop culture. Kabir Singh, anyone?!
WHEN will relationships between youngsters be normalised, and break-ups of such relationships also be normalised as something that happens in life and one needs to move on?
WHY do young men and women feel the need to keep their relationships and trauma hidden?
When will parents and other significant adults parent more mindfully and keep channels of communication open with their kids so they are aware of the turmoil the kids are going through, turmoils that are an inevitable part of growing up, many times?
When will we begin to realise that our actions and other things happening around can scar and affect the way our kids think? The young man here allegedly has a traumatic past, and needed help, but no one knew of how it had affected him… or if they knew of it, nothing was done to help him. Yes, even as parents and other adults have their own issues, surely being more mindful of the trauma itself could have helped him, and consequently the young woman?
And WHAT was the University doing? Apparently the young woman had made a few complaints against this young man and no action was taken and neither side’s parents allegedly knew anything?
And the gun making its way into campus. I’m just speechless.
Parents, while we try to empower our daughters to dream, stand up for themselves, and speak up if needed (the young woman had made complaints to the University), are we also teaching our sons that they do not own the minds, bodies, and lives of others? That if a woman has said NO, it means NO, and no, she cannot be “punished” by death or otherwise for breaking up a relationship? That no one “owes” them anything? Isn’t this incel behaviour? The young man actually made a coldblooded video in which he spoke about his relationship and the alleged “cheating” that made him do this!
No matter what, NOTHING justifies what happened.
These things have been happening everywhere, and daily we see such news. But yes, this hit hard, and hit close to home because so many of our kids are on similar campuses.
If you or anyone you know is feeling depressed or suicidal, here are some of the helplines available in India. Please call. Aasra, Mumbai: 022-27546669 Sneha, Chennai: 044-2464 0050 Lifeline, Kolkata: 033-2474 4704 Sahai, Bangalore: 080-25497777 Roshni, Hyderabad: 040-66202000, 040-66202001 SPEAK2us – Tamilnadu 9375493754
Image source: youtube
In her role as the Senior Editor & Community Manager at Women's Web, Sandhya Renukamba is fortunate to associate every day with a whole lot of smart and fabulous writers and readers. A doctor read more...
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