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Are you getting hitched with someone your parents chose? Here are 5 things to do before entering an arranged marriage in India.
I have been married for a year now. And, I can now confidently say I totally understand my husband. A year later, I might probably make the same statement again.
Let me tell you that my husband is a good, genuine, down to earth, reserved person. Many such good qualities come to my mind when I think of him. As you might expect, no, the good qualities don’t end there.
There are as many good qualities about him as there are negative qualities in me, and that is because I know myself better. I hope that one day I might know him like I know me.
Ours was a marriage arranged by our families. And how I said okay to this marriage, is a matter of absolute brilliance. I met him a few times before I said a yes. In all our conversations, I brushed on like a breeze on cooler topics like movies, friends, hobbies while he did nothing less than an interrogation with a dollop of romance though.
Not his mistake, I should have done that too, the former one. He has delved into important topics like nuclear family vs joint family, future plans, financial status, household chores etc.
He had solid information and strong reasons with him to say a yes/no to this marriage, and all I had was his fear of water, adventure of marrying off his lover friends etc.
I don’t remember if I was shy, uncomfortable or too carried away or not calculative enough, but those limited meetings didn’t add up to manifest his persona. And it is wrong of me to expect the ‘normal me’ to do a psychological analysis within a span of 2-3 short meetings in those 3 months.
I do not regret my marriage, but with a few inputs, it would have been an informed adventure. What would I have done differently given a chance. So, here is my go-to list for such scenarios:
Social media profiles, mutual friends, family friends are the primary sources. You may/may not have first-hand information, but knowing as much as possible helps.
Simply because you get to know the person better. But there might be things that Mr. X or his body language doesn’t reveal. Hence, research.
Hobbies, interests, likes, dislikes, USPs are obviously different for everyone. Share yours without feeling awkward or shy. Ask about him. Likes do not repel, opposites do not attract any more.
Make your plans and priorities clear, and be firm. Know and learn about his goals and expectations in details. Make a mental note about how you both can entwine each other’s future needs without tangles. Spill out both of your expectations.
Meet him in his arena. His room is his comfort zone and visiting that place can open your eyes. A room can speak a lot about his lifestyle habits and personal tastes that are not obvious in few meetings. Lifestyle compatibility is extremely important.
Just like his room, a person’s friend circle can reveal a lot! If you are going to spend a life-time with someone, you learn about their social circle.
With marriage, remember, things change. The trailer we see before marriage is quite different to the film that follows. Hence, clarity is a must. And trust me, you need to redo all the above points all over again once you get married.
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I am an egalitarian and strive to see it around me as much as possible. I am an avid reader, a passionate writer and an ardent fan of English language. I like to observe things read more...
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