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“Dream” is such a beautiful word, and I guess we all have a special connection with this word since childhood. Either we have been asked by someone, “What is your dream?” or we have ourselves mentioned that, “My dream is to become.”
Even though I had a lot of dreams in my childhood, I forgot all of them eventually. Almost 5 years ago, I met a few people who were working effortlessly towards their dreams, and somehow, my dream took birth again.
Of all the dreams I had, one most important was to become a writer. I have been writing for two decades, but never took it seriously.
I will not divert from my subject, though. Recently, I watched two series that actually described the true meaning of a dream and demonstrated that there is no age bar to live your dream.
First, “Unchai,” a Hindi film released in 2022, received immense accolades for its inspirational storyline. The film is a tale of three friends who decided to trek to Mount Everest to fulfil the dream of their fourth friend’s last wish.
Though it was a normal wish for all four, it became a dream for the other three after the demise of the fourth one. I was so pumped up after watching “Unchai” that I immediately started working on my fifth book.
Second, “True Spirit,” an Australian biopic film released on Netflix in 2023, is truly an eye-opener that gave me goosebumps. The character, Jessica Watson, decides to sail around the globe alone (non-stop and unassisted), breaking the record and hence becoming the youngest person to achieve this milestone. She had to sail for almost 200 days alone, facing all the storms.
I have a question, how strong can a dream be? If you need the answer, please watch the film. Imagine a 60 ft wave in front of you, and you only think about your dream. I mean, a dream is much more important than life.
If you go through my bio, you will acknowledge that I have written, “I am a dreamer,” but after watching “True Spirit,” I feel I am not; maybe it’s only wishful thinking.
Let me specify the difference between a dream and wishful thinking.
“Wishful thinking is seeing your future based on what is pleasing to imagine rather than by what your current thoughts, behaviours, and actions are likely to produce. But a DREAM is active. It represents a future goal. Something you can strive for.”
I mentioned just two movies, but there are so many biopics that exhibit dreamy personalities from various fields. Today, there are very few people who talk about dreams, but that’s the most essential thing that is required to be successful in life, and age has no connection with it.
The biggest lesson I learned during COVID-19 was life is uncertain, and there is no particular age to achieve or do something.
So go out and dream…
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I did think I was rather late in writing this but then decided to, anyway. After all, it’s always relevant to write about something you firmly believe in, right? And let me mention at the outset that Women’s Web remains my absolute favourite women’s publication because it gives me an opportunity and platform to talk about, to discuss, to express those things that are truly closest to my heart.
When the world closed down in 2020 due to the pandemic and people around the globe lost loved ones, I had imagined that this would be a turning point in the history of humanity. When people talked about realizing, understanding the true meaning of life, when nations dropped everything and went out of their way to help one another, when tears were shed for the loss of complete strangers, many of us would have thought that humanity has truly triumphed.
Merely 3 years later, a film is made. A film that becomes a hit at the box office. A film that proves that anytime, anyplace, a sickness like this can rear its ugly head and slay the essence of everything that humanity stands for. Benevolence, kindness, goodness, all those things that the world can hope to stand on, well this film rejects all of it and more.
Unabashedly misogynistic and shamelessly unapologetic about it, Animal is a ruthless slaughter of human dignity. When movies like Pink and Thappad were made, I rejoiced. Here were films that would enable us to move forward as a society, a civilized people. Then a film like Animal is made and all hopes are dashed.
Here’s a rhetorical question. How could anyone sit through three hours of that?
While every scene in the movie is a cringe fest, there are some particularly awful ones that truly made me retch. No, I’m not getting into the details of those scenes, but in a nutshell let me just say this. This “man child alpha male” who the filmmakers have projected as a “protagonist” is the biggest turn off for most women. He makes us sick. Heard the quote, “I wouldn’t be with you even if you were the last man on earth”. That’s what we feel about him.
On the contrary, women actually like men who are in touch with their humanity, their goodness, their feminism. Men who are kind. Men who are human. That’s what we find attractive. That’s what we find sexy. That’s what we love. Thats what we respect. Really. It’s true.
And while I desperately want to feel amused, even bored at the unintelligence, the senselessness, the inanity of it all, all I really feel is anger. Fury. Rage. That a film like this has been made, watched and imbibed. But then the film was about rage anyway, wasn’t it?
Oh wait. That was a man unleashing rage. Well, here’s a woman unleashing hers. Thank you.
I am a retired Indian woman scientist, and believe me life does not stop at retirement. I am now 79 years old, and still active mentally and physically in many ways. The purpose of writing this story is to encourage ladies to take up activities of various types to keep them busy even in old age.
My story as an Indian woman scientist was published on Women’s Web in 2015. The story ended with ‘Now I am living an enjoyable retired life with my husband, sons and their wives, daughter and her husband and two grandsons and one granddaughter all in Ahmedabad (in different houses). On Sundays, we meet up together in the same house so that we feel like a big family living together.’
At that point of time, I had felt that all my responsibilities were over and that everything had settled down, and that life had become stable and would continue to remain like that till the end.
This was in 2015. Nine years have passed. During this period unexpected things happened and life took turns number of times. I had to face number of problems but there has been achievements also maintaining balance in life. I am going to narrate these here.
Again the purpose of writing this story is for encouraging women to face difficulties with courage and also try to do things of their choice and take life positively.
In the years since 2015, many unexpected events have happened, which changed my life completely.
The first turning point came in 2015 itself when my daughter came to stay with us telling us that she and her husband were not getting along well. She filed a divorce case against him. We tried our best to bring them together but it did not work. Finally divorce was granted in 2018. So she has been staying with me since then.
My husband got severe stroke in January 2016 and was hospitalized. He had become unconscious and remained in hospital for more than 15 days. He remained in a coma for almost seven months. One of our bedrooms was converted into almost an ICU with a 24 hours nurse to look after him. He used to turn his eyes around but was not able to move. To supervise the nurse, I kept my study table and chair in that room. I used to talk to him about what was happening around but he never responded. He passed away in August that year.
During this time I developed the hobby of writing poetry. I wrote number of poems in Hindi and some in English.
In 2017 January my younger daughter in law was hospitalized for some stomach ailment. During this time my younger son with his two kids came to our house. In the next one and a half year her health condition deteriorated. During this period she was hospitalized number of times. Because of the atmosphere in the house, my grandson got affected and wanted to stay in the hostel. He was then studying in a school which had no hostel facility. Finally we had to get him admitted to another school with a good hostel facility.
Unfortunately my younger daughter in law passed away in 2018. My son got very much affected by his wife’s untimely death. He got diabetes, blood pressure and other health problems. I had to look after my two grandchildren, one 13 years old boy and one 4 years old girl like their mother. Though it was quite tough for me but I had no option but to take this responsibility. I too got some health related problems including Dengue for which I had to be hospitalized for few days. However with determination to get well I recovered.
Then lock down started in 2020. The hostel closed down. My grandson shifted to our house. Both the kids had to attend online classes. There were no domestic helpers for more than two months.
That was the first time in my life that I did the housework all by myself in my house. Somehow I managed without any problem.
Staying at home during Corona had some advantages also. WhatsApp groups were formed and we could get in touch with our old classmates. I joined Patna Science College and IIT Delhi Alumni associations and got busy with video programs.
IIT Delhi Alumni Association started a separate WhatsApp group for ladies, Alumna IITD. Their first program was to start a series of talks from alumna on ‘She inspires’. Their first talk was in March 2021 in which they invited me to give a talk along with some others. The series of talks is still continuing.
In August, IITD organized another series of program “Ye Un Dinon Ki Baat Hai” (What happened in those days) in which I gave an invited talk. This talk series is also currently going on.
On completion of 75 years of independence, IITD Alumni Association arranged a number of online programs and in one of the programs they invited me to recite some of my poems.
Also I created a virtual help desk to help Corona patients in Bihar with the help of IIT Delhi and PSC Alumni Associations. I was instrumental in establishing a CSC (Common Service Center) in one of the villages in Bihar to be run by a cancer survivor young man with sufficient computer knowledge. It was inaugurated on Diwali day in 2021 and is running smoothly.
I too was down with COVID and confined to my room for 14 days. After that I got a cyst on my back which had to be operated and health related problems kept coming off and on but things were manageable.
In June 2022, I was felicitated by SBI as very senior citizen scientist (above seventy five years) from SAC (Space Applications Center) Ahmedabad along with about half a dozen of other very senior citizens from different fields, on the occasion of Amrit Mahotsay (celebration of completion of 75 years of independence).
Felicitation by SBI, Ahmedabad
I wrote number of poems during COVID time. Some of my poems in Hindi (22 nos.) got published in the book Palak, Jo Khul Rahi Hai available on Amazon. My interest in writing poems continued and I published my book on poems Arpan (ek vaigyanik mahila ki likhi kuchh kavitaon ka sangrah) which includes poems in Hindi, English and Bhojpuri which is my mother tongue. The book is available on Amazon, Flipkart and Notion Press.
Writing poems is still continuing. In October 2023 I was awarded the second prize in a poetry competition organized by Hindi Sahitya Parisad, Ahmedabad in October 2023.
I have published another book Indian Women Scientists: Unsung stories which presents stories of four women scientists, belonging to different States of India, describing the hardship they had to face to become a scientist. This was mainly to encourage women scientists to take jobs of their choice. This is also available on Amazon, Flipkart and Notion Press.
Besides these activities, I continue to remain a Committee Member of RIOAA (Retired ISRO Officers’ Association, Ahmedabad) and also Joint Editor of Avakash- a tri monthly Newsletter of RIOAA. Recently I have joined a Puzzle WhatsApp group of RIOAA and taking part in it actively. Also I have formed a separate WhatsApp group of RIOAA only for poems and wish to compile poems written by retired ISRO scientists and publish it.
For me these activities work like medicines for various health related problems which are bound to be there at our age. I would be completing 79 years in December this year. Writing has become my hobby, and unless I write whatever is there in my mind I do not get satisfaction. This write up is also an outcome of the same. Hope you enjoy reading it and get motivated to do something or the other of their liking and also fruitfully utilize their time.
You are capable of amazing things
We are the smiles radiating from deep,
We are the tears that are self-healing,
We are the overpowering scream,
We are forgiving and adapting,
We are the nurturing and the nursing.
We are the ocean of emotions
And the mountain of strength,
Living together in that tiny fist of a muscle,
pumping love ALL the time.
We are much more than what’s visible to the eyes. We are not just the image. Furthermore, we are beyond skin and tissues. We are the story behind those pictures. We are the courage and the morals secretly screaming from our behaviour.
Let our views and opinions rise beyond cosmetic issues. Let the personality ooze out in the form of actions, efforts, affections, and intentions. Overdressed or underdressed, how does one’s value increase by wearing labels or brands? One thing I always believe in and live my life by is the Purity of Body, Mind and Soul.
It’s the fabric, not the shackles, we need not live in them. It provides a sense of happiness, yes. Various colours, shades, patterns, and textures do make us elated. However, it can’t be the only topic of discussion running in mind on a loop. Don’t dress for the people. Dress for the occasion. Choose appropriate attire that suits the occasion. The purpose of clothing is served.
Your value systems, integrity and principles, how you handle challenges, successes and adversities, and how you deal with people who mistreat you speak volumes about the Real You.
So the historical arguments on beauty, skin colour, height, and the like, aren’t vital because all these factors aren’t your doing. However, the weight is subject to discussion as it’s the cause of ailments and can be altered for your own well-being. Yet, it shouldn’t be the base for your decision-making about a person.
I have seen insecurities lurking behind confident Western attire. I have been party to the glimpses of inferiority under the shadows of sophisticated dressing. Furthermore, I have seen people cornered or sidelined because of their so-called ‘not up to the mark’ choices of clothes.
Now, I wonder how can something as volatile as fashion, which keeps constantly changing, be your centre of gravity in life. How can it be a deciding factor? Surely you aren’t that hollow.
Always showcasing the same expressions either means you hide well or you are blank but certainly not truthful. If you are wearing your truth on the sleeve, be proud of yourself. If you are moody, come in bouts of smiles and sorrows, anxious and excited, be proud of yourself.
Like the oceans,
sometimes calm and sometimes chaotic,
You are unnerving and relentlessly caring.
Like the various phases of the moon
You are the charm and freshness.
You are on the sublime journey towards perfection,
Emanating warmth while you blossom a bit every single time.
You are the real deal.
Be proud of yourself and who you are becoming.
A couple of months ago, I posted an ADHD meme on my page, and an old theatre mentor reached out to claim that I do not suffer from ADHD, and that my doctor’s report is warped by capitalism. When I asked her how she knew me (more than my daily brushing and bathing alarms), she confidently claimed:
“You are not hyper enough.”
One of the major myths regarding neurodivergent is that there’s a strict list of symptoms that everyone gate-keeps, and if one does not cross it, one does not have it. Be it autism or ADHD, the spectrum is always considered a hoax, and the people who have the tell-tale signs make the disorder look more like a cult.
ADHD has only found its way to research in the last decade, and how it manifests in women is so underdone that most claim it is just a ‘men being men’ disorder.
People who suffer from ADHD (like me) also benefit from the multiple tabs in our heads (unlike me), mostly living to tell the tale of how it is a superpower to brainstorm, but I call it a hazard when the doctor is relaying the fever prescription.
ADHD or Disorderly Distribution of Attention? Attention-deficit/hyperactivity disorder (ADHD) is a common neurobehavioural disorder characterized by a persistent pattern of inattention and/or hyperactivity-impulsivity.
Read more: Everything I Know About ADHD As A Mom Of A Kid With ADHD
In the majority of cases, symptoms begin in childhood and continue to affect a person’s functioning well into adulthood. Inattentive ADHD, also known as ADD, is a subtype of ADHD that leads to problems such as a limited attention span, forgetfulness, or procrastination. People with ADHD of the inattentive type have difficulty paying attention to details but also tend to maintain long hours of fluctuating attention on the things that interest them.
Doctoral prescriptions and assessments are based on the research that was based on boys/men, and so more often than not, ADHD gains a telltale subtext of people with roadrunner skills, constantly bashing into things and throwing away books. This results in the wrong diagnosis when women show up, mostly misjudged to have bipolar disorder or depression, and getting wrongly medicated for it.
Reports have also suggested that gender bias may play a significant role in the misdiagnosis and underdiagnosed of ADHD in women and girls.
Given that certain symptoms of ADD include being shy or impulsive, it may often be misunderstood as a girl’s or woman’s character/personality traits, making it difficult to diagnose the real cause of the condition. Masking in neurodivergent is mirroring ‘socially acceptable’ behaviour and camouflaging by controlling impulses and having rehearsed responses to people and events around.
Women with ADHD mask themselves as the ‘good kid’ or ‘quiet, spacey, or weird’ kid. Who forgets a lot, is clumsy, mostly is in a different world, knows random facts, has no ambition towards one thing, and is spread thin with 60 other hobbies.
Since ADHD in women is not destructive or loud enough for people, masking becomes an unconscious attempt to fit in and escape society’s already working discrimination. Asking for help is mostly considered an attempt at attention-seeking or simply being lazy.
ADHD symptoms in women If research for women is an underexplored topic, gender-diverse communities don’t even cut. At this point, the non-cis male neurodivergent population is flying blind. Society drills into us what the ‘correct female behaviour’ is, resulting in women tending to have a more internalized projection of ADHD.
This has most of us never considering or getting a diagnosis early on, with all our report cards being either exceptionally good with the future of burnout or bad grades indicating the need for sensory learning instead of textbooks.
Read more: A Child With ADHD Is Not Any Lesser Than The Others In A Classroom!
One of the major factors of how ADHD can be widely different and sometimes even more intense for women is during the time of periods. The entire menstrual cycle is notorious already with the changing energy spikes. The dopamine levels fluctuate, and one week or an entire month has us surrendering to our hormones, which are mostly unkind.
ADHD adds (rudely) its low dopamine to the mix because ADHD also means chronic serotonin and dopamine deficiency. So during periods, one is not just on a mood swing, but the said swing is also on fire.
If you skipped through the intro for me to get to the point, I have news for you—welcome to the club. Symptoms in women look like:
Where men being different is celebrated as genius minds rarely sit still, with women, the same symptoms are her being weird. Masking becomes second nature and often results in developing imposter syndrome and being constantly discontent with ourselves.
The behaviour of girls with ADHD is sometimes so far outside gender norms that this contributes to social rejection and isolation. Peer victimization and frustrations with oneself can result in the need to harm oneself if not screened and intervened from early on. The repercussion is a 33% increase in the risk for suicide attempts.
We need to understand that every disorder has its pick and choose from the basket of symptoms, ranging from hormonal and environmental changes. To expect every disorder to be of one nature pushes an entire spectrum to a linear line and pushes the majority off the cliffs.
The diagnosis and specialized doctors might not be an affordable option for all, keeping that in mind, here are a few social media platforms that can help with understanding ADHD further:
Just because your struggles are invisible to others, it does not mean it doesn’t exist. You are not attention-seeking, you are not lazy all the time, and you are not weak-minded with poor determination, ambition, or focus.
Think of it like this: you are a 16-string guitar in a land where people think playing with ektara is hard.
At every opportunity I get, I regale my children with tales of their ‘roots.’
One of their favourite stories is how their paternal grandfather escaped Bangladesh during the Partition in the middle of the night in a boat, accompanied by his parents and grandparents. They packed whatever they could in a bag and left the rest behind. That included their hard-earned tracts of land, the house where they were born, and also the elderly members who would not survive the arduous journey. They made it to Assam and began life anew. But it was not easy. As a little boy, my husband’s childhood was harsh. Today, it has taken them three generations to reach where they are presently.
‘Don’t ever forget your roots,’ I remind them.
I, on the other hand, haven’t faced such a severe struggle. My father was a senior-level manager at a steel plant. Raising three girls was not easy, for he also had to support his parents. Yet he managed. We were aware of the challenges that our parents faced. Every dress that was bought for us, every high-heeled shoe that we acquired, every meal that we ate out—we were aware of the hard work and the sacrifices that had gone into it. As children, we were aware of the struggles of our parents, and we grew up to appreciate every small act of theirs.
Both of us have known what struggles look like. We have seen them from close quarters, we have braved them, and we have learned our lessons well.
They study in air-conditioned schools, commute by AC buses, participate in various paid club activities, have tuition, attend extra-curricular classes, regularly attend birthday parties, receive expensive return gifts, and have cupboards full of clothes and accessories.
They baulk at the idea of eating at a roadside joint. Mere fifteen minutes in the sun make them dizzy. They tell me that clothes cannot be repeated at birthday parties. Birthdays call for extravagant celebrations.
As parents, we always try to give the best to our children. Since we have had our share of struggles, why do our children deserve hardships? It is this mindset that makes us pamper and indulge them. In doing so, we fail to realise the damage that we are causing.
Let me share an example with you. On a popular forum, a parent put up a post. Her son had been admitted to one of the best universities but was unhappy with the quality of life. The hostel had no private bathrooms. There were no AC, geysers, or washing machines. There was no one to wash his clothes or clean his room. Common toilets, shared rooms, a lack of privacy, and inedible food from the kitchen made the child’s life a hellhole, she said. They finally had to withdraw him from the hostel and put him in an individual flat where he had access to all the amenities. The boy was aware that such a move would cost his parents a lot of money. But he also knew that his parents would never wish to see him live in such misery. They could go to any extent to ensure his well-being!
Who is to blame? It will always trickle down to us, for we have kept them cocooned from the realities of life.
In our case, we chose to bring them ‘back to their roots’ by consciously grabbing opportunities that acquaint them with the realities of life. We began the annual ritual of gifting the children a vacation, which helps them revisit their ‘roots’. A vacation in the countryside, where there are only homestays, is basic and closer to nature. Instead of a pucca dwelling, it’s a mud-walled, double-story cottage. The rooms are not lavish or spacious. There is only a ceiling fan and a pedestal fan. The choices in food are limited. Either we cook on our own or step out to eat at the kitchen run by the locals. There is no TV or Wi-Fi. The network is patchy. There are no helpers to clean the rooms or wash the dishes.
The first time we were there, the children made a huge fuss. Not accustomed to rural life, they were uncomfortable. They were used to travelling by car; they were taken aback when we landed at the railway station. The crowd, the cacophony, and the struggle to board and guard the luggage scared them. But as our journey progressed, we could see the change. They kept their gadgets aside and looked out of the window, enjoying the cool breeze ruffling their hair. The only mode of transport in the countryside is ‘totos’, which are battery-operated three-wheelers. It became a novelty to them. Evenings in the countryside are lonely and eerie. We would sit on the balcony and watch the villagers trudge home.
That October evening, we seized the opportunity to share how our parents’ struggles have shaped us.
Since then, it has become a ritual to go back to the homestay and spend 2-3 days there. My children have grown to appreciate the rustic way of life. We have also taken them to Bangladesh and given them a tour of what their paternal side of the family had left behind in those troubled times. We repeatedly go back to their father’s birthplace in Assam to remind them that childhood is not always rosy and easy.
Once they move out of their home, it would either be a hostel or a paying guest accommodation where they would have to sacrifice, compromise, and acclimatise. This requires life skills. The basic skills of surviving without an AC, a geyser, or a washing machine; sharing the room and bathroom with random students; the sacrifice of ‘privacy’ or individual space; adjusting their palate to the food cooked in the canteen; washing clothes on their own; standing in a queue to use the bathroom; or getting a cup of tea—these will all be a challenge.
Today, we lead two kinds of lives. One is where we enjoy all the amenities that life has given us, and the other is where we constantly remind ourselves that life is not always easy. There are difficult situations as well.
In the last few years, I have seen my children change, and that has put to rest some of my anxieties.
In today’s world, there is no point in coddling our children. Rather than shielding them from the realities of life, expose them. Wait and watch how they respond and cope. Guide them when they stand at a crossroads. Share with them your struggles. Talk to them about the importance of saving and minimalism.
Real parenting lies not in being a sentinel but in liberating our children from the invisible shackles that we have built around them.
New Year’s Eve is beyond letting go of the old and welcoming the new. It’s a time that reminds you of your journey through the year, your growth, and your transformation. It’s a time when you remember how you felt, how your mind-body-soul perceived everything, how you responded to every perception, and how it made a difference in your inner fabric.
Also, this is the time when you set intentions for the new year and set goals to achieve successfully. This is why I have curated some nice rituals to make your year-end as well as New Year’s Eve more meaningful and purposeful. Let’s have a look.
Slow down:
The New Year’s Eve is a great time to slow down. December doesn’t come alone, there comes the twelfth month of the year when you start planning your new year one month ahead. But you must remember that the year is still alive and it’s breathing its last. So, how about slowing down and giving an ode to the year that made you grow one year older?
Start your year-end rituals by slowing down. Have enough time for yourself, unplug from the social media hype of the New Year’s Eve celebration, and give ample time for your self-care routines. You can also practice affirmations to receive more good vibes.
Find some time for nurturing your mind-body-soul. Declutter the unnecessary baggage from your closet, life, and mind. Nourish your body, detox, and rest. Engage with some spiritual activities like chanting and meditating to rejuvenate your soul.
Write down what you want to let go:
Another beautiful year-end ritual is writing down what didn’t work for you this year, what made you sad, what left you empty, and leaving them behind. For this purpose, you can write all of them on paper, make an airplane, and fly it away. This ritual is particularly to be done on the 31st December night, when the world is waiting to welcome 2024, and a few hours are left to bid adieu to 2023.
If making an airplane is not possible for you, make a paper boat and float it to the nearby river or any water reservoir. You can also burn the paper and turn it into ashes, thus burning your negativities of 2023 to an end. This way, let go of all things that didn’t work, and put an end to them with a hope to welcome good things in the new year.
Say your hopes, dreams, and promises to your favorite plant:
Buy an indoor plant and nurture it like a baby. If you are a plant parent, this ritual is a great way to show your affection to your plant babies. Come to one plant, say your expectations to your plant baby, and cuddle it with love. See the miracles happen when they respond to you with positive vibes.
Connect with yourself deeply and hear the whispers beneath your skin:
This is a good time to connect to yourself and make a deeper connection with your inner self. Find a quiet corner and sit there for a good amount of time.
Slowly, close your eyes, relax your body, and breathe. Breathe…breathe…breathe. As you breathe, let your mind-body-soul heal. Don’t get distracted, instead, focus on your breathwork and surrender yourself to the inner guide.
Now, try to pay attention to the silence within. Interpret it to get a deeper understanding of what it echoes to you. This moment may bring something unexpected to you, whether it’s sorrowful or happy, hear it attentively and accept it.
Your inner whispers will surprise you, perhaps, they will echo the message of the universe to you about the year leaving or the year coming. Let them guide you to the new year purposefully.
Write a letter to this year as well as the new year:
This thought came to my mind first when I hosted my first blog hop on 2020 New Year’s Eve. While curating the writing prompts, I realized letter writing would be a nice way to remind myself of the good things that happened amidst the gloom, the people and memories I am grateful for, and the learnings I want to pass on to the year approaching. Similarly, it’s a beautiful ritual for the new year to set intentions about the hopes, dreams, and aspirations I am planning for personal and professional growth.
Writing a letter to the year that’s ending is a nice way to bid goodbye to the frame of time that contributed to your life a whole year and now it’s leaving the older self of you. On the other hand, writing a letter to the new year is also a great practice to visualize your goals and manifest your expectations from the year knocking at the door.
Reflect by indulging in self-conversation:
This time of the year is all about mindful reflections. And when it comes to reflecting, one of the best things to do is converse with yourself. You can talk to yourself in your mind, sitting on your balcony or in a quiet corner of the house. Also, you can journal and write down a dialogue with yourself, contemplating the year, and seeing it through your lens.
For this purpose, you can use a free-flow writing style, or ask yourself some questions to write the answers as a self-reflection activity. Some nice questions for this ritual may help you find more clarity about the vision for the new year as well.
Ask yourself:
If I am asked to define the year 2023 in one word, what would be that word?
What made a difference in the year?
Which memories brought me a moment of joy and a smile on my face?
What are the mistakes I made in 2023 that I don’t want to repeat in my life?
What are the things that boosted my spirit and I want to continue doing them in the new year as well?
What are the areas that gave me a sense of accomplishment and made me proud of myself?
What are the challenges I faced this year, and what gave me the courage and strength to win over them?
What new experiences did I have this year?
Which good habits did I build this year and want to continue in the new year?
Which books do I love reading and want to give them re-read?
From my wish list of 2023, what is left undone or unexplored, or given less time and I want to give it more time in the new year?
Which self-care activities do I want to practice more often in 2024?
What offered me a sense of purpose?
Where do I want to see myself at the same time of the new year?
Whatever the answers come to your mind, write them effortlessly. Don’t overthink and judge yourself for the answers you are writing. Once you finish the self-conversation ritual, reflect on them mindfully.
Light up your gratitude list:
No matter to what extent the year has hurt you with challenges and failures, there must be some good things that made the year memorable for you. You will have at least a handful of them to light up your life. Write the moments that brought happiness, your achievements, your good experiences, people who had your back, and how you are grateful to them for gifting you a ray of sunshine. Write all of them in your gratitude journal, keep these pages open, and light a scented candle beside it. Or collect your gratitude notes in a jar and wrap them with fairy lights.
Contemplate on your takeaways of the year leaving:
A year means 365 brand new days to explore, to know, to learn as well as to unlearn. When you contemplate on the year, you will find some beautiful truths of life unfolded before you and some useful life lessons you learned. This way, they contribute to your growth and transformation to continue to the new year as well.
Meditate and manifest:
New Year’s Eve is the time when you want to see new dreams for the year to come. New hope blossoms in your heart. You make new promises to the year so it makes the whole new set of 365 prosperous days to add more meaning and success to your life.
For this purpose, make a stress-free bucket list in your bullet journal, set intentions behind your vision for the new year, keep your goals realistic and achievable, add some good habits that you want to develop in 2024, and connect with your circle where you can have good conversations with like-minded people.
However, most importantly, you need to meditate upon your intentions to align your vision for the new year with your purpose and goals. Meditate to visualize them in your inner canvas and manifest them to enter your wholeness.
Thus, letting go of everything old, shedding the layer of the defeated, fragile, and withered self, manifest the newborn version of you to start another year-long journey afresh.
Sharmishtha Kantilal Patel has never believed in giving up.
An unforeseen medical incident left her paralysed from waist down, at the tender age of 17 years.
Such a tragic incident, so early in her life, did not deter the youngster.
She accepted her disability and moved on. Hers is a story of extraordinary courage and determination.
The day is still fresh in her mind. “It was December 15, 1986. I had a stomach ache and was admitted in hospital. There was a doctor’s strike that day and I could not get a proper diagnosis at that time. I went to the hospital walking and came out with paraplegia,” she says matter-of-factly, hiding the trauma that she must have felt 37 years ago.
The paralysis was later diagnosed by doctors to be a result of transverse myelitis (inflammation of a part of the spinal cord caused by infections or autoimmune diseases).
Born in 1969, Sharmishtha belongs to Saroda village in Ahmedabad district. Her father, who was a farmer, passed away nine years ago. She lives with her mother.
Today, the 54-year-old faces several health issues. You would not know that seeing her pleasant, composed face. What is truly remarkable is that she spends at least four hours a day creating objects of beauty. She makes embroidered dresses for deities, tablecloths, and other small articles involving both hand embroidery and the use of a sewing machine. Since she cannot sit for long periods, she does her work lying down.
She embellishes the dresses with lace, mirrors, stones, pearls, and ‘tikis’. Friends and neighbours buy her beautiful creations to sell in their circles. She also does mirrorwork on blouses, sarees, and ethnic dresses.
Embroidery was an activity that gave Sharmishtha joy from a young age. She picked up embroidery skills by watching women in her village as a child. She could embroider small handkerchiefs when she was 10 years old. She has continued doing embroidery work ever since.
Sharmishtha competed at the national level in an embroidery competition in Delhi in February 2007. It was a vocation skill contest, organised by the National Abilympic Association of India (NAAI). The event enabled talented PwDs (Persons with Disabilities) to showcase their talents.
Blind People’s Association, Ahmedabad, the largest NGO in the country in the disability sector, gave her full support in this venture. Before the embroidery competition, the participants received training for a few days.
“I have received a lot of motivation from BPA. I really enjoyed the three-day trip to Delhi. I was accompanied by my mother and a large group from BPA. I could not win due to speed issues, but just competing gave me great happiness,” she says.
This Navratri, with help from BPA, she got a new sewing machine from a donor in Mumbai. When she talks about her new machine the joy is evident on her face. “Now, I don’t have to rotate the peddle and the needle gets automatically threaded. I can work faster. I do not get arm or shoulder pain anymore and feel much less tired. This new machine saves me considerable labour and time,” she explains.
Before the paraplegia, Sharmishtha was studying first-year B. Com at Vivekanand College in Ahmedabad. “The college was around 35 km from my village and I would commute by bus. After the paralysis, I had to quit the B. Com programme,” she says.
Her parents shifted to Ahmedabad so that she could get better treatment. The family spent a great deal of their savings hoping for a miracle. The paraplegia department at Civil Hospital in Ahmedabad eventually told them that Sharmishtha’s condition could not be reversed. However, they guided her on how to live a better life with paraplegia.
She did a six-month receptionist cum telephone operator course in 1988 at BPA. She also completed a one-year computer course from BPA. The thirst for learning and achievement continued to motivate her. A determined Sharmishtha also completed a BA in Sociology externally in 2008 from Gujarat University.
Sharmishtha worked in a company called Maxwell Automatic for 12 years. From 1989 to 1997, she worked on soldering of printed circuit board (PCB) components. From 1997 to 2000, she worked as a computer operator at the company. In a letter, the company has appreciated her for being sincere and hardworking.
“BPA gave me an auto tricycle in 1989 which I used to commute to office. It would take me 45 minutes one way though there was less traffic in those days,” she says.
After 12 years of working in an office, she had to quit on health grounds. “I would develop bed sores due to sitting for long hours in the office. I underwent extensive plastic surgery twice for this problem. The doctor advised me not to sit for long hours. That’s why I had to quit the job,” she says. This was a big blow to her.
These days she makes a living primarily by embroidery work and stitching. She also does some soldering of PCBs for small companies. She earns around Rs 6,000 a month through both these activities.
Her mother is a great source of support. “My mother goes to the market to get me the materials I need for my work. She also cooks and takes care of the house. She helps me by placing objects within my reach. I try to be as independent as I can. We take care of each other,” she says with a smile.
BPA gave her a wheelchair twice but these days mobility is restricted as she has to wear a catheter constantly. However, she enjoys socialising with neighbours who keep dropping in.
Sharmishtha is a keen follower of news whether on television or by reading newspapers. “I try not to have negative thoughts. I try not to dwell on the pain and suffering I have gone through. What has happened has passed. With that belief, I go on.” What gives her so much strength? “God is with me,” she says with conviction.
Over a period of time, the joy of bringing the newborn from hospital to home had somewhere been shoved to a corner where mounds of diapers kept on piling. The astonishing use of disposable diapers day after day added to the concern of growing costs that I wasn’t ready to acknowledge this soon.
While still basking in the glow of motherhood in my first week, my cousin in the US texted me to congratulate me by specifically pointing out that, ‘Your child comes first!’ I inwardly chuckled, ‘Why wouldn’t it?!’
But her words sank deeper into my consciousness when I woke up to gastrocolic reflux in my then two-month-old.
I hail from a humble background. Heard from my mother, she never came around using disposable diapers right after I was born. So before visiting me in Bengaluru to welcome the yet unborn nati, she had already sent mounds of old sarees for her to stitch innumerable langots (cloth diapers). While still in my nesting phase, I was making space for the newborn. Clearing the cupboards, and putting away my clothes in the bed storage, I neatly placed her laundered sarees. I complained about the quantity of sarees, but she retorted: ‘You have no idea how many you are going to need it!’ And she was right.
The newborn arrived. The floodgates of congratulatory messages, video calls, and home visits by friends and families had just begun only to never stop. While still reeling in the chaos that postpartum brought, I was trying ways to bond with my baby girl in the not-so-quiet corner of the house.
One evening, while feeding her, I reminded my husband to place an order for disposable diapers as we were soon going to run out of hospital supplies. Nonchalantly, we chose the brand that we saw in ads or our friends using it. As the pack arrived, both our mothers advised against the use of disposable diapers while my husband asked me to use it economically and not solely be dependent on disposables. Agreeing on reasonable use, I charted out the occasions of use and when to be diaper-free.
Already disillusioned with the idea of equal parenting, as days passed, I was suddenly responsible for the added expenses the newborn incurred, especially in using and purchasing disposable diapers. Since ‘child-rearing’ was my responsibility, I was anxious about being judged for using it and the lack of use of the same. Amidst the mounting risk of the baby developing diaper rash and the pressure to be thrifty, I listened and acted on everybody’s advice until I couldn’t.
Being at the receiving end of advice and opinions, it started to feel as if everyone was there to confuse or shame rather than to show the right path. My already declining mental health bore the strain of living in an apocalypse where I had been role-playing a mother fighting against the challenges of maintaining consistent childcare needs when there was no need to cut corners. Oscillating between spending less and more, I never knew how I became negligent.
At my natal home, my husband bid me adieu with an adequate supply of diapers.
While enjoying the care of my mother, I witnessed an unnatural episode that suddenly increased the use of diapers twofold. My baby girl was then two months old. All of a sudden there was a change in her potty routine. From pooping once or twice a day, she started passing gas with poop on every feed like a newborn.
I was alarmed. I informed my husband of the new development. He allayed my fears by trying to convince me that this could be a natural phase. But I was unconvinced. I texted the doctor and he diagnosed the episode as gastrocolic reflux while at the same time advising me to look out for the symptoms of dehydration.
Not only did it put an end to the joy of being in my mother’s care, but also, I was also overwhelmed by watching the growing mound of diapers. Stashed in the corner in a black garbage disposable bag, it became an ignominious presence.
Habituated at her passing a bit of poop with every feed, one night I left her sleeping on the same without changing. My eyes were heavy with sleep, I checked for the diaper behind my pillow but couldn’t find and somehow, I couldn’t muster the strength to get out of the bed and pull one out of the almirah. I convinced myself by saying that it was a bit of poop, it wouldn’t irritate her.
Later in the morning, as I was cribbing at the dwindling stock, I heard my elder brother calling me stingy. It stung because it was true. But how am I to compare myself with my brother in managing expenses who makes bold purchases now and then and who is yet to embrace parenthood to understand the finer realities? But even if he understood the finer realities, would he have shied away from providing the necessities to his kid? Because under his watch till now my daughter was in want of nothing from the moment she was born. My Bhaiya and Bhabhi took care of every 101 needs that I felt I couldn’t provide on my own.
In the initial days, my house felt like a godown as I was accepting continuous deliveries in their name. Feeling ashamed for not being devoted enough to my daughter and taking care of that one need when every other expense was compensated in gifts, I went ahead and placed an order online without consulting my husband on the best available offers. I even went ahead and checked the best diapers available in India. In doing that, as I scrolled down, I was taken aback further.
I am a caring mother. But does my care have to be justified in making costly purchases?
Even if I was earning, I would still have been strictly against inundating my child with dresses and accessories. On the contrary, I believe in directing the amount to more useful stuff.
But I had no idea that it was diapers that were going to be the most useful in the array of other household expenses. Until called out for cutting short on my child’s needs, I had been using brands that 90% of the parents use. I found diapers frivolous because of their use and throw nature but not like my mothers who consider diapers a monstrous invention invariably causing rashes in babies.
Evolving as a parent after that incident, the amount I was spending on diapers was next to nothing. While searching for the best diapers available online, I came across an organic biodegradable bamboo diaper brand. Even with these, if I switch to diapers solely, I would be spending on about 180 pieces of diapers (keeping the occasional pooping episodes in mind) in a month, costing somewhere between 7000-8000 bucks (with no discount). I was stumped.
On further research, I found that the diaper dilemma was solely not my own but shared by millions of households around the world. In the West, there are diaper banks to support low-income families and I was surprised to find that the scarcity or the inability to purchase diapers leads to missed shifts at work as caregivers don’t accept cloth diapers.
On going through another article, a study underscored the necessity of diapers in ensuring a child’s well-being and health. An adequate stock of diapers not only wards off dermatitis and urinary tract infections but it also relieves parents of the stigma. Is there an alternative? No. Cloth diapers though reusable can’t be used in public places and they come with their share of hassles of washing and drying thus adding to the existing water and electricity bills.
Mostly in Indian households, when one is earning the other is shouldering the responsibility of saving. As a homemaker, I share a fraught relationship with money. I don’t share the same connection for our money as my husband does.
Representing lakhs of homemakers in India, I too find it hard to keep financial insecurity at bay. Wishing to provide a fulfilled life, I think of mothers like me who want the best for their children but bear the constant guilt of not measuring up. The lack of awareness among mothers regarding diapers is staggering. Parents from low-income families to save money often find themselves changing diapers less frequently. Moreover, middle-income families in search of affordable diapers settle for brands containing harmful chemicals. An appeal must be pushed forward to the government to make policy changes to make diapers a medical necessity and tax-free.
Image source: Getty Images Free for Canva Pro
Trigger Warning: This has graphic descriptions of violence and may be triggering for survivors.
Welcome to the world of Indian Cinema! While we’ve had a couple of hits and misses, some that provide entertainment and purely that, some provided food for thought and then we had this mega blockbuster Animal that released providing both of the above in heaps. Or did it?
To begin with, the end is far. Well it is a 3 hour 21 minute movie so it went on longer than my attention span lasted. But I braved it to the end. And glad I did. I was really hoping for an ending that showed consequence to action but alas it does not deliver. So then I was just glad it ended.
It baffles me that even today, circa 2023, we as a nation glorify a male protagonist’s attitude towards women and the world, depicted through violence, disrespect, misogyny – all apparently acceptable due to his own childhood trauma and relationship with his father. Psychological treatment and counselling is visible for all of 2 minutes in the movie as an approach – also ridiculed and mocked via inappropriate dialogue usage to prove said point.
But then again through the movie and later through several videos seen on social media of audience reactions during the movie, I wasn’t so baffled. After all in a country with a population over a billion, the percentage of aware individuals willing to think between right and wrong is limited. It is not about the fact that educated people know different, well not really as even people from urban educated strata’s of society hold the same archaic ideas as shown in the movie. Invariably the people who understand right from wrong – are few.
It was stomach churning to view scenes where women were treated as lesser beings and hear audiences laugh and applaud. Scenes such as asking a woman to lick his (Ranbir Kapoor aka Vijay’s) shoes, pulling his wife’s bra strap constantly while she repeatedly said he was hurting her, grabbing her by the throat, commenting on her appearance as a baby making machine – to Bobby Deol (Abrar) sexually assaulting his wives and even slapping one. Through all of this of course we see immense amounts of violence among the hero and villain, again considered super heroic and as said in the movie “It’s a man’s world”.
The few minutes in the movie where we see Vijay protect his sister from eve teasing at her college is ruined by how he takes a gun into the classroom and shoots at random to scare students to admitting what had happened. So basically the message is – yes while “eve teasing” is wrong and we must protect women – how we do it as men is picking up guns, shooting in classrooms and intimidating others through violence.
This animal like behavior, or instant gratification of one’s needs through any means possible is despicable when viewed through the lens of an adult man who no doubt may have had difficult experiences as a child, but resorted to the worst way of dealing with them. So is this what we wish to show the audiences? To act on every need and thought in any way possible, that we can justify, no matter who we hurt in the process?
Yes we know it’s a movie but are the audiences across the country able to grasp that it is JUST A MOVIE?
Hell no – because people look to the movies for what is celebrated and accepted. And repeat. “Well he made it look cool and fun and had the upper hand – bring it on”. Zero thought to consequence – both for self and others.
Hence the crores it made.
What rakes in the big bucks? Knowing what the largest section of society wants and so they deliver. Kudos to the filmmakers for understanding the audience well enough to make this over the top, testosterone dripping, Kabir Singh on acid movie. Entertainment indeed but was easily less enjoyment, more tainted. I shall be back to books now to recover from this movie!
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