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Trigger Warning: This deals with dowry harassment, suicide, and death, and may be triggering to survivors.
9th December 2023 17:01 PM
Somehow the mentioning of the date feels as though we have progressed. But the more we move ahead the more it seems we are still shackled to the same unyielding stakes Let me tell you a story before proceeding further.
In the Grade X English textbook of CBSE, there is a tale of a young pockmarked stuttering girl. She was christened Sulekha but everyone called her Bholi, the simpleton. Uncared for and untended, she is sent to the village school.
As she grows up, her marriage is fixed with a lout older than her father, who demands greater dowry on seeing her marked face. As the parents beg the man not to put them through shame by walking off, Bholi stands tall and calls off the marriage, promising to look after them because she was now educated and capable.
By this very daring action, she becomes Sulekha, the writer of her own destiny.
Education, one expects is a leveller, that sets you free. Especially if you are a girl. But apparently not for a Kerala girl. That too a Doctor. Not just any doctor, but a Post-graduate student in Surgery. That too in a government college.
Can you imagine how intelligent this woman could be?
This girl who is so accomplished by normal Indian standards, got a marriage proposal from another doctor, who was incidentally the state president of the Kerala Medical Post-Graduate Association.
This Bas#$@% then walked out of the marriage because the girl’s family fell short of his exorbitant dowry demands. Over a BMW!
The girl and boy knew each other for long. Broken-hearted, that her beau after promising love and wanting to cement the same with marriage, still made undue monetary demands, she took her life.
Forget the reel animal, this was the real deal in flesh and making.
The friend turned fiend? His uncouth parents who felt no discomfort seeking the price of their boy? Or the girl’s parents who should have ideally refused to kowtow to the groom’s dowry clamour, telling him off?
What a waste of a precious life that could have touched so many, cured multiple and made a difference because they say an educated girl is a generational shift in fortunes. Not only does she rise, she takes the family along!
Yes, one isn’t expected to speak ill of the dead. But I am angry. Sure, there was a demand for gold, but how did she not understand she was THE gold? Was she not brought up with that unwavering belief?
Yes everyone wants money, but should one forget how valuable one is!
Raise your daughters right and ready to fight! Fill them with a sense of great self-worth. Let them flower knowing they are the game-changers. Tell them daily. They aren’t just the sum total of a title change. And that marriage is merely a stage and a part of life. Not her whole definer, her existential marker So that even in this day and time, we don’t see such tragedies!
Image source: by Champa Bangari from Getty Images Free for Canva Pro
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9 December, 2023 – I will surely remember this day. Neither it’s my birthday, nor my daughter’s but special in the sense that I chose to watch the movie “Animal”. The theatre was almost full un like other movies which I have watched in Miraj Fun Fiesta and I found people clicking pictures with the banners of Animal. Sam Bahadur played in the next screen but Mumbai crowd is different. They preferred this one. What do I call this crowd? Can I give it a name? Maybe crazy and I am a part of it.
With the entry of Ranvijay Singh aka Ranbir Kapoor the crowd welcomed him with lot of hootings. I could hear some of them even screaming “Jiyo Guru”, “Kya Baat”, “Mazaa aa gaya” et al. Ranvijay Singh sported a bun in his hair which I found silly and immature. There was so much of chaos going on the screen that I couldn’t even decipher the storyline. Someone was getting engaged and Ranvijay Singh seemed upset. Later I could make out that he wanted to marry the would be bride Geetanjali aka Rashmika Mandanna who at that addressed him as ‘brother’. Ho hum!
Geetanjali is brain washed and she chooses Ranvijay Singh. Much to the angst of all the family members, to be honest I couldn’t follow who the members were but that doesn’t matter anyway, these two get married. That too in an aero plane which knew how to fly without a pilot. Later it was shown that both the bride and groom knew how to fly a plane. While the entire theatre was thrilled with such a rush of adrenaline with the young couples holding their hands, dreaming of such a splendid honeymoon and enjoying the movie I broke into a laughter.
There were snow caped mountains, a temple amidst snow where they park the plane and get married. A priest was arranged (the Almighty knows from where) and he chants mantra as directed by our Alpha male Ranvijay Singh. There is a love making sensuous session followed by the bride and groom taking baths, changing into towels and then designer saris and Kurta, everything but in a plane. Trust me I want that plane now. Its magic everywhere.
Balbir Singh aka our uncle Anil Kapoor turns out to be the father of Ranvijay. Poor Ranvijay craved for his father’s attention but Balbir was too busy building his empire. Amidst all these bedlam I could see flashbacks of Ranvijay taking a gun in his school to take revenge on some hoodlums who had been ragging his sister. No action was taken against him and the teacher stood like a statue while Ranvijay fired the bullets. Then there were lot of fights with Ranvijay bleeding heavily. To my horror songs were played when these fights took place.
There was a brand new weapon which if given permission to Indian Army can forever shut all the wars. The weapon was unique. It resembled a monster tied up with hollow pipes. It had an adjustable hoody and a driver’s seat. Ranvijay takes charge, kills his enemies but ultimately gets badly injured. He goes in coma, loses his hearing and smelling sense, bones have multiple fractures, his urinary bladder is severed and he had to be on a small catheter and last but not the least he needs a heart transplant. I froze. How come a person with so many injuries survive? I wanted him to live. I wanted comedy in my life which has been missing since so long.
One personal fact I would like to share, I too have a big pelvis but my baby weighed only 2.5 Kilos at birth. I almost fainted. Deep in my mind I started contemplating to be a mother again and raise a fat baby. But then I am single. How do I go about it? The film even has a solution for it. Adultery is the new game now. With entry of Zoya Riyaz aka Tripti Dimrii, Ranvijay enters into a relationship with her. No one takes an objection and sex was a child’s play. Did I mention that by this time Ranvijay has completely recovered and had strolled naked to prove that his organs are fully functional.
I don’t know what happened to the storyline except I could hear Ranvijay asking Zoya to lick his boots and she almost did it. I froze yet again. The unchastity did not have much of a consequence and there were some sobbing of Geetanjali with Ranvijay again firing bullet and things coming back to normal. What happens to Zoya, I don’t know. The audiences were fully charged up with repetition of love making scenes and horny dialogues, I guess it was only me who was then planning to write a review on this particular movie.
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Abrar ul Haque aka Bobby Deol needs a beating for sure. Why sign such a kiddish film and that too in a hilarious role? He happens to get married, get the news of his brother getting killed during his nikah, takes out the frustration on his newly wedded wife and consummates in front of all the baratis. I wanted to leave now. I was done except I was gobbling on a large samosa and wanted to savor it with full delight.
I don’t want to rant on the movie anymore. Sandeep Reddy Vanga has made a mockery of the Indian Cinemas. With feminists including me shouting to stop this movie, Vanga has royally made a mockery of patriarchy too. All his characters are mentally unstable and I personally felt Vanga needs therapy and counseling sessions. Bobby Deol’s throat was chopped like a wood been hacked by a saw and I felt a tinge of bile rising up my throat.
Sorry, but this movie neither promotes nor demotes patriarchy. It’s an adult comedy and if you are depressed then you can have a good laugh. Feminists like me need not worry anymore and men can roam stark naked when he wishes. Did I say I heard some boys applauding the action sequences, calling them fantastic and something which they had just learnt? I guess these teens would use these skills when they have a next fight with their comrades.
In closure I say I am thankful to Sandeep Reddy Vanga for directing such a brilliant vaudeville. It’s a stress buster though all the actors wallowed in mediocrity. Nothing great to waste further time writing a review. The film is a criminal wastage of money, time and energy.
We have heard about the mother-child bond. Let me explain to you in simple words. It is a deep emotional bond between the baby and the mother. Why is it so important? It provides the physical and psychological needs of the babies, which provides comfort and protection.
The foundation of this beautiful bond
I have read that a mother nurtures, protects, and develops an unexpressed attachment with the life growing inside her. Until my first pregnancy, I did not understand these words.
My world changed when I first held her. No words could explain the feeling of love and attachment at that moment. There was a strong desire to care for and protect her.
It took time to apprehend the truth
I wanted to be her best mom. I wanted to provide her with the best. The list was endless. As an immature mom, I did not realize that I was wrong. I kept racing to be the super mom. Gradually the reality dawned. Stepping back, I pondered over my mistakes. It was time to act appropriately to rekindle our bond. I spend more time with her. I slowly stopped giving her instructions. But patiently explained things to her. I was willing to give up even though things did not work my way. Slowly, I could see things improving between us. I gave her enough room to come up to me. There were challenges in each step but we could overcome them smoothly.
The second time I chose the right path
I was more experienced and patient when my son was born. So handling him was not difficult. Every kid is unique. So the approach towards them should be different. It was a challenge, but I handled it with ease.
The basis for the child’s personality, decisions in life, and general behavior is laid by this relationship. It can affect their social, physical, mental, and emotional well-being.
How does this bond become strong and unbreakable?
This is a lifelong bond between a mother and her child, one that is hopefully strengthened by years of heart-to-heart conversations, arguments, and eventually the chance to see each other for who they are. We laugh, argue, and discuss without judging each other.
Today, I can relate to how my mother has evolved into my closest friend.
Hot Girl Winter presents a compelling portrayal of woman power, showcasing the strength, resilience, and pursuit of personal fulfillment by its main character, Mrs. Claus. The film beautifully captures the essence of empowerment through her journey, highlighting several aspects of womanhood and independence.
Traditionally depicted as the supportive figure to Santa Claus, Mrs. Claus in this movie defies stereotypes. She steps out of her expected role, challenging the notion of complacency and breaking free from the confines of her husband’s shadow. By seeking her own adventure in Miami, she displays a sense of agency and determination to address her unfulfilled desires.
The movie emphasizes Mrs. Claus’s agency and autonomy. Her decision to embark on a spontaneous trip isn’t merely about escapism but an assertion of her individuality. It showcases that women, irrespective of societal expectations or marital obligations, have the power to pursue their aspirations and rediscover themselves beyond predefined roles.
The portrayal of woman power extends beyond Mrs. Claus herself. The film delves into the complexities of her friendships and connections, particularly with her college best friend. Through their shared experiences and challenges, it highlights the strength derived from female companionship and support, emphasizing the importance of solidarity among women.
The movie challenges the conventional narrative of fulfillment within a relationship. Mrs. Claus\’s journey in Miami prompts her to reflect on her own desires and needs, questioning the essence of happiness and contentment in her marriage. This introspection signifies the empowerment found in self-discovery and the pursuit of personal happiness.
Hot Girl Winter serves as a powerful testament to woman power. It portrays a woman’s quest for self-fulfillment, independence, and agency outside the conventional confines of her role. Through Mrs. Claus’s journey, the film celebrates the strength, resilience, and determination inherent in women, encouraging audiences to embrace their own paths toward empowerment.
The movie effectively captures the essence of womanhood beyond societal norms, offering a refreshing perspective on personal agency, relationships, and the pursuit of fulfillment. It stands as a testament to the multifaceted nature of woman power and the endless possibilities when women embrace their autonomy and individuality.
How many of you are sick and tired of being faced with the question “So, when is the good news?”
I’m a 31-year-old woman, working as a drug discovery scientist in the pharma sector.
It’s taken me 10 solid years with blood, sweat and tears to get to where I am today.
Yes, that’s 3 years of my undergraduate degree, a 1-year masters, another 4 years of Ph.D., followed by 2 years as a post-doctoral researcher in Cancer. Recently, my work has helped to push anti-cancer drugs for pre-clinical development. Right now, I’m leading a whole new avenue of neuroscience research to identify new therapies to control demyelinating diseases that occur from damage to nerve cells. Trust me, it requires a lot of hard work! Despite these achievements, the people around me make me feel like an unaccomplished and incomplete woman. In our patriarchal society, there is only one form of good news in a woman’s life – the news of pregnancy.
In recent times, I have found it suffocating coming face to face with my own family members, particularly at weddings and other family gatherings. They couldn’t care less about the challenges I have had to overcome in life.
Often I get asked, “So, when can we expect your Seemantham (meaning baby shower in our tradition)?” I then think to myself, why should I live my life to meet anybody’s expectations and, more importantly, to satisfy their selfish needs? Each of them gives me a judgemental look that says – “You’re STILL not pregnant?” Without even thinking twice, they will question me like I’m a failure in life. The funny thing is, many of these individuals play no role in my life apart from bumping into me at social gatherings, but are somehow immensely curious about MY personal life.
Even worse than being questioned, is being instructed. Once, a person came up to me and said, “Task number one, Kalyanam (meaning marriage) finished! Next, task number two, baby!” Some people have also said, “Just pack up your work, your husband is there to earn, you just stay at home.” During these moments, I’ve felt like my life is nothing more than a tick box exercise.
None of the above is a crime. That is the reality! They are all scenarios that either arise from choice or circumstance.
Just two years ago, when I was just 29 years of age, my mother was diagnosed with a horrific auto-immune condition after which, the outcome did not go in our favour. Even during my grief, some family members did not give me the space to recover. They have no clue about the effects of post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD).
There was a period of time when I would go to sleep with repetitive and distressing images every single night. On several mornings, I woke up with a sensation of intense anxiety. On many days, I have gone through sudden moments of loneliness, severe mood swings, and outbursts of anger.
One person’s grief is not the same as another, and we must acknowledge and respect that. Moreover, PTSD can cause severe imbalances in hormones, which can lead to changes in our body’s physiology. Recovering from those changes does not happen overnight. It takes time. So how can I possibly go through a pregnancy when I am not fully healed?
A woman’s journey to and during pregnancy is meant to be a stress-free and joyful experience and not one filled with immense pressure and anxiety. A woman should have every right to allow her life to take its own course and that entirely depends on her personal circumstances. Let me reiterate. Pregnancy is not a race! Moreover, times have drastically changed. The current era of working women has to shoulder the responsibility of both work and home and therefore, forced to stabilise their career before planning for a family.
Let’s not forget about the attention, love and care a woman requires during her pregnancy journey. In addition to their partners, the only other person who can give that kind of attention is her mother. Not a grandmother, or an aunt, or a mother-in-law, or some other female caretaker alternative. However, in my case, I have gracefully accepted the reality that I’m not going to be able to experience that and as a result, may need to take an early and longer than anticipated maternity break. For that, appropriate measures need to be taken. Such as, reaching a certain stage in my career which will then allow me to take a comfortable career break without any return-to-work anxiety.
I have the best mother in the world, so why wouldn’t I want to be the same for my future children? I absolutely want to experience motherhood, but I will do so when I am mentally and physically ready and not upon anybody’s instructions.
Dear toxic and insensitive human beings, you are not in my shoes so I definitely don’t need your free advice. My pregnancy is not part of your agenda and my life is most certainly, not your business. Thank you!
Trigger Warning: This deals with graphic description of violence and may be triggering for survivors.
Let me start with a disclaimer. I have not watched Animal, nor do I ever intend to. The trailer itself was hard to digest with its heady cocktail of toxicity, misogyny, and violence. People who were brave enough to watch it confirm that the ugliness has been amplified manifold in the exhausting three hours and twenty-one minutes of run time.
Animal is not the first in a list of films that glorify toxic masculinity and the emergence of the Alpha male. Neither will be it the last. And that is what is disturbing, even more than the film itself.
“Violence, violence, violence. I don’t like it. I avoid. But, violence likes me, I can’t avoid.” An actor mouths these words in another bloodbath of an action film, paving the way for a new punchline in the cinematic landscape. A distressing trend has emerged in recent years, that glorifies the bad-boy protagonist. It is evident from the success of films like KGF, Pushpa, or Kabir Singh.
Violence is the new norm, gore stylized, and anarchy, the new order.
It is the world of the Alpha where there are no rules other than the ones he makes. The macho male flexes his toned muscles, is shrouded in a constant nicotine haze, chugs alcohol by the gallon, and bashes up those who dare to oppose him like there is no tomorrow. Shooting, slashing, impaling, bashing, bludgeoning, and chopping limbs; all in a day’s work.
The Alpha’s rage is primal, and he is not afraid to get blood on his hands. He makes lewd gestures to celebrate his manhood, oozing style and swagger. Films like Animal thrive on shock content, by checking all the boxes in a ‘how outrageous can you act checklist,’ and promising to go even lower with a planned sequel.
With streaming platforms mushrooming and web series landing fast and furious, the question of regulation arises. How much gore is too much? Who weighs in if the content is too graphic? Should there be rules against the commercialization of shock value?
The Alpha male selects his mate on the size of her pelvis* so that she can prolong his bloodline by bearing healthy progeny. She should be mute for most of the time, and if she dares show him the mirror, he chokes her to prove that he has the upper hand. The Alpha isn’t in an exclusive relationship. He courts others as well, and Mrs. Alpha doesn’t enjoy the same liberty.
What young impressionable women watching triggering content like this should be taught is that love should never hurt. If it does, it isn’t love, it is abuse. He isn’t romancing you; he is controlling you. The Vanga Reddy school of thought teaches that a couple in love should be able to slap each other. WRONG!
If they slap you when they like you, imagine what they would do when they don’t like you anymore. If it’s love, no one should be slapping anyone. Period.
*More than three hundred years ago women selected brides with healthy hips for their sons.
In which parallel universe does watching people being butchered, or their eyes being gouged out qualify for entertainment? It cannot be denied that cult classics have been made before this with heavy doses of violence. But these stories have also been enriched by character development, gripping plotlines, redemption arcs, or the unravelling of the mind, marking a full descent into madness.
Sadly, in Alpha-land, the perpetrator of violence is glorified to the extent that the lines between good and bad blur. Does this mean that all films should be preachy and goody-goody? No!
Violence should be part of the narrative, and NOT the narrative itself.
The brand of chaos and anarchy that the Alpha-male promotes promises to be a headache for lawmakers. Not only do violent movies have an impact on the mental health of the viewer, but they also desensitize youth to violence.
There have been incidences when even serials (which are pretty tame on the whole content spectrum) have wreaked havoc. For example, in Gorakhpur, a youth tried to forcibly apply sindoor on the bride on her wedding day and claimed that he had married her, after watching something similar in a daily soap.
A fifteen-year-old in Hyderabad, influenced by KGF smoked a full packet of cigarettes and had to be hospitalized.
The success of Animal will now pave the way for other vile, unruly animals; a mad jungle of sorts.
A failure to conform to assigned gender expectations or daring to be different invites ridicule and hate. When content that celebrates ‘masculinity’ continues to be created, the situation is further exacerbated. This is not the result of a single film, but a series of content that reinforces the ‘Alpha’ as the all-supreme.
In November this year, (much before the release of Animal) an underage makeup artist from the queer community was made the target of online hatred. They posted a reel of them draping a saree. The reel received over 4000 hate-filled comments. Subsequently, in a tragic turn of events, they took their life, at the tender age of sixteen.
Haven’t we as a society failed if we cannot protect our vulnerable?
Toughness is a quality of the mind, like bravery or honesty or ambition; it has nothing whatever to do with muscles. E.R. Braithwaite, To Sir, With Love.
Megastar Mammootty playing a man who comes out in Kathal the core.
Pankaj Tripathi encouraging his daughter to soar in Gunjan Saxena or fighting for sex education in schools in OMG2.
Ayushman Khurrana doing gender-fluid roles with sensitivity.
Ranveer Singh’s Rocky Randhawa mastering Kathak.
Kumud Mishra supporting his daughter’s divorce in Thappad.
If anything, these men are more Alpha than the stereotypical moustache-twirling, muscle-flexing one. These are the men you want to have in your corner, not the axe-wielding maniacs who air their blood-stained laundry in public.
The fact that Animal is raking in big numbers is unsettling. Cinema is not just art, but also a powerful medium of influence. Filmmakers need to remember that with great power comes great responsibility. Be the changemaker and not the agent that revels in social decay, even if it sets the cash counters ringing.
Let’s bring back the meaningful stories, those that will outlive the test of time and usher in much-needed change. As a loyal viewer, is that too much to ask for?
In a recent incident in Kerala, a medical student tragically took her own life after her boyfriend’s family insisted on receiving an extensive dowry for their marriage. The demands included various forms of wealth, such as gold, land, and even a BMW car. The distressing suicide note revealed a bleak reality- a belief that monetary wealth is all that matters. When the girl’s family couldn’t meet these unjust and unlawful demands, it tragically culminated in this overwhelming outcome.
The heart-wrenching truth behind her suicide exposes the ugly face of a societal ill that persists in many corners of our world. The young woman, driven to despair as her boyfriend’s family demanded an exorbitant dowry, reminds us of the urgent need to dismantle this archaic practice and empower women to stand against such injustices.
The demand for dowry is not merely a tradition; it’s an unlawful act that perpetuates gender inequality and diminishes a woman’s worth to material possessions. In this case, the gravity of the demands, ranging from gold to land to a luxury car, unveils a disturbing truth about how some families still view marriage as a transaction, disregarding a woman’s education, talents, and character.
It’s a societal failure that places material gains above human lives and perpetuates the belief that a woman’s value lies in her ability to fulfil monetary expectations. The suicide note, a poignant testimony, lamented a world where money eclipses love and character, emphasizing the urgent need for a shift in our societal values.
The untimely death of this young woman underscores the importance of fortitude in the face of adversity.
Women should be encouraged to stand strong against such unfair demands, to value themselves beyond material measures, and to reject the toxic notion that their worth is determined by their families’ financial capabilities.
Girls should be empowered with education, self-reliance, and confidence to combat societal pressures. They should be equipped not just with academic knowledge but also with the strength to challenge unjust norms, to speak out against exploitation, and to believe in their intrinsic value.
We must collectively condemn and ostracize such demands for dowry, recognizing them not as harmless traditions but as criminal acts that perpetuate inequality and push vulnerable individuals to the brink. Families, communities, and authorities must unite to create an environment where no woman feels compelled to take such drastic measures.
In moments of adversity, maintaining mental fortitude is crucial.
Encouraging women to seek support, confide in trusted individuals, and seek professional help when facing such coercive situations can provide the strength needed to navigate through these challenges. It’s crucial to emphasize mental health awareness and resilience-building, enabling women to withstand societal pressures and emerge stronger.
The tragedy in Kerala should serve as a clarion call for change. It’s time for society to stand together, support, and uplift women, ensuring that their worth is defined by their character, talents, and abilities—not by their families’ financial capacities.
It’s time to break the shackles of dowry demands and create a world where every woman can thrive without fear of exploitation or prejudice.
Image source: by James Ranieri from Pexels Free for Canva
The number of women in the workforce has indeed increased significantly over time, yet a fair few women are opting to be stay-at-home mothers.
I have noticed many women after marriage, especially after entering motherhood quit their jobs or back out of their flourishing careers to cherish moments with their children and family.
One of the reasons behind this may be finding a work-life balance, and dealing with the relentless juggling between professional and personal life. Another may be long exhausting hours at work and never-ending job demands that don’t let them meet their family expectations or their family obligations and commitments don’t let them pull out all the stops to meet the otherwise possible deadlines at their workplace.
Women are supposed to work like they don’t have children and mother like they don’t work outside their homes.
Women are expected to show no vulnerability at work and then despised for not being relatable.
Hence either they are delaying their motherhood or taking a career break once they become mothers.
My cousin confided this in me a while ago – Increased workloads and non-flexible hours at work are not letting her think about planning a child as she will not be able to do justice to the role of being a mother. And getting consistent pressure from parents and family to have a child, “taking a career break seems a viable option, she confessed.”
In another instance, one of my friends gave up her full-fledged IT job when she was conceived and now working as a freelance to optimize her family time. She is delighting in her time as a new mom.
Other reasons may include, limited transport facilities, long commute hours, invariable work hours, delayed promotion and pay parity, why women are stepping down from their jobs.
On top of that, not having unwavering support from family and having unexpected expectations from the family may be another trigger for quitting their job.
“The gig economy being in full effect” could be another reason for women taking a break from their jobs.
The gig economy refers to the workforce of people engaged in freelance and side-hustle work.
They can start a freelance writing and blogging gig and rack in some extra cash. The advantage of freelance work is that it can be done from any corner of the world and on your own time.
They can also earn by turning their hobbies into business. If they are into painting, knitting, photography, jewelry making, or graphic design they can monetize their hobby as an individual seller on Etsy, an online marketplace that provides a large audience and a huge consumer base.
Offering online tutoring and having an authentic online cooking and dancing channel can also help add a few extra bucks to their household income.
Additionally the burgeoning base of affluent individuals and boomed economic growth over time points to the fact that Indian families are better off now than they were a generation ago.
The availability of adequate income and the ability to manage savings has also led women to choose not to go back to work if they can afford to. As per capita income has increased as an economic prosperity, women are reassessing the need to grind themselves between managing home and office. The security and assurance of being able to pay for their children’s higher education and healthcare of family members has made women look at work as a choice not as a mandatory requirement.
There is enough evidence that shows many qualified women have come forward and pursued their interests of volunteering for social causes and entrepreneurship who otherwise could have earned and contributed to their household income.
They choose to fulfill their duties as a wife and a mother and lead a peaceful and better family life over becoming a working woman. They take a break from their careers to see each of their children’s developmental and academic milestones be physically, mentally and emotionally present with their teenagers and support them when they navigate through teenage trauma, peer pressure and exam stress.
Image source: by filadendron from Getty Images Signature Free for Canva Pro
When a celebrity’s kid does even something as small as sneezing it becomes a sensational news. So imagine when a celebrity, that too someone in their late 40’s starts with their masters studies, the amount of recognition, attention and appreciation they would get!
Unfortunately, for me though being in my mid 40’s, when I completed all the final submissions for my masters program there was no one to celebrate with. Moreover, on completing my program I wouldn’t get the kind of recognition, attention and appreciation, of course I’m no celebrity!
Twinkle Khanna enrolled in a master’s program abroad, moved there with her daughter, had to do her chores, make new friends, change apartments, all on her own, so much trouble. But luckily for her there was an army of maids/staff handling her house back home in India, she has a huge privilege financially too. When she joined her master’s she could give her undivided attention to the course and the best part is the accolades she received while and after completing it. Lucky girl!
On the other hand, an ordinary unknown citizen like me around the same age as her decides to study again and start her master’s course during COVID 19 lockdown, backed by nothing else but my will power and determination to complete it. No maids, no help, not as much financially endowed as Twinkle Khanna. I opted for distance learning as it wasn’t possible to join full time regular course. Cooking warm meals three times a day, stocking up the pantry for the same, cleaning, taking care of my family’s needs and in between all this whirlwind of chores trying to finish my assignments to be submitted on time, was a challenging task! To peacefully concentrate and write my assignments I chose 12 a.m. to 3 a.m. as it was most comfortable time for me. Yes you read it right 12 a.m.-3 a.m.! Everyday after completing the day’s work I would sit down armed with my mobile phone a couple of pens and my notebook and start researching and writing my assignments. In first year there were six assignments for each of six theory papers. Apart from completing the assignments, studying for them was another challenge, because when you’re a home maker taking care of your duties and responsibilities at home front, your mind is always racing! Worried about what needs to be done next, then next and after that! This non stop thinking process wouldn’t stop come what may, making it impossible to concentrate on studies. Add to that learning the topic of statistics was another humungous task in itself! As if these challenges weren’t enough one shouldn’t forget that age too starts acting up, in the terms that you try to memorize a definition ten times but the eleventh time you still cannot blurt it out verbatim! Such frustration! After all the grey cells have given up, it\\\’s like they’re mocking at you!
I would be so tired, while writing the assignments I used to literally doze off, the pen would just draw a long shapeless line on the paper as my senses had already given up long before my hand would. Initially, when I started writing my arm used to pain a lot the next day, eventually it got used to writing and filling up all the blank pages.
YouTube was the biggest boon for me, it was the best teacher I had by my side available at my beck and call. I studied a lot of concepts with help of various informative videos on some very good channels on YouTube. Equipped with Bluetooth wireless headphones and my mobile with unlimited high speed internet, well placed on a wheat flour dabba, my eyes kept shifting gaze between the rotis on the tava and the videos playing on the phone. Since most of the daily chores are well registered in the muscle memory it wasn’t difficult to concentrate on the concept being taught in the video while completing the umpteen monotonous tasks. This was the only way I had to make time to finish my studies well before the final exams. It was a stark realization that studying after a gap of 22 years wasn’t easy at all. But then I was determined!
I remember how I studied day and night before my finals, luckily for me that paid off well, the result was the witness of it all. First year completed, I was ecstatic, but it was just me, celebration my success all alone silently. I did share the news with few of my friends who knew I had appeared for first year masters, they were happy and congratulated me. My husband and daughter too congratulated me, but that just felt like a formality. The kind of happiness I felt I didn’t notice anyone understand that. My parents are pretty old school they didn’t really understand what I was doing, they knew yes I’m studying for something and I passed.
The real challenge was in the 2nd year, three theory papers and three practicals one of them would be internship. The University from where I am pursuing the degree is absolutely of no help at all, you’re completely on your own to figure everything out. Trust me it is not an easy task when they need you to submit everything in exactly according to the format they want without any explanation as to how to go about the whole process. Here the bigger challenge is figuring out the process, the details of what goes into each practical file otherwise you face a high chance of getting your work rejected. After completing 5 out of 6 papers I was left with internship to be completed. For more than a year I searched for appropriate internship options but all in vain. I couldn’t get any internship at all. Checking LinkedIn everyday, calling innumerable NGO’s, meeting so many counseling agencies just to hear we do not have any vacancy as of now. Rejection after rejection and time was running out, more than time my patience was at the bottom level. I was extremely dejected, I wanted my course to get over with and receive my degree, the culmination of my more than two years of hard work.
Finally, all my prayers were answered, I found someone who understood my pain and offered me an internship. Tears escaped my eyes even without my knowledge, I was so grateful to her for taking me as an intern in her organization. Once again the deadline to submit the internship file was nearing and I started my earlier routine of completing the writing work from 12.00 a.m. to 3 a.m. Sleeping at 3.00 a.m. only to get up again at 6.30 for my daughter’s school timings. I did take a nap in the afternoon. Though the last date for submission was 30th November but I had set last date for me as 25th, I didn’t want to procrastinate. Finally, on 26th November I uploaded my complete internship file. The relief, the happiness that I felt can’t be explained in words. Though the final results for this one are awaited, I felt sheer plain sense of achievement. This was the successful culmination of the course from my end. The whole process of last three years flashed before my eyes, the way I studied while going about my daily chores, the way I used to stay up only to start again early morning next day, it all felt worth it!
But whom could I share my happiness with? People around me were oblivious about all that I felt, they went about their routines. I felt a sense of void. There was no one to cheer me, pat my back and say well done! Is this what growing up does? If it were a child who achieved well in his/her studies or extra curricular activities, everyone cheers for them so much, appreciates and congratulates them. But here I was an adult well into her 40’s, no one saw me more than just a house wife, what was there to cheer about? Since I am no celebrity, the world isn’t going to cheer for me, so finally I decided to be my own cheerleader! I celebrated my success by myself! And three cheers for all those who are sailing in the same boat as me… let’s be our own cheerleader, we deserve it!
Is the journey important or the destination? As it turns out, it’s the one you’re traveling with who’s most important. The movie Dhak Dhak manages to prove that in the end.
This movie is about four women who embark on an exciting bike trip from Delhi to Khardung La, beating all the odds. With a burning desire to prove the naysayers wrong, each of the four characters has a story to tell. Thus began the journey of a lifetime, filled with highs and lows, happiness, and uncertainty.
Fatima Sana Shaikh plays Sky, a YouTuber who has an intense love for motorcycles and trip photography. Under her carefree demeanour is a girl who has been scarred by an online incident that has destroyed her reputation. To overcome that, she is determined to make it to a Barcelona event that is supposed to be the Mecca for bike enthusiasts across the world. For that, she has to impress her boss with something out of the ordinary. She meets Ratna Pathak’s Manpreet Kaur Sethi, aka Mahi, and suddenly sees her dream become a reality.
Mahi’s mundane life takes an interesting turn after winning a bike in a contest organized by a local newspaper. Initially reluctant to embrace it, she adapts to the new motorcycle like a pro, and there is no turning back for her.
Both of them persuade Uzma (Dia Mirza), a mechanic, to join their quest. Driven by a will to inspire her daughter and move from the shadow of her husband (who represents everything that is wrong with patriarchy), she agrees to join Sky and Mahi.
Finally, Manjari (Sanjana Sanghi), the last one to join the dashing biker gang, sees this trip as an opportunity to live her life on her terms before agreeing to marry a stranger without knowing him.
On the way to the top, the four show unflinching tenacity in their adventure as they overcome challenges and encounter hardships. The challenging paths they take bring them to the most breathtaking location of their lives, which is the core of Dhak Dhak.
The film Dhak Dhak deftly combines novel, contemporary viewpoints with classic themes of women’s emancipation. The narrative tracks four women as they overcome their pasts and deal with current issues in their lives. The movie’s portrayal of women in a way that is different from what is usually seen in movies is what I enjoyed the most. It’s about more than simply empowerment—it’s about trying new things and going after their aspirations. It is motivating and gives you a sense of satisfaction and accomplishment to see these women ride a bike through the stunning landscapes of Leh and go on a life-altering road trip. In conclusion, Dhak Dhak is an exhilarating and inspiring movie experience that I heartily suggest seeing.
Watch it on Netflix.
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