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I have been a business partner with my husband for more than a decade running the operations for our business. However, for various domestic reasons, I have worked from home.
This means visiting office once a week for a decade (even before covid made WFH the norm) and being out of in-person social or business events and meetings.
Time has flown and now I have the bandwidth to get back to the normal working ways. It angers me when people treat you as just THE WIFE. Strangers you meet at business events come up with a lot of advice on how women should be working and going out of the home and partying etc. Now, this is a clueless outsider thinking I am a helpless wife who tags along with my husband for parties.
I feel like shouting from the rooftops for them to shut up and look carefully at a perfectly competent woman, multitasking, running a business and equally capable as her spouse. In most cases, people look at you as the wife!I recommend such folks to read Sudha Murthy’s ‘Gently falls the Bakula’ to appreciate women and capabilities and never, never belittle us.
Experiences like these happen everyday. From colleagues to business persons, all seem to not take the woman seriously, more so because she is the wife. Let me affirm that husbands and wives make great entrepreneurs.
Here are some tips for women considering partnership with their better halves (or anyone else for that matter):
Image credits: Photo by Alok Verma on Unsplash
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Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness That most frightens us.
– Marianne Williamson, Our Deepest Fear
These words give Shefali Raina goosebumps. Knowing your power is a beautiful and elusive thing. It is hard to grasp and even when you do, living into it can be uncomfortable. Shefali has made it her life’s work to help people live with intention. She is an executive coach who is incredibly clear on what she wants from her own life.
“Think about three things,” she says. “How to be more successful at what you do, how to be more joyful in every part of your life, and how to feel that sense of meaning. Really think about how you can be more intentional about the choices you are making.”
Prior to becoming an executive coach, Shefali’s career had soared from New Delhi to Manila, Tokyo to New York. She held positions as chief operating officer and managing director in financial services and consulting. It was twenty years into her exciting career when another job opportunity came her way. But rather than energizing her, the prospect of further elevation triggered questions and gave her pause.
“I was pretty much living the traditional Indian immigrant life,” she recounts. “Leave the country, hustle hard, become successful, make a lot of money, have an impact. But with this opportunity I felt, ‘Oh my God, will I now spend another twenty years like this? Do I want to live a LinkedIn life or do I want to live my life?’”
In search of answers, Shefali immersed herself in journaling. What did she really want? What gave her energy? How might she spend her day if she were in a state of flow? What was the opportunity cost of her choices?
“There\’s a Seth Godin question that I\’ve always loved,” she shares. “‘What would you do if you knew you would fail?’ The biggest, hardest challenge for me was that my identity was connected to what I did and where I worked. It was the only way I knew how to introduce myself. Who am I if I am not the title? It’s just me. This is it. I am it. But am I enough?”
It all began in a Word document on her computer where she recorded her thoughts daily. Here was an accomplished, respected professional, thinking about a pivot that had nothing to do with her corporate life. She realized that she loved forming deep connections with people, partnering with them to shape and enable their impact. She realized that she felt joy in depth and mastery, particularly in understanding the workings of the human brain. She also learned that she needed to design more control into her life.
After exploring what was important to her over a few months, Shefali knew her purpose.“I get a lot of energy when I am invited to be in someone\’s life,” she says with enthusiasm. “To partner with someone on their journey is a huge joy contributor in my life. It gives me a lot of flow.” With her husband’s reassurance, she jumped in, started from zero and never looked back.
As a coach, Shefali’s goal is to align people with their passion and purpose. She invites us to consider the panoramic view, working on both the big picture and what brings meaning in the short term. While her coaching conversations may begin with the things going on at work, they very quickly move into resilience, wellbeing and presence in all parts of life. For her, happiness is a practice to be activated day by day. Enabling that release of dopamine, small doses of joy, slowly changes the flavor of how you feel. It is this happiness that enables intentionality.
“Reframe your brain,” she explains. “At the end of the day, life is really about what your thoughts are focused on. It\’s the movie you are making of what\’s happening. Once you let go of the labels and judgments, you’re in the land of liberation.”
She went on, “It’s in the little things like how you receive a compliment. Do you say, ‘Oh no, it just happened.’ Or do you say, ‘Absolutely! Thank you. The sun rises from the east and I am amazing!’ My husband laughs at me because I\’m like, ‘Oh, my God, I am so amazing!’ When I stopped thinking about what others think of me, my inner voice completely changed. It became clear that I bring value and nothing can change that.”
It is all in the story that we tell ourselves. Shefali encourages us to separate from the one entrenched in our brain. For her, your power lies in a deep sense of intrinsic value in yourself. It is up to us to flip our power switch “on.”
“There is this Rumi quote,” she elaborates. “‘Live life as if everything is rigged in your favor.’ I assume that everything is going to be good and that I will get through whatever comes my way. Of course I’ll do the work. But my overarching view is optimistic.”
The secret to Shefali’s optimism is that she is open to starting from zero. She believes that everything is transient and that it is better to hold onto things lightly, not tightly. Having grown up in an army family, she moved from school to school. After marriage, she moved from country to country.
“I don\’t feel too attached to anything because life is an adventure. We\’ll be fine through it but let’s not get too invested. I have a sense of hope and optimism for the alternative future. Be curious, be connected, understand the world. You are enough in wherever you are. Your body and brain learn to carry your roots with you. I feel my connection to myself and it is a very deep alignment.”
Shefali is actively constructing her portfolio life. She is an investor and a neuroscience nerd. She loves traveling with her husband and dog. She is currently digging into her “cognitive fun” with a keen interest in the human health span and experimenting with approaches to longevity. She’s also considering powerlifting and yes, Bollywood dance. Her greatest fun, however, is her own work which she is glad to carry with her wherever she may go.
“On a personal level, I\’m proud of eventually deciding not to conform. I conformed without knowing for such a long time. Then I decided that life has to be lived as a series of adventures on my own terms. Not having children was one big bold decision. Now my husband and I are moving towards becoming digital nomads. We have already started living in different places for a couple of months at a time. We are also thinking where we can spend a year and bring our doggie with us.”
She goes on to share another Rumi quote, “When you start to walk on the way, the way appears.”
Shefali’s enthusiasm is palpable. “You have to go live to spark the things that will come your way,” she says. “Active engagement in the world shows you the way. My dad has been navigating a physical illness all of his life. He is still successful in his career as an oncologist. When people go with this ‘day one’ mindset, I find it incredibly inspiring.”
Shefali is striking in her clarity. She carries an open-ended conviction for the future. As our conversation winds down, she reinforces the importance of living intentionally. “There is so much opportunity for life to be so aligned, so elevated, so energized. Coaching involves a lot of mindset, reflection, storytelling and strategy. It\’s a lot of reps around thoughts, feelings and actions. Let’s choose to play out loud and live life out loud,” she says with passion.
Like Marianne Williamson eloquently offers in her poem Our Deepest Fear, “Your playing small does not serve the world. There\’s nothing enlightened about shrinking…As we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same.”
Shefali Raina is an unbridled light and master of igniting transformation in others. Her journey from corporate leader to executive coach is a testament to the power of self-discovery and intentionality. Her story shows us how optimism and a sense of adventure can open our minds and our futures to joyful possibilities. Shefali encourages us all to let our light shine. Because in doing so, others will be inspired to do the same.
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It was just another civil workshop in my first year of engineering where we were given an overview of how metals are tested before making any construction.
The lab assistant placed a sample metal piece in the universal testing machine. Slowly, the metal was made to undergo tensile stress. After reaching a particular point, the metal piece broke into two. We diligently noted down the stress at this point. Next, the assistant brought a fresh sample and made it undergo compressive stress and repeated the same for shear stress.
This got me thinking. I analogized students as the sample metal piece and the education system and the society in place of the universal testing machine.
It is exposing students to different kinds and intensities of stress and pressure to find out how much they can take in, in the future.
What beats me is that, in industries the test is conducted on a ‘sample’ piece. Once that piece is broken, it is discarded and a different metal piece of the same composition is used.
This however doesn’t apply to students. When students are exposed to different kinds of stress, it is the original piece at test. And each time the student is used for the next stress test, it is the broken sample, that is tried to be broken in a different way!
Now, is this testing method feasible?
For instance, a rather cliché one I would say, is that of JEE and NEET examinations. These entrance exams claim to be one of the toughest in the world. It was originally designed to give admission to the brightest budding minds of the country. Students from these colleges were considered the crème de la crème of students. However, this exam now tests ‘who studies the most’ as opposed to ‘who is best suited’.
There is no doubt that the students who get in, work extremely hard to do so. But at what cost? Is it truly their intelligence that is being tested? For it is said that, “If you hit a dead donkey hundred times, it is bound to get up.”
See, there is no harm in studying hard, it surely adds to one’s knowledge. The problem arises when this ‘studying’ process takes a hit on physical and mental health. What people fail to understand is that, studying is the best part about 11th and 12th standard, it is the underlying culprits are stress, the burden of the exam ‘being the be all and end all’ of life, the nosy peers who believe they are making conversation by being intrusive, yada-yada-yada
‘All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy.’ Being dull is fine, it gets problematic when Jack turns out to be an ‘unhealthy’ boy. Obesity, diabetes, PCOD along with mental health issues like disquietude and depression come as a reward for the innumerable hours of hard work that they put in irrespective of whether they clear the exam or not. Here, sarcasm is intended.
Some may claim that it’s just two years but health once gone doesn’t come back.
So, in order to prepare students for stress in the future, they are exposed to it ere it is due. Won’t this burn them out before they actually have to schlep bigger responsibilities.
Coaching institutes which are meant to coach students are business companies trying to suck in as much money as possible. They are sheep in wolf’s clothing. These companies have schemes for enrolling 8th standard for a foundation course to crack the exam. As if that wasn’t enough, they have come up with coaching for 5th and 6th standard students. At the tender age of 10 and 11 where ideally you should be honing extra-curricular skills along with making your basics strong, you are burdened with the far-fetched dream of getting into a premium institute.
Moreover, as these schemes are supposedly ‘futuristic’, here’s a bone to chew. Which employer in their right mind will consider a candidate who has only bookish knowledge and no other skill whatsoever?
Majority of the science students look back at the coaching years as the most punitive times of their lives. The two years leaves a debilitating effect. They develop an aversion to studies, to stress or anything that involves pressure. On not achieving their goal by securing the seats in the esteemed institutes, as is the case with more than 90% of the applicants, they start questioning their own abilities. Thus, leaving behind an entrenched under-confidence.
Like one of my peers rightly put it – ‘10th sapne dekhata hai aur 12th aukaat’ (10th shows you a mirage, 12th shows you your reality)
Over a million adolescents have diabetes and 1 in every 4 teenagers suffer from depression. According to reports student suicides accounted for 7.6% of all suicide deaths in 2022. In 2023, 25 students have died of suicide in Kota alone. If these stats don’t scream for help, what does?
On concluding note, one must study because one likes to, not because there is a dagger (of getting into IIT or medical) hanging over their head. Not getting into the best college won’t make one end up behind the 8 ball but taking one’s health and peace for granted surely will.
And to the peers who love intervening, just say, ‘Don’t ask me about my business, Kay’ and emancipate yourselves from the shackles of societal expectations.
Image source: by doidam10 Free for Canva Pro
Like every year, we have a number of excellent pieces published in 2023. And like I do it every year, here is a ready round-up of those pieces that you, as readers, have shown the most love towards.
It’s a mixed list – with everything from personal experiences, feminist perspectives on issues that matter to the modern Indian woman, short stories, talking finances, pop culture & celebrities, to resources for working women.
So, without much delay, here they are, from the most read downwards, each with a short excerpt to give you a flavour of the piece.
Poornima Kulathu
It took me a deep understanding of feminism to know that it is multi layered, that the feminist of the 1950s or the 80s is still as much a feminist as that of 2023. We would not be here today, with our freedom to hold a job or even write this piece if it were not for the feminists of the past who sacrificed a part of themselves so their daughters could breathe a little easier, walk a little further.
Read it here.
Dr Pooja Birwatkar
What have we turned women’s day into? A day of fun and frolic, to dress and party. Is it seriously this? A day of giving stretched sermons and preachy feministic discussion.
Publicised events with merchandise crying hoarse –Acknowledge Women. We exist in the same vein as you do.
Shouldn’t we just stop proving –A woman is equal to man. Better than man. If a man can do so can a woman. Let’s stop thinking; proclaiming and saying this. We don’t see the other gender referring to this so why should we? This does not mean we adopt the ‘I don’t care what you think about me’ stance.
Mary Binoy
People asked me how I spend my evenings and weekends as I was all alone. But, the truth was I had lots of activities that in fact, I ran short of time. My evenings were spent in the company of books and movies. Sometimes, I would just drive to a mall for window shopping or to the beach just to feel the breeze. I did have my share of dull days when my hormones were low, but with time I learned to overcome and deal with it. I was just thankful that at this particular time I didn’t have to deal another one’s mood swings or tantrums.
Aruna Raghuram
And, finally, a solo lifestyle actually makes you reach out to like-minded people seeking friendships. There is a belief that it’s difficult to make friends after a certain age. That may be partly true, but it’s not impossible. However set we get in our ways in the fifties, the chances of meeting friends with similar mindsets and interests are very much there. We just have to stretch that extra bit to reach out to them.
Aritra Paul
There are tax advantages to having a home office! Having one can provide tax relief to both employers and employees that I was not aware of! My cousin was able to deduct some of her utilities as office expenses, and her company reimbursed her a certain per cent of the budget spent!
Preethi Warrier
“Financial independence is a must for everyone, especially women. Lifespan and relations do not come with a guarantee. Moreover, if you wish to have a say in any of the important household decisions, and if you desire to be taken seriously, you must earn. Your financial dependency will push you down and there will be no equal partnership in your marriage anymore.” Mother always reasoned.
Supriya Bansal
I focused on the hushed whispers, and my heart sank to my stomach. The women were talking about my dark skin. ‘Dusky and dark,’ ‘If only she was fairer,’ and ‘Nothing Fair and Lovely won’t fix’—were a few of the comments. The nasty remarks burned like hot coals in my ears, scorching me inside out.
Pragati Jha
By now she was a medical student and a mother of a girl child. Her third phase of life had started so early that she was only 19yrs old. Now she had to be both – a mother and a medical student. My grandmother (nani ma) took the burden of taking care of her granddaughter, and sent her to the medical college hostel for her further studies while I was only two months old.
Reena Daruwalla
He hopes that his daughter will be quiet, like him, so they can both ‘handle Alia’. Basically he made the equivalent of a bad WhatsApp ‘wife joke’. There is so much Indian Uncle energy in what he said – I wonder if this has to do with the fact that he is 11 years older than his wife? How about some self-awareness, uncle?
Rhea Sakhardande
We often have metrics that focus only on hiring women – they show women’s representation in the workforce. However, when we look at metrics around women’s promotions or their growth in their fields, the data reflects where we lack.
While organizations conduct drives to hire women and attract them to the workforce, they must create environments wherein women can thrive. Therefore, if we are to study the presence of women in leadership roles, we need to examine and analyze various metrics.
Upasana Dandona
Vikash seems to be one of the most obnoxiously misogynistic men one can ever come across. He rejects multiple women who are clearly way better than him, and acts as if he is doing them a favour by agreeing to meet them.
By the end, I was left wondering how a person like him could be that demanding and demeaning. He discards them for the lamest of reasons, so someone needs to burst his bubble of superiority and tell him that other than being toxic, he isn’t quite the catch he thinks he is, either!
Akankha Basu Roy
But not all business ventures require a hefty amount to be set up. If you are passionate about business, and dream of having one of your own, but your capital is limited, do not worry. I have researched left and right to create a list of the best business to start with little money, which are India-specific and have low risks!
Natasha Ramarathnam
Imagine this. It is a cold winter afternoon, and your partner makes you a perfect cup of chai with just the right hint of adrak. You savour the drink, and think of how lucky you are to have a partner who pampers you so much. Then you go into the kitchen to rinse the cup, and you see the mess. Saucepan still on the burner with an inch of tea congealing in it, large piece of ginger thrown in the sink, spilt tea on the counter, tea container only partially closed, sugar container where it shouldn’t be, milk put back in the fridge but without the lid. You spend the next five minutes cleaning up, and wonder if it wouldn’t have been easier to make the tea yourself. Your partners’ intent may have been honourable, but you feel cheated.
Sreemati Sen
I found a seat and sat down. An elderly woman sat beside me. A while later, the woman asked about the test I was supposed to undergo. She did not understand the term mammogram. I explained further. Gasping in horror, she covered her face. Other women stared hard at me; shock and disdain were written on their faces.
A woman whispered. ‘Isn’t your husband enough? Why do you need strangers to fondle your private parts?’
Annapurna Pandey
The H-4 dependent visa holders are not allowed to have a social security number or to work in the country. They cannot apply for a driver’s license without their spouse’s approval. The visa has been dubbed the “depression visa” and the “prisoner visa” since women, who are often highly qualified and have work experience, become frustrated in the traditional housewife role that U.S. immigration policy forces on them. Ironically, these educated professional women find the worst form of patriarchy which is reinforced as dependents on their H-1B visa-holder spouses.
Tanvi Sinha
Abusive men do not become abusive all of a sudden. They have been abusive since they were kids. The MIL must have received so many complaints throughout the son’s school, college days. She is fully aware of the son’s temperament. And she is also good at hiding his flaws. She has years of experience in doing so! Yet after marriage, she deceives everybody into believing that the son has always been gentle and ‘how come so many conflicts are happening only with this new woman?’
Ishita Varma
If a woman can make it to a top position or accomplish something, one of the most common statements that one gets to hear is ‘she slept her way to the top’; and I believe anyone who says this statement is projecting their own insecurity.
Paromita Bardoloi
Hi, I am Simran from DDLJ. I was 21 when I married Raj- the Raj Malhotra. And I am sure, you are excited to know what happened once we both boarded the train. Who can forget me running to hold Raj’s hand in the moving train? I am 45 now. And my husband is 46.
Tina Sequeira
I have my own theory about what triggered PC to speak up about her Bollywood boycott now, but it’ll be mere speculation and I’d like to refrain from that. I’m sure though, that this deliberate attempt to outcast her from Bollywood still hurts. I’m just glad she spoke her truth.
Nivedita Ramesh
The fuck-off fund is a term coined by Paulette Perhach in a billfold article in 2018, for the money that enables ‘a woman to live for half a year without anyone’s help’, should the need arise. It’s the money that emboldens her to say ‘fuck off if a fuck off is deserved’, and any woman who wants to be able to say this should start a fuck-off fund.
In the bustling streets of Hyderabad, ‘Eat Pure’ isn’t just a culinary sensation; it’s a story of nourishment that goes beyond the plate. Allow us to introduce Rishika Jain, a 26-year-old entrepreneur who turned a family health crisis into a thriving venture, all thanks to a secret ingredient – CAPITAL.
In this WomensWebXMahilaMoney impact series, we bring you entrepreneurs like Sonu Davar who had not just the ambition to grow, but took the steps needed to bring their dreams to fruition. Apply for a loan of up to 25 lakhs to fuel your business growth by downloading the Mahila Money App on Google Playstore or visiting the website here.
Rishika’s journey started when her sister faced a health challenge at a young age. This ignited a spark within her to venture into entrepreneurship to promote health and well-being.
Fueled by unwavering support from her family and a passion for offering nutritious alternatives to the prevailing junk food culture, Rishika launched her ‘Eat Pure’ endeavour during the COVID-19 pandemic.
She fondly recalls, “My journey began with a simple act of kindness – providing free meals to doctors who were tirelessly battling the pandemic. We started with servings of khatta rice, specifically for doctors working round the clock who couldn’t spare a moment to go home and cook. It warmed my heart to see many of them return, asking if I could continue to supply them with wholesome, home-cooked meals. That’s how my humble catering business took root.”
Rishika Jain began her journey from this simple kitchen
With treasured family recipes passed down from her mother and mother-in-law and invaluable guidance from her father and sister-in-law, both seasoned corporate professionals, Rishika’s humble endeavour began to flourish. Her journey, which commenced with distributing free meals, gradually expanded to serve the tireless doctors on the front lines.
As the world slowly reopened post-COVID, her services extended to the corporate sector, serving meals to IT employees.
Meals ready!
“I started this business from my home kitchen with absolutely zero investment,” Rishika explains. “My strategy was simple – provide wholesome meals at a nominal rate, targeting millennials living away from home, yearning for the comforting taste of home-cooked food. However, as time passed, the need for capital became pressing. I could not acquire essential packaging materials, and my profit margins dwindled by the day,” she laments.
It was at this stage that Rishika turned to Mahila Money for the needed capital solution at this crucial juncture. Without the financial backing she needed, Rishika’s dream might have remained just that – a dream. However, with a strategic business loan from Mahila Money, Rishika is now transforming her entrepreneurial vision into a sizzling reality, marked by an impressive
“I found Mahila Money online,” Rishika recounts, her voice exuding gratitude. “My loan amounting to Rs. 1 Lakh was approved instantly within a few days”, she says. Rishika used the money to buy materials in bulk, which helped her save packaging costs. Rishika explains, “At first, I bought plates for Rs. 8 each, but with bulk purchases, I reduced the cost to just Rs. 5. This significantly boosted my business profits.”
Rishika doesn’t just commend the straightforward loan process; she also underscores the invaluable emotional support she found with the Mahila Money community. In her words, Mahila Money didn’t just fortify her finances but lifted her spirits, too.
Inspired by her love for chocolate and a penchant for savouring slow-cooked khichdi, Rishika may have simple tastes, but her vision is extraordinary. Her journey began with the heartfelt mission of providing comforting home-cooked meals to doctors and professionals yearning for a taste of home. Yet, her ambitions reached far beyond these humble beginnings.
Rishika’s culinary offerings expanded to encompass a diverse range of thalis. She reminisces, “I started with the ‘Everyday Thali,’ a delightful ensemble of eight dishes. Today, I take immense pride in offering five distinct varieties of thalis, ranging from Rs. 99 to Rs. 399.”
Rishika’s tireless entrepreneurial spirit was the driving force behind her remarkable transformation. Her monthly earnings made a remarkable leap, soaring from a modest Rs. 25,000 to an impressive nearly Rs. 60,000, accompanied by a substantial boost in her profit margins. Rishika’s journey epitomises the essence of entrepreneurship, portraying a narrative of conquering challenges, seizing opportunities, and nurturing boundless growth.”
When describing how she begins her day, Rishika shares, “With each new sunrise, I eagerly open my doors and embrace each new day with hope and determination.” Starting this venture single-handedly, she now leads a team including one cook and two dedicated delivery boys.
Her advice for budding entrepreneurs resonates with wisdom and encouragement, “Don’t be daunted; be courageous, treat your customers with the utmost care, and, above all, attentively listen to their needs.”
In Rishika’s words, “Mahila Money not only provided me with capital but also ignited a vision to ascend as Hyderabad’s premier caterer. Their capital boost gave my business the impetus it needed. Previously, my profit margin hovered around 18-20%, but after receiving the Mahila Money loan, my sales surged by an astounding 80-140%, and my profit margin soared to an inspiring 30-35%.”
With profound gratitude, Rishika now envisions expanding her offerings to include catering for kitty parties, birthdays, and weddings, taking her #JiyoApneDumPe culinary journey to heights with Mahila Money capital support.
If you are a #JiyoApneDumPe woman entrepreneur who wants to take your business to new heights and needs working capital and entrepreneurship resources, get in touch with the Mahila Money team today.
Sesham Mik-il Fathima* is a quirky Malayalam movie on Netflix that tells the story of a girl, Fathima Noorjahan, who belongs to an orthodox family and dreams of becoming a football commentator.
I found the premise refreshing as it challenges gender stereotypes and age-old notions about women exhibiting interest in sports and related fields. The ‘chatterbox’ as Fathima is so aptly named, paves her way into the viewers’ hearts with her effervescent and bubbly nature. The film has several lessons for women.
*Spoilers Alert!*
Fathima’s family decides that teaching is a ‘respectable’ profession for a woman and pushes her to pursue a degree in biochemistry. Undeterred, she decides to follow her dream of becoming a Football commentator while completing her internship.
During this journey, Fathima is told that ‘compering’ is more suitable for a girl; commentating is a job for men, and there are no women in this field. Fathima refuses to compromise. Anchoring is not for her, she says. Her big break will be in commentating, and she will settle for nothing less, she declares.
Fathima’s father is under pressure to see his daughter married, since her aspirations are creating ripples and inviting unwanted comments from ‘well-wishers’ who warn him she will “go astray”.
When a Dubai-returned prospective groom comes to visit Fathima, she interrogates him on his interests and lifestyle. She even demands to know if he has a proper family visa. While relatives blame her inquisitiveness for chasing the groom away, she shrugs it off and emphasizes that she needs to know. Bravo!
A common misconception is that women do not understand sports or enjoy sports the way men do. Fathima loves football; she has played it with her brother and his friends. She watches all the matches on TV. She lives, loves, and breathes the game. During an interview, she dazzles everyone by explaining the science behind a specific football kick. She isn’t just a fan; she understands the technique too.
The subject of sports scandals finds place in this story as well. An official in the football association invites Fathima to his home on the pretext of discussing opportunities. She is wary but ends teaching him a lesson.
While the premise is realistic, her resolution may not be. However, it does shed light on the rot in the system, especially the irony that these men have daughters of comparable age, and yet they engage in lewd activities.
Fathima’s brother supports his sister’s football craze and asks her to step in at the last minute as a commentator for a local team event. He continues to encourage his sister’s craze for the greater part of the film. Even Fathima’s father wishes to be there for her, but social pressure gets the better of him.
In a public gathering, an elderly relative insults Fathima by taunting her that no one would want to marry her since she is the only woman in a male-dominated field, and she ought to know her place. A group of youth surround the man and correct him; times have changed, men want equal partners; they want their spouses to follow their dreams too.
It is refreshing to see a film celebrating a woman’s ambition and her friendships. Whether it is a female friend getting over a cheating boyfriend or a footballer struggling with mental health, Fathima is there for them. She maintains that she will not get married until she can stand on her feet and be independent. She makes it clear to her father that she does not have a boyfriend; she is merely focusing on her dreams.
Fathima’s friend, Ramya is a journalist and an alumnus of her college. Ramya goes out of her way to help Fathima find contacts, and arranges meetings for her. There is no jealousy or rivalry- just the power of sisterhood.
The women in the film are progressive; Fathima’s grandmother supports her granddaughter’s eccentricities while her mother teaches her how to whistle in an endearing moment. These women are quietly supportive of her ambition, despite being raised in conservative backgrounds themselves.
While entertaining, the film is not perfect in many ways. Some of the situations resolve far too easily, and don’t seem to be very believable, including some parts that are over-simplified.
Overall, the film is a delightful watch that touches on pertinent issues and leaves the viewer chuckling and cheering for the neighborhood chatterbox!
*Up next on the mike, Fathima.
The recent news about a doctor’s death due to her boyfriend’s refusal to marry her has been very depressing news to me, as well as to many of you.
Why didn’t he want to marry her?
That’s because he or his family demanded a very big amount of dowry to marry her.
All the people who are reading this post know what dowry is. Even though it is a crime to demand dowry, this has been a mandatory practice in this culture. Many of you have been married or have attended multiple marriage functions, and you might even say, “I or my family never demanded dowry”.
Ok, I agree with that point but this has been a part of tradition for so long that in today’s scenario, they don’t demand it but they expect it.
Let us take a scenario. In a regular arranged marriage, they search for a bride or groom with many criteria (but never whether they both like each other) like a good family, good job, same caste, religion, and wealthy.
Let’s talk about the wealth part which is a big criterion. If the groom is wealthy, they look for a wealthy bride and the dowry will be given as per their wealth. This is a huge prestige issue for the family these days. The family doesn’t demand it but if the girl’s family doesn’t give something, the treatment of the girl will be bad in the guy’s home.
These things still happen even today, but since it is an arranged marriage, in most cases both families are wealthy and they would give dowry. In love marriages, however, where the girl’s family is slightly poor or of a different caste, the guy’s family demands more dowry, particularly if the guy’s family is wealthier than the girl’s family or if the guy is in a good job.
These are the cases where these deaths often happen, the guy’s family refuses to marry her if the demands are not met, and the family treats the girl very poorly in their house after the marriage if dowry demands are not met. We have seen a lot of cases like this over the years, where women are being killed by the man’s family for not meeting their dowry demands.
These are all a part of the tradition in marriages across India, particularly in the Hindu culture. Many educated people still follow these highly misogynistic practices saying that they just want to appease their family members or it’s just part of our culture.
When you follow these cultures/traditions, which you might think are not harmful to society or anybody -and sure it might not harm you or your family in a way that you think, but you are silently being a part of a cruel tradition that kills many around the country.
20 women die every day due to these dowry demands (source NCRB). This is a huge number! When we uphold these traditions saying that our culture is very old or very beautiful or very rich, these are the consequences.
If you think these kinds of things don’t happen in your family, then you’re in a privileged position. Use that privilege to question these traditions which are highly obsolete in today’s world.
Being in a relationship with someone is a beautiful thing, and marrying them and living together is the perfect thing. But marriage in our country is something not happening in that way, it is not about people coming together by knowing about their potential partner but instead, it’s two families coming together by matching caste, religion, and money.
Stand up to your family if they demand dowry from the girl’s parents. Even if they don’t demand and playfully say, “Do what you want, we don’t have any expectations,” we should stop them saying it is wrong. Don’t sit there silently, since you are not buying something nor they aren’t selling something.
The girl’s family is giving money or a car or gold to the guy to marry her. How do you explain this?
She has to leave everything from her house, her regular life, live in the guy’s house, and has to look after his parents. What sort of culture is this and why are people not thinking about this? You call this the best tradition, and we are proud of this? We should be ashamed that we are part of such a misogynistic culture and even in this era we, as a society, are still actively participating in it.
Amid all these recent movies that are coming up, glorifying the idea of the ‘alpha male’ is a guy sitting on the internet saying there is romance in beating, kissing, or using cuss words against women.
Has this man never heard of the word consent before? Even if she is your wife or girlfriend, consent and respect for her boundaries are more important-that is real love. It is high time that we as a society change our mindset and avoid these misogynistic behaviours and traditions. Stand up against family members who support this or cut the relationship with them, even if they happen to be your parents.
Wrong is wrong whomever it may be and you don’t owe anything to anybody.
So let us start standing up to our oppressive, misogynistic family members or friends, and treat everyone equally and respectfully.
Image Source: Wikimedia Commons
I saw children on a train turn a simple journey into a lesson in leadership. Drawing butterflies, they taught collaboration, innovation, communication, appreciation, and diversity — a powerful metaphor for effective leadership.
Settling into my seat on the train from Hyderabad to Bangalore, I couldn’t help but be captivated by the lively atmosphere around me. As the rhythmic hum of the wheels blended with the murmur of conversations, I found myself in the company of a trio of energetic kids.
Amid mobile screens and torn tickets, these children embarked on a journey of collaboration, innovation, and diversity that mirrored the beauty of butterfly leadership.
As screens flickered with the colourful glow of their favourite shows, the children were in their own little worlds, absorbed in the digital delights before them. However, an unexpected twist arrived with the intrusion of parental phone calls, temporarily reclaiming the coveted devices and leaving the kids at a loss for what to do next.
At this moment of uncertainty, their eyes wandered, and smiles emerged as they engaged in spontaneous conversations, observing the world outside the digital realm. It was as if the train itself became a canvas, waiting for the strokes of creativity to unfold.
Among the trio, one child revealed a drawing book adorned with a spectrum of vibrant colours. The presence of this book sparked a collective idea to channel their creativity. The decision was unanimous: they would draw butterflies, symbolic of the colourful transformation awaiting them.
The journey had become more than just a physical transit; it had morphed into a shared experience, a testament to the innocence of childhood and the profound lessons we can glean from the unscripted moments of life.
The children faced the challenge of divergent ideas, mirroring the complexities leaders encounter in collaborative ventures. However, with the suggestion of a technicolour butterfly, the stage was set. Each child took ownership of a wing, choosing distinct hues, and introduced Pinky and Titi to the canvas.
Read more: 8 Reasons Why Women Should Collaborate With Other Women
Amidst the strokes, Titi challenged the conventional wisdom of butterfly aesthetics, introducing the concept of asymmetry. This instance mirrored the essence of new-age thinking in leadership, where embracing innovation and breaking stereotypes leads to unparalleled creativity.
Read more: 11 Things I’ve Learnt About Time Management As A Serial Entrepreneur
Learning from the children’s example, they defined clear boundaries on the canvas to avoid conflict. This act symbolized the importance of transparent communication and the establishment of responsibilities in leadership to ensure harmonious collaboration.
Read more: Instead Of Devoting Our Lives to Others, Why Aren’t Women Taught To Set Boundaries For Ourselves?
As the butterflies took shape, a crucial element of leadership emerged — appreciation.
Each child admired the other’s creation, fostering a positive environment that encourages growth and creativity. Butterfly leadership thrives on acknowledging the strengths and contributions of each team member.
Read more: The Beauty Of Mentoring Is In Encouragement!
In a final stroke of genius, the children introduced a smaller, diverse butterfly into the scene.
This gesture echoed the vital role of diversity and inclusion in leadership. Embracing differences not only enriches the collaborative process but also adds unique perspectives to the collective vision.
Read more: Why Ideas Like Diversity, Equity, And Inclusivity Need To Be Taught At A Young Age
The train journey unfolded not just as a physical transit but as a metaphorical exploration of butterfly leadership. Through the lenses of innocence and creativity, these children showcased the core principles of collaboration, innovation, transparent communication, appreciation, and diversity — all vital facets of effective leadership.
As adults, there is much to learn from these young minds who, with a simple drawing book and colours, unveiled the transformative power of butterfly leadership.
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Image source: CanvaPro
We still live in a man’s world, inspite of decades of resistance and progress. People say that films mirror society, especially in a country like ours where stars are quite literally worshipped even today.
Though women characters continue to be sidelined while the so called ‘alpha male’ is glorified in certain movies, there is a change in the way most filmmakers have started viewing cinema. Content is key and with a shift in society’s paradigm of an ‘ideal woman’, there are more and more films which are bestowing women with characters that are actually integral to the plot.
Here are a few of them.
This coming-of-age story highlights the insecurities that plague pre-teens as they try their best to navigate through their ever-changing bodies and surroundings. The film shows both late and early bloomers and portrays how no one has the perfect transition to adulthood. The film subtly delves into body dysmorphia, conflicts that one has with oneself concerning religion and the struggle of trying to fit in.
Streaming on Netflix.
In this film, Sanya (Rakul Preet Singh) is an unemployed chemistry graduate whose dire monetary situation forces her to take up a job at a local condom factory. She falls in love with Rishi whose strict elder brother is a biology teacher. Being the conservative man that he is, he skims over the chapters on reproductive health. The nuanced performance of the character playing his wife mirrors the situation of a vast majority of married Indian women.
Set in Karnal, this movie emphasises the need for open dialogue pertaining to sexual health, especially for the benefit of women through Sanya. It is not often that we see female characters being vocal about their requirements, especially in Indian cinema.
Streaming on ZEE5
The Kalyani Priyadarshan starrer revolves around a chirpy woman who aspires to be a football commentator in an environment of misogynists. The profession is gendered throughout the story while the lead continues to stay optimistic, ultimately steamrolling her way to victory.
What starts off as a typical feel-good Malayalam movie ends up representing the struggle that women from conservative backgrounds must endure in order to realise their dreams.
Streaming on Netflix
Jaane Jaan is a thriller streaming on Netflix and is adapted from Keigo Higashino’s book, ‘The Devotion of Suspect X’. A riveting film, with a nail-biting build-up.
A single mother running a small restaurant has made a life for herself and her teen daughter in a small town. Her upstairs neighbour has a crush on her, and as we see later, ready to do anything for her. Her estranged husband turns up one day, a nasty man who was abusive to her. What happens later makes up this thriller starring Kareena Kapoor, Jaideep Ahlawat, and Vijay Varma.
Directed by Anu Menon, this movie presents us with a female detective for a change. Meera Rao, played by Vidya Balan is quick-witted and plays the role of a CBI officer who must find out who is guilty of the murder of Mr. Kapoor at his birthday getaway. Several supporting characters such as Prajakta Kohli and Shashank, who plays Mr. Kapoor’s son, add life to the story.
Streaming on Prime Video
Starring Margot Robbie and Ryan Gosling, this movie explores the theme of everyday unnoticed inequity in society. The transition from Barbieland to Kendom and how one visit to the real world infects Ken with misogyny and bigotry reflect how rigged society is.
This movie goes beyond glam and glitter. It is about delivering the message of feminism to people who don’t comprehend the concept.
Streaming on Jio Cinema
This biopic of the Padma Shri winning Tarla Dalal, beautifully illustrates the journey of Tarla who like most Indian women was restricted by domesticity. Huma Qureshi takes us through Tarla’s life by showing her burning desire to achieve something and depicting her struggles on the way.
This well-deserved biopic pays tribute to a woman who unlike the others of her time, refused to allow the caging of her dreams.
Based on true events, this movie highlights the journey of reporters, Loretta Mclaughlin and Jean Cole, as they combat sexism while investigating into the Boston Stranglers murders. The film divulges the mistreatment perpetrated against women and minorities while simultaneously showing how two women back in the 1960s cracked the case of a serial killer terrorising the city.
Streaming on Disney+Hotstar
This Marathi film is a celebration of womanhood as it discusses the lives of six estranged sisters who are forced to come together for a competition. The scenes are very vibrant and comforting since the characters are very diverse and come from different age groups.
This stirring tribute to sisterhood is a sure-fire entertainer.
Set in a somehow medieval as well as a futuristic world, this animated film is about Nimona, a mischievous teen. When a knight is framed for a crime that he did not commit, Nimona is the only person who can save him. This film explores the dichotomy of good and evil. Though shapeshifting, Nimona’s main pronouns are she/her and yet, she is far from docile unlike the typical female protagonist. The beauty of the film lies in the punk-rock, fierce, pro-trans energy it gives off while being a family entertainer.
This hilarious Ashley Park starrer is a journey of self-discovery coupled with the exploration of female friendships. It also subtly divulges the racism faced by Asian Americans. Audrey played by Ashley Park goes in search of her birth mother to close a business deal. The journey that she embarks on with her four friends ends up becoming a bonding experience that helps us realise the importance of self-discovery and loving ourselves for who we are.
Actresses are acquiring meatier roles by the day, making the audience take their characters more seriously. Normalising a female protagonist who isn’t just another damsel-in-distress will encourage societal changes. However, for every Darshana Rajendran in ‘Jaya Jaya Jaya Jaya Hey’ we unfortunately have a Rashmika Mandanna in ‘Animal’. In my opinion though, it is important to acknowledge how far we have come. The movies in the list give us hope for a better tomorrow, both in cinema and in real life alike.
The discussion on “paid period leave policy” is not new in India. It has been doing rounds since 2017 when Menstruation Benefit Bill was presented in parliament to provide a safe and healthy work environment to female employees.
But this is still a matter of debate. Because people have different reactions to this as they have polarized opinions about implementing this law.
I strongly believe that menstruation leaves should be mandated in India. Enforcing the “paid period leaves policy” at the workplace is a pressing priority as the policy will lead to more inclusivity at the workplace that acknowledges the physiology of women’s body and support them deal with this monthly crippling pain.
Spain has already set the ball rolling by announcing three days of paid period leaves for menstruating women across the country. Japan also joined the squad by legalizing the leave for menstruating women.
South Korea since 1953 practising the law of granting female employees “menstruation leave”.
Women are the backbone of the family and society. The purpose of the policy is to address the physical and emotional challenges women experience during those times of the month. To take care of their health and well-being, promote their growth and enhance their productivity at the workplace, executing the policy may prove to be a cornerstone to empowering women in the workplace.
Implementing a paid menstrual leave can also be a game changer in uprooting the deep-rooted stigma and taboo around menstruation. In some parts of India, it is considered an embarrassing and dirty affair and women are kept isolated from the many household activities.
Women have always been juggling their relationships, careers, children, health and home all at once. They are expected to be a devoted wife, caring bahu, a loving daughter a doting mother and a dedicated employee all at the same time. They are supposed to be perfect in all roles and are expected to maintain every role and relationship with full responsibility and honesty.
The weight of balancing work and family has increased exponentially in the recent past to the point that more women are reporting feelings of exhaustion, anxiety and depression.
They are on the verge of serious burnout.
On top of that every month they go through this biological process when they experience cramps, pain, intense mood swings, irritability, bloating and headaches.
Some might go through abrupt hormonal imbalance and their abdomen pain may vary from dull and constant to intense spasms. This is known as dysmenorrhea. This can vary with each period and from person to person.
The duration and severity of cramps can be reduced by stretching muscles or relaxing and taking some rest along with some medication.
Facilitating leave policy is not about providing them rest but making the workplace more humane and favourable for female employees. To provide them with support and strength, to bolster their courage and confidence.
Women’s health should be prioritized both at home and at their workplace. There should be a law to grant menstruating women “paid leaves” or work-from-home options.
In India some states like Bihar and Kerala have granted period leave for the wellbeing of their women employees. They have allowed two days of paid menstrual leave every month by law. Along with them some companies have come forward and have participated in granting period leave to allow women to take leave and rest on those difficult days.
Swiggy– online food delivery company Swiggy- has taken the initiative to give two days’ leave to their female food delivery partners.
Discomfort from being out and about on the road while menstruating is probably one of the most underreported reasons why many women don’t consider delivery to be a viable gig. To support them through any menstruation-related challenges, we’ve introduced a no-questions-asked, two-day paid monthly period time-off policy for all our regular female delivery partners,” Mihir Shah, Swiggy’s Vice President of Operations confirmed in a recent blog post.
Culture Machine – this Mumbai-based digital media start-up made it mandatory for their women employees to take a day off on the first day of their period.
Byju’s – India’s leading education App, Byju’s has announced 12 days of paid leave for its female employees in a year. They can either take a day off monthly or can avail of two half days leave, they mentioned in a blog.
Wet & Dry Personal Care – A New Delhi-based feminine hygiene products maker Wet & Dry Personal Care set the ball rolling by allowing its women employees to take two days leave during those days of the month to make them comfortable and confident.
Zomato – This Gurugram-based company has granted 10 days of paid period leave for its women employees. This will help them maintain continuity in business and work.
Some other companies and organizations also have embraced the “paid period leave” trend.
It is the need of the hour to lace our women employees with paid period leave or work-from-home options to let them work in their comfort and flexibility.
Image source: a still from the film Tumhari Sulu
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