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One morning, a friend called to inform me that the music festival was happening in Bir.
He wanted me to witness the event as he was participating.
The way he narrated the event excited me, and that was the moment I decided I had to go.
When I first heard about the place of occasion, I recalled that last year, I manifested my wish to go paragliding at the highest point in Asia. It felt like I received an opportunity to fulfill my dream.
Even after multiple calls of convincing from his side, I was perplexed as I had to travel solo to an unknown place. I tried to invite a few of my friends, but none agreed. There was a point when I almost dropped the idea of going.
Solo traveling is a concept that comes with many questions for a woman. I, too, had my agony and thoughts. But my mind got stuck at paragliding, and my inner soul, that believed in manifestation, was not ready to accept not going on this trip.
After thinking for many days, I finally registered for the event with the thought of the first solo trip. Finally, I booked tickets, conveyance, and accommodation. As the trip day was approaching, my nervousness increased. I was almost on the verge of canceling the trip. I convinced myself by reminding myself of the strong woman image and packed my bags for the adventure.
It was my first solo trip, so I had to go with all the necessities as the mountains are less likely to fulfill every need than in cities. The beauty of the hills invites you for peace, leaving behind the hustle, with no traffic and no hurry to deliver groceries in six minutes.
The day to board the bus arrived, and I started my journey to Bir, hoping to explore and live the adventure. How did I miss adding that the friend who invited me left the band and was not performing in the event, so the solo trip idea became real to vibe with strangers?
I arrived at Bir bus stand, and the journey started with meeting people who came for the event. Walking, talking, and primary introduction happened until we reached the event location. I met with organizers, and connected with everyone.
People in the mountains are warm and welcoming. I was shown my accommodation by the owner. I freshened up for the first day of the event but I did not know what the day awaited.
One girl already occupied the room, and meeting her for the first time did not give me a strange feeling. We introduced each other and expressed our excitement about the place and what we planned to do there. One thing that was common between us was the desire to go paragliding. We laughed and talked until we went to the event. The decorations and the arrangements were excellent. I met new people and found we shared similar interests. It led to endless conversations and discussions about books and traveling.
Since it was my first solo trip, everybody was in awe of me, and I also met other solo travelers. It was fun meeting new people. Soon, the solo expedition became a group journey. I had three days and two nights, so I planned my paragliding adventure for the second day. We ended the day with stargazing. I slept early to wake up on time for paragliding to make it the best experience. But God had other plans, and it was cloudy when we woke up.
The paragliding trainer joined me and suggested waiting for some time. As soon as the sun was up, we could have an adventurous flying experience. We prayed for the sun to show up, and finally, we saw the first sunshine falling on the starting point of paragliding.
While preparing for the flight, everything went well. As soon as I stepped for the final run, I slipped and got dragged before leaving the floor. As I left the surface, I realized that one of my shoes got dropped as the memoir for flying site to remember that I was there. Later, another trainer brought my shoe to the landing site.
It was my first adventure sport, and it increased my confidence. Once you manifest or decide something, you can do it with a push to yourself. Be the self-motivator. This trip gave me many friends who are still in touch with me. Of course, being a woman, you should be more mindful while traveling alone. But try it for once, and you will get addicted to traveling alone, feeling liberated and exhilarated.
For all women, traveling is rejuvenating. Plan your next trip with yourself and make new connections.
Image Source: A still from the film Qarib Qarib Singlle
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Harbhajan Singh has been trending in the news once again. And definitely not for the right reasons. What he says or doesn’t say, or where exactly he puts his foot, least of all in his own mouth, is not my concern. However, his most recent example of inappropriate commenting has exposed the misogyny that many men harbor in their bosoms once again, and brought it out in the open.
It has become the trend in recent years for the wives of the cricketers to accompany their husbands to their matches and support them with their presence from the stands.
However, according to some knowledgeable souls, the ladies are mistaken if they think they can achieve much by being present, apart from being a distraction to our esteemed players. Rather they should sit at home, praying before the lord for a successful day for their husbands. Or much better, keep a fast or two to ensure their smashing performance.
But no, these unsanskari naris have to follow each shot and every ball from the stands. Making gol gol eyes at the players, instead of preparing gol rotis at home to welcome the husbands after a hard day of play. Or work.
While there is no doubt that these people consider the presence of wives at the stadium nothing more than an attempt at promotion or photo opportunity (the huge buzz around who wore what and how much it cost should be an indication) they should be grateful for their presence in the stands. If their favorite cricketer fails to perform as per expectations, where will they lay the blame, if not at these wives feet?
Also on a good day, one of the rare sanskari cricket wives can show the modern girls of today how to actually support her pati parmeshwar. By touching his feet, no less!
According to this report in the Times of India, Harbhajan Singh, who was doing the Hindi commentary, passed comments on Anushka and Athiya when the camera was on them. “Main wahi soch raha hoon ke baat films ki ho rahi hai ya cricket ki? Kyunki, cricket ki toh utni samajh hogi nahi (I’m wondering if they’re talking about movies or cricket because they would not be understanding cricket much).”
Harbhajan Singh wonders what these wives talk about when they are not focused on the game? There are no rewards for guessing. Of course, it would be Bollywood related gossip, because the intricacies of the game of cricket are too much to handle for the poor feeble minded females. What does it matter that women today have made their mark in every field like healthcare, education, engineering, communication etc. including being responsible for sending a spacecraft to the moon? That these women who were disparaged without a second thought, are actresses who have made their mark in the industry with their performances and hard work, hardly seems to have prevented them from being belittled.
Such behavior is expected but not excused from even a troll. That it is displayed by someone of Harbhajan’s stature is indeed scary. Or is it that the women in Bollywood are considered less intelligent and competent than the rest of their sisters just because of their chosen profession?
Image source: YouTube
Certain memories remain etched in the mind forever. One such experience is from the seventies when as a family we would drive over 300 miles to my grandparents’ home.
One fourth of the journey was particularly scenic with tea gardens on both sides of the state highway. We would roll down the windows to allow the breeze to come in, and the fresh scent of tea leaves would fill our nostrils. Even now, I can close my eyes and still relive those moments.
The association with tea has always been there!
The lush tea gardens have always had my heart. Ironically, I am yet to visit one. There is such an aura of peace and serenity in that greenery. In the naïveté of my childhood, I even thought that it was really easy to buy one. Oh, how I wish it was!
“To which part of India do you belong?” This is a question that I have been asked several times by non-Indians. I love to say: “I am from a state in the northeast called Assam, which accounts for 50% of the tea that India produces.” There is so much pride in that statement.
No pun intended, the desire of an Assamese for a strong cup of the beverage is indeed strong. It’s our comfort drink at any time. Here is something interesting: tea lovers who are picky about fragrances are even well-versed with the names of gardens that grow their favorite types and buy from them accordingly.
Proclaimed as the “chai country”, 72% of Indians regularly consume tea. Why just Assam or India? Other than water, tea is the beverage that is universally consumed in the world.
A cup of perfect chai? The definition, please!!!!
It took me a long time to figure out how to meet my mother’s standard for a good cup of tea. Something was always wrong because she was too critical! I don’t know what I do differently these days, but she is finally happy with the tea I serve!
Will you be amused if I talk about recipes for making tea? I can guarantee that you will find them in tons.
With the internet always at your service these days, you can get instructions to make any food or drink under the sun. However, the process of tea-brewing is not rocket science, but rather simple common sense. It is one’s estimation and instinct to add ingredients in the right proportions that stir up a relishing cup.
We cannot set the parameters for defining a perfect cup of tea because tastes are so personal!
Variety is the spice, or is it the tea of life?
A tea connoisseur has a whole world to choose from because there is truly God’s plenty. Each type has its own charm.
You take your pick: plain tea with just milk and sugar, masala chai (tea with aromatic herbs and spices), adrak chai (ginger tea), green tea, black tea, tea with fruit flavors, and the list goes on.
Peeking into history: Yes, we had nations warring over tea!
The Boston Tea Party of 1773 was a landmark event of the American Revolution. In a protest against the unreasonable tea tax set by the British, 342 tea chests were dumped into the Boston harbor by rebellious American colonists.
This was not the sole war fought over tea. As weird as it may sound, trade disputes regarding tea triggered the Opium Wars between China and Britain in the nineteenth century.
Bonding over tea!
The whistling sound of the kettle in the kitchen is what most of us have grown up with. Moms and grandmoms would get the act ready for the refreshing tea, and with time, we too became the actors in that play. It came to us so organically to make tea for ourselves and others.
In many countries, hospitality is woven around tea. In India, for instance, it has become customary to either offer any guest a cup or ask them to stay back for one. It is considered a mark of respect and affection towards the person dropping by.
The best of conversations happen with our loved ones over tea and snacks. Time flies by, and we just do not realize it.
The hidden package in the cup
Besides the joy of socializing over tea, there are also the health benefits that we reap from it. It goes without saying that an overdose of anything cannot be good, but research establishes that drinking tea in moderation enhances the immune system, reduces inflammation, and improves heart health.
Just imagine: you are feeling a little sleepy in the middle of the workday and finding it hard to concentrate. Grab some tea if you can. Take a few sips, and bounce back into action!
What natural antidote can you think of to ease stress and beat the fatigue after a busy, long day? A quick dose of tea perhaps! It works like magic and helps to re-energize!
It rarely crosses our mind that something as mundane as a cup of tea has such amazing powers and is so much a part of our lives. The profound appreciation for tea finds expression in this beautiful quote from the Chinese polymath Lin Yutang: “There is something in the nature of tea that leads us into a world of quiet contemplation of life.”
So if you are a tea fan, relax, reinvigorate, and spice up your day with a cuppa or two!
We have all heard stories from people who have inspired us to become what we are today. They may be superheroes, movie stars, influential people in society, achievers, sportspeople, humanitarians, and educationists.
These people are famous, educated, and visionaries. But at times, the infamous, illiterate, invisible, poor, and disadvantaged people become our role models. They may live in rural areas and can’t even fit into the category of so-called famous people or influencers.
Who is my superhero? What has she done to me to become my inspiration? Why is it so important to recall the woman who lived 22 years ago? Why can’t I forget such a person in my life? These are the thoughts that filled my mind when I started to write about her.
In a nutshell, it is none other than my maternal grandmother. Theresa is her name. She took care of me for 13 years without expecting anything in return. She never blamed me for my mistakes, and she never judged me for being timid and conservative. She taught me all that I must learn for life.
She was born into a joint family of eight children, and her village was in a remote area. Being the second daughter of the family, she took care of her other eight cousins. It was common to have many children in those days.
I knew very little about her childhood, but I have heard that she was an iron woman who endured all the suffering and challenges but did not give up till the end.
She was given in marriage to a stranger, as usual in the villages. She left her mother’s house, adopting a different background of people and culture. She gave birth to four girls. She was moderately well-off at the beginning of her married life.
She reared cows and sold milk in the village. On a fateful day, she lost her second daughter in an accident at the age of six. Seeing her child in a pool of blood, she went into depression. She bore the trauma all her life. She used to become very distressed whenever she saw blood. My grandfather became an alcoholic after this incident.
She was subjected to domestic violence when my grandfather fractured her skull; she resisted him while taking care of her other girls. She did not have peace at home, even on feast days.
Life did not favor a happy and peaceful life, but she made life beautiful for all who surrounded her. She had to withstand the negative comments from the villagers for not having a male heir. She had to tolerate her alcoholic husband.
She did all the odd jobs to keep the family hunger-free. She used to wake up to go to the salt plant. When there was no job there, she collected firewood, worked as a construction worker, sold garments, and sold idlies (south Indian breakfast). She had to go from street to street to sell those idlies. She milked the cows, pastured them, and grew a kitchen garden.
Her perseverance in making me walk properly is immense. Though she never went to school, she educated all three of her girls. She spent sleepless nights trying to give her daughters a good future.
In the southern state of Tamil Nadu, especially in the districts of Tuticorin and Kanyakumari, the bride’s family must pay a lump-sum dowry. My grandmother had told the family to marry off the first daughter. With the two other grown daughters and her paralytic husband, the family burden again fell on her shoulders.
She took care of my grandfather for seven years, single-handedly. She never complained about her misery, poverty, or struggles in life. I never saw her sitting relaxed. She was found to be doing daily chores and taking care of her husband and daughter. At times, the neighbours used to come to her for home remedies.
“We can be poor; we can undergo suffering. But never become dependent on or steal from others. The poor can lose anything in life but their self-respect,” she used to say.
I was the first grandchild of hers. I was a premature baby and was kept in an incubator. When my mother saw me in the childcare ward, she understood something was not well with the child. When I grew up, I was found to have a permanent locomotor disability and a squint eye.
In the beginning, I did not have a clear vision. It was my grandmother who used the home therapy to make my vision clear. At the age of five, my parents took my sister and me to a city for work. When I was returning from school, I met with an accident and broke my left leg.
My grandmother visited me, and when she saw me lying on the bed, she took me to her village to raise me. I was a princess in the poor woman’s hut. She fulfilled even the smallest of my desires.
From then on, she became a mother to me. The love and care she had for me is wonderful—stuck. She used to wake me up at four o’clock so that she could get me ready to go to mass every day and leave for work at the salt plant. Her feet used to be full of cracks; I never saw her dressed in good clothes. She never had any jewels on her body. Yet she was able to send my aunt to the teacher training school.
I always wished to see her in a colored saree, with bindi on her forehead and jasmine flowers in her thick and long hair. When I was about nine years old, I tried to stick a bindi on her forehead, but an elderly lady stopped me, saying that widows couldn’t wear them.
Though I was timid and conservative, growing up under the care of that powerful lady, I developed confidence, which was to be shown in the future. She used to come late in the evening to the house, tired and frowning.
She never missed her responsibility to feed me. The little time I spent with her during the day was my life—I learned lessons. Whenever she fed me, she entertained me with many moral stories.
It was the story about a small plant called Reed that became my mantra for life. There used to be a coconut tree and this plant. The coconut tree is used to mock the plant as it has the nature of swaying with the wind.
On a stormy day, the tree could not resist the wind and immediately broke and fell to the ground, but the plant resisted by swaying as the wind flew.
The moral of the story is that no matter how strong we are, our roots must be stronger to resist the storm of life.
This was the topic of my first poem and first story.
She was very courageous. She lost her husband at the age of 42, a widow with three grown-up daughters. She had to beg for money to marry her daughters. Whatever she earned, she equally shared with her three daughters.
She is defined as “being born as a woman and working like a man.” She used to help everyone. Hardworking woman, never tired of fulfilling her responsibilities.
Once I asked her for a swing, she immediately took a rope and a saree and made a swing for me. She was a multi-talented woman. She used to advise on home remedies for the problems of her neighbors.
She was cursed for not having a male heir. She treated her three sons-in-law as her own. I learned from her the concept of equality. She was blessed with nine grandchildren, and I was the first one.
The power of resistance, self-respect, simplicity, and a never-give-up attitude are a few of her qualities. She was diagnosed with stomach cancer at the age of 57. She underwent an operation.
After three years, her situation got worse. Even on her deathbed, she used to nurse her seventh grandson.
When we wanted her to go for another operation, she refused, as she had to depend on her daughters. The effects of cancer killed her slowly.
“Always be good” was her last word to me. She divided her little savings among her grandchildren without having a home for herself. She breathed her last on January 12, 2001, on the wedding anniversary of her first daughter.
Her body was taken to her husband’s ancestral home before being laid to rest. It has been almost 22 years since she left us, but the memory of her remains with me.
Whenever I am faced with challenges, I just remember her not-giving-up attitude. Being confident and independent, committed, and brave are her outstanding qualities.
I always believe it was her upbringing that formed me to stand for the rights of the voiceless. She stood firm in her commitment, and so am I.
This simple and single mother is the sole reason for me to celebrate my womanhood and cherish my individuality, agency, and identity.
Image source: by FatCamera from Getty Images Signature Free for Canva Pro
Balancing work and family as a woman is hard in India. Here are 7 insightful tips for juggling work and life dualities effectively.
Today, I want to delve into a crucial topic through a series of blog posts, so bear with me as we navigate this meaningful discussion. It’s a serious subject, but I believe it deserves our full attention.
The decision-making struggle between personal life and a career is a familiar tale, especially during pivotal life events like marriage and pregnancy. The juggling act of responsibilities, from family to adulthood, can be overwhelming. If you’ve ever felt alone in this struggle, rest assured, you’re not. Many share these challenges, even if we haven’t heard their stories.
So, let’s dive in. Today, I want to share insights and ideas that have worked for me and others in balancing a career and personal life, particularly during breaks. It’s a journey worth exploring, and I hope you’ll find it valuable.
Just as you plan for a baby or marriage, planning your career break is crucial.
The excitement and meticulous planning that go into other life events should also extend to your professional journey. Whether it’s deciding on the duration of your break or exploring freelance opportunities, thoughtful planning sets the stage for a smoother transition.
Read more: 12 Excellent Tips For Women Returnees From A Career Break, On How To Ease Your Way Back
Consider combining marriage and pregnancy breaks for a more extended period of respite. This not only allows for better bonding with family but also provides ample time for self-care and mental preparation.
By strategically aligning these breaks, you can enjoy the journey without the overwhelming pressure of managing multiple responsibilities simultaneously.
Read more: My Baby Just Turned 3 Months, I Resumed Work… And A Pregnancy Scare!
The notion of “wasting” time takes centre stage here.
In the initial days of your break, embrace the freedom to do what brings you joy. Whether it’s a short trip, movie marathons, or quality time with friends, indulge in activities that recharge your spirit.
Stress is often a self-imposed illusion, and these moments of leisure can help dispel it.
Read more: 8 Holistic Ways To Reduce Stress Caused By Workload
During pregnancy, consider adjusting your work hours to accommodate the demands of both your career and well-being. Setting up a home office and breaking your work hours into manageable chunks can mitigate stress.
Forget the traditional 9-5 routine; embrace a schedule that aligns with your needs and priorities.
Read more: Pregnant? Here Is A List Of 18 Indian Foods To Avoid During Pregnancy
Post-pregnancy, align your schedule with your baby’s sleep cycle and activities. Track their routine to optimize your time and plan household chores strategically.
It’s crucial to strike a balance between productivity and personal well-being, understanding that some compromises may be necessary but never at the expense of your health and happiness.
Read more: What Is The Ideal Diet For A Breastfeeding Mother?
The age-old dilemma of career versus personal life frequently haunts us. If your job demands are high, consider seeking career counselling or discussing flexible options with higher-ups.
Alternatively, explore freelance opportunities that provide financial satisfaction without the constraints of a traditional job.
Read more: Yes, I Gave Up My Career But I Am Living Life To The Fullest
Taking a complete break can be rejuvenating, but over time, it’s essential to find a balance. Dedicate weekends to yourself, focusing on quality time with family and personal activities.
Avoid procrastination by sticking to planned tasks, ensuring a harmonious blend of work and leisure.
Read more: Back To Routine: How I Overcome Procrastination
In conclusion, this journey is yours to shape. These insights are not rules, but guideposts to help you find your balance. I hope these ideas resonate with you, and I look forward to hearing your thoughts.
Recommended read:
Image source: CanvaPro
“Parenting is more to do with learning how to behave with kids than to teach them how to behave in a certain way. Its an art, a skill that teaches us when to hold tight, when to let loose, when to let go and let them fly. As a parent, guide them but let them choose their way. Be the torch bearer but let them see the light.”
The manner in which we raise kids is constanly evolving through generations. We must tread with caution like walking on muscovite. Apply a little pressure and you will find it shatter a million tiny pieces.
There isn’t a golden rule to follow but some heartfelt suggestions.
Here are the 10 things we shouldn’t do or tell our kids.
It might seem minute to us but its significant to them. Do not scar them for life.
Always reserve an ear for them. Its vital for them feel they can come to you irrespective of outcome. Be their home, their safe haven. Its an inexplica le feeling to know someone always is there for them. Be their Sun, shining and available a great deal.
This might sow seeds of self doubt and heightened self consciousness. It hampers the growth of confidence. I am sure we all agree its important to make our own mistakes and learn from them.
This paves way for fair, unbiased and honest upbringing. If left uncorrected it will lead them to make mistakes confidently.
They might stop being transparent and begin hiding matters, irrespective of the significance of their actions. They might not come to you with issues. We must create safe atmosphere for them to be able to accept their mistakes. This ensures that they wont wander off into making bad choices.
Do not fill false affirmations into those innocent hearts. This will prevent postponing the inevitable. Do not stamp on their dreams but make them aware of consequences of their choices. This helps in making informed decision and careful choices.
Too much light might blindside them into seeing stones and pebbles along the way. You don’t want them to grow too proud and self absorbed.
There is no replacing of good manners on any planet. Well mannerisms and loads of discipline never run out of style.
Making mockery, laughing at others, passing impolite comments, spreading false rumours are never welcome. Lets build an honest, just and compassionate society.
Teach them inclusion, caring, being considerate of others feelings aswell. Its normal requiremnt of society living.
Just be the cushion when they fall to soften the blow and to bounce back.
Some gems are readily available in nature while some need to be extracted and polished. However lets not burn ourselves out or more importantly lets not overplay precious tiny hearts.
No overdoing anything. No under-doing it as well. No undermining their ability. No hovering over them aswell.
Kids should soak in the simple yet enriching pleasures of life, invest in fulfilling experiences .
Play outdoors Go for those walks in the woods, Go cycling and to your favorite picnic spots. Savour the fruits every season has to offer. Dance in the rain, Catch a bit cold, Get that tan, Scarpe that knee.
Taste that content in helping others. Take pride in standing up for yourself. Practise cleanliness of body, mind and soul.
As a parent, guide them but let them choose their way. Be the torch bearer, let them see the light.
Image source: mother daughter by FatCamera from Getty Images Signature Free for Canva Pro
It was 2nd April 2011. Last and final match of the ICC World Cup. India was competing against Sri Lanka in the final. All eyes were fixated on the TV screen, especially on Dhoni who was on the striker end. India needed a mere four runs to win the World Cup trophy. Kulasekara was chosen to deliver the 49th over. He tosses the ball in the air and delivers it, Dhoni lifts his bat hits the edge of the ball and the white ball goes flying over the ground. Our gaze follows the trajectory of the ball.
The ball crosses the boundary line and drops in the stadium making it a huge six, a winning shot for India. The entire auditorium goes wild with thunderous applause followed by a big shout-out to the Indian team.
The dressing room erupts with joy. Yuvraj Singh on the non-striker end envelops Dhoni with a hug. India won the World Cup. Another history was created after 28 long years since 1983 when India had witnessed its first historic victory. A much-needed and much-awaited win for India to make India the world champion again. It was certainly India’s night that day.
I with a bunch of girls were watching it in our hostel. The entire girl’s hostel reverberated with the sound of excitement and happiness. Some blew the whistle, and some banged the steel plates to express their spirit and emotions. We were on cloud nine. The night had turned into a thunderous jolt of excitement and joy for all of us.
What made this season more special and remarkable for me was witnessing a woman (Mandira Bedi) sitting in the commentary room in the far land giving a descriptive account and a detailed analysis of cricket. She was amongst the first few women to have hosted a cricket tournament on television. Her fervour and passion for cricket fueled my enthusiasm for cricket and made me crazier for cricket than before.
Although, till some time ago, it was not considered reasonable for women to take a keen interest in watching sports let alone play sports or think of a career in sports.
My interest in cricket kicked in when I was in middle school and as I grew up, my interest in cricket also grew.
Not to mention all the male members of the household had an immense interest in watching and playing cricket. They would all sit together and immerse themselves in the pleasure of the game whenever a match happened. When I bunked my studies to watch cricket I used to be reprimanded by my mother as well as other elders of the family, being the only girl in the family exhibiting this level of fascination towards cricket!
This is a man’s game and only they watch it with interest. Why are you having ants in your plants? Why are you so interested? Hold your horses and cease your growing interest in sports. This is a boyish thing and a manly affair. Girls are not supposed to have this much interest in sports.
Saying this they would try to put me off and send me to make tea or help Mother with the other home chores or do my studies.
“Who said this, who made such a disgusting rule? Why such discrimination and why should boys have all the fun?” I often reflected in my mind but never dared to verbalize it.
But this didn’t deter my interest at all and I still managed to watch it inconspicuously without grabbing anybody’s attention.
Had I inherited my love for reading or cooking from my parents I would have been applauded and appreciated much, but inheriting such madness for cricket was sure not to bring me any praise or accolades.
Though I struggled a bit in the beginning, later on, my unwavering enthusiasm and growing curiosity for cricket did not let them stop me from watching the game.
The successive waves of change were already in the air and the penchant and passion for cricket were growing fast in the women’s community as well.
It was just a few months after my marriage. I was in Sasural. There was a final match between India and Pakistan scheduled for the day. My enthusiasm and excitement were at the peak. I was not able to contain my curiosity and hovered around the TV to turn it on. But pangs of doubt and hesitancy crept in. What will my inlaws think about me and my overwhelming euphoria for cricket?
I drew myself back. My mother-in-law emerged from nowhere and asked me to turn on the TV. There is a match between India and Pakistan today. She said eagerly and made herself comfortable on the couch The curiosity and thrill of excitement in her eyes spoke volumes about her inclination toward cricket. I don’t want to miss on India batting she asserted avidly.
I was stunned listening to what was coming from my MIL. She loves cricket too, my mind replayed in utter disbelief. It sparked my excitement to another level. We both not only sat together and indulged ourselves in the pleasure of watching the game but it also brought us together dissipating our disputes and conflicts over petty things. Thereafter talking and connecting on the topic of cricket became more of a ritual for both of us.
Witnessing a woman from the prior generation having such passion and fervour for sports was an absolute pleasure for me. And I realized how prevalent this game has been for a long time and how it has enticed people from all generations from across the globe.
And I also found a partner in this pleasure, which made watching the game more fun than ever before.
Image source: ICC Cricket The image is for representation only
Recent comments by actor Mansoor Ali Khan have earned the wrath of many. In a video that has now gone viral, the actor who recently featured in the Trisha-Vijay hit movie Leo made misogynistic statements.
The original video is in Tamil, and translates roughly to, “In the film, I had hoped to have at least one bedroom scene with Trisha. In my career, I have done many rape scenes. I have flung many an actress like Khushboo and Roja onto the bed. But they didn’t show Trisha to me even during the shooting schedule.”
She posted on X (Twitter) that she found these comments vile and repulsive, and vowed to never work with Mansoor again. Members of the film fraternity have come ahead to support her.*
Singer Chinmayi Sripada shared Mansoor’s interview along with a note on X, where she made several important points.
“Men like Mansoor have always been talking like this. Never been condemned, with other men in power, money, and influence laughing along.”
She called out other actors like Radha Ravi and Robo Shankar who have normalized such behaviour. Upon facing backlash, the 61-year-old Mansoor retracted his remarks and insisted that it was only said in jest, that his daughter was Trisha’s fan, and he respected the actress. He even claimed that this was a conspiracy to demean him.
Talking about rape causally and boasting about such scenes is a new low. Kudos to Trisha and Chinmayi for their strong stances. These aren’t isolated cases. Salman Khan during a grueling shooting schedule compared it to rape. He later apologized for it after receiving reprimands and backlash and it has remained forgotten.
The irony is that when a shameful incident happens, people are shocked, condemn the criminals, and support the survivors (if any) through candlelit vigils and marches. But on the other hand, they giggle when someone makes a shameless remark like this. Why are rape jokes normalized in the first place? What is so funny about an inhuman crime that violates a person, and destroys lives?
The problem is more deep-rooted than you think. Think of the Boy’s Locker Room Chat where teenage boys from Delhi causally talked about rape and objectification.
A friend of mine shared a personal experience where a senior manager in one of the companies she worked for once made a flippant remark, “The meeting was so bad; the director raped us with his persistent questioning.”
No one batted an eyelid. Otherwise, the manager who made this remark was a good person; polite and reasonable. He was only being funny. No biggie, right?
Wrong! Rape is NOT a joking matter.
No. It’s not OK. The woman you are making a misogynistic remark about is someone’s daughter or sister too! What gives you the right to demean her? This is NOT comedy; trivializing something as heinous as rape is crass, crude, and vicious.
Because too much has happened for us to turn a blind eye or a deaf ear. In a country where rape is the fourth most common crime against women, where an average of 31,000 cases are registered in a year (2021 NCRB statistics), and 86 crimes are committed in a day, it is impossible to take a ‘chill pill.’
In 2019, one rape was reported every 16 minutes in India.
Do you know what is more heartbreaking? The fact that these are only the registered numbers. The unreported cases are far and many, and these numbers are far under-estimated.
Children learn from their parents. Use a cuss word or a swear word by mistake in front of them, they will lap it up and not hesitate to reuse it because they think it is normal; it is cool. That’s where the internalization and normalization begins. The irreverent and flippant use of rape Jokes, irrespective of gender, should be made a punishable offense! Teach our boys better! Only then we can have a safer world for women, one where jokes are not cracked on the crimes against them.
*This is a developing story.
Periods should be periodic, right? So they are for many women. Right from my very first period, I was blessed with a regular cycle. While I had other problems, including severe pain which eventually led to be a very delayed diagnosis of an unusual case of appendicitis, and mild cramps that continue to this day, I was lucky my cycle was regular and predictable.
So I was concerned, when the same was not true in case of my daughter. This led me to do some research on the subject, and I uncovered several interesting and illuminating details.
Menarche is the special name given to the very first period in a woman’s life, and in my opinion, it does deserve it’s very own term, given that it is a landmark moment, symbolizing the transition from childhood to adolescence, which is a confusing time fraught with volatile emotions and raging hormones.
Every girl should be properly prepared for this significant milestone, and in today’s world there is no reason why they should not be. Most schools now educate children over the age of ten about periods. However, it is possible that periods can occur as early as eight. So it is best, if parents talk to their daughters earlier, not just arming them with the facts, but also reassuring them of their emotional support through the rollercoaster ride that is adolescence.
Some parents might find this subject uncomfortable, but worry not. There are plenty of stories and non-fiction books on the subject, to help you broach it with your daughters. I have written one myself as a part of my Tania Series. Tania just like any other girl, is growing up. Read on to find out what happens when she gets her first period unexpectedly early.
It’s not enough to explain the mechanics and biology of reproduction, but essential to talk about vaginal health and hygiene and possible vaginal infections such as yeast, vaginosis, etc. Girls often feel ashamed to talk about vaginal discomfort, and do not report it until the condition exacerbates. Educating them helps mitigate the shame they might feel, and gives them the confidence to tell their parents about any symptoms at an early stage, so as to minimize damage.
Pre-menstrual stress (PMS), mood swings, stomach cramps, can all make periods quite uncomfortable, but talking about it helps young girls realize that the situation is temporary and will soon pass. The fact that many of these discomforts are quite natural, does not imply one shouldn’t get some help in dealing with them. A gynecologist may be able to prescribe appropriate medication to manage the symptoms depending on their severity.
You might think you know your daughter and have a close relationship. Yet, numerous examples show us that romantic relationships can be quite irrational and many youngsters tend to be secretive about them. Sometimes they are secretive because of their own conflicting feelings and uncertainty regarding a particular relationship. So as parents, it is best that we prepare our children for any situation they might find themselves in.
Hence, it is important not to shy away from talking about contraception, protection and sexually transmitted diseases (STDs), for in many cases the risk is simply too high. STDs like AIDS do too much damage and can be prevented by proper use of protection. Why put our daughters at such extreme risk, when the solution may be as simple as having the conversation about safe sex?
In today’s world, it is also important to talk to kids about sexual orientation, not only so our children can be forthright about, and comfortable with, their own preferences, but also sensitive towards the needs and choices of their peers.
It is also important to discuss masturbation, sexual fantasies and pornography, whilst highlighting the importance of sensitivity and consent. Children must be alerted to the dangers of sexual exploitation via the internet, and taught to be careful in their social media interactions.
While one does not have to go into great depth in any of these topics, bringing them up is important to keep the channel of communication open, so children know they can approach their parents with any concern, no matter how awkward or embarrassing it may seem.
And if any topic seems to hard for you to talk about yourself, just acknowledge the question, and find an appropriate book or article that will lead your child to the right answers.
Menstruation typically begins between the ages of 10 and 15, though 8 to 17 is not unheard of. For the first couple of years, the menstruation cycle can be quite irregular. The most common cycle length is about 28 days with the bleeding lasting for about 4 to 8 days. But a normal cycle can be anything between 21 to 40 days.
However, in the first couple of years, it is not uncommon to get an extra period or miss one. Irregular periods are a normal part of puberty, while the body tries to figure out its own regular cycle.
Anovulation is a menstrual cycle in which the vary does not release an egg. Most women experience it at some point or the other and may not even be aware of it. Anovulation is one of the primary causes of irregular cycles in the first couple of years after menarche.
But regular anovulation into adulthood can result in abnormal uterine bleeding (AUB) and can be a cause of infertility, so if period cycles do not stabilize, one should check with their gynecologist.
While periods are a completely natural part of a woman’s life it is important to be aware of period related disorders so they can be detected early, and treated or managed before they do too much damage. Two such conditions include endometriosis which can be very painful and PCOS.
AUB during periods can have various causes, some serious and some of which can be easily fixed. Either way, it is important to consult a doctor.
Premenstrual dysphoric disorder (PMDD) is a more severe form of PMS and requires medical attention.
Knowing, being alert, and seeking early medical attention can go a long way towards mitigating the adverse effects of these conditions.
Puberty is a natural, exciting, and sometimes stressful part of life. Menstruation is an essential part of womanhood. As with anything else, it has its speed bumps and hiccups. However, being informed, alert and attentive to symptoms helps smooth the rough patches for both pre-teens and their parents. So happy studying, sharing and communicating!
Published here first.
“I think success varies depending on each person. For me, to be on this stage and to speak my truth is something that matters a lot.” – Miss Nepal Jane Dipika Garrett.
Miss Nepal Jane Dipika Garrett is making history as the first Body Inclusive Model in Miss Universe 2023. This 22-year-old, an entrepreneur and advocates for hormonal & mental health, is breaking barriers and questions societal norms, highlighting that beauty surpasses conventional standards. In a world frequently preoccupied with slim figures, her participation and making it to top 20 serves as a poignant reminder that beauty cannot be confined to a fixed norms as set by society.
Through her massive display of confidence and wholehearted acceptance of her own body, Jane Dipika Garrett has emerged as an inspirational figure for many young girls and women across the globe.
It inspired me to the core to find courage & boldness to stand by myself; feel healthy and to find a new definition of success too.
I often come across a section of society tethered to age old preoccupied beauty measurements and give judgments on that.
Recently I attended one function at one of my relative’s place. I got to meet many close and dear ones after long time. Sadly, most of them were busy talking about who’s what rather than how (have you been).
“Oh! You gained weight …!”
“You became sooo thin…any illness?”
“Your dark circles are too prominent!”
“I think she is taller than him.”
Ridiculously, there was hardly any warmth in the conversation but only measurements of beauty and judgments flowing.
“O girl! What happened…you look so plump than the last time I saw you?”
I replied boldly, “It does not matter how fat or thin I am; as long as I feel healthy and successful the way I want to be, nothing else matters.”
And I believe that we women should embrace their distinctive qualities and aim for excellence in every facet of our lives eradicating all insecurities and low self-esteem.
I love myself whether tall or short;
I love myself whether dark or fair;
I love myself whether plump or too thin;
I love myself even if I have dark circles or not,
And that’s success to me.
Images source: Miss Nepal Jane Dipika Garrett on Instagram
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