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“Mmmmm”, she said when the aroma of the piping hot brinjal sambhar wafted into her nose. As the super thin layer of oil from the tadka summersaulted seconds before she turned the stove off, her eyes were gleaming, as though they had been coated with a layer of the very same oil. She was practically salivating by the time the finely chopped coriander leaves were strewn all over.
However, unfortunately, there was a hierarchy that the family followed while eating. As expected, the entitled husband would eat first. Next in line were the sons. After the men’s appetites were satiated, the daughters and their grandmother would eat. Lastly, after ensuring that every member of the family had their fill, the scraps would be consumed by the daughter-in-law, whose wrinkled palms would have prepared the entire meal to begin with.
Now, that day wasn’t any different.
She stared at the pot longingly, as every family member ate to their heart’s content and went to wash their hands. Though grappling with hunger, she patiently waited for her turn. Ultimately, at the end of it, all that she had been left with was some cold rice, clumped together. There was no trace of the sambhar. Just a few dal stains on the sides of the vessel from the splattering that had happened while SHE had cooked. She wasn’t allowed to complain about it because that would just make her a selfish wife and a bad mother, wouldn’t it? Wasn’t she supposed to be the re-incarnation of Annapoorni, goddess of food and nourishment? Wasn’t she supposed to continually nourish, even at the cost of her own health?
The protagonist of this story wasn’t assigned a name because she isn’t one woman. She is representative of almost every woman who married into an Indian household. She is every woman who has sacrificed her meal to make sure her family goes to sleep well-fed. But the question is, why do we glorify the starvation of women? Why do we not make her meals, her dietary requirements and her culinary desires a priority?
Indian people have a very vibrant relationship with food, with every region serving its own cuisine. From lip-smacking ‘Pazham Pori’ in Kerala to ‘Khar’ in Assam, our cuisine goes way beyond the stereotypical butter chicken and naan.
Indian gastronomy at its finest can be experienced during festivals. Modaks for Ganesha, seedai for Krishna, a myriad of sweets like pedas and laddus for Diwali, biryani for Ramzan and plum cake for Christmas. Families are all smiles on these holidays since they get to relax and devour delicacies that they have been craving all year.
But wait, is everyone really all smiles? What about those women in the kitchen who toil away from 4 a.m.? Though forced to exude joy on these auspicious days, women have been required to slog and stay mum in order to fulfil the desires of the rest of the family. Shouldn’t festivals mean a good time for everyone? This deprivation of comfort and pleasure on grounds of gender must come to an end.
Discrimination pertaining to cooking starts at a very tender age. Girls are always told,” Start learning to cook now such that your in-laws don’t complain about your upbringing after you get married!” A healthier alternative to this would be to teach everyone, irrespective of gender, to cook since it is a rather essential life skill.
Why do we not see men frying vadas in the oil commercials on TV? Why do we only see moms feeding their children? In a very popular ad for instant breakfast food mixes, we see a woman with SIX arms, asking all her family members what they want to eat. “Dosa! Upma! Rava Idly! Vada!”, they all exclaim authoritatively, after which the woman scurries into the kitchen and uses her SIX arms to cater to all their needs using the brand’s line of instant mixes.
Ads of this kind are problematic on so many levels.
Firstly, why does a woman have to cater to the needs of each family member? Why are the other members of the family not pitching in? Even assuming a case of division of household labour wherein the woman is only assigned the duty of breakfast preparation (which we know is probably not the case), why are we extoling a woman who does so much work to the point where six arms are required for the actual completion of her task? Wasn’t the purpose of the product to make people’s lives easier? Why can we not just let women do whatever they can and want to, with the two hands that they have? The trope that women are better multitaskers is just a farce used to subject women to an increasing number of domestic chores.
Another less explored aspect is something that I myself was unaware of till I spoke to my friend’s mother. On days when she makes dosas, rotis or pooris, by the time she is done cooking for everyone, when it is finally her turn to eat, she feels nauseated from having smelled the item for so long while standing in the kitchen. Her appetite is curtailed and hence, she eats less than what she otherwise would have eaten.
Statistically, women are shown to have more lifestyle related disorders such as obesity when compared to men. This is because between juggling their careers and catering to their families’ whims and fancies, they barely get any time to focus on themselves. Women have also been the ones bearing most of the brunt of fat shaming and skinny shaming. They are shamed for eating a lot because for some odd reason only men are allowed to eat a lot. Yet, they are also supposed to eat enough to remain curvy, because who wants a skinny bride? Double standards aren’t new to women, but they must be eradicated.
Food is an integral component of our lives as humans as it plays a key role in our sustenance. So why limit the task of preparing it to one gender? When we see many male chefs blow people’s minds away at Michelin star restaurants, why not teach our sons the art of cooking? Whether one likes to cook or not is a personal choice. However, no one should be forced to cook day in day out while the other people just sit back and relax. The Indian woman’s relationship with food must be healed. Let her unleash her tastebuds and venture into a ‘teekha golgappa’ challenge like Taani did in ‘Rab Ne Bana Di Jodi’! Let her surrender to the mouth-watering taste of roadside bread pakora like Shruthi from ‘Band Baaja Baaraat’!
Image source: a still from The Great Indian Kitchen
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In the digital age, where every day introduces us to new phrases and terminologies, the terms “alpha male” and “sigma male” have been making the rounds, particularly among the younger generation. Intrigued by their frequent use, I delved into the online realm to decipher the true meaning behind these concepts, only to find myself confronted with a rather unsettling reality.
One of the initial search results defined an alpha male as “a male animal having the highest rank in a dominance hierarchy.” However, the deeper I delved, the more apparent it became that this definition merely scratched the surface. Articles with titles like “The Alpha Male Explained: 9 True Signs That You Are an Alpha Male” aimed to glorify this archetype, portraying it as strong, confident, assertive, and in control of its environment. According to these narratives, an alpha male possesses the ability to lead, motivate, and inspire, all while maintaining power over his peers.
A parallel narrative emerged in discussions about the dichotomy between alpha and sigma males. Alphas were characterized as extroverted, traditional, and aggressive, while sigmas were portrayed as individuals who kept to themselves, thought outside the box, and maintained a calm disposition.
However, my curiosity was not merely academic. It was sparked by real-life instances, such as my queer brother’s encounters with his younger sibling, who, in heated arguments, identified himself proudly as an “alpha male.” This revelation prompted me to question the implications of such self-identifications, especially when used as tools for dominance, aggression, and, in some cases, as weapons against personal identity.
The articles I perused seemed to invest considerable effort in presenting the alpha male concept in a positive light, rooted in tradition and strength. Yet, as I pondered the experiences of my brother and observed the behaviours of many teenage boys in our neighbourhood, a sense of discomfort began to settle in.
The question that naturally arises is whether these self-proclaimed alpha males, particularly among the younger generations, truly embody positive personality traits. Are they really the leaders, motivators, and inspirations that the articles claim? Or are they unwittingly perpetuating toxic ideals that could prove detrimental to the future they are set to inherit?
As we examine the mentality fostered by the alpha male label, a troubling pattern emerges. The bravado, dominance, and aggression associated with this archetype may not be conducive to building a progressive society. In fact, it raises concerns about the potential reinforcement of regressive norms that prioritize power dynamics over empathy and understanding.
The discomfort intensifies when we consider the impact on future generations. What kind of society are we nurturing when young minds are indoctrinated with the belief that being an alpha male equates to success and superiority? Is this the blueprint for a future where collaboration, diversity, and understanding take a backseat to outdated notions of dominance?
In a society already grappling with regressive norms perpetuated by patriarchy, the emergence of ideals like “alpha male” and “sigma male” is compounding the challenges faced by both men and women, including trans individuals. These notions, often celebrated in the name of tradition, pose a threat to the hard-fought battles for equality, equity, and feminism.
What happened to us – as a society, that we are in the point of such discomfort and helplessness? What has contributed so much to these ideas that younger generations are being dragged to make it a lifestyle.
Sure, movies & entertainment industry has a fair share in it as they promote content with exaggerated relationship dynamics, glorify dominance and submission, and often portray violence and foul language, making it look ‘cool’ – a statement of being ‘a real man’ ! However, the question persists: can media content truly cause enough harm?
Well, it can indeed! The answer would have been different had the question been asked 15 years ago. In the booming digital era, content is not only easily accessible but also consumed incessantly. With the great power to access them, there is so little scope for guidance and discretion. As a result, algorithms are winning, and content is being crafted with similar genres and storylines, while alternate perspectives are losing, with no room for interpretation regarding problematic but cool ideas like ‘being an alpha male’.
The exploration of the “alpha male” and “sigma male” concepts reveals a complex and problematic landscape, especially within the younger generations. The examination of the alpha male mentality reveals troubling patterns – a reinforcement of regressive norms that prioritize power dynamics over empathy and understanding.
Initiatives to raise awareness, promote critical thinking, and encourage open dialogue about these stereotypes are crucial. Education systems should emphasize emotional intelligence, empathy, and inclusivity. Media literacy programs can equip individuals, especially the younger generation, with the tools to critically assess the content they consume.
Furthermore, fostering positive role models and diverse representations in the media can challenge the narrow and harmful ideals perpetuated by the alpha male myth. As a member of the society, the content creators should also be held accountable and create content to actively engage in dismantling these regressive norms and promote a culture that values collaboration, diversity, and understanding over outdated notions of dominance.
The Indian government sells its slogan “Beti Bachao, Beti Padhao” to its innocent women to gain the vote bank of the female population. It is the biggest farce and hypocrisy sold by the Indian government to its women. The Indian government is racist, and nepotistic and favours only minority women.
I started my career in US MNCs in India 20 years ago after my post-graduation in America in 2003. I have seen the politics, male dominance and favouritism by the Indian and US management in India-based US MNCs. For middle-class families education is the only weapon that can help you keep your finances going throughout your life. So we were sold the dream of an American education by people who told us that it would be an investment.
However, after started working in India, I have been earning only peanuts in US MNCs where I have been subjected to bullying, ridicule, mental and sexual harassment and degrading treatment. I have been subjected to threats, intimidation and forced resignations. The IT management doesn’t consider degrees for job-related purposes. They only focus on skills. Then why does America sell the idea of studying at a US university to gullible middle-class Indians?
America’s policies are only invested in bringing in International students because they help the US economy and not retain International employees. India’s policies are only invested in bringing up the backward classes and minorities.
My parents have been cheated out of their savings and I have been cheated out of IT MNCs.
The other day I was pleasantly surprised to read a post on distant BFFs on this very forum. I was even more delighted to discover how her experience appeared similar to what I had undergone. Therefore I decided to pen down my sentiments here as well.
Suvajit went to the same kindergarten as me. We were of the same age born a few months apart. He resided in the same neighbourhood as me. Since our families were acquainted with each other, were left free to play, romp, or fool around. I am reminded of “Seasons in the Sun” a famous pop song of yesteryears “ Together we climbed the hills and trees, skinned our hearts and skinned our knees; learnt of love in ABC…” And then it was time to move on.
My father a banker was posted in the national capital. Suvajit’s dad got transferred to Patna. We parted ways promising to keep in touch through letters. And trust me we did. Decades later, after we had grown up and finished our studies, Suvajit found a lucrative job, married, and settled down in Kolkata. As for me I married a local guy and stayed put in Delhi. Importantly, we dutifully invited each other to our weddings and dispatched gifts befitting the occasion. Later when each of us became a parent we kept each other posted about the new arrivals, not forgetting to exchange baby pictures.
Now settled into blissful matrimony, roaring households, and grown-up kids we maintain constant touch over the phone and yes – you guessed it right- WhatsApp.
A few years ago when Suvajit was diagnosed with cancer I was shell-shocked. Accompanied by the partner I flew in to be beside him. Early detection, coupled with his fighting spirit, and unwavering confidence helped him to conquer the lethal ailment. I can’t thank the Almighty enough for this.
In the next chapter of my life which unfolded in Delhi, I became friends with Prema who was in the same grade. We lived close by, rode the same bus to school, played together after school, and walked in and out of our homes. After three years Prema’s Dad an army engineer got posted in Jabalpur, Pune, and Goa consecutively. Thereafter we never lived in the same place again but maintained constant touch in diverse ways.
Since my family was fond of travelling we made elaborate plans and visited her at each of these stations. Through our adolescence and youth, we developed identical tastes in music, literature, and politics. Medical profession and matrimony later she now lives in Tamil Nadu. During moments of agony or turmoil, we have ears and shoulders for one another. I received the greatest testimony of her loyalty when, a few months ago, amidst a deep economic crisis I appealed to her for aid. Without a single query, she dispatched the amount which was far more than what I had asked for!
Summing up I feel that where bonds of trust, mutual understanding, and faith are unshakable physical distance does not matter.
The much awaited Sexual Harassment of Women at Workplace (Prevention, Prohibition and Redressal) Act, 2013 came into effect on 9th December 2013, better known as The POSH Act.
By now most of us know that this Act came into existence with the objective of creating a safe workplace which is free from any form of Sexual Harassment for women. With the rising movement and awareness happening around, more women from workplaces are speaking up and reporting about such instances which they had to face. Both men and women in the organization are now aware that the Government of India has set up a mechanism which is mandatory to be followed by every organization. But these awareness campaigns and sessions are seen to be confined within the organized sector only.
The scope of POSH Act extends towards the organized as well as the unorganized sector.
Those working with the organized sector i.e. a formal company or office setup with 10 or more number of employees are being informed and made aware about the provisions of the Act since it has become legally mandatory for the organizations. Sadly the same is not the case with women or anyone working in un-organized sector.
Sexual Harassment is not limited within offices or a setup with large number of employees. There are a large number of women working as domestic help, food stall vendors, cleaners etc. who do not work in a formal set-up. These are women working in societies, local stores and other small set-ups who are not even aware that there is a separate provision and mechanism in case they face any kind of Sexual Harassment at their place of work.
None of them are aware that there is a dedicated Local Complaints Committee (LCC) and a District officer who register complaints as well as carries out the enquiry process with regard to Sexual Harassment at workplace.
One of the major advantages of having a Local Complaints Committee in every taluka for such cases is that there won’t be any delay in enquiry and relief process. Unaware about such provisions these women either do not speak up about it to anyone or approach the local police who might already be loaded with other critical cases and might find it hard to conduct the enquiry as fast as the LCC.
Even though the Act states that it covers women working in un-organized sector too, the awareness is yet to reach them. How are they supposed to make use of the provisions made for them when they don’t even know about it?
Unlike the organized sector the societies or even the local authorities are not subject to being penalized for not conducting awareness training among those working for them or among the community.
One of many loopholes of the Act is that nobody is held responsible for creating awareness among the unorganized sector. In such an existing scenario, how is this Act actually covering women working across sectors in the country as it claims? While it is appreciated that the government has taken bigger steps and turned Vishakha Guidelines from 1997 into the POSH Act in 2013 there also remains a concern that the un-organized sector workers are still unaware about it.
Image source: a still from the film Sir
Just finished watching ‘Mast Mein Rehne Ka’ this weekend – a film that brilliantly blends quirkiness with heartwarming moments! Jackie Shroff and Neena Gupta shine as the soul of this slice-of-life story. Apart from the excellent storyline and acting, one scene particularly caught my attention. Neena Gupta’s character, under the common misconception that all South Indians are ‘Madrasi,‘ amusingly fails to realize that Jackie Shroff’s character hails from Karnataka, leading to her endearingly referring to him as the “Madrasi of Karnataka.”
The scene was undeniably humorous, and it was clear that any unintentional offense was far from the filmmakers’ minds. Nevertheless, it brought to mind that this is not the first instance where Bollywood has attempted to stereotype South Indians.
Indian Cinema has been greatly influential in our society ever since its evolution. Be it fashion trends, larger-than-life wedding set-ups, family gatherings or even general perceptions, Bollywood has shaped our thinking and way to look out at things. The film industry, often criticized for perpetuating cultural stereotypes, has occasionally portrayed South Indian characters in a manner that oversimplifies and distorts their diverse and rich culture.
Unconsciously, over the years, Bollywood has succeeded to fool our minds into believing certain stereotypes that still reside in our minds. From ‘Masterji’ in Padosan to SRK eating Noodles and curd, Bollywood has often stereotyped south Indians and never bothers to do some research.
Here is some stereotypical portrayal of South Indians by our Bollywood movies:
Bollywood mainly showcases South India Men in a lungi (a garment wrapped around the waist and extending to the ankles) with a white horizontal tilak on the forehead. Makers tend to confuse it with ‘Veshtis’, a more formal type of cultural wear commonly worn at weddings.
If Bollywood is to be believed, all South Indian women only wear heavy Kanjivaram saree with jasmine flowers pinned in their long braids and of course, the tilak is omnipresent on their forehead too. But in reality, they lead lifestyles no different from the women in the North and are styled in modern clothing too.
Think Mithun Chakrabarti’s cringeworthy accent in the movie ‘Agneepath’ or Deepika Padukone’s accent in the movie ‘Chennai Express’. Why couldn’t any of the South Indian characters speak the proper language? Rather, South Indian states like Kerala and Tamil Nadu are among the highest-ranking English-speaking states in India. So, Bollywood please stop faking the accent!!
Eating non-vegetarian food is made a big deal in Bollywood movies as shown in the movie “Meenakshi Sundareshwarar”. South Indian cuisine is not only about idli, sambar, dosa or vada. Why doesn’t anyone ever mention Pongal or poriyal or even chicken 65? Yes!! South Indians are fond of non-veg too.
It’s high time, one should refresh their Geography knowledge and should know that there are five separate states in South India, each speaking a different language. Not to mention, Bollywood has always chosen to portray the ‘upper castes’ but there is more in the region. Not all are “Brahmins”.
Stop making Rajinikanth references all the time, not every South Indian is obsessed with him. This is the most ridiculous stereotype Bollywood movies think that people from South India keep a photo of Rajinikanth along with the deities in the house temple.
Pick any South Indian-centered movie, one can surely find Carnatic music played in the background. Please, there is more to music in the South than just one tune and people equally admire modern music.
Though one would love to be called so, not all people from South India can pull off a perfectly choreographed Bharatanatyam or a Kuchipudi dance.
Even though South India has some of the best universities, believe us, it is quite easy to find someone here who cares a lot more about movies, fashion and bikes than exams. But Bollywood is always interested in showcasing all South Indians as serious and over-smart.
As per Bollywood, every South Indian utters words like ‘amma’, ‘appa’, ‘ayyo’ ‘murugana’ etc at least once in a sentence. Please don’t believe this. It’s not true and there is no such phrase as ‘enna rascala’ in any South Indian language.
‘South Indian culture’ refers to the culture of the states of Andhra Pradesh, Kerala, Karnataka, Tamil Nadu and Telangana. So, imagine the diversity of culture, customs and cuisine. And people must understand that South India is a generic term and they all are not the same, just as all North Indians are not the same. I think it’s high time for Bollywood to stop stereotyping South Indians because what they portray has nothing to do with real life. And yes! If someone is South Indian doesn’t mean they are MADRASI!
Zoya, your perspectives are so relatable and modern that sometimes I feel you are my alter-ego. Your comments and observations through your movies are finely nuanced yet relevant. You are so immensely gifted in your craft and express your observations with such subtlety that anyone might well choose to ignore them as simple humour. Be it the sarcasm around the snobbery of the uber-rich through ‘Bagwati’ in ZNMD or the frustrated, social commentary through the character of Safeena in Gully Boy – the list is endless.
Your movies have always been a delight as well as a revelation.
Kho Gaye Hùm Kahan is the latest to join this elite bandwagon. By now, we all know the main plot and the journey of the characters. The movie showcases serious issues of child abuse, family traumas, celebrity trolling, online stalking, nepotism, and so on.
However, in this letter, I shall focus on the subtle commentaries made by you throughout the movie. And like a master craftsman, these commentaries make less noise but create a heavy impact.
You pick up the-bogus-Bollywood-theory of – ‘ladka-ladki dost nahi ban sakte’ and shatter it to the core by showing this intimate, sensitive bonding of three childhood friends – Ahana, Imaad and Neil. These kids representing different religious backgrounds cannot be just ‘luck by chance’. Rather, their varied backgrounds question the stereotyped religious portrayals and uphold pure friendship – bereft of any prejudices. What a masterstroke, Zoya!
As the kids devise their idea of a startup, Imaad gleefully says – ‘Iss dosti ko rishtedari mein badalte hain’. (Let us change this friendship into a family relationship). Once again, you brilliantly use this hackneyed Bollywood trope signalling marriages to indicate a new business venture, a partnership among friends, and a career turnaround. Such a refreshing take Zoya!
Ahana – the only girl in the gang – has the strongest business acumen among them. This is something we saw in Dil Dhadakne Do – where Ayesha (played by Priyanka Chopra) was way smarter than Kabir (played by Ranveer Singh). This time, it is done very casually and unlike Ayesha, everyone here accepts and accolades Ahana’s smartness. Zoya, what a joy it is to see such driven female characters on screen!
Malaika Arora is shown as the ultimate fitness freak and it’s about time that everyone respects this helluva woman for her insane discipline. She comes across as NOT ONLY SEXY but disciplined, warm and strong. Zoya – How I love you for this!!
And that scene where Ahana’s Mum asks her to not go after Rohan and focus on the start-up – felt so liberating. I hope every mother backs their daughter’s career. After all, financial independence is the crux of female empowerment! Zoya, this validation is the need of the hour!
Kho Gaye Hum Kahan leaves you content and hopeful. The gaze is so humane and progressive, never trying to label the characters, but focusing on their traumas and their inner journeys to redemption.
Zoya, keep telling your stories and keep sharing your insights. We need more like you!
A few gems from the movie –
‘This generation does not know the difference between need and want’.
‘Those who have friends, don’t need followers’.
Profound!
Thank You, Zoya Akhtar!
I saw Vikrant Massey for the first time in Balika Vadhu. He was Shyam, a guy interested in Sugana, who became a widow on her wedding day. Sugana was a very popular character. The show which was fun to watch had suddenly became sad. The audience did not want to see Sugana suffer. The whole of India was rooting for Shyam to be a genuinely nice and broad- minded guy who would bring happiness back in Sugana’s life.
Something about the face and demeanour of this man exudes sincerity, goodness, innocence and integrity.
Definitely, 12th fail has good writing, good direction, good support cast, good everything but I have to say it worked the way it did because of Vikrant Massey who plays the protagonist, Manoj. You feel awful when he loses his money. You cheer when he succeeds because even though you know life is unfair, you still want to believe that good things happen to good people.
I read a lot of posts from misogynist platforms on how men need women like Shraddha who told Manoj that she would marry him whether he becomes an IPS officer or works in an Atta chakki unlike most women who are gold diggers.
*Slight spoiler alert*
There is a scene in the movie in which Pritam Pandey tells Manoj that Shraddha will leave him if he fails just like his girlfriend did because “women don’t want losers.”
A few scenes ago, the same guy Pritam had yelled at his girlfriend and rudely reacted ,”To Kya main nachoon” (so should I dance?) when she tells him that she passed the exam. This guy does not realize that the woman may have left him because he was rude, disrespectful, jealous, and non supportive of her. It’s funny how men think women almost always leave them because they don’t have money and not because of their behaviour/actions.
Pritam Pandey wanted to be on TV. He was never interested in UPSC. Yet, he wasted so many years trying for it.
This is very common with a lot of students in India who forcefully study something they don’t like for whatever reasons. Please remember – if you hate studying something, you are probably going to hate doing it as work for the rest of your life too. Save yourself.
And finally the message and inspiration from the movie that we all need – No matter where you are today, no matter what your circumstances are , you can always dream, and work towards a better future. It is never a bad time to restart.
I remember being clueless as to why am I even reading about Shivaji Maharaj, The Mughuls, Lord Mountbatten and some other prominent names. For us students it was just about mugging up their stories from all the chapters and scoring marks. We were given a set of important questions and the corresponding answers. The important sentences were marked in the textbooks. We just had to make sure that we memorise it thoroughly as it is and put it down on the paper. That was it. We didn’t know the purpose. We didn’t think about the purpose. We were kids! We were never supposed to think but only follow instructions. None of the parents even questioned this kind of study or education pattern. For most parents the aim was to put their children through school and college which many of them couldn’t get it for themselves. They just knew that their kids had to score the best marks to get admission for further studies. 10 years of schooling and (not to forget) 3 Montessori years, just to make memorizing a practice to score marks.
As years went on after my formal education then I started to think – What did I miss? I missed the learnings behind every story in each chapter. I missed to check the details and analyse about what could have been done to avoid the losses we had in history. I missed to think about what can be done to avoid any such losses in the future and do things in a better way. I missed the message history wanted to convey. I missed practicing and developing my own ability to think.
I would not say that by the time I realized it was too late. But I did miss the train at the right time.
Education has been defined by many prominent authors and world bodies. Though the words used in each might be different all of them are inclined towards developing oneself to be able to think. There is a difference between being literate and being educated. I understand that we were pushed to being literate but were we being educated enough?
I wish somebody had asked me that what would have I done if I had been in place of Netaji Subhash Chandra Bose or Mahatma Gandhi or Shaheed Bhagat Singh. Would I have done something different? Or if I concur with the decisions that were made back then. I am aware that asking me these questions would not have changed the history but atleast it would have made me to start thinking. It would have made our generation to start thinking, analysing and having our own perception since the right phase.
-Wrote by Amruta
Bollywood star Aamir Khan’s daughter, Ira Khan, recently tied the knot with her boyfriend, fitness trainer Nupur Shikhare. Videos of the wedding went viral.
The ceremony was unconventional because Nupur ditched the traditional baraat and chose to jog eight kilometers to the wedding venue. He took part in the festivities wearing a gym vest and shorts. Ira wore a choli and breezy harem pants.
Influencers and netizens went berserk and started to weigh in.
The guests were better dressed than the bride and the groom.
My eyes hurt seeing Ira’s dress. Was she going for a Jasmine-from-Aladdin look?
Who comes to their wedding in shorts? Is he using this to promote his business? What an opportunist!
Here are four outfits that are better than what Ira wore at her wedding. And don’t get me started on Nupur’s sherwani!
Which bride wears Kohlapuri chappals? Didn’t she wear them a few months ago?
I would have preferred a more ‘conventional look’ for the bride and groom.
Netizens did not spare Aamir Khan too, questioning his dressing sense, and the active participation of his blended family.
Ira later issued a clarification that Nupur and she had preferred it this way because it was special to them, as a couple. She had kept cute posters along the route Nupur ran. The ceremony had been joyful and relaxed. And most importantly, both looked HAPPY and not hassled or stressed out. As we speak, Ira’s and Nupur’s wedding festivities continue in Udaipur.
While wishing the young couple happiness, I wonder what gives influencers the right to criticize someone on their big day. It’s THEIR wedding, and how they want to celebrate it, is THEIR choice. No one else has a say. FULL STOP.
Months ago, actress Parineeti Chopra was criticized for wearing a bridal dress similar to Kiara Advani’s, at her wedding.
Too conventional. Too copycat. Too boring.
No matter what you do, no matter how hard you try, there will always be a troll somewhere, yelling nay. If anything should change, it is not the dress but the judgment.
Weddings don’t have to be extravagant or opulent. How you want to get married is your choice. If something conventional is your jam, then by all means, go for it. However, if you are open to trying something new, here are some new-age wedding goals that defy stereotypes:
Settle for comfortable attire
Does a wedding check boxes only if the bride wears her equivalent weight in gold and a breathing-is-optional, tight-fitting, flashy lehenga? A marriage is the union of hearts; the couple should be free to choose what is important to them. You don’t have to splurge on designer clothes. This is the most important day of your life; wear what makes you happy and what makes you feel confident and good.
Fitness as a theme
It is a fact universally acknowledged that no one ever lost weight at a wedding. The free-flowing drinks, the sugar-soaked sweets, and the deep-fried crunchy fritters add copious calories and inches. Instead of extravagant entries and entrées, how refreshing would it be to have a fitness-themed wedding? Free Yoga sessions and planks before feasting.
Lunges before lunches; what say?
Pre-marriage counselling
It is prudent to invest in a pre-marriage counselling session. This is to align expectations so that there is no space for future misunderstanding. Medical screening is a positive step, too. If you are going to share your life with someone, you have every right to be fully informed. For those cringing at the idea, it is best to be transparent and have uncomfortable conversations upfront rather than after. Even better would be to have counselling sessions with the future in-laws, too!
If you believe in horoscopes, match them with your potential groom AND your potential in-laws, just in case.
Celebrate in ways that make the world a better place
Two mothers organized a zero-waste wedding for their children in Bengaluru. They made sure that the wedding was plastic-free. Another family decided to feed children at an orphanage instead of hosting a reception. Yet another couple in Pune decided to plant trees for every guest to minimize the carbon footprint. Wastage, whether food or gifts, needs to be minimized. More weddings are going down the green, sustainable route. Do what matters to you.
Also, plant a tree for every influencer who says they shudder at the lack of plastic cutlery.
All that glitters is not gold
Jewelry is losing its sheen. The younger generation is more comfortable with the idea of rental over ownership. What is the point of splurging on ornaments for a day and storing them in a locker for the rest of the time? Artificial gemstones are cheaper and sparkle just the same.
As a plus, you don’t need a bodyguard.
Cut unnecessary expenses and say no to expensive gifts
To date, neither my spouse nor I have had the patience to view our lengthy wedding video. I have perused through my album a total of ONCE. There are a zillion photos of us as a couple posing with strangers who turned up for our wedding. (I haven’t seen them afterward). There are about twenty-thirty pictures of me and my close friends and family that I have digitized, and these are the photos that matter.
Let’s focus on creating beautiful memories rather than following convention. Let’s say no to expensive gifts that result in some sort of status-matching competition, putting undue pressure on both households. Expenses need to be split equally; after all marriage is an equal partnership.
More young couples are either choosing to create a gift registry specifying what they want or listing charities of their choice for the guests to contribute to.
This is better than being stuck with a hundred identical pass-me-on plastic casseroles.
While marriages are made in heaven, they are celebrated on Earth. Let a couple celebrate their big day in the way they want, free of judgment, and joyfully!
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