It is that time of the year again. International Women’s Day is just around the corner now that Valentine’s Day is over. On the one hand, we will see talks and lectures on feminism and women’s empowerment, and on the other, discounts on diamonds and gold, spas and apparel!

This time let’s do something different. Stop feigning what is not. Leave the women to their situations. Instead, let’s empower men. Let them comprehend that what they have been conditioned to abide by is not right. If they go against this conditioning and become human beings, it is fine. It will do better to them and the society at large than ever have been. Learning, re-learning, and unlearning are part and parcel of life- of growing up, of maturing, and which lasts till death.

“I” give her freedom- remove the “I” and nothing is left. Educated and working men still haven’t been able to broaden their perspectives. They may have lived outside their small homes but still don’t know how to treat women, especially their wives. If they live with their parents, in the majority of cases, the ego pops out, and the men turn monstrous. No matter how malicious the parents become, they remain quiet. Irrespective of her, working outside or not, she soon becomes a liability. Even wishing her death (though in front of the world, he is a sage) is well justified.

If a woman sighs or even utters a half-no, a tirade follows. Not always going vocal about rights and justice works well. Not always you can or are willing to escape. No healthy communication can ever happen. No one cares to listen to her side of the story. Now, some would advise her to step out and work. That will cure all her problems. Have you ever paused to wonder about her mental health? No! Take her to a therapist instead; someone who would patiently listen to her, and offer her realistic solutions.

Now, if this is the condition of the educated and well-informed class, imagine the harrowing state of the women at ground zero! Although the women work inside and outside, the men do not treat them well. They must work and digest filth. The women know but they remain silent. Either it’s all about their sins or that’s how the world moves. Go and teach feminism, equal rights, and empowerment to such men! And, even women! Can you?

Amidst such a scenario, every year this farce ‘Women’s Day’ takes place, and is vaguely and irresponsibly celebrated. Be it the advertising and marketing industry or the media, all carefully leave out the struggling and hapless women who are lost in the maze but still have hopes in their hearts. They don’t have ‘inspiring’ stories to tell the world. Hence, you carefully shun them.

So, do we need ‘Women’s Day’?

Who do you think is the most important person in a marriage?

The bride and the groom? Or the groom’s parents? Or the priest who marries the two? Or the invitees?

I used to think it was one or all of these. But when my daughter’s marriage was finalized and the date was fixed and the hall was booked and the invitations were printed and the first invitation given to God, I became aware that the most important person in any marriage is the bride’s mother and that means ME.

Or so it was, according to my sisters in law and sister. Because as soon as everything mentioned above was fixed and informed, they descended on me. My brother’s wife, my husband’s sister, my brother in law’s (husband’s brother) wife and my sister.

“Now” said my SIL. “What are you going to wear?”

“First let us make a list of the functions,” said the experienced SIL.

The daughter who was watching the proceedings gleefully was dispatched to procure paper and pen.

So they listed the programs. Kulachar, Mehendi, Sangeet, Engagement, Marriage, Reception.

“So you will need to have least 10 new sarees,” said the generous SIL who liked to expand the numbers a bit.

“10 sarees for 6 functions?” I managed to croak.

“Yes. You will need to change every time the bride does.”

“But why should I buy new sarees? The ones I have are rarely worn and they are nice. The blue one I wore in my marriage still looks new. Then the one which was given to me for Diwali was worn only once.”

“You can’t wear old sarees at your daughter’s marriage!” said the generous one sounding scandalized.

“You can use those sarees for some function, but for marriage ceremony you should wear a new one,” said the sensible SIL who was quiet till now.

“And if you don’t get new sarees for yourself, how can we get new sarees for us?” Said my sister who loves to buy and wear sarees.

“You buy in my name and wear them,” I said, irritated and not afraid to show it as she was my sister. (I had to be polite to my SILs!)

“And please wear nice designer blouses with mirrors and latkan and…” said one SIL. At the storm gathering on my face the sensible SIL interrupted, “Get the blouse stitched. My tailor stitches blouses with latest design.”

“Yes. My tailor does too!” quipped the other SIL not wanting to be left behind.

“But the stretchable blouses are sooo comfortable.” I said and was collectively ignored by all.

“So for the actual marriage function let us buy a Paithani,” the generous one said.

“I don’t like Paithani. And they are very costly. I don’t want to spend money buying a saree which I will wear only once.”

“But you have to wear a saree which looks functional.”

“And if you don’t want to buy a Paithani you can wear mine.”

“Yes even my Paithani is lovely. Such a different combination.”

So for 6 functions, I was supposed to buy 10 sarees and wear borrowed sarees too.

“So I can wear your old sarees but not mine? How is this justified?” I asked.

In the end we had a truce where I agreed to buy 2 sarees and they agreed to let me wear my old sarees (which they selected).

Of course the sarees which we bought took time because they had to fulfill all the criteria : should be within my budget, should not be too simple, should not be too designer, should not be too heavy, should be easy to wear and most important I should like it. Surprisingly we selected the saree which fulfilled all the above criteria within 15 min of entering the shop.

And on the day of the wedding we discovered on entering the venue, that my daughter’s MIL was wearing EXACTLY the same saree. Same colour, same design.

Luckily she took it sportingly and we posed for a picture together and the guests had a gala time finding out 6 differences between the two sarees.

But that was later.

So in the end my SILs and sister finalized my sarees and heaved a sigh and said, now we can plan our sarees.

So that ordeal ended.

But still I was to face more. Because now my school friends descended on me. It was as if they were waiting for an opportunity. See, I like to live simply and comfortably. I don’t care about appearances. And I don’t mind if people dress up and shine and shimmer. I do what I want. Now they wanted me to be ‘normal’ like them.

And my daughter and nieces watched with unholy glee.

“You have to dress up. Wear jewellery. Do hairstyle. Put on make-up. I will send you the number of my beautician. She does very good make up. Very subtle.”

“Yes my beautician is also good. I know you don’t like make up. I am like you. But my beautician did it nicely. You remember how I looked during my daughter’s marriage?”

“No.” I said. “I was looking at your daughter.”

“And put mehendi too. On both hands on both sides.”

“But then how can I do work?”

“You are not supposed to work. You should only sit and issue orders.”

“I don’t like make up or mehendi!” I said plaintively.

“You must have done it in your marriage.”

“No. Actually we had gone to get it done but my sister and cousin were getting their makeup done first, and then suddenly they remembered that I was getting married so hurriedly some makeup was put on me.”

“And maushi was telling us that Mumma was asking to remove most of it!” said my daughter.

So finally I agreed to whatever they said, knowing that at the time of doing all this, they were not going to be there to see if I obeyed them or not.

***

And if you think it ended there, let me tell you that when I, all dressed up with hair style and make up and jewellery sat there for the rituals to start, the priest whispered to my SIL, “Ask the mother of the bride to wear a gajra in her hair.”

I tell you! Mother of the bride is the most important person in a marriage!

Image source: YouTube/ still from Rocky Aur Rani Ki Prem Kahani

Dear Ex,

Remember the laughter that danced between us, light and carefree, echoing in stolen moments? Silly jokes whispered with flushed cheeks and the warmth that bloomed whenever our hands brushed. We understood each other, spoken and unspoken, in simple phrases like “Did you eat?” or “Need a break?” Those memories, frozen in selfies and etched in laughter lines, remain bright threads woven into the tapestry of our lives.

This isn’t about rekindling flames, but honouring the embers that still flicker. A quiet thank you for who you were, for the moments we shared, and for the lessons we learned together. As the world celebrates love, I offer not just forgiveness, but a genuine wish for your happiness.

May your journey be a treasure map leading to laughter and fulfillment. Find the love your heart truly desires, in whatever form it takes. Remember, you have the strength and resilience to achieve anything you set your mind to. Embrace the challenges, learn from the stumbles, and never lose sight of the dreams that make your eyes sparkle.

Life’s an unfolding poem, each verse a new experience, each rhyme a lesson learned. Some chapters bring laughter, while others hold tears, but every line shapes who we become.

This letter isn’t goodbye, it’s a heartfelt “farewell and well wishes.” Though we walk different paths, know that a part of me will always hold a special place for the memories we shared. May the sunshine warm your every step, and may hope to be your constant guide. May success unfold with each sunrise, and happiness paint your future skies.

Go forth, dear friend, and shine your light. Embrace the world, and take joyous flight. For wherever your journey may roam, you’ll always hold a special home within my heart.

With warm wishes,

Yours Well-wisher

Image source: YouTube/ a still from Raincoat

Trigger Warning: This speaks of rape and violence against women, and may be triggering for survivors.

I finally caught up with SatyaPrem Ki Katha on Amazon Prime. It’s been hailed as a film with a difference, daring to tackle a bold issue.

*Spoilers Alert!*

Sattu (SatyaPrem) dreams of wooing Katha, a rich beauty out of his league. In a sudden turn of events, he does end up marrying her. What he doesn’t know is that Katha harbours a dark secret. She reveals that she is a survivor of assault. The perpetrator is someone she trusted, her ex-boyfriend. Her consequent trauma mars any chance of intimacy with her newly-wedded husband. How Sattu deals with this forms the rest of the story.

What did the film get right?

Daring to make a commercial film on a sensitive topic

The film treads a path that is not often taken, especially in mainstream cinema, with a commercial heroine playing a victim of assault and the male lead being her biggest supporter. The film brings to light issues surrounding trauma after assault and the lack of adequate support, especially from family.

A supportive male lead

Sattu tries to be understanding and gives his wife the time she needs before they engage in physical intimacy. When he discovers the truth behind her reluctance, he stands with her. She begs him to divorce her and move on with someone who is not broken, but he assures her that he will be there for her, no matter what.

The refreshing family dynamics

Sattu’s relationship with his father is that of a friend. He shares everything with his father, who is his wingman and partner-in-crime. In the Narayan household, the women teach classes and are the bread-earners, while the men run the household.

Women supporting women

When Katha’s truth comes to light, the women of Sattu’s family come together. While Daddy disappoints, it is the mother who surprises the viewer by showing him a mirror. 

If this happened to our daughter, what would you do?

While the film boasts of highs, there are still many things it did not get right.

The male saviour complex

Despite its best intentions, SPKK becomes the story of a male saviour, an unsullied protagonist who fights for justice and is the sole crusader in a campaign to restore his wife’s dignity. Sattu doesn’t check with Katha before initiating legal action against her assailant. 

Is she in the frame of mind to fight this uphill battle? Is she ready for the onslaught of questioning and victim shaming?

Katha’s reactions seemed tailored to celebrate the hero. At first, she is shocked and hesitant, but after hearing her husband’s impassioned speech, she flips faster than a pancake. It isn’t Sattu’s call to take, but he does it anyway and announces it to the families while Katha watches him with adoring eyes.

The deep-rooted patriarchy

The film may have its heart in the right place, but for every step it takes forward, it takes a few steps backward. Daddy complains that Sattu is prioritizing his wife over his father. Sattu replies, ‘I can give up a hundred wives for my father’.

Not this again. One Animal is enough!

Besides, who does Sattu think he is? The Sultan from Arabian Nights? 

The flawed male protagonist

SatyaPrem visits Katha when she is alone at home to declare his love to her, knowing that she has never shown an interest in him. Towards the last thirty minutes, he has a rare moment of realization where he apologizes to Katha for disrespecting her consent (there isn’t much difference between your ex and me, he confesses), but sadly, the apology comes too late and is too little.

The concept of therapy and counseling could have been included

It is Katha who shines in this role even though her presence is limited. She depicts vulnerability and uneasiness; the viewer can see how broken and fragile she is. You feel her pain when she confesses she may never be able to be in a relationship ever again. Sadly, in the entire film, not once, has the word therapy or counselling been used. If only they had shown the victim rebuild her life with the help of professionals, it would have been impactful in a society where mental health issues are taboo. 

There is also a subplot on asexuality which could have been avoided because it is a whole subject on its own and takes away the focus from the main issue at hand.

Somber statistics are displayed at the end of the film, but the intent loses steam due to the frivolous scenes interspersed in between. It seems unable to make up its mind as to whether it is a commercial film or a film with a cause. 

SPKK is definitely a watchable film with an important message. If only they had cut the frills and let Katha narrate her own Katha!

It’s All In Your Head, M famed author Manjiri Indurkar’s debut poetry collection, Origami Aai, is independent and yet an extension of her memoir in which she speaks with utmost grace about all forms of abuses that she has survived. In this book of intriguing and evocative poems, the poet weaves words to form images of the everyday life of her middle-class family, love found and lost, trauma, and healing.

The collection is divided into four segments, beginning with the family, slowly moving towards the world, and finally colliding them together.

Capturing the everydayness

We aren’t in mourning, but we are creatures of habit.
So we talk of each one who died of drowning,
and I listen to her stories with the patience
of a chronicler.
– Funereal Stories

The strength of Indurkar’s poems lies in the fact that she brings together behaviours and dialogues of people in her family that only someone with a keen observation can do. Be it in the jokes that her Aai cracks about her bowel movements and diabetes or the stories her Aaji narrates. The collection is nostalgic for it takes the reader back to her childhood that was filled with ghost stories and warnings by her grandmother.

She talks about inheriting many things from her Aai, even disorders like diabetes and anxiety. Yet, it’s her inheritance from Aaji that intrigues me more for it is nostalgic in the sense that superstitions and folklore are passed on through the many horror stories that the poet mentions in the fluid prose in the collection. Be it the chakwa who lures children or the warning to never cross a ghost on the road. Quite skillfully, she flips the role of the storyteller when Aaji asks the little girl to tell her a story, a story that Aaji witnessed, a story of abuse that she keeps hushed.

The experiences of the poems are set in a particular time which is gauged from the mention of power cuts and even more so, Murphy babies. The latter is an urban phenomenon, an urban lore, that Indurkar mentions ‘Oh-so-casually’, chronicling every piece of information provided by her Aaji on how the death of beautiful babies was perceived. And it gets dark undertones,

Everyone wanted a Murphy baby. But no one could get a Murphy baby. And so, they all killed her in their thoughts. If we can’t have the Murphy baby, you can’t either, they all said.

Lovers lost, a sense of self found

When she moves on to talk about love and lovers, she takes us back to school science classes,

But we who longed for
love and waited for its sharp sting,
giggled when a girl said, It’s
how flowers kiss.
– Talking About Bees

The poems that seem extremely personal when we begin reading turn into a collective experience for we have had those giggles, waited for love to find us, and were unprepared for the experience of everything that follows. The destruction that can result from love when we don’t know why we are the way we are. There’s a tenderness with which she approaches these poems, as if saying, it’s not our fault that our love didn’t last, it just had to happen and it did.

Yet, these poems aren’t tales of broken by love. They are after all concerned with the healing of the speaker, they are words left unsaid—not complaints but rather perception of relationships as one looks back, blaming no one for now she is albeit lonely but in a better place, having found a sense of self.

The dark undertones prevail as she talks of worms inside a skull cracked open. She talks about an elseworld—This planet of thirteen moons/where I have been exiled/is where death comes to die—in ‘Writing Love’. Some poems have a feverish flow into images that haunt the mind. These images bring a sense of macabre as strongly as the everydayness brings forth familiarity.

Aai (mother), the safe and comforting space for a child

We just have ourselves. We breathe in
each other’s CO2. The borrowed carbon
in our blood streams keeps us calm.
We are each other’s brown paper bag.
– Brown Paper Bag

In the semi-titular poem, Origami Birds, Indurkar talks about her inability to make an origami aai that she could carry to feel safe wherever she went. It speaks volumes about the protective figure that a mother is to a child. Also, Indurkar mentions her fear of seeing her Aai get older, almost taking me back to My Mother at Sixty-Six by Kamala Das. Her mother, Rekha is funny, concerned, assertive, and ‘knows it all’. A familiar image!

The placement of the poems is such that we begin with the body of the poet’s aai as a ground for war and worship (read, scars left on the body after various medical procedures), we enter the melancholic mind of the poet, we heal with her, and yet crave for her Aai’s presence—an exact representation of a mother’s role in our lives. We come bearing scars on her body and no matter how old we get, we wish for her presence near us, a comforting safe assuring presence.

This emphasis on the mother-daughter relationship doesn’t stop the poet from questioning gender roles when she writes in the poem ‘The Dahlias Of My Garden’:

A baby is fed through the mother’s
Navel, old wisdom informs us. Say
Aai lost her navel to me and my brother,
Baba lost his to the dahlias.
We are a family that turned a man into a plant,
Because they told us, men don’t give birth.

Universal experiences of women

Origami Aai brings forth universal experiences through the personal narratives of the poet. It is a ride for the senses: we listen, see, taste, touch, and smell! It arouses the reader to look at her surroundings, it challenges the reader to reflect on her life. It talks about the poet’s lived experiences, it engages the reader in a conversation. Inspired by literary figures and involving their philosophies, this collection of poems urges the reader to imbibe everything in her melancholic existence.

I recommend reading this poetry collection alongside Indurkar’s memoir to have a fulfilling and enriching experience of writing one’s story with grace. When you read the poem, you wonder what she is talking about, hold on to pieces you find relatable. When you read the memoir, you know exactly what she is talking about, you hold it closer because you find it relatable.

Want a copy of this book?

If you’d like to pick up Origami Aai by Manjiri Indurkar, use our affiliate link at Amazon India.

Women’s Web gets a small share of every purchase you make through these links, and every little helps us continue bringing you the reads you love!

Image source: a still from YouTube and Book cover Amazon.

Empty nest? All of us who are in our early 50s or even late 40s would be or are going through this. Children going away for higher education or job.  The last few years seen a massive shift in kids getting an education abroad. Indian students going abroad for higher education recorded a six-year high in 2022 at 750,365, according to the education ministry data submitted in Parliament on Monday.

It’s no doubt an emotional period, parents have to come to terms with the fact that their children have grown up and are ready to spread their wings in the world.

Depending on whether the child is going abroad (or even to another city in India) for Graduation or Masters, it can also be a financially impactful period.

Graduation abroad is an expensive affair, so am assuming you have been building the necessary corpus to take care of the expenses. The next 3-4 years will be payout time. So a few basic things have to be looked into (this can be relevant even for those whose kids are going out to another city in India to study)

• The money that you have set aside for this purpose should be shifted to less risky products, have a short- term horizon and can be accessed as and when required.
• Review the Term Insurance of the earning member(s), so that God forbid if anything untoward were to happen, the child’s education and other family members’ life remain stable.
• Review your debt situation, hopefully you have cleared all your debts by now. If not, try to keep it as low as possible.
• If you are dipping into your retirement corpus to fund the education, then you need to start refilling it as early as possible. At least ensure that a small amount is consistently set aside via SIP for retirement.

At the same time, you need to teach your kid to be moneywise. (https://womoneya.com/2017/05/15/money-wise-in-this-digital-world/)

If your child is going abroad for Masters, you may choose to fund the education or take a loan which the child will have to pay for.  If it’s the former, then all the above points apply, if it’s the latter, you still need to foot their expenses for a year or two till they settle down with a job and can pay the education loans.

So, whilst you are busy planning for your child’s education, do not lose sight of your financial planning.  This is the time to go back to the drawing board and relook at all your finances.

You may have new goals to consider like traveling and hobbies, to keep you busy and active, but these may need finances as well. Start the next phase of life right by working with a financial advisor to develop a financial plan that supports your current needs and future goals.

Watching your children leave the nest should give you a well-earned sense of accomplishment. It’s an exciting time for them and you. Embrace the change and celebrate it.

Well! so we even have options?

Let’s start with understanding what constitutes sexual harassment in the workplace!

Any unwelcome, uninvited, unwanted behaviour that is sexual in nature, whether direct or implied, can be defined as sexual harassment. I recall the first sexual harassment inquiry I carried out, the Respondent  was glaring at me “I did not even touch her, how can you call this sexual harassment?”

Thankfully, the POSH Act covers sexual harassment that is physical, verbal, visual, non-verbal  or psychological in nature.

Some very common instances are making personal comments, stalking, staring, leering, winking, spreading rumours about character, showing pornography / indecent content through SMS or text or images, taking pictures/ screenshots without consent, insisting on dating, giving a shoulder massage, threatening to punish for not playing along etc.

This article is an effort to share some critical information that you may need if you ever face sexual harassment at work or if you ever see someone being harassed.

Did you know?

What should you do if you a victim?

The POSH Act of 2013 mandates every organization with more than 10 employees to create a safe workplace. And unlike other law’s the POSH Act talks about “prevention, prohibition & redressal”.

• If we ever spoke up about someone giving us a difficult time. So it is very normal to go down the guilt trip. But try not to, it is not your fault. Behaving decently is always the other person’s responsibility.
• Keep a log. Maintain notes of the incident mentioning specifics of what happened, where it happened, what was said or done, how did you feel, what did you do, were there any witnesses, did you confide in anyone, etc. This will come in handy if you decide to file a complaint at some point in time.
• Have a chat with someone you trust at work or at home, It will ease the anxiety and also give clarity on the way forward
• File a written complaint to the company’s Internal Committee (IC). Even if you file a complaint with your manager or HR or CEO, the final inquiry will be carried out by the IC as mandated by the law. So approaching the IC directly is the best option always, it will reduce the number of people who will get to know about your complaint.
• Reach out for counseling support if the trauma is bothering you

Did you know?

Get to know the complaint process

You are under no obligation to reveal specifics of the complaint / incident to any of your colleagues or even your own manager. You can approach the IC directly.

Details by the author Aparna GV

Did you know?

Get to know the redressal mechanism in your company

The IC is a quasi-judicial body with a minimum of 4 members. IT is led by a senior female Presiding Officer. Other members include an external member who is committed to the cause of women and is usually a Subject Matter Expert (SME).

Your company’s IC has the power of a civil court to receive and conduct sexual harassment inquiries!

And with that comes the power to maintain confidentiality and to offer protection against any retaliation. So you can approach the IC without any hesitation or fear.

The IC does not accept anonymous complaints so as to be fair to everyone. It is for the same reason that malicious complaints will be punishable as well.

Did you know?

Why should I trust the IC?

It is just a myth that sexual harassment complaints always result in termination from employment. Depending on the offence the punishment could range from just a warning letter to a transfer or suspension or a penalty or withholding of promotion to termination.

And sometimes there may not even be a full-fledged inquiry. The complainant can choose to go for a conciliation, or in common terms “a settlement”. But monetary settlements aren’t allowed in conciliation under the POSH law.

Since the IC has the power of a civil court, the committee is expected to follow stringent courtroom like procedures while conducting the inquiry. So you can expect the process to be transparent, open and fair without any biases.

And the committee undergoes rigorous training on the topic and about how to conduct a proper legally valid inquiry. Additionally the External Member is present to avoid prejudice and guide the committee to conduct fair and legally compliant proceedings.

So when you file a complaint at least 4 senior folks are watching, doing due diligence, ensuring that there is a fair and thorough inquiry.

What could be some exceptions?

• If the complaint is against the Employer/ founder/ Board member/ MD or
• If the company has less than 10 full-time employees
• The company has not yet formed an IC

In such cases, you could approach the LCC or Local compliance committee constituted by the State government. The LCC has similar powers as that of the IC and the management is answerable to such an inquiry. Specifics of the LCC can be found online on state government websites.

Some more exceptions

• It is a case of physical assault, battery or rape
• The Complainant does not trust the organization to give justice and wants to approach the Police directly or approach the Women’s commission or any other authority
• If your organization is unwilling to hear you out

In the above situations, you can either file a police complaint under the IPC or approach the Labour commissioner or file a case in the court directly. You have the right as a victim to approach any these authoritied even if there is a case inquiry happening with the IC.

Did you know?

The POSH Act (Sexual Harassment of Women in the Workplace (prevention, prohibition, redressal)) is probably the only labour law that has the power to cancel business license in case of non-compliance.

So it is critical that the company constitutes an IC, trains employees and provides fair, just redressal for the sexual harassment complaints made by female employees.

If you are an entrepreneur, create a redressal mechanism so that the workplace you so lovingly created remains a safe place for women. If you are a victim, then raise your voice and reach out to the IC for redressal.

About the writer
The writer is an expert in POSH and is an experienced external member. She can be reached at [email protected] for any questions or clarifications.

Image source: Pexels Free for Canva Pro

Do you shrink yourself to accommodate?

Curving yourself into a flattened ball?

Stretching your instincts in a such a way

That you feel drained,

And there’s not a drop left to pour?

Do you nod compulsively?

Do you carry the solidified residues of all those moments you weren’t there for yourself?

Is your cup parched dry, with cracks on the rim?

It’s time to generously fill it with whatever you can gather,

Hunt, search and source

And abundantly refill yourself to your heart’s content.

Whatever it takes,

For, how do you continue to pour from an empty cup?

Lying on deathbed, it was her journey last 

Calm and composed,

she looked so still and stiff. 

For it was my Mom’s funeral 

And anyhow I reached to see her, for one last time.

Touched her cold feet and felt her very existence, 

was just not able to take my eyes off that pale face of hers; 

But soon she was away from me, 

For never to come back again

 and there left finally  

For her heavenly abode. 

Before I could be in my senses,

Sudden pinching words echoed in my ears; 

Those were of my few relatives. 

I was judged, 

I was criticised 

for my appearance which was not that appealing, 

with those grey hair and a simple look. 

For the occasion, the place was certainly not to talk about;  

I decided to be silent on the insensitiveness that they showed, 

instead of giving condolences, I was questioned,

Why didn’t I get my hair coloured?

Sounded like I had just committed some offence. 

Deep within I was hurt intensely, 

Broken and devastated,

 It was an immense loss for me.

Her voice that I would never be able to hear again and 

In that very situation also my grey hair grabbed all the attention. 

Dear Society, 

Why a woman always?

For it’s her life, it’s her choices; 

Give her that much freedom at least 

And Leave it to her to decide

that how she wants to look and what She wants to wear. 

Whenever and wherever I go, 

 Friends, neighbours, relatives or even at a public place, all have something to say about my grey hair,

It’s a bold step, 

that needs lots of guts to let your hair go grey,

 suits you a lot and you carry so confidently;

something very unusual,

something that is rarely seen;  

a woman can’t step out even if she has a single strand of grey hair,

 Is it so? I marvel.

Couldn’t make out were praising or captive of stereotype thinking;

And Not to forget, for some

grey hair is a sign of depression too;

Doesn’t look good especially and solely on women.

We live in a society where ageing by skin is normal but not by hair. It’s perfectly fine to have wrinkles but not that grey colour on the head.

As we age certain changes occur and It’s a natural process but why acceptance is so difficult, reminds me of the movie,” Bala” in which the dialogue is, “Badalna kyun Hai?”, Simply because others do not like it, think about it and change your perception.

Let me walk in Grey, let me age;

For life, it has to go at its own pace. 

In the patriarchal culture, the role of the father has traditionally been painted with hues of authority and provider. The image of the hardworking Indian father, leading his family with a sense of majesty, is etched into our collective memory. In the olden times, he was the pillar of strength, shouldering the responsibilities of the household, while the mother tended to the day-to-day needs, even pouring water on his head during baths as a gesture of care and respect. 

But as time unfurls its chapters, our societal narrative has undergone a huge metamorphosis in the past few decades. The winds of change has brought forth a new archetype – the modern Indian father. This evolution is not a departure from tradition, but rather a beautiful adaptation to the currents of modernity.

Gone are the days when the father’s role was confined to the periphery of the provider. Today, we witness a transformation where fathers actively engage in the nurturing and upbringing of their children. They are not just providers but also nurturers, companions, and confidants. They understand the importance of being present in their children’s lives, not just as authority figures but as mentors and friends. Children listen to them out of love and respect and not just fear.

The advent of the internet and globalisation has brought about an adjustment of knowledge and ideas. With access to information at their fingertips, fathers are now more aware and enlightened about their roles within the family. They are breaking free from traditional gender roles and embracing a more impartial approach to parenting.

Moreover, the progressive mindset of men towards gender equality has paved the way for a shift in dynamics within the household. Today, we see loving fathers who joyfully participate in household chores, sharing the burden with their partners. They recognize that a happy and harmonious home is built on shared responsibilities and mutual respect.

In this modern era, the image of the Indian father has undergone a profound change. He is no longer just the head of the household but a partner in every sense of the word. He celebrates his partner’s achievements and supports her aspirations, understanding that her success is a reflection of their shared journey.

As we embrace this evolving trend of fatherhood, let us celebrate the modern Indian dad – a loving, nurturing presence in the lives of his children, a supportive partner to his spouse, and a beacon of progress and equality in our society. Let us cherish and applaud these men who embody the spirit of modern fatherhood, for they are shaping a future where love, respect, and equality flourish within our homes.

Let us embrace this remarkable transformation with open arms and hopeful hearts, as we yearn for a future where the warmth of modern fatherhood illuminates every corner of our society. Let us not criticise men who do household chores nor look down upon women who chase careers. May this change be not just a fleeting moment, but a resounding call to action, inspiring more men to rise and embrace their roles with love, compassion, and unwavering commitment. Let us stand together in welcoming this profound shift and fervently wish for its ripple effect to touch the lives of countless families, shaping a world where every child grows up surrounded by the boundless love of an enlightened father.