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Dhol Beats get lehengas twirling,
Whiffs of henna, drinks go swirling,
Nights filled with stories & laughter,
Sleepy smiles on mornings after!
Do these lines speak something to you? Weddings indeed bring with them, invitation to make merry and eat like there’s no tomorrow! But somewhere, after an entire streak of late nights, rich food and travel fatigue, the body whispers “I need a Break”, isn’t it? Pay heed, I say but gently, don’t fall into the crash-diet spiral as you try to rejuvenate it!
The key is to hydrate! Drinking up plentiful of water allows toxins to flush out making way for complete absorption of minerals and vitamins that follow. While washing your system with water will help boost energy levels, it will also reset digestion; you could try experimenting by adding fruit slices, herbs, or cucumber to your water for a refreshing twist and extra nutrients.
After enjoying some indulgent treats, I find myself naturally craving refreshing fruits and vegetables. My body knows what it needs to feel energized and balanced. So, the idea is to listen to your body instead of feeling obligated to “detox”. Opt for leafy greens, colourful berries, crunchy nuts, and satisfying whole grains which will provide you with the vitamins, minerals, and fibre your body needs. These wholesome options not only boost your energy levels but also caress your gut and mood, leaving you feeling revitalized and ready to conquer your day.
While food is essential, I always advise to resume regular activities like yoga, Zumba, walks etc to optimize overall well-being instead of procrastinating which indeed is one of the prevalent patterns I notice post wedding breaks. If you are not moving your body already, start now, at least with a little walk!
Now, reminiscing anecdotes from the festivities might seem like a good idea but over-indulgence at the cost of a good night sleep (I know, I know 😉) isn’t advisable. Instead, you could meet your friends & share a story or two with them over a warm cup of tea and laugh away! Point I make here is, to stay in the present so that what you’re eating and doing serves your body and mind right.
In tandem with one another and appropriately done, all efforts made towards oneself bear fruits, oh-so-sweet! As a byproduct of improved digestion, a mind rested well and hydrated body, you gain the benefits of clearer looking skin, a happier mind, a healthier being and better cognitive function of the brain helping you sail through your day smoothly.
Remember we are not looking for quick fixes, celebration-lovers! Let’s toast to lasting health that empowers us to thrive, and not survive through countless wedding seasons and beyond. We’re not just aiming to look good for the next dance floor, but to build vibrant energy and resilience for a lifetime of joy.
Dt Komal Patel
The Author is an Ahmedabad based renowned dietician.
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Love, the most important and most confusing thing one can come across in his/her entire life. Psychologist have concluded that the need to feel loved is a primary human emotional need.
But we must also agree, that it’s the most confusing word.
Parents indulge all the child’s wishes, calling it love. A man is involved in an adulterous relationship and he calls it love.
The emotional need for love simply starts at childhood, follows us into adulthood and into marriage. We needed love before we “fell in love” and we will need it as long as we live.
A man said to me recently, “What good is the house, the cars, or any of the rest of it if your wife doesn’t love you?” Do you understand what he was really saying? “More than anything, I want to be loved by my wife.”
When a wife says, “He ignores me all day long and then wants to jump in bed with me. I hate it.” She is not a wife who hates sex, she is desperately pleading for emotional love.
This pattern slowly becomes the inner ache and becomes unbearable. And people slowly realize that the behaviour pattern or the misbehaviour of their spouse is destroying the marriage. The dreams of “living happily ever after” get dashed against the hard wall of reality.
In the context of marriage, if we do not feel loved, our differences are magnified. We come to view each other as a threat of our happiness. We fight for self-worth and significance, and marriage becomes a battlefield rather than a heaven.
Welcome to the real world of marriage, where hairs are always on the sink and little white spots cover the mirror. Where arguments centre on which channel to tune in and who will switch off the lights. It is a world where shoes do not walk to the closet, where socks do not like laundry. In this world, a look can hurt and a word can crush. Intimate lovers can become enemies and marriage a battlefield.
Because people who are “in love” lose interest in other pursuits outside of the relationship.
The state “in love” gives us the illusion that we have an intimate relationship. We feel that we belong to each other and can conquer all problems. That thinking is always fanciful. Not that we are insincere in what we think or feel, but we are unrealistic.
By nature, we are egocentric. Our world revolves around us. None of us is totally altruistic. The moment we return to the world of reality, we express ourselves. He will express his desires, but his desires will be different from hers. The illusion of intimacy evaporates, and the individual desires, emotions, thoughts, behaviour patterns take the centre stage. They fall out of love. The waves of reality begin to separate them.
At that point, either they withdraw, separate or set off in search of new “in love” experience or begin the hard work of learning to love each other without the euphoria and obsession. They understand that love is an attitude. They understand that the most basic need is not to “fall in love” but to be genuinely loved by another, to know a love that grows out of reason and choice, not instinct.
Whether or not we agree with this conclusion, those of us who have fallen in love and out of love will likely agree that experience is true.
Image source: YouTube / a still from DDLJ
From its inception, right through the realms of history, the feminist movement has brought women from around the world together in a sisterhood that binds them with the thread of their fight against the patriarchal notions of what it means to be a woman. But what about women with disabilities?
They say that nobody understands a woman more than another woman, but is that true? Do women really understand each other, or are we living in a society where feminism, a concept that claims to incorporate women of all race, caste, creed, religion and status is actually not as inclusive as it seems to be?
The Indian feminist movement claims to include all women, but it has seldom touched upon the lives of these women.
We live in a country that has a very inflexible mould of what it means to be a woman and it is safe to say disabled women do not fit in. Women are expected to be nurturers, caregivers and homemakers while women with disabilities struggle with fulfilling their own needs.
While the term ‘women’ in itself gives way to a lot of diversity, women with disability are as much of a diverse group in itself, with a wide range of impairments covered under a large umbrella that has seldom been acknowledged by feminist.
Marriage and motherhood are considered the most important milestones of a woman’s life and disabled women are more often than not assumed to be incapable of achieving either of these mileposts. Feminists often argue against these gender rules established by patriarchy for men and women.
However, disabled women might be a paradox to this argument. Marriage and motherhood may be the two important things, amongst others that they desire for themselves, simply because society has already told them they will not have these things in their life, without letting them decide for themselves.
Women’s sexuality is in itself a taboo subject and while they are seldom encouraged and highly frowned upon when they speak of bodily autonomy, women with disabilities are simply shut down when they talk about these things. This not only stems from the patriarchal urge to suppress their sexuality but from the harmful stereotypes of disabled women being asexual, undesirable and people who cannot engage in intimacy of any sort.
I have often observed a sense of astonishment in people when a disabled person brings up their feelings of wanting to experience romance. Talking about relationships as a disabled person would raise eyebrows whose height could put the Eiffel tower to shame. Crushes are acceptable to talk about but the moment marriage is mentioned, people are quick to tell disabled women that that may not be in the cards for them or worse, their parents are instructed to give exorbitant amounts of dowry so that their daughter is accepted.
There is a statistical difference in the rates of marriages amongst men and women with disabilities. Men with disabilities might easily find a girl but women with disabilities seldom across men who would love and respect them, just as they are, the way they deserve.
As a person with disability, I have experienced first hand people’s reactions whenever I have so much as dared to broach the subject of wishing that I too had experienced relationships the way they had. When I say that admission of such a simple need had people starring, sneering and awkwardly glancing here and there, as if to make sure nobody had heard me, I would definitely not be lying.
The world somehow has a hard time acknowledging that I too was capable of love and intimacy. People have often tried to cajole me by saying things such as a strong, independent woman like me doesn’t necessarily need a man or that I would be better off without the added responsibilities that come with relationships. While I somewhat agree to that notion, the silent preordained decision that society has made for me does not sit with me as an individual.
Some may argue that Indian women anyway seldom have the right to get into relationships so the reality for women with disabilities would of course be different and tougher.
The point is that women have begun to exercise their rights over their own being, because they are financially and emotionally independent, some of them have the choice and chance to swim against the tide by exercising their own free will. Women with disabilities, on the contrary, experience heightened levels of alienation, dependence and a sense of being caged, as they are forced to depend on someone to meet even the most basic of their needs.
Just like I mentioned earlier, not all people with disabilities experience life the same way and so even if some disabled women were fairly independent, an inaccessible environment further strips them of their autonomy as the ableist world tells them their impairment is the issue, and not the systematic marginalisation of an entire community.
While the world assumes that romantic partners of a person with disability somehow are ‘caregivers’ to them and are ‘stuck’ caring for them, against their own will, this is far from the truth. The world, I feel simply cannot fathom and refuses to acknowledge that partners in inter abled relationships are not forced to be with their partner, that they love them simply because they were able to see a lot more than their impairment. They were able to see the resilient, hardworking and beautiful person who simply happens to have a disability.
Another vital issue that disabled women face is the threat of intimate partner violence. Many studies have proven that women with disabilities are twice as well vulnerable to getting sexually or physically assaulted by intimate partners. In a country, that has yet to accept the idea of marital rape, intimate partner violence cases filed by women with disabilities are seldom acknowledged and rarely heard.
To conclude, I just have one question for all my readers to think about. equality of the sexes. As advocated by many feminist scholars, the right to choose a partner and to love is fundamental of every woman. Why then are women with disabilities stripped of this right? More so, why does feminism as a movement not include these women?
Image source: YouTube/ trailer of Margarita with a Straw
14th February, 2024
Dear Once-my-lover,
I am sure you must be zapped out of your wits to read the contents of this letter. I hope that this letter finds you in the best of health and spirits, now and always.
It has been almost 24 years since we met and fell in love. But to me, it feels like it was just yesterday that we met. As a young girl with stars in my eyes, I fantasized about love at first sight. Thanks to Bollywood, (SRK in particular) I was obsessed with the romance portrayed in movies. I thought our story would be one helluva ‘hit’ romantic saga.
I was sure our love story would regale people who are and who aren’t true romantics at heart. But alas! It was short-lived. You might have many questions popping out of your mind as you read. Why the necessity to write to you now after so many years?
The answer is straightforward. I, being a writer find it easier to pen down my thoughts than be vocal about them. Many thoughts have been ruminating and marinating in my mind over the years and I feel the time has come to spread the assorted platter of my thoughts before you. Once the thoughts are out of my mind, I am sure to feel lighter and happier.
Our initial days of courting now seem frivolous to me. It is only now when I give it all a thought, that I have realized we just went with the flow. Being an introvert you hardly spoke to me. You were too engrossed in your work to share mundane yet precious moments with me. I wanted to celebrate Valentine’s Day with you, every year. But for you, all these things seemed whimsical and unimportant.
You left me hopelessly disappointed.
It’s not that you didn’t give our relationship your very best but unfortunately, I felt it was never enough. If only you had asked me what I wanted! For me, love and romance mean a soft kiss and a loving hug now and then, a bar of my favourite chocolate, travel to unknown destinations, candlelight dinner, surprises, and the works. I got none of these and I kept pining for them.
Your scores were far below my expectations. I must confess you failed miserably as a lover. I don’t know when exactly we moved apart as lovers. I guess it was a slow and gradual transition.
I had no other choice but to move on in life and I, being the die-hard romantic fell in love for the second time. Yes, again! With the person hiding deep within you and whom I had failed to recognize.
I don’t remember when you stepped down from being a lover and stepped up to be my best friend, companion, and life partner. I sometimes try to recall. Was it when I had a miscarriage and you stood rock-hard by my side? Was it through the troughs and crests of my pregnancy phase? Was it in the labor ward as I was heaving and pushing amidst your encouraging words? Was it during the growing up phase of my child? Or was it during the medical procedures I had to endure? Was it when I was left with an empty nest to fend for myself? Was it when you remained calm and composed all through my hormonal upheavals? I really can’t put a finger on a particular event or time.
Just like the cold, freezing winter gradually melts into a warm spring, you changed gears and took on a new role with gusto. All my preconceived notions about love, romance, and marriage were burnt to ashes. And in its light, I could see what being together as a couple truly is. True love is balancing the chariot of life through the bumpy road of life and still enjoying the ride.
So, dear ex-lover, you have shown me the true meaning of love, not through ornate words, not by aping romantic gestures a’la Bollywood style, not by throwing surprises at me but through your warm and caring ways. Through the way, you speak with your eyes without saying a single word. Through the way, you put a protective Lakshman rekha around me and yet watch me flap my wings to fly with pride. Through the way you just let me be.
I know you care for me when you ignore my minuscule worries. You do it on purpose to make me strong and independent enough to handle myself. I know you love me when you nudge me to do things, I am not very confident, of.
Dear ex-lover, I want to thank you from the bottom of my heart for making me realize the true meaning of love. Standing up for each other, respecting each other’s likes and dislikes, and propelling one another toward their dream flight is what true love is all about. The small things you do for me every single day make every day a Valentine’s Day for me. Love is not what the eye sees and what the world perceives. Love is what the heart feels and the mind perceives.
I want you to know that, as a husband and as a companion, and my ‘bestest’ friend ever, you have passed with flying colours. Now I no longer feel the need to delve into romance on screen. When I have it for real then why go for reel?
I take this opportunity to tell you dear ex-lover and now my dearest husband that you are the best thing that ever happened to me. Every night I sleep with a smile and a prayer on my lips. I pray that I stay with you forever on this journey. If death dares to do us apart then we steer our chariot together on to another life beyond.
Happy Valentine’s Day to you today and every day!
Sealed with love,
Your loving ex-lover.
This February and March, we are publishing your stories as a #LetterToMyEx – anything that you want to say to your Ex, either as a personal letter that can be published anonymously if you want (just email us at [email protected] after you upload and submit your piece) or as fiction. You can find all these letters here.
Image source: YouTube/ a still from Astitva
I feel that women, when they reach the upper echelons of their career, are battle hardened and know how to take on almost anything that comes at them. Sexism, gender bias, micro aggressions, people talking over them, people talking down to them and the list goes on.
While I’m fortunate that I work with a progressive organisation, where there is utmost respect for all colleagues regardless of gender or sexual orientation, these are a few observations that I’ve made during my career of over 25 years, which I want to list down, just to drive greater awareness of unconscious bias against women –
So many people mark ‘To’ in an email to male colleagues, and mark ‘cc’ to female colleagues often at the same level. The message that you are sending out is that your opinion doesn’t matter, the only opinion the person wants to take on board, is the opinion of the men marked on copy.
Talking over people, cutting conversations and hurrying people along – you are communicating that only your time is important and the other person’s time isn’t.
Wen paraphrasing, taking someone else’s idea or point and making it your own, it should always be prefixed with, “As XY was saying…” so that you give credit where credit is due.
A friend, who used to program manage huge transitions was invariably asked to book cabs and meeting rooms, or worse still, complained to if something in someone’s hotel room wasn’t working properly. She wasn’t a travel coordinator, she had a huge portfolio and was a senior colleague, sometimes I wonder if she would have been asked to do these things, if she were a man.
Having different adjectives for women compared to men, to describe exactly the same attributes (ambitious versus pushy, empathetic versus emotional, decisive versus shrill, passionate versus hormonal), the list goes on.
Attributing promotions of female colleagues due to the company’s ‘diversity agenda’. Gender and merit are not interchangeable. Don’t undermine women by saying it was just their gender which got them where it did.
What can one do as a woman if you feel any of the above or others; call it out for one – it’s called ‘unconscious’ for a reason.
Don’t be intimidated or feel you have to behave in a specific manner.
If someone is talking over you, say “may I please finish”?
Don’t start sentences with, “ I’m sorry, but…” – I’ve never seen men apologising for expressing an opinion. Standing up for yourself is not being pushy, it’s being strong.
Image source: by Jacob Lund Free for Canva Pro
Valentine’s Day!
The words bring to mind roses, champagne and young love; romantic couples walking hand in hand and enjoying each other’s company, whispering sweet nothings to each other.
But the idea I had of Valentine’s Day as a child was very different. I should start by saying that the only reason I even knew about Valentine’s Day as a child was that the principal of my school was an American.
February, for us, meant that all art periods would go into making Valentines. Each student had to make at least 2 valentines; one for our parents and one for a classmate. We could make more but two was the minimum; most of us would try to make them for all our close friends.
For two weeks we would spend every art period cutting out hearts from pink and red chart paper. We would use our common art supplies to make our valentines as special as possible. We would try and hide what we were doing from our classmates so that our valentines would be more special. I remember one time a classmate got some lace from home and used that to decorate her cards. Well once we knew about it every parent had their child begging for fancy lace for school!
A big box was kept on the class teacher’s desk and we would pop our valentines in it as and when we finished them. On Valentine’s Day, it would be opened and all the cards distributed. The popular kids got more than others of course but I can’t remember any kid being left out.
It was a simpler time. The hearts we gave each other had Happy Valentine’s Day written on them, They were decorated with glitter and drawings and whatever we could manage. Valentine’s Day was about showing the people in your life how much you cared for them. It was about loving your parents, your friends and yes maybe someone special but Valentine’s Day was about all kinds of love.
Today, when I see the build-up to Valentine’s Day with Rose Day, Chocolate Day, Propose Day and whatnot I feel sad.
I feel sad because this is one more sweet and wonderful occasion that has become so commercialized that it has lost its essence.
Valentine’s Day is now only about couples. It is about being showy and ostentatious….the bigger the better.
But love …love comes from the heart and it doesn’t always need roses and chocolates or the latest deal. What it does need is trust and honesty…and occasionally an acknowledgment doesn’t hurt.
So here’s wishing everyone a happy Valentine’s Day. May your loved ones always be close to you and may you always be surrounded by happiness.
I am obsessed with romance novels and going by statistics, so are millions of other readers. For all its popularity, it is not easy to admire this genre comfortably in a public setting or on social media, thanks to the ‘trashy’ reputation that people associate romance novels with.
Hardcore readers of this genre soon realize that admitting openly to one’s love for reading romance invites judgment, snobbery, and contempt. After all, romance novels are “usually written for women by other women, on sentiment-laden topics” like love and marriage. They “don’t offer motivation like self-help books, intellectual invigoration like non-fiction, or bragging rights of reading award-winning fiction.”
They are dismissed as ‘fluff’ or derided as “giving young women unrealistic expectations.”
At a team lunch five years ago, my boss asked me what my favourite genre of books was. As a famed bibliophile (I have over 3000 books on my Goodreads, I have run Broke Bibliophiles for seven years and done two seasons of the India Booked Podcast).
I usually go with “I read all genres” when asked this, but at that moment I blurted “I enjoy reading romance novels the most” out instead. Seven pairs of eyes swivelled to me in surprise, amusement, and judgment. They could not reconcile the dissonance between my perceived sensible demeanour with the perception of ‘frivolity’ that romance novels connotate.
At my book club, where bibliophiles and thankfully not middle management meet, we discuss Murakami, Amitav Ghosh, self-help books, epic fantasy novels, or the occasional poetry or biography. If a hapless newbie were to bring an occasional romance novel for a book exchange publicly, with or without a bare-chested man holding a blonde in a tight embrace on the cover, they are swiftly judged.
This ridicule exists not just among niche communities and in private spheres but also publicly. Author and politician Stacy Abrams was mocked by Stephen Colbert on his show, with the audience joining in on the ridicule, where Stephen read out sex scenes from her novel in an interview that was supposed to be on her political career otherwise.
Most Many non-romance ‘average readers’ find traditional romance novels “ploddingly predictable”, like this amusing review I found, to which the author herself replied that the gentleman should steer clear of this genre if he doesn’t enjoy it.
Publishers too treat romances as a commodity, paperbacks to be churned out for masses like a cashier handing out burgers at a drive-in. For all the ‘light-reads’ they churn out that sell ebooks, audiobooks, and paperbacks – they transfer promotional budgets to ‘tough reading’ that will bring in awards.
Nora Roberts, the first author to be inducted into the Romance Writers of America Hall of Fame, has over 200 novels under her belt. She has only been reviewed by the New York Times only twice in her career.
Famous authors have belittled the romance genre for centuries. Nathaniel Hawthorne, who wrote The Scarlet Letter declared once that romance writers are “a damned mob of scribbling women and I should have no chance of success while the public taste is occupied with their trash.”
George Eliot described women’s writing as “frothy, prosy, pious, and pedantic.” even though she was a woman herself, she wrote more about social issues.
So, what is a romance novel then and why is Sparks right when he says he is not a romance novelist?
Romance Writers of America, a non-profit association dedicated to the interests of career-focused romance writers most current definition of the romance genre is “a central love story with an emotionally satisfying and optimistic ending.”
But, the Bridgerton books by Julia Quninn, unlike a novel by Sparks, is a romance. Even when characters are from different worlds financially ( worker Sophie versus Lord Benedict) or have challenges arising due to social circumstances to bridge (Penelope is fat and Colin the hot, eligible bachelor has more socially appropriate options) – the conflict arises due to their emotions in the book and is subsequently resolved through their emotional development, that blooms because of the romance.
Take Pride and Prejudice -– Darcy and Elizabeth have a meet-cute (or meet-hate), financial gaps, and circumstances that arise throwing them in each other’s paths. However, at the core of the story, Darcy develops an emotional attachment to Elizabeth and, in loving her, redeems himself in our eyes and hers, mutually assisted by his romantic feelings for her.
Both Bridgerton and Pride and Prejudice end on ambiguous ‘HEAs’ or ‘Happily Ever Afters’ that are brought on by the romance between the protagonist pairs, and closes only the narrative arcs of the characters realizing their love.
Compare that to Nicholas Sparks’ novels, where characters almost always have a tragic end to showcase the grand melodrama of sacrifice involved in love.
What romance novels do then is offer an emotionally sweeping experience – set anywhere, from an office to the middle of a war, during a ‘Season’ in London, or at a snowed-in holiday cabin.
This is where our characters exist. and there exists a roadblock that prevents them from being together, till it doesn’t. It could be the promotion they both wanted but later decide their love trumps the job or it could be bubbling sexual tension that they can only safely relieve after they have an emotionally vulnerable conversation when on an espionage mission.
This is not to say, that romance novels do not perpetuate evils like lack of informed consent, (common in the love-hate sub-genre where boundaries are overstepped easily) or unrealistic expectations (how many men with aquiline noses and half-grins exist?), if taken too literally.
It’s escapism. A tub of popcorn for the mind while living briefly in a cocoon of fantasy.
After all video games offer similar comforts – aspirations for a world that cannot exist, but you can briefly mentally associate with. Reading fiction, even if it is romance, has positive second-order effects like helping you write better, developing empathy, and developing an insane awareness of trivia (I once trumped someone in an open quiz in Calcutta on a tie-breaker during my college days, based on my obsessive reading of romance novels set in Britain).
Romance novels are also often scoffed for their lurid covers, and frequently discounted as female erotica, despite maybe only 5-10 pages of the novel committed to the sex scenes they carry. They then become tiny universes in which women have agency, get orgasms, and get love on their conditions in a form that men in the real (or male-written) world are yet to get around to.
Image Source: Google auto-correct, the barometer of our collective consciousness
Sexism may be a factor behind this disdain. because women form the bulk of readers of romance. Davis-Kahl alluded to this when he said in ‘The Case for Chick Lit in Academic Libraries’ that,“Romance is an intrinsically feminine genre, which creates a problem in misogynistic societies that are attempting to police women’s bodies and minds.”
Maya Rodale’s Dangerous Books for Girls: The Bad Reputation of Romance Novels and Janice Radway’s Reading the Romance, share that apparently “intellectual purists” hate romance because romance is templated. According to them, intellect relies on being contrarian, even rebellious, and sounding distinguished while doing so. That when a literary piece follows a framework (i.e., must have a HEA, a misunderstanding, and some degree of romance) it takes the agency away from the writer’s intellect and panders it to the reader’s appetite.
Commercialization also has a role to play because hell, romance novels bring in the bucks for publishing as an industry. In 2021-22 alone, romance novels generated over $1.44 billion in revenue, making it the highest-earning genre of fiction. 2/3rd of the growth contribution in the publishing industry came from romance novels. And commercially popular art always gets pulled down – be it Taylor Swift or the latest action flick.
The truth?
Most bestselling novelists in the genre are in happy marriages or relationships. Think Susan Elizabeth Philips of Chicago Stars fame – who has been married for over 25 years, or Julia Quinn, whose husband has featured in her acknowledgments more often than the phrase ‘bodice-ripper’ in a review. Closer home, Anuja Chauhan, author of The Zoya Factor, who undoubtedly writes the most refreshing women’s romantic fiction in this country, has three kids, a husband, a dog, and a house with a blue door (that I covet). Tracey Livesay, author of American Royalty and Shades of Love writes interracial romances that mirror her marriage!
If you are part of the publishing industry, most romance novels aren’t ground-breaking for you to work on. Once established, romance novels fly off the shelves with minimal effort, further reducing the role of the commercial critic or editor. Announcing a Nora Roberts release is sufficient, it doesn’t need to be on the Booker longlist.
In fact, in the 1980’s, women just pre-ordered everything from their chosen novelists because they were sure of what to expect. In 2022, you see the same trend when enthusiasts like me will mark an entire upcoming series as to-read even if the publishing date is 2 years away.
Romance novels obviously allow women to write freely about women, away from the burden of the male gaze. These novels aren’t necessarily feminist – sometimes, they pander to patriarchal structures too. Goodreads has a list of 250+ sheik romances alone!
However, irrespective of shortcomings and marriage being a recurring end-goal, these books speak to the woman who lives inside your head from a perspective that endears to a spark of emotional fulfillment and intensity that women crave.
Janice Radway found in her research that romance assures the reader of their self-worth and the ability to affect a patriarchal world., so that by the end of the novel the female readers, often mothers, feel invigorated and ready to take on the day-to-day tasks of managing the home and family.
I concur.
It is only now that I realize that I have always loved romance novels not because I like the sentimentality or the eroticism, but because it is probably the only genre that is designed to be emotionally rewarding for the reader by the writer, and the character whose voice it carries.
Take for instance, in films or society –women must become deserving of men’s social protection and love. The ugly duckling becomes a swan or the wallflower has a secretly spunky side. Women in real life are told that it becomes easier to find romance, attention, and respect in the aftermath of weight loss, dermatological visits, switching to contact lenses, becoming ‘less uptight’, and so on. Yet, in a romance novel the man must become worthy of the woman’s attention. Most often, the female protagonist is an average Jane Doe, who has quite a few redeeming qualities, just not often on display.
When men write romance, or literary heavyweights take a swing at love stories, women devolve into being shunned, branded, sacrificed, dying for a cause, jumping in front of a train, being left for another cause, and so on.
Calling romance novels ‘easy to read’ dismisses the reader’s intelligence and the writer’s effort. Calling sexually charged romance novels ‘porn’ insults the emotional relationship that readers develop with characters. Calling it ‘trash’ is the worst because you are rejecting words that examine people’s needs for love, comfort, and desire.
Since romance is so universally consistent as a genre, everyone has their universe within which they unfold the same narrative (yet again). Therefore, popular publishers like Harlequin push the same sub-genres (Christian romance, LGBTQ, time travel, gothic, steampunk, regency) over their authors so often. My favourite sub-genre for instance, is sports romance. It is also universally adaptable. Think of the hundreds of versions of Jane Austen adaptations as books alone.
So, yes, women read romance novels to escape and live in an idealized, hopeful vision of the world they would rather read. All women who read romance novels know that there are no Viscounts with six-pack abs. They also know romance novels are a safe space away from the prying, morally mansplaining gaze of men and a world that will not let them be.
Women will continue to read romance -– to escape, to entertain, to learn about love.
As a woman said in her interview with Janice Radway on why her group reads romance -– “We read books so we won’t cry.”
In a tough world, there are worse ways to seek comfort than between the pages of a paperback. Maybe it’s time we appreciate that reading for a HEA is better than not reading at all.
Ladies and gentlemen, brace yourselves. It’s that time of the year again. No, I’m not talking about tax season or the haunt of the early summer. I’m talking about International Women’s Day.
Now, before you start sharpening your pitchforks, let me clarify: I’m not against celebrating women. Heck, I’m a woman myself, and I think we’re pretty fantastic.
Ah, Women’s Day – that one day of the year where we’re supposed to don our capes, put on our high heels, and shout from the rooftops, “I am woman, hear me roar!” But as the years go by, celebrating Women’s Day seems to take a back seat, doesn’t it?
Gone are the days of dressing up in our finest attire, marching proudly in parades, and demanding equality with banners held high. Instead, we find ourselves knee-deep in chores, tackling the mountain of laundry, and wondering if anyone even remembers it’s Women’s Day.
So, what does Women’s Day look like as we age? Let’s dive into this comedy of errors:
The Costume Conundrum: Remember when Women’s Day meant dressing to the nines, with heels that could rival skyscrapers? Now, it’s more like debating between sweatpants or yoga pants – the ultimate struggle of comfort over couture.
The Emotional Rollercoaster: In our younger years, Women’s Day might have brought tears to our eyes as we reflected on the struggles and triumphs of womanhood. Now, it’s more likely to bring tears of frustration as we try to locate that missing sock or decipher the cryptic instructions on the new blender.
The Quest for Recognition: For years, we’ve attempted to make our presence felt, to demand the respect and recognition we deserve. But somehow, Women’s Day becomes just another day of cooking, cleaning, and caretaking – with a side order of “Congratulations on Being a Woman” messages after we’ve already scrubbed the kitchen floor.
The Male Colleague Epiphany: Ah, yes, the male colleagues who suddenly realize it’s Women’s Day and decide it’s the perfect opportunity to shower us with compliments and praise. For a brief moment, they tiptoe around us, afraid to say anything that might offend – until tomorrow, when it’s back to business as usual.
The Gifts (or Lack Thereof): And let’s not forget the gifts – those tokens of appreciation that often miss the mark entirely. A vacuum cleaner? Really? Because nothing says “I value you as a woman” like a household appliance.
So, as Women’s Day comes and goes, let’s take a moment to laugh at the absurdity of it all. Yes, we may not be marching in parades or attending fancy galas, but our presence – whether in sweatpants or stilettos – is still a force to be reckoned with.
But guess what? This year, I’m declaring a revolution. A revolution of comfort, of authenticity, and yes, of messy buns. Why, you ask? Because let’s face it, life’s too short for uncomfortable shoes and restrictive clothing. If I’m going to celebrate being a woman, I’m going to do it on my terms – messy bun and all.
Cheers to womanhood – I go around this time in my messy bun shunning the high heels. So there you have it, folks. The messy bun: not just a hairstyle, but a symbol of defiance, of self-expression, and of unapologetic badassery.
So this Women’s Day, I invite you to join me in embracing the messy bun revolution. Throw on your comfiest sweats, toss your hair up in a bun, and let’s show the world that being a woman is messy, beautiful, and absolutely fabulous.
And to those who still don’t quite understand the true essence of Women’s Day? Well, there’s always next year.
In life, we all chase dreams and goals. Sometimes, we may be just trying to survive. From time to time, we need motivation to move forward despite life’s hardships. When things get tough and no way out seems visible, encouragement can help. Especially, if it comes from someone who has faced life’s gruelling realities. They can boost confidence and fill us with new strength and vigour. This is exactly what these women motivational speakers do.
Their talks are filled with personal anecdotes of struggles and failures. Yet, they also share their eventual success. Their goal? To offer hope and encourage listeners to keep fighting, no matter how often they fall.
Here, we list 18 inspiring Indian women motivational speakers. Their stories of passion and perseverance can motivate many.
Laxmi, an acid attack survivor, has emerged as a powerful advocate for women’s rights and safety. She is widely recognized for her efforts to end the sale of acid in India through her campaign, aptly named Stop Acid Sale.
In recognition of her work, she has been honoured with prestigious accolades. These include the International Women Empowerment Award from the Ministry of Women and Child Development, the Ministry of Drinking Water and Sanitation, and UNICEF. Additionally, she has received the International Women of Courage award from Michelle Obama, and the esteemed Mother Teresa Award.
Priya Kumar is not only one of the women motivational speakers but also an accomplished author. She has penned 16 inspirational books, with her first, License to Live, winning the Eric Hoffer Award (2012). An impressive 44 prestigious international awards decorate her career.
With 28 years of experience, she’s a veteran in corporate training and has delivered motivational talks in 51 countries. Interestingly, she also operates a YouTube channel devoted to motivation, covering themes like overcoming negativity, personal branding, and goal achievement.
Her work consistently echoes her belief: “The universal law still holds-The best man wins; the strongest survives. Be both.”
Shivani Verma, widely known as BK Shivani, is one of the most respected women motivational speakers and spiritual leader. She’s linked with the Brahma Kumaris World Spiritual Organization, delivering talks that aid individuals in navigating life’s physical, mental, and emotional challenges.
Not only does she address topics like stress, depression, and addiction, but she also travels worldwide to interact directly with people. Her efforts were recognized by the Government of India, which awarded her the Nari Shakti Puraskar in 2019.
Pallavi Malani is a Life coach and trains people and organisations to excel and succeed. She has organized more than 100 workshops and trained 2000+ people. She specialises in emotional intelligence training and believes in bringing about a change in the thought processes of her clients.
For her, team spirit is the biggest asset that a person can bring on board. She has more than 10 accolades to her name including the Transformational Women Leader Award by International Inspirational Women Awards, 2022.
She always tells people, “Give yourself a chance to fail, to finally succeed.”
Vinita Bali is a global leader and strategy advisor. She has vast experience of leading top companies like Coca-Cola, Cadbury and Britannia across multiple countries.
Her talks mostly aim at encouraging women to strive to make a place for themselves in the intrinsically male-dominated business industry and also motivate youth to take up entrepreneurial ventures.
Radhika Gupta, the MD and CEO of Edelweiss Mutual Fund, is highly recognized for her substantial contributions to investment and asset management. As a testament to her exemplary work, she has been honored with several awards, including the ET 40 under 40 Business Leaders Award. Additionally, the World Economic Forum has acknowledged her as a Young Global Leader.
Passionate about financial education, Radhika frequently takes the stage at motivational sessions, podcasts, and corporate events. Furthermore, she often intertwines these discussions with matters of mental health and body positivity, generously sharing her personal experiences.
True to her nature she claims- “Be aggressive enough in business that you don’t sleep during the day, but conservative enough that you don’t have sleepless nights.”
Chhavi Rajawat is the first Indian woman sarpanch with a MBA degree and is also reported to be the youngest person to hold the office of sarpanch in the country. She left her well paying corporate job to go back and contribute to the development of her ancestral village Soda in Rajasthan.
As Sarpanch she worked to bring facilities like water, toilets, solar power and paved roads to the village. She strongly believes that in order for India to become a developed country, massive changes in India’s developmental strategies are needed.
After losing one leg in a train accident, Arunima Sinha went on to become the world’s first female amputee to climb Mt. Everest and later on also the highest peaks of Africa, Europe, Australia, South America, North America and Antarctica.
As one of the women motivational speakers, she aims to inspire people to rise above all disabilities and adversities and fulfil their dreams to their heart’s desire. She has been awarded the Padma Shri and the Tenzing Norgay National Adventure Award by the Indian Government.
In 2021, Harnaaz Sandhu made headlines when she was crowned Miss Universe, becoming only the third Indian to achieve this honor. Notably, she is a staunch advocate for women’s empowerment, women’s rights, and equality.
Moreover, she actively addresses these issues, while also emphasizing the importance of self-acceptance, self-love, and body positivity. In her inspiring words, she often reminds us, “To know that you are unique makes you beautiful.”
Sairee Chahal is the founder of Shreroes, a platform that supports women entrepreneurs and Mahila Money, a community neobank for women. Her life’s goal is to increase the participation of women in the economy and GDP creation and she considers internet to be the most powerful tool for bringing about this change. She also serves on the board of directors of Paytm Payments Bank and Milaan Foundation.
Dia Mirza, an Indian actress, is a vocal advocate for women’s issues, environmental protection, and animal rights. Her affiliations extend to prominent organizations such as PETA, CRY, Save The Children, and Wildlife Trust of India (WTI).
Notably, she has held the position of UN Environment’s Goodwill Ambassador and was appointed as an advocate for the UN’s Sustainable Development Goals. Furthermore, Mirza has collaborated with the UN to raise awareness about female education and women’s rights.
Mithali Raj is a former Indian cricketer and captain of the Indian cricket team. Her talks aim to inspire young girls to take up sports as a career. She herself became a role model for many girls wishing to play cricket professionally but were hesitant about it because of the stigmas and stereotypes attached to cricket as a sport for girls. Raj has played a pivotal role in popularising cricket as a viable career option for girls making her a household name in the country.
Vineeta Singh is an entrepreneur and the co-founder and CEO of SUGAR cosmetics. She aims to inspire girls to break all bonds and take up entrepreneurship. Being a shark on Shark Tank India for three consecutive seasons has made her extremely popular among young girls in the country and therefore a major source of motivation. She has given multiple Tedx talks on building a company and achieving success.
Deepali Naair is a strategist marketer and has held leadership positions with brands like Mahindra, L&T, Tata, HSBC, IBM and currently serves as CMO at the CK Birla Group. She is frequently invited to speak at technology and digital forums across the country and abroad and emphasises the importance of women to take up entrepreneurial roles and leadership positions. She has also been a jury member numerous times for AdClub’s EMVIES, EFFIES, and ABBYs.
An Indian actress known for trailblazing a significant shift in the depiction of women in Hindi cinema, Vidya Balan has an impressive portfolio. Her roles, often critically acclaimed, showcase headstrong female characters that defy traditional portrayals of female leads.
To her credit, she has won seven Filmfare Awards and one National Film Award. In 2019, the Indian Government recognized her contributions to cinema and awarded her the Padma Shri. Not just an actress, Vidya is also vocal about humanitarian causes and women’s empowerment.
As an accomplished Indian actress and producer, Priyanka Chopra has undoubtedly made her mark on a global scale. She has been featured in Time’s 100 most influential people in the world list, and she also graced Forbes’ list of World’s 100 Most Powerful Women.
Furthermore, in 2022, she was included in the prestigious BBC 100 Women list. Beyond being a film star, Priyanka is a vocal advocate for social issues such as the environment and women’s rights.
Particularly, she is outspoken about gender equality, the gender pay gap, and the importance of education, especially for girls. In her role as UNICEF’s Goodwill Ambassador for child rights in 2010 and 2016, she effectively used her platform to inspire young girls to strive for their aspirations, breaking all bonds.
Through her speeches, she consistently aims to encourage and motivate young girls to exercise their agency and reach for their dreams.
Born in 1958, Chetna Gala Sinha is a renowned Indian social entrepreneur. She has spent her career empowering women in rural India, equipping them with entrepreneurial skills and access to resources.
She established the Mann Deshi Mahila Sahakari Bank, which holds the distinction of being India’s first bank for and by rural women. In addition to this, she founded the Mann Deshi Foundation, an organization that runs business schools, operates community radio, and supports the micro-enterprises of rural women. The Government of India recognized her contributions by awarding her the Nari Shakti Puraskar.
Not just an entrepreneur, Chetna is also part of the Gender Equality Advisory Council (2022) and the BRICS Women’s Business Alliance. Through her speeches, she focuses on promoting women’s empowerment, financial independence for women, and broader social development.
Supriya Paul, the co-founder and CEO of Josh Talks, has created a unique platform that invites speakers from diverse backgrounds such as activists, entrepreneurs, and academics to share their inspirational journeys. These stories serve to motivate and encourage others.
In addition to her work with Josh Talks, she has also authored a book titled ‘All You Need is Josh: Stories of Courage and Conviction in 21st-century India’. Furthermore, she frequently engages audiences at motivational forums where she centers her discussions around women empowerment, gender equality, and success.
These extraordinary women motivational speakers in India have effectively utilized their social standing, popularity, and platforms to support and champion the cause of women empowerment. Consequently, they serve as role-models for thousands of girls waiting to conquer the world.
I happened to read Anupama’s When Padma Bani Paula a few years ago and fully enjoyed Anupama’s light hearted way of highlighting ageism. The book, with its strong regional roots, showcased the challenges that a conservatively brought up Padma faces right up to the day of her wedding. And now Anupama is back to narrate another phase of Padma’s life … and how!
Seven years after reinventing herself and marrying Varun, Padma aka Paula is bent on rocking the boat of her blissful wedded life with her mid life crisis.
Our heroine is constantly overwhelmed, fussing about her work and fails to acknowledge her husband and all that he does for her. She annoys the reader so much, which is when you realise she is doing what a ‘normal’ husband in an Indian household does.
Forgetting her spouse’s birthday, been completely absorbed in herself, trying to explain her husband’s work to him, getting friendly with an ex … Padma does it all with panache. And to top it all, Padma is an emotional wreck. She knows no boundaries, meddles in other’s affairs and is unable to deal with her emotions when things go downhill. All the while, our heart goes out to Varun. He is forever patient and understanding, a docile and generous husband and doting father at home. Basically he is this dream of a guy who reminds you a lot of the daily soap heroines that the audience roots for.
Enter Rohit and Jo, a modern couple who stir the pot and add fuel to the burning fire of this dilapidated marriage. Does Padma redeem herself and save her marriage? Or does she choose to divorce and end a broken relationship?
Anupama portrays her characters brilliantly, taking you on an emotional ride with the story. Padma comes across as a perfect anti-hero just by living her life. She makes you laugh out aloud and then think deeply by being just so full of herself every moment of the book.
Read it with an open mind and prepared to be surprised by Padma, who is more than a handful for everyone dealing with her. Also, kudos to Anupama for writing Varun, a sensitive man who also comes with his flaws – a shining example of Men Written by Women.
Published here first.
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