Do you know which is the most versatile of all vegetables? That one item easily takes on the dominant flavour of the dish and makes it very own. Be it continental, Indian, Chinese, kids meal, family meal, or snacks – the one vegetable that features everywhere is – yes, you guessed it right! – It’s Potato.

No, today I am not writing about the benefits or harmful effects of having potatoes in your meals. I am no dietician and have no authority on that. I want to share the uncanny kinship I have with potatoes. As a woman, I identify with potatoes the most.

Now body-shamers will quickly conclude that I am referring to my body shape and size and hence the uncanny parallel. Although I claim to be no Deepika Padukone as far as figure is concerned, I  wouldn’t stoop down to draw such stupid parallels. My reasons are far more cerebral and sophisticated.

Let me explain why I relate to potatoes so deeply.

Firstly potatoes are grown underground. They stay close to their roots. Likewise, I am very rooted in my existence. I am an unapologetic 21st-century Bong girl – who takes pride in the Bong ethos. Rabindrasangeet lifts my spirits and Pheluda is the ultimate detective in the spy universe. Rashogolla runs in the bloodline and the political consciousness is fiercely vocal.

Secondly, potatoes effortlessly take the flavour of the dish. Be it mashed potato with your grilled meat, the potato in Kolkata biryani or the French fries with your burger, –  it just accentuates the colour, texture and appeal of the main dish without ruining the authenticity of the predominant element in the dish. I too take on various responsibilities in my life and execute them effortlessly. So much so that everyone’s problems become mine but not vice-versa. So while I share the professional stress of Mr. Husband or the academic goals of the child, my frustrations remain just mine. I manage, tackle, and handle others while coping with mine all alone. Such ‘potato-ish’ in nature!

The best of the potato comes in extreme heat – when you deep fry it and make the heavenly French fries/wedges/‘aloo bhaja’ (Bengali term for fried potatoes). I too deliver my best in the worst. The higher the heat ( problems, hurdles) the better my performance. Be it a family crisis, a health issue, or a career concern  – I take my best foot forward and deal with it till it’s over.

What a couch potato I am! My greatest joy lies in snuggling inside the blanket, with a hot cuppa and enjoying Netflix all the way! But of course, this is a distant dream, given the 24-hour relentless responsibilities I am obliged to execute. But, what I want to point out, is that even my dreams feature a potato – a couch potato to be precise!

When are potatoes given their dues! I mean, it’s always a great BIRYANI, a lip-smacking BURGER or a perfectly GRILLED MEAT! The potato silently exists, accentuating the appeal and creating a wholesome culinary experience. It never expects compliments, nor does it get one. I too silently work, making everything hunky dory! My worth lies in meaningful existence and that is reiterated by my omnipresence in everything –  big or small  – in my family.

Who wouldn’t love to be the meat of the biryani or the cheese in the Burger? Who relates with a sidekick like a potato? After all meat, and cheese – get the spotlight and bask in the glory as everyone craves and glorifies it.

But again when have I craved recognition? Just like the omnipresence of potatoes – in every cuisine, I am the omnipresent but subtle component, in the journey of my family! I might not be always celebrated but I matter. A potato is happy being able to be part of a delectable dish. My greatest bliss lies in being the X-factor in the joyous and glorious journey of my family.

In the bustling city of Mumbai, amidst the clatter of keyboards and the murmur of office chatter, Meera*, a software developer and a new mother, faces a dilemma that stresses her daily routine. It is time to pump breast milk for her six-month-old son. While her office has a designated smoking area, there’s no lactation room in sight. The only place available to her is a cramped restroom stall that lacked privacy and cleanliness.

Meera’s predicament isn’t an isolated one; it’s shared by countless lactating mothers across corporate India, who juggle the dual demands of motherhood and career. While breastfeeding is a natural part of life, many workplaces in India treat it as an almost taboo subject, leaving women like Meera in uncomfortable situations, torn between their professional responsibilities and maternal instincts.

Societal norms dictate that we shy away from discussing breastfeeding, fueling the prevailing workplace taboo. However, as workplaces become increasingly diverse and inclusive, companies are beginning to recognise that supporting lactating mothers is not just a matter of equity or compliance but also a catalyst for enhancing employee loyalty, satisfaction, and productivity.

Addressing the issue of breastfeeding at work is crucial in dismantling gender barriers and ensuring that women do not have to choose between their careers and their children’s well-being.

The taboos surrounding breastfeeding in the workplace

Breastfeeding in the workplace in India is a subject mired in societal and cultural complexities. The need for clear policies supporting breastfeeding in the workplace reflects and perpetuates the cultural reluctance to discuss or accommodate it.

Here are some of the factors contributing to the ‘hush-hush’ halo around the subject:

1. There is a pervasive belief that breastfeeding is a private activity that undermines the professional environment. This belief stems from the idea that society expects a woman to separate her role as a mother entirely from her identity as a professional.
2. Cultural norms often dictate that women alone should handle child-rearing, including breastfeeding, and keep these activities confined to the home.
3. The emphasis on modesty for women in many Indian cultures can create barriers to breastfeeding or expressing milk in a workplace setting, where privacy is often insufficient.
4. Despite all the focus on DE&I, the workplaces in India, especially at the top end of the hierarchy, continue to be male-dominated ones, leading to a significant gap in awareness and support structures for breastfeeding mothers’ needs among employers.

Some real life instances

These real-life anecdotes illustrate the challenges emanating from a lack of support for breastfeeding at work:

• Anita*, a financial analyst in Mumbai, faced a gruelling dilemma. Her infant son, who was not adapting well to bottle-feeding, needed her to nurse directly. With no provisions at her workplace for breastfeeding or pumping, Anita had no choice but to make an hour round trip commute home twice a day to feed her baby. This not only led to a significant loss of work hours but also added to her physical exhaustion and emotional stress.
• Preeti*, a lecturer at a private college in Delhi, shared her story of returning to work post-maternity leave with dread. She would often have to miss out on important meetings or lecture slots because they clashed with her baby’s feeding times. The lack of scheduling flexibility and a private space to pump left her feeling isolated and overwhelmed.
• Working in a predominantly male-dominated manufacturing plant in Pune, Manisha* found it daunting to even broach the topic of needing breaks for breastfeeding. The lack of female restrooms, let alone a lactation room, meant she eventually gave up breastfeeding earlier than she wanted to, impacting her child’s health and her emotional well-being.

These stories underline the urgent need for a shift in both mindset and policy to support breastfeeding mothers in the Indian workplace.

The Maternity Benefit Act 2017: a right but incomplete step

The Maternity Benefit Act 2017 increased the maternity leave available to working women from 12 weeks to 26 weeks for the first two children. It also introduced an option for nursing mothers to work from home, subject to the nature of employment and with mutual agreement between the woman and her employer. It further mandates a creche facility in every establishment with 50 or more employees, separate or along with shared facilities, allowing women four daily visits to the creche.

While the Act seeks to protect the rights of pregnant and nursing mothers, emphasising their entitlement to breastfeeding breaks, it stops short of specifying the nature and privacy of the space provided for breastfeeding or pumping, leaving room for varied interpretations and implementations across workplaces. While large companies like Accenture, TCS, Infosys and Google do provide separate lactation rooms and flexible work arrangements for nursing mothers, many of the small and medium enterprises that employ a bulk of the labour force are yet to adapt to this Act, leaving a lot of working mothers in uncertainty and doubt.

It would help if the Maternity Benefit Act were to borrow from the corresponding laws of its Western counterparts and be amended to make direct facilities, such as designated lactation rooms and specific accommodations for breastfeeding or milk expression, at the workplace. Some Western countries also impose fines and other penalties for non-compliance with workplace breastfeeding accommodations, a step which may result in better compliance in a developing country like India.

At present, the disparity in laws and their enforcement often forces women in India to choose between their careers and children, leading to an “either-or” situation. The inadequate support for breastfeeding mothers in the workplace is a significant factor contributing to many women dropping out of the workforce.

The path to inclusion: how can companies support breastfeeding mothers?

Creating a supportive and stigma-free environment for breastfeeding mothers in the workplace is more than a legislative issue; it’s about cultivating a culture that acknowledges and respects women’s dual roles as professionals and mothers. Traditional gender roles in India contribute to less urgency in providing workplace accommodations for breastfeeding. Companies must overcome gender stereotypes to promote and nurture an environment supporting mothers’ and children’s health and well-being as part of their organisation’s commitment to diversity, equity, and inclusivity.

A supportive workplace can significantly reduce the stress on lactating mothers, increase their engagement and productivity, and enhance employee retention. The following steps can help companies promote inclusion and support breastfeeding mothers:

Breastfeeding-friendly policies

Companies should develop clear, written policies that support breastfeeding. These policies must outline the rights and benefits available to lactating mothers, ensuring they are well-communicated during onboarding and through regular updates.

Lactation rooms

Employers should provide accessible, hygienic, private lactation rooms that are not bathrooms. Employers should equip these rooms with comfortable seating, a flat surface other than the floor for a breast pump and other supplies, and provide access to electricity for pumping equipment. Additionally, the employer should offer refrigeration facilities to store expressed milk safely. They must also locate these spaces conveniently to minimise the time mothers spend away from their workstations.

Flexible schedules

Flexibility in work schedules can be a tremendous support for breastfeeding mothers. Allowing new mothers to adjust their work hours to align with their baby’s feeding schedule or offering to work from home can significantly ease the stress of balancing work and breastfeeding.

Educational workshops

Companies should organise regular educational workshops and training programs for all employees to build a supportive workplace culture. These workshops can cover the importance of breastfeeding, how it benefits both the baby and the mother, and how coworkers can support lactating mothers.

Education helps normalise breastfeeding within the corporate environment and can break down barriers of misunderstanding and stigma.

Leading by example

Leadership plays a critical role in shaping company culture. When company leaders and influencers actively support and normalise breastfeeding, it sets a powerful example for the rest of the organisation. Leaders can demonstrate support by ensuring that breastfeeding-friendly policies are in place, practised, and respected. They can also acknowledge and celebrate breastfeeding mothers’ efforts, promoting a culture of acceptance and normalisation.

By implementing these steps, companies not only comply with legal requirements but also demonstrate a commitment to the well-being of their employees and their families.

Embracing inclusion goes beyond employer’s moral responsibility

Embracing inclusion in the workplace, especially for breastfeeding mothers, goes beyond moral responsibility; it offers tangible, long-term benefits for companies. A supportive environment improves employee morale, as individuals feel valued and understood by their employers. This nurturing atmosphere leads to greater employee loyalty and retention, reducing turnover costs and preserving organisational knowledge.

Moreover, it enhances diversity that leads to inclusion by enabling women to remain and advance in the workforce after childbirth.

By investing in breastfeeding facilities, companies will reap the rewards of a dedicated and diverse workforce, driving their success and reputation in the market.

The last word: foster inclusivity to nurture futures

The current scenario in India presents a dichotomy where breastfeeding, while celebrated as a vital aspect of motherhood, remains shrouded in silence within the workplace. The taboos and stigma associated with expressing milk at work are symptomatic of deep-rooted cultural norms that need to evolve. As the workplace diversifies and embraces inclusivity, we must challenge and change these outdated notions.

Bridging the gap between Indian laws and global standards is imperative for creating a genuinely inclusive environment. This alignment is not just about legal compliance but about embracing the spirit of diversity and inclusion that those laws represent. It’s about creating a workplace that not only accommodates but also celebrates every aspect of its employees’ lives, including motherhood.

Organisations should go beyond mere compliance and proactively cultivate a breastfeeding-friendly environment to create a more supportive, empathetic, and productive workplace.

The leaders of today should proactively act to transform the Indian workplace into a space where mothers can thrive without the fear of stigma or the stress of logistical nightmares. This is the least that working mothers deserve.

* Names changed to protect privacy.

In a recent statement in the Rajya Sabha, Smriti Irani dismissed the idea of paid period leave, arguing that menstruation is not a handicap and expressing concerns about potential economic hindrances. This article critically examines this perspective, shedding light on the crucial need to acknowledge and support women’s health, both medically and socially.

Menstruation is a biological reality

Unveiling the Complexity

Let’s dispel the notion that menstruation is a trivial biological process. Medically, it involves a complex interplay of hormonal changes impacting women’s physical and mental well-being.

The agony of dysmenorrhea

Scientifically known as dysmenorrhea, menstrual pain is a legitimate medical condition. Prostaglandins released during menstruation lead to uterine contractions, causing a spectrum of pain from mild discomfort to debilitating agony.

What’s the medical perspective? Why paid period leave matters

Beyond endurance

Understanding period pain in medical terms is crucial. Research shows that severe pain can significantly impair concentration, productivity, and overall job performance, debunking the myth that women can effortlessly power through their work during menstruation.

Equality in the workplace: dispelling misconceptions

Recognizing Reality

Paid period leave is not about treating menstruation as a handicap; it’s about acknowledging the biological reality women face monthly. It ensures that women can manage their symptoms without compromising their economic opportunities, fostering a workplace that values health irrespective of gender.

There are long-term benefits to having period leave for employees

Contrary to the argument that paid period leave hinders economic opportunities, fostering an inclusive workplace that accommodates women’s needs contributes to increased satisfaction, retention, and productivity. In essence, it fosters gender equality by dismantling barriers that disproportionately affect women.

Feminism and menstrual health

Challenging Stereotypes

From a feminist perspective, Irani’s statement reflects a broader societal issue: the tendency to minimize or dismiss women’s experiences. Feminism advocates for the recognition of women’s bodily autonomy and the right to access accommodations that acknowledge and address their unique experiences.

Globally, there is a shift towards progress and a recognition of the issue

Leading the way

The global shift towards recognizing and implementing paid period leave demonstrates a growing acknowledgment of the benefits for both individuals and organizations. Countries and companies embracing this policy recognize that prioritizing women’s well-being fosters a healthier and more productive workforce.

Progressive leadership

Several global leaders have adopted paid period leave policies as a proactive measure to promote gender equality and destigmatize menstruation. This not only demonstrates a commitment to creating inclusive workplaces but also sets an example for others to follow.

Conclusion

In essence, Smriti Irani’s statement misses the mark on understanding the intricacies of women’s health and the broader implications of paid period leave. Shifting the narrative from viewing menstruation as a hindrance is imperative. Advocating for paid period leave is not a sign of weakness; it is a call for workplace policies that genuinely commit to gender equality and the well-being of all employees.

Join the conversation on women’s health and workplace equality. Share your thoughts on paid period leave using #PeriodEquality. Let’s work together to create workplaces that prioritize the well-being of all employees, irrespective of gender. Your voice matters in fostering a more inclusive and supportive future.

Why is Thalassemia screening during pregnancy a must? Explore the importance of early detection, informed decision-making, and optimizing care for a healthier maternal and child future.

Pregnancy is an incredible journey that brings joy and anticipation to families around the world. However, it is crucial to prioritize the health and well-being of both the mother and the unborn child during this transformative time.

One vital aspect of prenatal care is the screening for genetic disorders, particularly thalassemia. In this blog post, we will explore the importance of screening for thalassemia during pregnancy and why it is a crucial step in ensuring a healthy future for both mother and child.

Understanding Thalassemia

Thalassemia is an inherited blood disorder characterized by abnormal production of haemoglobin, the protein responsible for carrying oxygen throughout the body. Individuals with thalassemia have reduced or abnormal haemoglobin, leading to anaemia and potential complications.

This disorder can be passed from parent to child, making it essential to identify carriers or individuals with thalassemia traits during pregnancy.

Read more: Cord Blood Banking: Facts, Misconceptions & Realities

Early detection and prevention of Thalassemia

Screening for thalassemia during pregnancy allows healthcare providers to identify carriers and potential cases of the disorder. By conducting simple blood tests, such as complete blood count (CBC) and haemoglobin electrophoresis, medical professionals can determine the presence of thalassemia traits or the disorder itself.

Early detection empowers healthcare providers to take appropriate steps to ensure a healthy pregnancy and provide proper care for the child.

Informed decision-making

Screening offers parents-to-be important information that enables them to make informed decisions about their pregnancy. If both parents are carriers of the thalassemia gene, there is a risk of having a child with thalassemia major, a severe form of the disorder.

Armed with this knowledge, parents can consult with healthcare professionals, genetic counsellors, and other experts to understand the potential risks, available treatments, and options for family planning.

Read more: My Story Of No Emotional Support Through Pregnancy, Childbirth, & Postnatal Depression…

Optimizing treatment and care

When thalassemia is detected during pregnancy, medical teams can develop a comprehensive care plan to optimize the health outcomes for both the mother and the baby. Regular monitoring and specialized interventions can be implemented to address any potential complications associated with the disorder.

This proactive approach helps ensure that appropriate treatments, such as blood transfusions or chelation therapy, are administered promptly.

Read more: Blood Donation

Preparing for the future

Screening during pregnancy not only helps manage immediate health concerns but also prepares parents for the future. If a child is diagnosed with thalassemia, parents can gain insights into available support networks, educational resources, and advancements in treatment options.

They can connect with support groups, healthcare providers, and other families dealing with thalassemia, which can offer emotional support and guidance for the journey ahead.

Read more: Managing work when your child is sick

Conclusion

The screening of thalassemia during pregnancy is a vital step in ensuring the health and well-being of both the mother and the child. Early detection empowers parents with crucial information, allowing them to make informed decisions, access specialized care, and plan for the future.

By embracing thalassemia screening as part of prenatal care, we can work together to create healthier generations and brighter futures for families worldwide.

Recommended read:

• 26 FAQs On Breast Milk Pumping, Storage, And Donation To Human Milk Banks
• 6 Most Common Cancers In Women
• As Caregiver For 2 Family Members With Mental Illness, Mother’s Day For Me Is About A Different Kind Of Love…

Image source: CanvaPro

The internet is going berserk with the recent hullabaloo over rumours of Aishwarya and Abhishek’s separation.

And there are already teams!

The Aishwarya Rai Team thinks Aishwarya is a poor tortured bahu and blames MIL Jaya and SIL Shweta for separation.

The Jaya Team believes Bahurani must be the vamp.

Social media is divided between these two teams and trollers are leaving no stone unturned to support their team.

Dear whatever team you are! I would like to say that firstly, we don’t even know yet if there is a separation or not! Secondly, how is it your business to defend or blame a person you don’t even know in person?

Do you really think that Aish’s in-laws can really torture her and make her life a living hell?

They are two talented and successful women!

Aishwarya was and still is a global icon.

She is strong, independent, beautiful, successful and perfect in every way. Do you really think she can be tamed, provoked, or controlled by anyone? I am not saying that domestic violence cannot happen to strong women. But blaming the other party without knowing what is going on inside their family is insane.

Also, are you aware that according to a report, Aishwarya Rai’s net worth is estimated to be around Rs. 776 crores, which makes her one of the richest actresses in Bollywood? Why the hell will she seek divorce if her father-in-law is giving his own house worth Rs. 50.63 crores to his own daughter? She is rich enough to buy such materialistic things for herself.

On the other hand, Jaya Bachchan herself is a strong and successful person who must be aware of her Bahu’s status and personality. She or her daughter never spoke anything against Aishwarya in any interview.

Then what all this fuss is about?

They both are successful and admirable women. Stop pitting them against each other on social media. Even if the couple is getting divorced, it is none of your business to comment about it. Just let them be unless she comes to you for your opinions and help.

It is beyond my understanding why people start favouring one person and cursing another whenever they hear “DIVORCE”. It is fine for any couple to get separated and live happily apart if things don’t work out between them or if they grow out of love, even after decades of being together.

Yes, it is appalling to see a beautiful Jodi like theirs break, however, we are no one to troll any of their family members right? Getting married was their decision and so will be getting divorced (if they really are).

They might be popular celebrities but they are human beings too, just like us. If you are their fans or well-wishers, just let them be and don’t believe everything the media says.

Celebrity couple Sophie Turner and Joe Jonas are getting divorced, and gossip tabloids are having a field day. For the unversed, Joe Jonas is a musician and one of the Jonas brothers (His younger brother Nick is married to Priyanka Chopra). Sophie Turner is an actress best known for her portrayal of Sansa Stark in Game of Thrones.

The couple announced their amicable split on social media, requesting privacy for them and their two young children.

Once the split was confirmed, the speculation and the mom-shaming began

It was alleged that Sophie had left her two young daughters with Joe in the US while shooting for a movie in the United Kingdom, and that Joe, the dutiful father, cared for his daughters even while he was performing while on tour in the US. While Sophie was painted as the “party-going irresponsible mother” who cared about herself more than her family, Joe was celebrated for being “a good father” and taking care of his children. Netizens called out the misogyny, with many wondering why gender stereotypes still existed.

Sadly, such sexist narratives are very common.

It’s 2023, and we are still confining women to the age-old mold of being the primary caregiver. God forbid if she musters the strength to walk out of a relationship that isn’t working out! She has only one name; that of a ‘bad mother.’

This is not just a phenomenon restricted to Hollywood.

Manju Warrier – Dileep

In India, down South, Manju-Dileep were a celebrity couple. Their fairy-tale romance, their elopement, and marriage were the talk of the town. Manju was in her heyday, an actress who had delivered hit after hit, and a much bigger actress than Dileep at that time. She stepped down and maintained a low profile as Dileep’s wife, making only fleeting public appearances, and then later raising their daughter, Meenakshi.

Sadly, this fairy tale did not end happily.

It came as a shock to many when the couple announced their divorce after years of marriage. But that’s when the mudslinging began. Dileep got custody of Meenakshi. Manju was rumored to have relinquished rights over her daughter, favoring a comeback in cinema. The PR machinery swung into play.

“My heart breaks when I see Meenakshi waking up at 5:30 am, braiding her hair alone and getting ready for school,” Dileep said in an interview, reinforcing Manju’s tag as one who had abandoned her daughter to pursue her dreams.

Samantha Prabhu – Naga Chaitanya

Yet another high-profile divorce case in recent times is the Samantha-Naga Chaitanya split.

Speculations were rife; Sam was the one who didn’t want to have children, and that was the reason behind the divorce. Such unsavory rumors prompted Sam to release a statement:

“Thank you all for showing deep empathy and concern, and for defending me against false rumors and stories that are being spread. They say I had affairs, never wanted children, that I am an opportunist, and now that I have had abortions. A divorce in itself is an extremely painful process. Let alone allowing me the time to heal. This attack on me has been relentless. But I promise you this, I will never allow this or anything else they say, to break me.”

More power to Sam! It takes two tango, and holding just one responsible and piling on the mom-guilt is just not right.

These cases make it easier for people to troll ordinary women undergoing divorce

Ordinary divorces are no different from celebrity ones, when it comes to the shaming, guilt-tripping, and vitriolic judgement. A celebrity is more likely to survive the onslaught; they have the financial means for legal action. But what about the ordinary woman who has neither the strength nor the financial means to fight back? Naysayers scream, demanding why she is selfish and not thinking about her children.

What they forget is that it is not healthy for children to be in a broken home; one where the mother and father do not see eye to eye. Co-parenting peacefully is a much better option than subjecting children to constant disagreements and arguments.  That way they can have two happy homes, rather than one unhappy home.

The long-term impact on the mental health of the child needs to be considered. An acquaintance shied away from any kind of commitment because he had seen the constant tears and fights at his home, and dreaded what his future would look like. While his parents complimented themselves for holding it together for the sake of the children, the scars remained. Imagine children normalizing this kind of behavior, that you stick around no matter what because this is what love or being around for the family means!

A divorce is a breakdown of a relationship and only the parties involved know the reasons. Subjecting them to moral policing or judgment, irrespective of gender, only adds to their trauma. Let’s respect privacy, and allow both parties to heal and move on, without trying to speculate needlessly. This Mom-shaming has to stop!

A note to all the young women struggling

The amount of mental work it takes to recover from a traumatic event cannot be explained.to fall into a loop of serious mental struggles and nobody being able to help and pull you out of that place where the solution is for you to just get up and fight back and break the loop where your biggest enemy is yourself and also your savior as well. The mental strength you develop after fighting back and getting back up after taking continuous blows from life is incomparable. I seriously do feel bad for people who have never been through miserable heart-breaking events throughout their life. Because even though it might seem like a blessing to never have suffered at the hands of bad fate. It also gatekeeps you from experiencing emotions at their peak and in their truest form and also the ability to control and overcome emotions can only be learnt through going through traumatic events. It’s not possible to have empathy without being dragged through the mud where no one showed you empathy. It has always been this way. May be such is the irony of life. To go through misery and heart break is the only way to appreciate happiness and abundance completely. To feel happiness, we have to go through pain.

Thinking about this does bring back some memories, both hurtful and happy which have taught me so much that no one would have ever taught me in my life. I’m grateful for the rotten fruits in my garden because they are the reason, I have learnt to appreciate the good ones.

For young women who are in their early twenties who struggle to find their strength and look for it in other people. Look back at yourself and how you have survived this long. You made it to your twenties despite the struggles and laybacks. You are still flashing a smile every time you look at people. You have learnt to be resilient, confident and forthcoming on your own. Maybe it’s time for you to appreciate yourself a little, maybe it’s time for you to let go a little and maybe it’s time for you to live your life a little.

Sex sells.

And when it comes to women and portrayal of female sexuality through cinematic lens, the folks are all the more intrigued, with their passion lust filled, the male gaze tries to explore all the curves he can find onscreen.

Did we have so much sex, oops I mean sex in the movies of 40’s? We know the answer. In the 50’s it was sizzling hot with Raj – Nargis pair bringing out the thrill of women sexuality in a raw way in Indian Cinema.

“Pyaar hua, ikraar hua hai
Pyaar se phir kyoon darrta hai dil”

Raj Kapoor is considered a living legend. His discovery, the enigmatic Simi Garewal went to make a documentary post his demise. Simi was his heroine, his invention. Now clad in white, she looks no less than a stunning diva. Not to forget she speaks so well. Well, I am getting distracted.

Raj Kapoor’s journey as a filmmaker

I was talking about Raj Kapoor. Born in Peshawar, he was an actor who later turned into a film writer, producer, and director. Recipient of several awards, he was at the epitome of his career in the 50s. He made several hits. We very much know quite a few of them. The thinker in me posed a question to self: “Isn’t this man the one who introduced raw sexuality in the Indian Cinemas?”

I was a little girl back then when I watched his movie “Mera Naam Joker” after his demise. Though I couldn’t understand a thing about it then, I later realized where he had taken female sexuality to. A chubby child, a student falling in love with his teacher, eyes feasting on her legs when she falls in the river and then fantasizing her nude?

The boy who acted was none other but his son, the Late Rishi Kapoor. How can one even think about it? It’s a sin, man, it’s a sin. Yes, romanticizing a teacher, and then God knows what else cannot be taken in the right spirit. I would like to pose this question to Simi: what made her agree to such a role? Raj Kapoor may be her mentor, but what is wrong is wrong.

Sex sold his movies, yes!

In Satyam Shivam Sundaram, why was Zeenat Aman exposed so much? The camera constantly focused on her cleavages and curves. If the content is good (which it actually was) then why strip a woman so much so that the female audience in particular finds it embarrassing? The movie is based on beauty, how a good look can capture a man to the extent that he leaves his newly wedded wife only to run to the arms of his lover. Apparently, his wife and his lover are the same woman. Yet, sex sold.

Mandakini in Ram Teri Ganga Maili was furiously vulnerable. With bare breasts, the beauty was exposed in all possible vulgar ways a man can do under the label of sobriety. The film dragged controversial reviews but otherwise, it was a big hit. One thing I must admit is that this particular film has also portrayed our patriarchal society in a very unabashed way.

The men were ruthless, and sex-starved, and that is a fact that we face even today. Women’s breasts are an object of man’s fantasy, and Raj Kapoor left no stone unturned to prove it.

Where is Mandakini now? I have heard she had married a spiritual master and is a mother to a charming son. What dragged her to live in a monastery now? Is it repentance? Okay, that’s none of my business.

Raj Kapoor’s own chemistry with Nargis was tumultuous. He was married, he had children but both carried their steamy affair until the day Nargis realized that he used her. He never loved her let alone marry. Though, it is said, that Raj Kapoor had locked himself the whole day in his room, gulping down drinks on the day Nargis got married to a much younger Sunil Dutt. Unable to bear this trauma Raj Kapoor’s wife went into depression.

A family of misogynist men who objectified women

Any woman in her place would have been in the same pitiful state. And that reminds me of the tragic hero, Guru Dutt and his love for two women. But there is a difference between Kapoor and Dutt. Kapoor made bold movies while Dutt’s were all tragedies. Kapoor introduced sex in cinema and Dutt induced depression in a black and white world.

If I study RK’s films, Kapoor’s male characters in all these classics were from his family. It is also said RK wouldn’t allow women in his family to work in movies until his grand-daughter Karishma broke the taboo. If you subtly think, you will realize the reason behind this ban. RK’s films were so full of sex and impurities that he didn’t want his female bloodline to carry the stink.

In closure, I say it’s not necessary to bring sex in every movie, unlike how it is in Raj Kapoor’s movies. We have made several blockbusters and our film industry is a witness to how well those movies have faired in the market. Sex sells but that is desperation, and it shows how needy and lusty one can be. Having said this, I ask the legend Raj Kapoor to forgive me for being a big mouth. It goes without saying that he was a man far ahead of his time. He stole hearts of billions and his legacy carries forward.

Long live Raj Kapoor, the man who introduced raw sexuality of women in Indian Cinema!

Image Source: Still from the film Satyam Shivam Sundaram

On our first trip as a newly married couple, I fell sick. I could hardly move around or eat. The husband did everything for me until I requested that he wash the soaked undergarments. “What? You are on your period!”

“Yes, so?”

“I can’t.” He said it bluntly. That was enough to ruin the romance.

***

Today, the same man sits beside his youngest, talking to her as she lies on her bed, writhing in pain from the cramps. He even removes her ‘panties’ and soaks them in a tub.

To see him change over the years is a revelation

Now, I can’t blame him, right? He grew up in a typical environment where menstruation was a ‘hush hush’ affair. He had no inkling why his mother took to bed every month complaining of stomach aches. No one in the family gave her any medicine or took her to the doctor. The boy grew up unaware and tight-lipped until his path crossed with Khoi.

Khoi is our four-year-old rescue—a mixed breed and a female pup. We brought her home in 2020. Everyone had warned us not to bring her home, for she would be a mess during her ‘cycle’. But my 11-year-old boy held his ground. He had reminded me that, as a female, if I did not give the pup a chance, then who would? We brought home our bundle of joy. Well-wishers advised us to get her spayed* (surgery to remove her reproductive organs) immediately. But we didn’t.

***

It’s been three years since Khoi has been with us. And it’s that time of the year again when red spots line the floor. Red stains on the bedding. On the sofa. Everywhere. The children patiently take turns wiping them away. Yes, ‘tis the time when Khoi bleeds. She experiences heat in October or November. Heat is when a female dog is fertile and can become pregnant. She bleeds from her vulva.

How everyone at home pitches in

We had never witnessed a dog in heat before.

The first cycle started when I was away for a walk. The children immediately called me up to say that there was blood. We checked her thoroughly for a wound and then concluded that it was nothing but her cycle. The daughter offered her panties and we cut a hole in it for the tail to stick out. For the first time, we saw how it is to bleed. Writhing in pain. Lethargic. Vomiting frequently. Refusing to eat and demanding more and more cuddles. We researched on the internet and spoke to doctors for more information, only to realise that not many people have much idea about a ‘dog on heat.’ My children, especially my son, deduced a checklist to attend to our menstruating dog!

The idea was to make her comfortable. Layers were added to her bedding so that, even if they were stained, they could be removed and washed. Her bedding was regularly washed and sprayed to avoid any stink. Wet wipes are used to clean the stains. The children are always hovering around to massage her tummy. They have ‘discovered’ that if a tummy massage is given, the restless dog immediately calms down and falls asleep. Homeopathic medicines are given to relieve her of the cramps. I have been instructed to cook whatever she likes and not force-feed her. The helpers have strict instructions not to disturb Khoi while she is resting.

Over the years, I have seen my children grow with every cycle

Today, they are 14 and 8 years old and know a lot about menstruation. While the boy’s introduction to ‘periods’ began after his sister’s birth, the younger one has learned a lot over the last three years. They are not repulsed by the sight of blood. Nor do they feel uncomfortable soaking a stained panty in warm water. The sight of blood dripping from the dog’s vulva doesn’t make them uncomfortable, for this is just a natural process.

‘Periods’ is not a restricted topic. We talk about my cycle. They know whether my dates are regular or irregular or how I am faring in comparison to the last month. It’s exciting to see them actively involved. It’s equally rewarding to raise a boy who advises his mother to take it easy during her periods and keeps talking to his sister about the biology behind it.

How others who interact with us responded to this

Khoi’s cycle lasts for almost 21 days every year. Over the years, our helpers have gotten habituated to it. My helper remarked, “I never knew dogs could get periods. It’s a shock to me but also a learning experience. I have become more empathetic towards female dogs.”

When we have guests, we have a standard protocol. We explain the concepts of ‘heat and cycle’ to them. It’s interesting to note their varied reactions. Watching a dog roam around in panties is a strange sight. Some laugh. Some ridicule us, while others sit back and listen to the whole story. Some have left our house in a huff, probably disgusted at the sight. We can’t blame them. If we can’t accept women menstruating, how can we accept a dog?

My daughter, who knows every detail about menstruation at the age of eight, shared the knowledge with her friends. Unfortunately, when the parents of her friends heard about it, they termed my child ‘paka’, a Bengali word, negatively used to label a child ‘too ripe for her age.’ Reports were also made to the concerned teacher that my daughter was spreading age-inappropriate information. The incident serves to show how backwards we are.

As parents, we need to prepare ourselves before we start preparing our children

We need to drill into our minds that this topic is not ‘taboo.’ If we, as parents, still consider menstruation taboo, then how can we expect people around us to act better? How can we create a society that is more sympathetic to our daughters? And remember, this is not just meant for our girls. It applies to our sons. As partners, they will play a huge role in supporting our daughters and defeating these restrictions on menstruation.

Let’s engage in a conversation. Let’s talk more about it. Openly and freely. And remember, it always begins at home.

Image source: by Aleksandr Potashev from Getty Images Free for Canva Pro

WeAce is a platform that is in the business of making workplaces more productive, progressive, and gender balanced, as their mission statement says.

Recently, WeAce, along with Women’s Web, ran a blogathon for women on the topic: She-E-O’s: Do Women At the top Elevate Everyone – including men?

We had a deluge of entries, and the top 20 have been featured on the WeAce blog.

Let’s look at the 11 entries (in alphabetical order) that speak of how women’s innate way of working, their leadership qualities, can make them powerful leaders.

Ananya Satapathy

Every woman born today has dreams she wants to realize, but society is still unwelcoming to any young woman’s aspirations to dream big. With societal expectations still holding women back, a handful of women chose to break barriers and climb up the ladder, inspiring others to unleash their potential. The depth of diversity, empathy, and adaptability displayed by women CEOs today drives significant growth in not just the company but in the people around them too.

Read the entry here.

Anindita Rath

Historically, leadership roles were often reserved for men. However, women have always excelled in making important decisions, especially within households. In recent times, female CEOs have challenged these stereotypes, proving that leadership is not confined by gender. Men, inspired by these trailblazing women, are encouraged to question their own biases about traditional gender roles. This
shift in attitude benefits society by tearing down barriers and promoting equality in all aspects of life.

Read the entry here.

Ansi AbdulKarim

Women also have that trait of active listening (thanks to the many chances one gets since childhood!). Actively listening to your team or your fellow employees and actioning on their pain points, making their life a little bit easier, one step at a time – the happiness and trust this brings to an organization cannot be described in enough words. When you have established trust, the rest comes easily. After all it is an organisation that values trust and integrity that everyone would like to be a part of

Read the entry here.

Anu Jayaraj

Most traditional cultures around the world through years of brainwashing taught men and even women that leadership qualities are only possessed by men. Women were only meant to be gentle, and weak and no expectations were set on them other than nurturing and tending to the needs of their families. Women are always portrayed with emotions while men are generalized as brave and risk-takers.

Read the entry here.

Anushree N

We women have fought for the rights to vote, to get educated, to work in all leading sectors as equal to men but failed to hear and encourage the women in our own home, be it our daughter, our mother, our grandmother, our sister or our daughter-in-law, by not letting them be their own self by considering gender norms. Many women still believe their identity as a father’s daughter, husband’s wife and children’s mother and take immense pride in it, but little do they know about their own power, tethering in a survival mode.

Read the entry here.

Arunthathi Thiyagarajah

The saying goes ‘Empowered Women Empower Women’. But I feel, it must change according to the current world. It should go as ‘Empowered Women Empower ALL. Since women know how it is to be appreciated and recognized, they would want everyone to feel the same way. Hence they take that extra
mile to help others to achieve something big. They make an effort, they try to help people elevate
themselves to reach the top level.

Read the entry here.

Durba Chakraborty

The battle is tough, but women are paving their own path of victory. In the last few years, the panorama of leadership witnessed the emergence of powerful women leaders who grabbed the throne for themselves using their wit, strength and determination, thereby making a deep-rooted impact in society and inspiring the younger generations. Be it corporate, educational or political, the women trailblazers have made inimitable contributions and have demonstrated their hardships by achieving unparalleled success.

Read the entry here.

K.N. Vindhya Sri

Women are adept at understanding the workplace culture with a high level of clarity delving into the reality of the situation and providing workable solutions to all issues from every angle. They take center stage to resolve complex issues with ease and ability in many areas. Women have immense power to collaborate between teams, gel, vibe, multi-task and seamlessly mingle with people across different verticals with humility.

Read the entry here.

Raga Deepika

To gain further understanding of how women are excellent leaders and have the capacity to lead everyone, including men, allow me to narrate to you a story. This is the story of She. She’s story has to be understood since every story has power encapsulated in it. A few illustrations of women whose stories have impacted the society at large and led to societal growth include that of Sudha Murthy, Anandi Gopal Joshi etc

Read the entry here.

Shalli Gadia

The presence of women in executive roles challenges deeply entrenched gender stereotypes and preconceived notions about leadership. It sends a resounding message that leadership capability transcends gender. Men working under female leaders have the opportunity to witness firsthand the effectiveness of diverse leadership styles, thus broadening their understanding of what constitutes effective leadership. This exposure encourages personal and professional growth and fosters a more progressive and open-minded organizational culture.

Read the entry here.

Shipra Sharma

Women at the top have different meanings and it varies women-to-women. We all have mothers, some are housewives and some do a job, regardless of that they take care of the whole household. In a male-dominant country, it’s a woman who is taking care of the system internally and managing everything. From sending her kids to school for their education, and making lunch for her husband and the family. She takes care of their health by serving them good healthy, nutritious food which helps elevate them physically.

Read the entry here.

You can read all the articles here.