Time And Tide Wait For No Woman – Check Out these ‘Social’ Signs of Ageing

An interesting, hilarious and relatable take on the ‘social’ signs of ageing in women, which go beyond the usual beauty related woes. 

Going by the title of this post, you are probably anticipating a beauty revelation, perhaps tips on spotting and postponing signs of ageing…eh? Well, you can’t be more wrong!

As I see people already planning where and how to spend New Year’s eve, I realize, yet another year will pass by shortly. Hmm, getting older, aren’t we?

Personal observations have led me to compile some of the aspects of ageing and premature ageing at that! So here I am, sharing these observations to get a consensus regarding the signs of ageing and obviously presenting a female perspective here.

Gentlemen, aren’t you closer to Martians? Go get one to list your set of signs of ageing! And no, I am not revealing my age here, go on… take wild guesses!

Here we go folks, be honest and confess freely in the comments below if you identify with all, some or (I soo hope not!) none of these signs of ageing!

Cover Page Grievances

The obvious giveaways! Hips and looks don’t lie, do they?

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Scrunching your eyes to read fine print annoys you, while creaky joints, unsightly bulges, spotty pigmentation and greying/falling hair all seem to be losing battles.

Sagely you remind yourself, beauty is only skin-deep and carry on with life! You are disgruntled when you see the svelte young neighbour return from a sweaty jog just as you’re puffy-eyedly picking up your newspaper from the doorstep. You console yourself saying jogging puts too much pressure on the joints.

Come Again?

You find yourself repeating the same jokes in the same circles, of course the circle being close to you, limits itself to eye-rolling and yawns. You are still singing ‘Thathayya thathayaa hoo‘ when its your turn to sing from ‘थ ‘ in Antakshari sessions!

At loggerheads with this is the sense of déjà vu that visits you ever so often. “Haven’t I heard this before?”, “Haven’t I seen her before?”, you ask yourself. And what is it with remembering something as simple as names? Yeah, sure at times, the name sticks but you draw a blank on the face! Even messier, a familiar face looms up and you can’t just pin a name to it!

“Guess who?” on the old telephone landline rattles you like nothing else and hence you prefer the caller ID enabled mobile phone at all times.

Absent-mindedness enters a whole new level as you are standing irritably in front of your house door, insistently pressing your remote car key to get the damned door open! Maybe its time to ponder a Pensieve purchase!

Tech-Me-Not

Just as you’re coming to terms with your smart-phone’s versatility, the world around you is ‘pixel’ating miles ahead. If tech was your Achilles heel, social media is your Darth Vader! There are only limited new tricks an old dog can learn, you infer!

Back in Time

Life is coming around a full circle you realize, when you’re quoting lines you hated hearing!

“Must your clothes always be on the floor?”

“Who do you think is going to put that cup in the sink?”

“How can anyone sleep so much?”

All your childish foibles are coming back to haunt you in the form of truant offspring.

You are also sympathizing a lot more with what your parents must have gone through. Their words of wisdom that you so abhorred hearing then are what you are chanting over and over again now! You also recognize the bored, disgusted to outright venomous looks your kids throw you every time you attempt parental conversations with them.

Hurray its a Holi-Holiday

Your idea of a ideal holiday would be a beachside or mountainside or any poolside in a good resort with activities ranging from lounging on a deck-chair, bird-watching, fishing, reading and massages at the spa-center.

You are happy enough browsing other people’s travails… oops travel diaries narrating their journey to exotic and adventurous destinations. Holidaying on the beaten track suits you just fine!

A Good Time

A hot soak in the tub, mindless television and a home-cooked meal wrapped in well-worn night clothes sound way more appealing than revelries at a late evening cocktail party.

Weekend squabbles at home with your partner are way more enjoyable than the long drive across the town braving snarling traffic to attend a rock concert, aren’t they?

Address Issues

Neighbourhood vendors who indulgently called you Didi now benevolently address you as Auntyji. The cheeky teens in your building go a step further by helping you load groceries into the lift! Despite your insistence, the new interns at office defer calling you by your first name!

Shopoholia

Shopping online seems like a fantastic idea to you, now that you are wary of crowds and queues! As you browse, your wish list shifts focus from the fashion section to the books section, then to the reclining chairs, the tempting foot-massagers, the anti-ageing creams, the damage-free hair colorants and more.

You’d pull off online shopping perfectly if only you remembered what it was you’d started to buy in the first place. But that doesn’t restrain your shopping craves, does it? You end up buying all you browsed and some more!

Bedazzled

You are ecstatic with the new stretchable jeans you found, the generous pallazzos and the airy kaftans. Comfort matters more than silhouettes, doesn’t it? For footwear, you seek out flats or platforms that are hopefully cushioned – Aunty chappals you used to call them in your immature years. You have new-found respect for the all-size-shape-fitting garment that you disdainfully abstained from all these years – the Saree!

Your hairdo is something you have little or no control on – you style it the best way you can, knowing it will revert back to its frizzy glory in no time at all. Yes, a bandana sounds very tempting now.

Kitchen Capers

 Your penchant for healthy cooking, experimenting with different cuisines, impressing the better half, baking and the rest seem to have waned considerably. You are now setting targets to see how fast you can get away from the confines of the kitchen.

You earnestly yearn to achieve perfection in that staple dal-chaawal-rajma or sambar-rasam-kuttu-curry and even more depressing common-place curd rice! The taste-buds are on a regressive time-warp, insistent on revisiting childhood hates.

Tolerance Issues

Is it the umbrage of sluggish hormones (a counterpart of the rebellious adolescent hormones) or the wrath of the greying crowning glory, that are to blame for your decreased tolerance to everything?

Late guests, jarring music, less salt in food, snarky kids, the newspaper-obsessed spouse, less than appreciative bosses, absentee maids, scowling bus conductor, groping lechers, bad grammar, Arnab Goswami to nosy neighbors….arghhh…a long, long list of things that can annoy and set you off on a relentless tirade!

No taking $h!t from anyone, you are at a stage where you give it back, loud and clear! Don’t mess with Auntyji, MIND IT!!

There I’ve done it! I’ve managed to capture 11 signs of ageing, will Olay help tackle the extras? I would have liked to rave on a bit more on this self-revelation trip but darn my oh-so-fleeting-memory!

I hope none of you are smugly casting insinuations on middle-age blues or menopausal syndromes, we are not walking that path…yet!

Do drop in your comments and share with me your stories on the signs of ageing.

Till later,

Stay Gorgeous, all you women out there!

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