Value Of Women’s Work At Home No Less Than Of Working Individuals – Thank You, Supreme Court!

Posted: February 20, 2024

I am so glad to write about this as homemakers were and till are the most undervalued and underestimated.

Having grown up in Indian society, I have witnessed people disrespecting homemakers by delivering various comments like, “saara din ghar par to hoti ho karti kya ho” (being at home what do you do full day), “housewives ke pass to bahut time hota hai” (housewives have a lot of time), “subah kaam hota hai fir to free hi free saara din” (you have work in the morning and then you are free the whole day).

A homemaker works 24/7

I am a working woman and I confess that I can go to work because earlier my mother and now my mother-in-law share responsibilities with me. People feel the work of a homemaker is easy but honestly, it’s not. I see my mother-in-law waking up at 6 am and working non-stop till night. In fact, I would say the life of some working individuals are much more sorted and simple than that of a homemaker.

The life of a homemaker just passes by in taking care of the family members. I mean the time they devote, the effort they put in, the love they deliver, all these are nowhere in comparison to the working individual. Leaving aside everything else, the biggest thing a homemaker does is feed you.

I still remember my school days when during summer my brother and I used to reach the house by 2; at 1 only she used to switch on the cooler and roll the curtains to make the environment breezy and used to serve us shikanji. Buying vegetables of our choice, ironing our clothes, arranging the wardrobe, taking care of children and the list is too long; at times I feel what a mess my life would have been without my mother and today without my mother-in-law.

Why do we do this?

I don’t know whether it’s the mindset or the lack of principles that we require such kind of judgments to prove the value of a homemaker. When I look at the sacrifices of a homemaker, sometimes I even feel ashamed.

Thank you Supreme Court for this much-required statement and I hope people will start respecting homemakers at least now though they deserve it since the beginning.

Image source: YouTube/ a still from English Vinglish

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Today I Can Thank You For Breaking Up With Me Before Things Got Out Of Hand…

Dear Mr. Ex,

I often wonder how you are. After all these years, do I still think about you… Get that smug look off your face. Surely, you knew that I was not a desperate, haven’t gotten over you kind of girl. I am yet to find a closure to our story. It was so sudden- that night, it was Valentine’s Day and you declared your decision that we must stop seeing each other. Imagine the feelings I experienced. What it would have been like for a young girl out on a date on Valentine’s Day. Stars in her eyes, her heart full of excitement and in a flash, it was all shattered. Like someone threw her off a cliff and she fell headlong. Each limb dismembered, blood everywhere….

It was inevitable that we would part ways

There was little we had in common. Except that strong attraction we felt towards each other. The way you wouldn’t stop stealing glances towards my desk waiting for me to reply to your “good morning” message. I could feel your hot breath on my neck as you would come to discuss the project that we were working on. The way your jaw tightened as our hands slightly grazed against each other. A deep desire- burning, longing to escape.

The first time we kissed it was awkward- like you’d planned it for days. ROUGH and wanting, wanting more, A need to open up some more. It was fire between the two of us. Thank God! You doused the fire before the flame engulfed us. I was part of the elite and well heeled. You were the ‘uncouth lad’. Opposites that attracted like magnets… A strong force needed to keep us apart. You mastered that force by breaking my heart.

No, I wasn’t in love. The day you chose was the killer move. Unprepared that all the gifts and chocolates and movie date was set up to end our little secret soiree by you.

Every Valentine’s Day I think of this incident

Cannot help smiling to myself! That move helped me to move ahead to the wonderful life that I have now.

I have actually wanted to thank you and today I finally can. Thank you for letting me go before we fell into a ditch that neither could have emerged from. Thank you for fulfilling a young girl’s crush and not using her body even though we knew we were willing. I’m eternally grateful to you. May you have all the happiness you deserve. HAPPY VALENTINE’S DAY!

Cheers,

Ex Always.

Image source: YouTube/ Manmarziyaan trailer

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Onion for Hair: How This Natural Wonder Can Transform Your Locks

Are you tired of dealing with dull, lifeless hair? Look no further than your kitchen pantry for a natural solution that might just transform your locks. While onions are commonly known for their pungent aroma and culinary uses, their potential benefits for hair health are often overlooked. This humble vegetable contains properties that can work wonders for your hair, from promoting growth to combating common hair concerns.

In this article, we delve into the surprising benefits of onion for hair, exploring how this natural wonder might just be the game-changer your hair routine has been missing.

Is onion good for hair?

Onions are packed with essential nutrients and antioxidants that promote hair health. They contain sulfur, which is known to boost collagen production and improve blood circulation to the scalp. This, in turn, promotes hair growth and reduces hair fall. Additionally, onions have antibacterial properties that can help combat scalp infections and dandruff.

Apart from these benefits, onions also contain vitamins A, C, and E, which nourish the hair follicles and promote healthy hair growth. They are also rich in quercetin, a powerful antioxidant that protects the hair from damage caused by free radicals. So, if you’re wondering whether onion is good for your hair, the answer is a resounding yes!

What are the benefits of onion for hair?

Now that we know onions are good for hair, let’s dive deeper into the specific benefits they offer. Here are eight uses of onion for hair:

Promotes hair growth: The sulfur present in onions stimulates the production of collagen and keratin, which are essential for hair growth. Regular application of onion juice can help boost hair growth and reduce hair fall.

Prevents hair loss: Onions have antibacterial properties that can help combat scalp infections, which are often a leading cause of hair loss. Applying onion juice to the scalp can help keep your hair follicles healthy and prevent hair fall.

Improves scalp health: Onions have anti-inflammatory properties that can soothe an itchy and irritated scalp. They also help in reducing dandruff, thanks to their antimicrobial properties.

Strengthens hair: The sulfur in onions strengthens the hair follicles, making them less prone to breakage. This leads to stronger and healthier hair.

Adds shine: Regular use of onion juice can add a natural shine to your hair, making it look lustrous and healthy.

Prevents premature graying: Onions are rich in antioxidants that protect the hair from damage caused by free radicals. This helps in preventing premature graying of hair.

Repairs damaged hair: The nourishing properties of onions can help repair damaged hair and restore its health and vitality.

Improves blood circulation: The sulfur compounds in onions improve blood circulation to the scalp, ensuring that the hair follicles receive an adequate supply of nutrients for healthy growth.

How to apply onion on hair?

Now that you’re aware of the myriad benefits of onions for hair, you must be wondering how to use them effectively. Here’s a step-by-step guide on how to apply onion on hair:

Prepare the onion juice: Peel the onions and chop them into small pieces. Blend the pieces in a blender or food processor until you get a smooth paste. You can also use a juicer to extract the juice directly.

Strain the juice: Once you have the onion paste or juice, strain it using a fine mesh strainer or cheesecloth to separate the juice from any solid particles.

Apply the onion juice: Part your hair into sections and apply the onion juice directly to your scalp. Gently massage the juice into your scalp using your fingertips for better absorption.

Cover and wait: Once you have applied the onion juice to your scalp, cover your head with a shower cap or towel to prevent the juice from dripping. Leave it on for at least 30 minutes to an hour to allow the nutrients to penetrate the hair follicles.

Rinse and wash: After the desired duration, rinse your hair thoroughly with lukewarm water to remove any residue. You can follow it up with a mild shampoo and conditioner to get rid of any lingering smell.

Does onion help in hair growth?

Many people wonder is onion good for hair growth. Absolutely! Onion is a powerful natural remedy for promoting hair growth. Let us understand how onion helps in hair growth. The sulfur present in onions helps in the production of collagen and keratin, which are vital for hair growth. It also improves blood circulation to the scalp, ensuring that the hair follicles receive the necessary nutrients for healthy growth.

Additionally, the antibacterial properties of onions help combat scalp infections, which can hinder hair growth. By keeping the scalp healthy and free from infections, onions create an ideal environment for hair growth.

How to use onion for hair growth?

If you’re looking to harness the hair growth benefits of onions, here are five ways you can incorporate them into your hair care routine:

Onion juice: Extract the juice from onions and apply it directly to your scalp. Leave it on for 30 minutes to an hour before rinsing it off.

Onion hair mask: Mix onion juice with other natural ingredients like coconut oil, honey, or aloe vera gel to create a nourishing hair mask. Apply it to your scalp and hair, leave it on for 30 minutes, and then wash it off.

Onion-infused oil: Chop onions and soak them in a carrier oil like coconut oil or olive oil for a few days. Strain the oil and use it to massage your scalp regularly.

Onion and henna pack: Mix onion juice with henna powder to create a hair pack. Apply it to your scalp and hair, leave it on for a couple of hours, and then wash it off.

Onion and egg mixture: Blend onions with eggs and apply the mixture to your scalp and hair. Leave it on for 30 minutes to an hour before rinsing it off.

Onion hair growth tips

To make the most out of using onions for hair growth, here are five tips to keep in mind:

Patch test: Before applying onion juice or any onion-based hair treatment to your scalp, do a patch test on a small area of your skin to check for any allergic reactions.

Be consistent: Consistency is key when it comes to using onions for hair growth. Apply onion juice or hair masks regularly to see noticeable results.

Use fresh onions: Always use fresh onions to extract the juice or prepare hair masks. Fresh onions contain higher levels of active compounds that promote hair growth.

Wash off thoroughly: Make sure to rinse your hair thoroughly after using onion-based treatments to remove any residue and odor.

Combine with a healthy lifestyle: While using onions for hair growth is beneficial, it’s also essential to maintain a healthy lifestyle by eating a balanced diet, staying hydrated, and minimizing stress for overall hair health.

Conclusion

Onions might be a staple in your kitchen, but they can also be a game-changer for your hair. With their abundance of nutrients, antioxidants, and hair-boosting properties, onions can transform your locks and promote healthy hair growth. Whether you choose to use onion juice, hair masks, or infused oils, incorporating onions into your hair care routine can lead to lustrous, strong, and beautiful hair. So, don’t underestimate the power of this natural wonder and start reaping the benefits of onion for hair today!

Photo credits by Mery Khachatryan on Unsplash

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How Joining Lakshmi Self Help Group Gave These Women Confidence To Change Their Lives

This is the story of how these women from Lakshmi self help group in a small Chattisgarh village changed their lives with a loan from a cooperative organisation.

People want to work, but often face challenges that hinder progress. If you visit villages today, you’ll find people who can tell you why they are not progressing due to various reasons. However, the government has understood this and is making efforts to make every individual self-reliant.

A revolution is currently underway in the country, and it is the empowerment of women. The government consistently strives to provide opportunities for rural women to lead their lives independently and colour their futures.

Efforts are being made to connect these women through various initiatives. The government has initiated several schemes, providing loans to women to help them progress. Women participating in self-help groups are benefiting from these schemes.

Lakshmi self help group where these women started learning about business

One such inspiring story comes from Kondagaon, Chhattisgarh. Several women in this small village came together to start their own work, thanks to the efforts of Gauthan and the self-help group. Today, these women are successfully managing a shed where they raise livestock. They named their self-help group Lakshmi Self-Help Group.

Despite being a small village, these women face and overcome challenges together. Some time ago, the village faced difficulties, but today, the situation seems to be improving. Ten women have joined the Lakshmi Self-Help Group, and they have successfully set up a shed where they raise livestock, contributing to their income.

The government has introduced a few financial schemes and the Mahatma Gandhi National Rural Employment Guarantee Act (MGNREGA) in the village. The women take care of the shed, and with the proper training received under government schemes, they have become knowledgeable and are progressing.

These women now own eight cows, taking care of their nourishment and management. The government has entrusted them with the responsibility, and the women collectively sell around 35 litres of milk to the Churagang Dairy every day. Additionally, they collect more than 50 kilograms of dung, earning them a profit of over Rs. 30,000 solely from the dung business.

A loan helped them to grow their business quickly

Now, these women are understanding the ways of working and are thinking about expanding their work. To support their future plans, the Lakshmi Self-Help Group decided to take a loan. The group secured a loan of Rs. 2.65 lakhs from a cooperative organisation.

Approximately Rs. 1 lakh of the loan has already been repaid, and the women have confidence that they will progress in their work. The group has become an example for others, proving that even seemingly small projects can be highly successful.

The loan has empowered these women to advance their work, and today, they are expanding into organic farming and vermicomposting. The shed not only provides a source of income but also engages in various other profitable activities.

The government has recognized the progress in this village and is actively working to further its development. By encouraging and supporting the women’s self-help group, these individuals have become self-reliant and are now empowering other women in the community.

Ravivar Vichar has made a commitment to bring forth the stories of every such woman and make us aware of their lives.

In this WomensWebXMahilaMoney impact series, we bring you entrepreneurs like Meera Tikeshwar who had not just the ambition to grow, but took the steps needed to bring their dreams to fruition. Apply for a loan of up to 25 lakhs to fuel your business growth by downloading the Mahila Money App on Google Playstore or visiting the website here. 

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MY FAVORITE CHARACTER IN A NOVEL

The simple, beautiful and talented Anupama, who is also the heroine of the novel ‘MAHASHWETA’ by Sudha Murty, is my favorite female. While reading the novel, the character of Anupama made me go through her happiness, romance, pain, anguish and then triumph.

In the beginning, the character of Anupama is portrayed in an extremely simple manner. I almost imagined that she was just another stereotype female who leaves her career for a happy married life with her Prince Charming, who was totally infatuated with her beauty.

However, this was not to be. She suddenly discovers a white patch on her foot. When the Doctor confirms it as Leukoderma, she is sent back home by her dominating and powerful Mother-in-law. Her husband is abroad and is quite insensitive to her feelings. She gets no support at her home either. Her step-mother is worried that the social stigma attached to her condition will harm the future of other family members too and keeps pestering her. Her condition becomes so pitiable that she contemplates suicide.

However, at this stage, she reflects inwards and an urge to reconstruct her life fosters. She goes to the city of dreams, Mumbai to spread her wings. After some initial problems, she slowly builds up her hope, strength and courage. It is said that ‘Fortune helps those who help themselves’. Destiny does bless her and she soon carves out a niche for herself in the field of her expertise – drama. She not only makes a place for herself in the society, but also finds a way into the heart of one her admirers. When she decides neither to go back into times with her erstwhile husband nor go with her new admirer, I feel like saluting Anupama.

The novel is a true reflection of Indian Society and I see so many females going through the anguish of suffering. Dowry and such other abhorring customs have become a part and parcel of our society. Over and above that, if a woman goes through some medical problems, she is often discarded as a dirty robe.

The character of Anupama made me reflect inwards and question ‘WHY?” Expecting the society to change is fool hardiness. Why not have more belief in oneself? If one decides, just like Anupama, to make her own little space, one can. Any woman always has a lot of strength, courage and determination. But they normally lie dormant, hidden and unknown to her. Once Anupama decided that she wanted to tread on her own path, she was successful. And so can any other woman be.

I salute Anupama, who had a beautiful soul – a soul which only wished goodness and happiness for everyone. The body was blemished by a medical condition, but her soul remained unblemished and pure. It retained its luster and sheen and showed her the path towards her ultimate happiness. May it keep glowing and shimmering the life of many more women!!!

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A Day at Dona Paula

This active vocabulary jabbers that riveting name
Albeit unknown to the old viceroy’s daughter’s fame!
For Lil Anvi, it’s the pristine beach of Dona Paula
brimming with the feel of a French ‘viola’
Teeming with the glory and riveting beauty,
How pristine the beach appears for my cutie!
The intricate rhymes of the lovers paradise
humming an ineffable beauty’s sacrifice
The untold sagas of a viceroy’s dazzling daughter
and the fisherman pulsate here in the serene water
The romantic myths go on
The enticing stories move on
Unmindful of the umpteen annals, Lil Anvik chills dearly
Dona Paula and the ‘beech’ allures him clearly
There in, he poses for a pic with me
His sinless, rapid query din let me free
When dad captured ‘A Dona Paula ‘ Moment
His query demanded a reply in an instant.
“Why is Dona Paula broken?
Without healing, she may worsen.
Lil Anvik’s artless query engrossed me for a while
The unrequited void instills in all viewers, a smile
The broken statue hides her hidden pangs
Symbolically, she weeps and bangs
For me, she remains lil Anvi’s dearest Dona Paula
All set to flaunt its flavour with a French ‘viola’

Dedicated to my darling munchkin, Master Anvik Sujeeth!

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There Is Nothing Like ‘Too Much Feminism’!

Time and again, there is one phrase that keeps coming up in the social media discourse on feminism. Any guesses?

Ah, no prizes for guessing the infamous “itni bhi feminist” or “too much feminism” phrase, a classic eye-roller for me, and I am sure for many more of my tribe, in the realm of gender equality discussions.

Pray tell me, how can an ideology, a movement be too ‘much’? It’s not salt or the seasoning of your soup where you can go, “Oops, too much salt, only one spoon was required”. Either you stand for what feminism stands for, or you don’t.

Why people keep speaking of ‘too much feminism’

Before proceeding further, I feel it’s imperative for me to mention that I am no expert at feminism yet. I am comfortable calling myself a feminist-in-progress because I believe I have a long way to go before I delve into every facet and nuance of feminism. I am learning, unlearning, and relearning as I become more aware, mindful about the many views and perceptions ingrained in our systems and mindsets. Having said that, it is pretty obvious to me that where feminism is trying to get at is where we all should try to get at too.

Feminism is a big, glorious buffet of ideas and principles, from smashing the patriarchy to championing equal pay and reproductive rights, and so much more. Everyone gets a seat at the table to relish this buffet, regardless of gender, race, or background. Now if someone complains about too much food in the buffet, after already enjoying all the dishes from it, it’s a bit insensitive and selfish, isn’t it?

Let’s get this straight – there’s no such thing as “too much feminism”. It’s not like we are trying to overload society with an excessive amount of empowerment or equality. It’s simply about ensuring that everyone, regardless of their identity or background, receives an equitable share of opportunities and rights.

And then there’s the crucial concept of intersectionality

In this context, I want to give the centrestage to the elephant in the room – intersectionality. This is a point so crucial, yet often overlooked.

Feminism isn’t just about advancing the rights of one group of women — it’s about recognizing the intersecting layers of privilege and oppression that affect individuals differently. So when someone says, “I think you are being too much of a feminist”, what they are really saying is, “I am uncomfortable with you challenging the status quo and disrupting my privilege”.

Sure, feminism ruffles some feathers, but that’s kind of the point. It’s about shaking things up, questioning norms, and striving for a more just and equitable society. There is so much history to this revolution and this cannot be carried forward from a place of convenience and comfort.

So the next time someone tries to dismiss feminism with a casual “itni bhi feminist mat bano” or “too much feminism is not good”, just smile and say, “Sorry, can’t hear you over the sound of smashing the patriarchy”.

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4 Ways The New Bold Care Ad Should Empower Both Women And Men To Speak Of Pleasure

Posted: February 19, 2024

The co-owner of the new sexual health brand – Bold Care, Ranveer Singh, recently shared that he wants to focus at creating awareness amongst people about men’s sexual health and aims to provide a tangible solution to millions of people across the country. The new Bold Care ad which was dropped last week has taken the internet by storm. Netizens are ogling at the ad and cannot stop talking about it and how?

The Bold Care ad has created a buzz for multiple reasons. One, because of the unexpected collaboration between the A-list Bollywood actor and co-owner of the brand – Ranveer Singh and (wait for it… drumrolls please) the adult film star Johnny Sins.

People were not ready to see Johnny Sins in an Indian commercial ad and had their jaws dropped to the floor when they saw him dressed in a blue kurta and a golden coat and tie acting in a saas-bahu rip off. The internauts have claimed this unusual duo as the biggest crossover ever – bigger than Deadpool and Wolverine coming together! Second, the ad aims to normalise the stigma related to men’s sexual wellbeing and the ease with which it can be addressed.

The ad wonderfully deals with the tabooed topic by combining humour and satire at its best. The audiences have been left in splits for the ad has been made as a parody on the K-series Indian drama which were popular in early 21st century to deliver their message. It has not shied away from using dramatic dialogues, exaggerated scenes and amplified background effects for the perfect travesty.

People have gone gung-ho over the ad but there are also some who are disappointed by their marketing collaboration and technique. Personally, for me, this ad seems to have addressed a lot of issues intentionally or unintentionally.

First, the Bold Care ad normalizes talking about men’s sexual health

The fact that the ad-scene happens in front of the entire family, will slowly help shift the mindset of people in accepting this as any other physical ailment. Just like how earlier, menstrual cycle of a woman was spoken about in hush tones but now with time people have learnt to regard it as a normal human phenomenon. Similarly, this ad will help men come out of the closet regarding their sexual problems and talk about it more openly and casually than they do it now.

Second, the ad busts myths about men’s performance during sex

The ad busts the belief that a person is not manly enough if he is dependent on medications or external help for performance in bed

The ad shows, the role played by the star of adult film industry has no qualms in taking a pill for his sexual problem. This would help remove the hesitation that men have about the same.

Third, we get the real stats about men being unable to perform

Ranveer Singh relays a fact at the end of the Bold Care ad, “4 out of 10 men are unable to perform in bed but what most men don’t know that it is very common and very easy to solve”. Most men find it hard to accept the problem because of the shame and apparent “manliness” attached to it. But if men are educated enough to know that this a very common problem and there is no shame about it then it will be easier for them to seek out relevant help.

Recently my best friend’s sister went through a divorce. And one of the major reasons for it was her husband’s non-performance in bed. She tried hard to get him to see a professional but it was very difficult for him to even accept his condition leave alone see a professional. This led to further stress on him for performance in bed, leading to a larger failure. I now wish that this ad had come out a bit earlier. Maybe it would have helped him understand that many men face this issue and that he is not the only one with this problem. It may have broaden his thinking and given him the courage to accept it and take corrective action. It may have improved and saved their relationship. This ad may help change perspectives from a negative to a more inclusive one making it easier for men to talk about their problems and achieve better solutions for better delivery in bed.

Fourth, the burden of silence on women about their need for pleasure is broken

But my favourite part about the ad was the fact how boldly Kishu had expressed her dissatisfaction with her husband. The ad has an undertone about women pleasure and has even normalised it. Women have right to satisfaction in bed and it should be taken more seriously. Though Bollywood has experimented with such issues in Lust Stories, but this ad comes as a reminder that even women have needs and their partner should take care (or as the ad says Bold Care) of fulfilling her needs.

Last but not the least, this ad provides an insight into the fact that for every sexual act failure it is not always a woman’s fault, as the society assumes, but it can be a man’s problem too. Proper investigation should be done before simply blaming a woman and forcing her to undergo various treatments.

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5 Things I Learnt About Long Distance Relationships From My Mother, An Army Wife

Posted:

We often hear of relationships doomed by distances, of love wearing off when physical proximity ceases, and of growing apart. Most of my life I grew up witnessing the opposite of this. Thus, my belief in growing together whether distant or near stands tall.

When I think back today, I owe a lot of my value system to being a part of army life. This is the love of steel-hearted women who breathe life and passion into the soldiers of the armed forces.

A book by Swapnil Pandey, The Force Behind the Forces, is apt here. The love of these gritty women powers the men to confidently step out and face the most hostile situations. I feel privileged to share a personally witnessed account of this undying love and faith.

My personal experience of this from 1999 as a child

The year is 1999, the country is under attack, and the army is mobilized at short notice. The hustle at home surprises me as I see my father’s suitcase being loaded mostly with his field uniforms. Mom has a determined yet anxious look on her face.

We are familiar with the look so I march the siblings into the adjacent room, “Something is happening! Don’t get in the way. Let’s wait till we know more.” Saying this I use the backyard entry to gather food from the kitchen to silence the younger lot. They get busy nibbling while I anticipate what might be happening.

Soon Dad’s heavy boots announce his arrival in our room. Kissing our foreheads, we feel the warmth of the bear hug. Nothing is said and nothing is asked. We all understand what the hug implies. The military shoes thump through the corridor and fade into the expanse. Mum’s hands are folded as she says a silent prayer while Dad’s vehicle exits the heavy gates.

I never realized what that moment would have meant till I too committed to a relationship

The months that followed were packed with anxiety and stress but rarely did anything reflect on Mom’s face. Every day was a lesson in her devotion to the relationship with Dad as a wife, to the organization as a senior army wife, to the country as a backbone to her husband, as a Coach to the younger army wives, to us as a mother and as a woman.

These lessons were a reflection of her undying love for her husband and her unwavering faith in his abilities. Here’s what values emerged from these lessons–

Resilience

Her mere presence brought reassurance. She comforted not just the household but the women she was responsible for.

There were no documents that specified her role yet it was love that created the belongingness to both the person and the organization. There was no time to waste listening to the war stories and fretting. Any upsetting news meant inviting all women together and addressing them to be unwavering instead of worried.

Communication

Mom was honest. Always upfront about the reality. “It’s a war out there.” She would say with ease. “What is changing if you and I are stressed about it?” a question she asked the younger wives. “However, a lot changes if you and I choose to pray, smile, laugh, and stay hopeful.” I was filled with wonder. It was my first lesson in how words could make all the difference.

Self-Sufficiency

Not just her, every soldier’s wife is an epitome of self-sufficiency. They learn this lesson early. Despite the raging war, life within the safe confines of the cantonments continued. Kids were sent to school, chores were done, and parents and extended families were put at ease. Mom was a cook and a cheerleader with equal aplomb.

This self-sufficiency was passed on to us, children. An inherent respect for every occupation and task emerged which made me a more valuable member of the family and the society.

Decision making independently

Mom did not live in Dad’s shadow. Instead, she learned to stand along with him, sharing the duties and thereby making informed decisions on what fell into her kitty.

I have often asked her about times when she felt the need to cross-check her own decisions. To this, she only smiles. “If I kept waiting for cross-checks, you guys wouldn’t have completed your schooling!”

I learned that both of them had their circle of influence, which they rarely interfered with. It was their prerogative to invite the other person’s advice or input. I’m still learning to implement this in my relationship. This was an important factor for the strong foundation of the relationship because this could arise only from love and trust.

Commitment

The most important lesson that I imbibed. Understanding the gaps in the relationship yet looking for common ground that would retain the unshaken commitment to the relationship. The common ground was never constant. There were arguments and disagreements yet they ended with a discovery of what could be worked out.

The commitment always held the higher ground. Dad often remarked, “If my offensive plan develops loopholes, I have to go back to the drawing board and revise my strategy to win. The desire to look for alternatives is always fueled by my commitment to the bigger cause, my motherland.” Thus came my learning that there is always a bigger reason, a higher ground in every relationship. It’s about how committed one could be to search for it.

Navigating relationships has never been easy. Whether it was the baby boomers, Gen X, Y,Z, or the millennials, the challenges and expectations may change but does it change the ethos and values systems too? Leaving this here to ponder and evaluate.

Vidya Balan Shuts Body Shamers - Vidya Balan Interview On Being Body Positive

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“The Kerala Story” Shook My Soul

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I saw “The Kerala Story” during the weekend and I am still haunted by what is depicted in the movie.

First of all, I am confused such a movie should be made or not. On one hand, it creates awareness but on the other hand, it creates anxiety, anger and agony. I saw the movie on a Saturday evening and then I was wrapped by various thoughts the whole night and even the next day.

Honestly, I am still somewhere in the movie, hence writing this blog. I don’t want to comment much on the religion part as it is forever a top of debate and conflict but I am saddened to acknowledge the torture and pain the female goes through during this process of brainwashing and conversion.

Every religion/community/caste has both good and bad people, so just because of a few, giving some statement to the whole religion will be unjustified but I think here comes the role of education and awareness.

While watching the movie, at some moments I had tears, at some I was full of rage, at some I was full of pity and at some full of frustration. I mean I was scared of how extreme love and extreme hate can destroy the life of an individual completely. I am the kind of person who takes everything upon herself, I mean whatever I see sometimes I see the same happening to me in my dreams, therefore I am very careful about what I watch. I am thankful that I didn’t get any bad dreams after watching the movie but it disturbed my soul.

I am not saying it’s a bad movie, actually every girl should see it but after that, for a person like me, it will take days to come out of it.

 

Vidya Balan Shuts Body Shamers - Vidya Balan Interview On Being Body Positive

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