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While there is a glint of adventure in her eyes and a chuckle in her voice, there is also an unshakeable determination to achieve her goals which, she says, she has had from her college days. That’s Usha Rajagopalan, well-known Bengaluru-based author.
But these days her writing has taken a backseat as lake conservation has become her passion. The 67-year-old spirited senior citizen has made it her life’s mission to save the Puttenahalli Puttakare lake near her home.
Usha Rajagopalan likes calling herself a “lakeika” – a lake activist and a writer (‘lekhika’ in Hindi). “I am a writer by choice and lake conservationist by chance,” she says with a smile. Creative writing has always been a passion and she has published several books.
But these days, it is the view from her flat that keeps her engaged. The view of Puttenahalli Puttakare lake in Bengaluru, the revival of which she has spearheaded by setting up a trust. The lake restoration efforts won the trust the ‘Namma Bengaluru’ award in 2012, an initiative to thank ordinary citizens for their extraordinary contributions to the city. Her lake initiative became a model for others and today there are around 55 lake groups in Bengaluru.
Usha’s father, a Conservator of Forests, brought home interesting animals. Some were injured or ill and had to be nursed back to health and sent to the Thiruvananthapuram Zoo. Time spent with these animals are some of her favourite childhood memories. It is this childhood spent close to nature and animals that drew her to lake conservation.
“The lake was not in my scheme of things. But I love it. It is because of my initial exposure to nature that I took up the cause of the lake. I wanted to take up writing seriously as my children were grown up. But from my flat window I could see the lake dying,” she says.
The problem was that the lake was being used as a dumping ground for sewage and construction debris. Trash was being burnt around the lake and slum-dwellers were encroaching on the embankment.
“I wondered what my father would do if he had seen a lake dying this way. I felt very guilty whenever I looked at garbage piling up in and around the lake. I was fortunate to have like-minded friends who were interested in rejuvenating the lake,” narrates Usha.
Along with three others, she set up a trust called the Puttenahalli Neighbourhood Lake Improvement Trust (PNLIT) in June 2010. The very next month a tree plantation drive was organised around the lake. Residents of nearby societies were invited. Their donations, which amounted to Rs. 40,000, enabled the trust to hire a gardener and security guard to take care of the saplings.
Usha and her team of lake warriors have succeeded in transforming the lake into a haven for birds, fish and other flora and fauna. The water table is recharged and trees planted around the lake have made it a green patch among the concrete buildings surrounding it.
Soon they were invited by BBMP (Bruhat Bengaluru Mahanagara Palike) to become official custodians of the lake and signed an MoU. “We got to know we were the first group to sign such an MoU! (with a laugh). Looks like citizens don’t take up such causes usually. The annual lake expenses come to Rs. 8-10 lakhs now. Every year we have been raising money through donations. Donors are willing to contribute as they have seen the lake develop before their eyes,” she says.
All the lake-related activities of the trust are people-centric, like nature walks and weekend gardening. That’s because they want to make caring for the lake a community responsibility.
“Since sewage inflow and encroachment are the two major problems the lakes faces, we went and met the BWSSB (Bangalore Water Supply and Sewerage Board) authorities and requested them to divert the sewage. They cooperated with us. For a good seven years our lake was free of sewage. As far as encroachment goes, we tried to rehabilitate the slum-dwellers but that did not work out. The lake is open 24X7 so we face problems of vandalism and poaching as well,” she says.
What gives her joy and satisfaction is seeing visitors dispose waste in dustbins and people increasingly immersing small clay idols (and not plaster of Paris ones) in the water-filled bins kept near the lake for that very purpose.
“Once I go to the lake, it takes four to five hours to be back on some days. My dreams are all about the lake these days. Writing has taken a backseat for now. I take my grand-daughter to the lake often,” says Usha.
Her biggest inspirations in life have been her father, mother and grandfather, she says. From her father she learnt to dream big. Her love for nature and animals too comes from him. Her mother had tremendous wisdom and resilience, and her problem-solving abilities were exceptional. Her grandfather triggered in her the interest to read and write, she says.
“I owe my success as a lake conservationist to my friends (fellow trustees) the community, municipal authorities and so many experts who have generously given me their time,” says Usha.
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“Diversity is a program and Inclusion is a mindset”. This quote by Indra Nooyi caught my attention as I prepped to write this article. Every step towards creating a culture that promotes diversity will encounter mindset dynamics. Today, it stands as an impediment to women’s progress. The societal realms are reeking of a non-supportive mindset when it comes to women. Bogging them down with expectations in the name of duty is a reflection of how mindset creates more harm than good.
Born, raised, and married in a progressive environment wasn’t a shield to the realization that patriarchy was in many ways fueling the selective progression of women. It created an early awareness of which were the touch points for women. I resisted acceptance and channeled the disapproval into writing. I promised within that I would do my best as a parent and always wished to parent both a daughter and a son.
Prayers answered, today I evolve every day with mutual lessons in collaboration and gender-neutral parenting.
Recently my daughter was asked a question, “Beta, what all can you cook?” I didn’t know how to react. Firstly, because it was unexpected and secondly it was totally out of context. What won my heart was my daughter’s answer, “Uncle! I only know to eat.” The sixteen-year-old walked up to me later, brows knitted and hair strewn across in a style I loathe. “So along with being a class topper, a sports achiever, am I now supposed to be a chef too?”
I laughed and hugged her. Sat her down to say, “You have to be a chef only if that’s your calling. There is no SUPPOSED governing your life.” She smiled in relief. “I don’t think I can cook for anyone else. At best, I can feed myself.”
“Great! Do what you desire!”
This conversation is an example of how as a parent I’m investing in a woman.
“Mom! I want to have scrambled eggs today.” A hoarse voice calls out from a corner of the house. That’s my eighteen-year-old son, lounging on the bed as he conveys his order.
I walk up to him, arms crossed behind my back, trying not to be intimidating I say, “How about I teach you to cook scrambled eggs today?” To my luck, this young adult is a foodie and that is what drove him to the kitchen stove. It started with the basic skill of lighting the stove and progressed to Maggi and tea. As he got comfortable, I realized the kitchen also became the place where we shared stories and laughter. This was the ideal setting to bring up another important fact. I went ahead and mentioned that whenever he decided to have a girlfriend/wife, she would be educated, working, ambitious, and financially independent. She would also like to be supported the way he was supporting me. This included contributing to the home chores too!
This is how I’m investing in women by instilling the right perspective around gender roles in my son.
“Cooking is a life skill.” My most oft-repeated phrase at home is to erase the gender stereotype around this basic activity. Creating a mindset that cooking/home chores don’t define womanhood.
Financial literacy is a key skill that I as a parent feel is a critical investment. Making sure that my daughter learns about finances and effective management in a way that is age-appropriate along with what is being explained to the son.
Responsibility for financial decisions is a key aspect of inclusion and this is largely lacking in our homes. Mindset creeps in here as well. “Why does a girl need to know? She is going to get married and her husband will handle everything for her.”
WHY? I always ask. There are homes where having a separate bank account and not sharing the password with the husband is considered insubordination on the part of the wife. This is financial abuse.
By providing awareness on budgeting, investing, and saving I’m raising a more confident woman. It also creates responsibility in the son to empower his partner in the future.
Financial independence is important but so is awareness of the financial options.
It’s ony the growth mindset that readily accepts “No” as an answer. Whether it’s from a boss, a colleague, or a family member, the word NO can influence the dynamics of relationships. Acceptance and adjustment is the lot of most Indian women, and they can get into serious trouble for saying NO. And then we put women on pedestals as ‘superwomen’.
Let’s begin with accepting no! It has to begin within our homes. My daughter
“Eat a paratha instead of bread today.” I urge my daughter. “No” she responds.
“Why?” I insist.
The eyebrow knit returns as she stares into my eyes. “No again. Because I don’t feel like.”
The confident No reassures me that I have done things right.
It has been a struggle to move from, “Never say No to the adults.” To “It’s OK to say No.” But I have stood my stead.
“You can only kiss me on the forehead.” the daughter instructs her brother. He listens intently before asking “Why? You are my sister and I love you.” He persists.
“I know! I love you too Bhaiya but I don’t like to be kissed on the cheek. It is a No.” she declares.
He agrees.
Seeing his sister confidently saying No and making a declaration about it, he too is comfortable and learns to accept a No.
That is how I’m investing in a woman I’m grooming and also a woman who I will welcome down the years.
Personal decisions like clothes are also subject to questioning. What a woman can and can’t wear is defined not by her will but by the environment. I have experienced it and continue to witness it both in the workplace and at home. Not acknowledging that there is a lack of freedom to make choices, is also being a partner in the crime.
So as a parent, I leave personal grooming decisions to both the children. When this happens, they are more cautious of their choices, they seek advice and it doesn’t seem like an imposition to them. This is the best first step to let them experience and experiment with freedom. The confidence of making a choice then seeps into other areas of life seamlessly.
Patriarchal reflections will remain in many areas yet if my efforts can make a slight difference, it is an investment in a progressive and judgment-free living. Any number of policies and systems cannot leave an impact unless the difference begins in mindset. As women, we play a vital role in making that shift. An informed parenting input can go a long way in laying the foundation for that change.
Image source: Pixabay
Director Prabhuram Vyas explores what love truly is in his Tamil movie ‘Lover’. The plot revolves around Divya, played by Sri Gouri Priya, questioning the nature of her six-year-long relationship with Arun, played by Manikandan.
The movie has presented us with the problems and apprehension that come with exiting a toxic relationship. Here are instances of toxic masculinity that the movie has displayed. (Spoilers ahead)
Right from the first scene of the film, wherein Divya feels compelled to lie about her whereabouts, we see how controlling Arun can be. He expects her to seek his permission before going to events and requires her to keep her interaction with people of the opposite gender to a minimum, even if they happen to be her colleagues. Divya in turn resorts to hiding plans that she makes with other people from him.The freakish tracking of her every step causes the relationship to feel suffocating and results in a lack of transparency.
Arun, who was previously willing to entertain his friends through mimicry is unwilling to do so after he meets the same set of people a few years down the line. This is because he feels like he has an unsuccessful career and has faltered in his adult life. Though reluctant to accept his feelings on account of his exaggerated machismo, it is very evident that he is envious of everyone around him, including his girlfriend. He can’t stand that he doesn’t have a job while she is living her life at an IT firm with a package that fulfils her needs and wants. He might love her, but even the smallest well-meaning comment, triggers him. He is unwilling to attend intimate social gatherings for the simple reason that he feels like everyone around him looks down upon him.
Arun and his naïve mother, who herself is part of a toxic relationship, constantly ask Divya when she will speak to her parents about their wedding. When Divya tells Arun that she doesn’t feel ready, he resorts to emotionally manipulating her whilst simultaneously guilt-tripping her. He doesn’t realise that a healthy relationship requires both parties to be ready and interested before taking the next step. Arun’s mother, like many middle-class parents, is of the view that a wedding will solve all of her son’s character flaws and problems in life.
Right from the beginning of the film, we see Arun yelling at Divya and exhibiting reckless behaviour to say the least. On discovering that she went to her colleague’s farewell, he goes to the basement of her apartment and shatters the car window of a resident. His anger issues manifest themselves in various forms throughout the course of the film.
A point to note though is that Arun probably got his anger issues from his drunkard father who continually abused Arun’s mother for years together. This goes to show the importance of providing children with a peaceful environment while growing up. Though he doesn’t do exactly what his father does, he has certainly imbibed some of his traits.
Arun treats Divya like crap for the most part. However, we see him seeking her forgiveness from time to time in the form of making her apple crumble and designing her a portrait. When Divya highlights how his behaviour makes her uncomfortable and how she cannot go on like that, he keeps saying that he can’t live without her. He threatens to kill himself when she talks of a breakup, keeping her permanently shackled. He doesn’t realise the depth of his insanity till she compares her situation to that of his mother.
While on a trip at Gokarna with Divya’s friends, Arun gets wild when Madhan films the girls at the beach even though he had their consent. He tells Divya that her character has changed when she says that she doesn’t have any problem with being video taped in beach clothes.
Arun is also baffled by the fact that the boyfriend in another couple ‘gives’ his girlfriend so much freedom. To Arun, freedom is something a girl must seek from the men around her. He hates seeing his girlfriend being liberated. He hates seeing her have fun with people who aren’t him.
On the whole, ‘Lover’ is very real and very raw. The film presents us with a situation that many people face on an everyday basis and also depicts a very natural and organic evolution of the relationship. Though it is best to leave toxic relationships as soon as we notice the smallest of signs, it is usually easier said than done. It is heartwarming that the director’s vision of portraying Arun as a walking, talking red flag comes through, unlike certain other films which end up glorifying toxicity. The much-needed transformation of Arun towards the end, and the fact that his transformation still doesn’t lead to a reconciliation appears to make for the perfect conclusion.
Seven years ago in Pune, Sharmila Hadawale began her journey from a dedicated IT professional to a pioneering entrepreneur. Despite the challenges of motherhood, she pursued her passion for financial independence and started her own business. She opened a boutique filled with the latest women’s clothing. Even as she operated from a modest rented space, she skillfully balanced her customers’ needs with the demands of her family. With the help of her loved ones and Mahila Money, Sharmila underwent an impressive transformation, fueling her business and increasing her earnings.
In this WomensWebXMahilaMoney impact series, we bring you entrepreneurs like Sharmila Hadawale who had not just the ambition to grow, but took the steps needed to bring their dreams to fruition. Apply for a loan of up to 25 lakhs to fuel your business growth by downloading the Mahila Money App on Google Playstore or visiting the website here.
Sharmila’s morning routine begins with setting Whatsapp status messages, showcasing her shop’s latest and trendiest products. It has become a ritual she cherishes, as her excitement and passion for her business shine through each post. Located just a stone’s throw away from her home, her shop quickly buzzes with eager customers as the clock strikes 11 am. Sharmila tends to each visitor, displaying the carefully chosen stocks she has personally curated with care.
She manages every aspect of her business alone, but sometimes her husband joins in, becoming her trusted partner in this incredible venture. This dynamic duo share not only the responsibility of the business but also the joy of seeing it flourish with each passing day.
The initial struggles of starting a business with no prior experience did not stop Sharmila as she fearlessly embraced the challenges. Reflecting on her journey, she shares, “At the beginning, it felt like scaling a mountain, but I persevered and grew to love every moment of it. The joy of helping people find the perfect attire for their special occasions fills my heart with immense satisfaction. This passion for what I do fuels my ambition as an entrepreneur. When you truly love what you do, success becomes an unstoppable force.”
As Sharmila’s boutique flourished, she noticed a fascinating trend — an unprecedented surge in demand for sarees among her customers. Women from all walks of life were captivated by these traditional garments’ elegance and timeless appeal. Sharmila saw this as a golden opportunity to scale her business.
Sharmila embarked on a quest to create a dedicated saree section in her shop to meet her customers’ desires. She immersed herself in extensive research, exploring the diverse world of sarees — delicate organza sarees that exuded grace, multicoloured sarees that celebrated life’s vibrancy, and comfortable cotton sarees perfect for everyday wear. “I wanted to curate a saree collection that would make every woman feel like a goddess,” Sharmila explained, her eyes ablaze with passion. “The saree is not just a piece of clothing; it’s a symbol of strength, beauty, and tradition. I wanted every woman who walks into my shop to find the perfect saree that speaks to her heart.”
Sharmila’s quest for capital solutions and starting her saree collection led her to Mahila Money – a fintech platform helping women entrepreneurs with tailored financial needs. She earned a monthly income of at least 50,000 to 60,000 INR. Approximately 30000 INR is spent on business expenses, and an additional 6000 INR is paid for shop rent.Therefore, she sought capital to expand her inventory and draw in new clientele to sustain her monthly profits.
With a clear vision and detailed plans for her business expansion, Sharmila approached Mahila Money for a loan of 60,000 INR for 12 months. The loan was approved, and Sharmila wasted no time investing it wisely to advance her venture. Sharmila was beaming with joy when she shared, “I felt thrilled when I received the loan from Mahila Money. It gave my business endless possibilities to explore.”
She used a portion of the loan to source products from Mumbai, (Dadar) and Surat, allowing her to add a new saree section to her shop. Sharmila’s business acumen proved fruitful, as sarees offered the highest margins, a staggering 40%-50%. “I believe in providing quality products at reasonable prices,” Sharmila said proudly. “Customers appreciate the value they get, and it keeps them returning. Also, I always keep myself in the customer’s shoes before buying stocks.” Sharmila says you have to think like a customer to make it work.
Sharmila’s saree section became synonymous with elegance and sophistication as the days became weeks and weeks into months. Her clientele expanded beyond imagination, and she realized that her business had transcended its humble beginnings.
“I never imagined that a surge in demand for sarees would be the turning point for my business,” Sharmila said, reflecting on the exhilarating journey. “It showed me that when you pay attention to your customers’ needs and take bold steps to fulfil their desires, success naturally follows.”
With her stock now more diverse, including trendy tops, kurtis, leggings and sarees, Sharmila witnessed an exponential rise in her income. Her monthly earnings increased from 60,000 INR to an impressive 100,000 INR. Her thriving business and financial freedom filled her with immense joy. “Mentally, emotionally, and financially, I feel empowered,” Sharmila shared. “I am grateful to Mahila Money for believing in me and my dreams.”
Sharmila plans to seek another loan from Mahila Money to expand her business and stock up for the upcoming wedding and festive season. She envisions a broader range of sarees and dress materials that cater to the ever-changing fashion trends.”I want my shop to be a one-stop destination for all women’s clothing needs,” Sharmila says passionately.
Sharmila’s #JiyoApneDumpe journey from an IT graduate with a dream to a successful businesswoman showcases the possibilities that arise when womenare supported to pursue their growth aspirations.
Image source: by bdspn from Getty Images Free for Canva Pro
This well written satire goes as deep inside as it seems on the surface. While uncovering the deep-rooted traditions and superstitions of traditional India on the face of it, this story of lost women is actually also a story of finding oneself. Not only for the “lost ladies” but for a lot of other characters of the movie.
Be it by getting reminded of the childhood self, or of the dreams seen as a child or via learning & unlearning, or even questioning some of the self-beliefs when shown the mirror, or tapping on the hidden goodness, each major character of the film ends up finding self.
Well what can be a bigger accomplishment than this. A very powerful and intelligently written story showing the world that the dark and the bright stays together, it co exists.
While Deepak finds how much his wife means to him and astonishes himself too by going the extra mile in the name of love, Phool finds “her identity”.
Phool unlearns her deep-seated beliefs to some extent and makes space for “herself”. The progress is gradual but with some assistance, her “live long potli” gets replaced by a “potli of money” so much so that she forgets to take her old beliefs back with her on the train. Her new found sense of liberation and self is enough to keep her going.
Jaya finds the strength of fighting against the world and making her far-fetched dream come true. She took a chance and then found the courage to face struggles till the very end, so much so that, even fate turned to her side. Her persistence uncovered the goodness in the world, a power even she didn’t know existed within her.
Deepak’s mother and sister-in-law get in touch with a prized possession- “own happiness”. These women both learn and internalize the concept of self-love and prioritization. They realise their choices matter, their interest’s matter, their likings matter- They matter. The transformation is subtle yet powerful.
Another notable yet brief character is of Deepak’s dad, who finds out how hollow are the traditions of ancient india, like the “ghoonghat” and how important identity is – that a ghoonghat covers.
Manju Maai is brought back to her soft side hidden under the hard exterior- a façade put up to face the world. The moment where she savors the “kalakand” seems like a personal victory. The moment of deep satisfaction and getting in touch with your “core” after ages, is the feeling captured in that brief moment. While she teaches life lessons to a young Phool, in return she is able to connect with her lost self via Phool’s innocence.
The inspector’s character sees one of the most wonderful transformations, more like an epiphany where through the course of the film he transforms from this greedy and self-centered man preaching the law to someone who then practises it in the true sense. He helps Jaya get a whole new life and in turn gets in touch with his good side.
In two hours, the movie teaches so many valuable lessons but for me, the most important one is the pursuit of finding self because isn’t that what life is all about?
Last week, a picture kept popping up on my FB feed, of a man and a woman standing close. I didn’t pay much attention, they looked like any other celebrity couple.
It was when I accidentally saw a derogatory term about the woman as the title of a post, that I read.
The woman in the pic was Dhanashree Verma, a Youtuber, choreographer, Jhalak Dikhla Ja participant and wife of cricketer Yuzvendra Chahal. The man was another choreographer, Pratik Utekar.
And the problem with the hundred odd trolls?
‘The two are standing close, and look happy.’
I read a few comments and they were merciless, pathetic. All sympathizing with the cricketer husband. For marrying a slut, to put it softly.
‘Divorce her. Maze le rahi hai. Sharm Karo. Married woman pe kalank hai. Such indecent behavior won’t be tolerated, Sharam Haya Bech Aayi?’
Gosh. Men of absolutely no relevance, judging a successful woman. As usual.
What irks me further, is that it’s not just some stupid pages. Some media houses had their headline news as
‘Cricketer Yuzvendra Chahal’s wife faces backlash over intimate picture.‘
My question: What is the measure of intimacy in a photo?
And, who are these people who decide how a married woman should pose?
What I don’t understand is, why don’t they address her as Dhanashree Verma? She’s a successful choreographer, a professional in her own right. But of course, she’s Mrs. Chahal first.
And, being married, she’s the custodian of Character and Maryaada. How can she let another man touch her, leave alone posing closely with him?
It’s the 21st century and it saddens me to realize, that we as a society and a country are marching backwards. We might claim that trolls are insignificant, let dogs bark, etc etc. But it’s this backward mindset among young men that’s appalling.
So, as a married woman, the next time I stand next to a male colleague or friend, should I be aware of the protocols of posing, for Sanskari Married Women? Will these trolls please enlighten me?
Lives of Indian Women : Bristling With Paradoxes
International Women’s Day 2024 is already becoming part of history.But the hype and fervor- call it what you wish- will last a couple of more days… BUT let’s admit nothing will change for our sisters and comrades at the grassroots level, in small towns, cities, and rural areas of our vast sprawling countryside.
Day in and day out Paramjeet a 12th pass homemaker from Ludhiana will run from the kitchen to the dining room to serve perfectly round, piping hot chapatis to the menfolk of the family. If not tender or fluffy enough these will land on the floor. Plonk! The mom- in- law will utter obscenities against her maaika / father’s home for teaching her nothing…
Champa a tea plucker in one of Darjeeling’s tea estates, rises early each morning, finishes her house hold chores and then heads to the garden for day-long tedious duty. Meticulously she picks the two leaves and a bud,,tossing them into the conical basket on her back . For a basketful of tea leaves she gets a paltry amount that can hardly assure her minimal luxuries. Elsewhere, in Lucknow, Kranti is a safai karmchari in a prominent media house. For cleaning all the toilets and disposing garbage she earns around ten quid.. After the dreary job she .winds her way home in a slum cluster where she resides with her paralysed husband and three children.
Such momentous occasions come and go…but nothing reallychanges. These are just a few instances from the present; there are several other aspects of our social life where deprivations and denials continue unabated.
An oft-quoted Sanskrit shloka says yatra pujyate naari ramante tatra devata (lit: where women are venerated, the deities are pleased). Logical. But how does one justify the high incidence of PNDT (pre natal sex determination test) and female foeticide? It won’t be tough to spot a d veteran surgeons (Brahmin born ) officiating as a priest during community worship of Durga/Kali (mother deity/ shakti/ creative energy) with utmost devotion and fervour. On another occasion the same individual may be wielding a scalpel to unscrupulously snuff out a tiny life in the womb,.
There are instances galore. The union as well federal governments offer mid- day meals in government run schools in a bid to lure more pupils. Believe it or not more often boys outnumber the females. In a more gender specific context, parents of adolescent girls discourage their wards from using sanitary napkins and iron capsules provided gratis by schools in collaboration with Ministry of health. Lest some harm befall them.
A few decades earlier The Constitution (Eighty-sixth Amendment) Act, 2002 inserted Article 21-A in the Constitution of India to provide free and compulsory education of all children in the age group of six to fourteen years as a Fundamental Right. Interestingly a survey conducted three year ago reveals only 20 percent of girls aged 15 to 19 in India completed at least 12 years of schooling. On the other hand, approximately four percent of girls in this category did not attend school. The major factors being poverty, distance from school, teenage marriage followed by pregnancy.
Any mention of Indian women’s education down the centuries invariably tosses up names like Gargi Maitreyi Lilavati Lopamudra, Apala, Urvasi, , Saswati, and Kshana pertaining to the ancient Vedic age. I am tempted to ask:what about the teeming millions? Why were they not encouraged to garner knowledge? The periods that followed witnessed a series of political turmoil and upheavals. Logical . However In the post-1947 years till date educational and welfare schemes have been implemented. Then why is female illiteracy still rampant in the country? The “fault is not in our stars” The rot is in the minds of people who still latch onto the archaic notion that for a “Woman” marriage-home-family is topmost priority. Education is a second. Time to usher in change…Is anybody listening??
Let’s celebrate Women’s Day… everyday!
Hunched over our corrections like beavers at work, we were oblivious to the clock ticking away. The scratching of pens over papers, seemed quite musical in a different sort of way, peppered with sharing of nearly perfect responses from some meritorious students.
The days seemed longer due to a sudden increase in temperatures, although we were given a comfortable room and plush chairs for the long strenuous hours that loomed ahead. We are a band of twelve teachers and of course, ten are the spunkiest women you have ever met.
Evaluating end-of-the-year papers is more an assessment of the teaching that has gone on in the classroom through the year I feel, along with the prowess of the student. The gamut of responses ranges from… wow that’s a new interpretation, to… what a fabulous response!
(I must admit that I do feel envious, some lucky teacher has that brilliant student in her class.)
But today is about women and celebrating women. And no, it\’s not my spunky colleagues that I am talking to you about, it\’s Vidya maushi!
Since day one, she comes around with the brightest smile I have seen, offering us cool drinking water or piping hot tea. Once a lady hesitatingly inquired if there was some coffee and she nodded in affirmation and off she went, this portly more than middle-aged woman, only to return with a flask of freshly brewed hot and aromatic coffee! Mind you the pantry is somewhere, a floor or two below our room.
Forever fussing over us, worried about our meals, arranging them if required, and fetching us bottles of cold water.
It touched our hearts today, when she brought us freshly prepared ginger tea when we had finished for the day, wound up our work, and were leaving for home. She appeared with her flasks and insisted we have some as she had specially prepared them, also reminding us it was ‘Women’s Day’. She admitted she had gotten delayed a little but that was because there were no other maushis on duty, it being a holiday. The warmth in her loving voice could just not be refused.
For a long time, I kept thinking about the joy and pride that she held in her work, knowing very well we were just transiting ships and she didn’t have to build any bonds with us. We may never see each other, once our task is over but the qualities she demonstrated…
Commitment,
Client satisfaction,
Warmth and humility!
What a Brand ambassador!
When asked how long she had been at the institution, she proudly said that she was a permanent employee – just like the head of our team, and had been there as long as her.
It\’s women like her who we need to celebrate… every day!
So it’s Women’s Day!
Since morning, I have received many Women’s Day messages across various social media channels. However, I noticed one peculiar trend – mostly the wishes were made by women. Very few Women’s Day wishes were made by men. Moreover, in the evening, an event has been arranged exclusively for women.
I find it disturbing that the general perception around Women’s Day is that this day is ONLY about women. Men do not have anything to do with it. However, Women’s Day is never about celebrating the biological entity of women but about feminine ideologies, struggles, and rights. And who are we without our deserving male counterparts? Why can’t we celebrate those men too who are questioning, pushing, and resisting the perils of patriarchy?
After all, how can I deny the contributions made by my father, who ensured my proper education and a safe childhood? How can my professional accomplishments be just mine, when my husband ensures he stays back to take care of our child? How can I not celebrate all those male friends, colleagues, and acquaintances who helped me at various phases of my life? How can we not celebrate those male lawmakers, officers, and professionals who are relentlessly working so that we, the women, get a better, safer life?
Ideologies never thrive on binaries. Fights are never won by creating division. Behind every ‘ism’ there is a band of believers. So let us not limit the celebration of Women’s Day to mere biological entities of women but all those who come together and point out misogyny, voice for women’s empowerment, and fight patriarchy. This Women’s Day, let us celebrate all women, men, kids, transgenders, pets, and nature – everyone who makes us feel proud as a woman.
Feminism, after all, is only a part of humanism! Let\’s dedicate this day to all those who are working today, for an equal, liberal, and better tomorrow.
Happy Women’s Day!
The entrenched patriarchal norms have always perpetuated certain roles and responsibilities as falling specifically in the domain of either men or women. Traditionally, women have been associated with the domestic sphere while men have been considered the bread winner of the household. This division of roles has become so ingrained in our lives that we seldom come to question it. However, while not being questioned does give the system a certain level of legitimacy, it in no way proves its veracity.
This systematic division has resulted in a widely accepted notion whereby the public sphere is demarcated as a men’s zone and the private sphere as belonging to women. Consequently, women are expected to stay at home and manage the household chores while men are supposed to go out and make a living with no interest whatsoever in the running of the household.
This divide is said to be grounded in the intrinsic nature of men and women. Women are believed to be compassionate, affectionate and loving and these supposedly ‘feminine’ qualities make them the right fit for caring roles. Men, on the other hand are allegedly more sturdy, strong and bold and hence, the ones to deal with the ordeals of the outside world.
While with changing times, there has been a substantial increase in the number of women getting educated- as per the All India Survey on Higher Education (AISHE) 2019-20, the GER for female students was 27.3% against 26.9% for male students – the same does not hold true in case of employment, especially employment post marriage.
The NFHS 2022 revealed that only 32% married women in the age group of 15-49 were employed against a staggering 98% for men in the same age group. Even if they are allowed to pursue an education, marriage still continues to be the ultimate reality for a large proportion of women in the country and post marriage they are expected to devote themselves completely to the nurturing of their homes. As per a paper by the Institute for Social and Economic Change (ISEC), more than 90% of the married women in India are engaged in domestic work.
Once married, their personal ambitions and desires are supposed to take a backseat with their marital and filial responsibilities consuming most of their time and energy.
For women who choose (and are allowed) to work after marriage, there definitely is some level of independence and control that they come to enjoy, but one will be gravely mistaken to assume that they are in any way relieved of their traditional patriarchal responsibilities.
While conversations about equality in the public sphere have been making the rounds for quite some decades now, when will we start talking about equality in the private domain? A woman with a paid job is not just expected to prove herself at every step in her career but also to be a superwoman who can efficiently manage job and home both.
When men come back home from work they expect to relax and have some leisure time but what about working women who come back to piles of dirty dishes and loads of other tedious chores that they have to cater to no matter how exhausted they are?
Research by a professor from IIM, Ahmedabad states that women in the age group of 15-60 years spend 7.2 hours on unpaid domestic work compared to 2.8 hours spent by men. Even working women spend twice the amount of time as compared to working men on such unpaid domestic labour. For wage earning women this is like a ‘second shift’ after their job hours. The research also pinpoints that working women are 24% more likely to have less leisure hours when compared with men precisely because of the time they spend on the domestic chores including cleaning, cooking and caregiving.
This data is alarming because it raises pertinent questions. If both men and women of the family are working then why can’t men also take responsibility for a portion of the household tasks? Why is it the sole responsibility of women to look after the household’s well being after an equally tiring day of professional labour?
Sacrifice is believed to be the cornerstone of a woman’s existence. If her home and family seem to be impacted by her career then it is expected out of her to prioritize her ‘responsibilities as a woman’ and leave her job if no better way is visible. But how often do we see men letting go of a promotion or a transfer because their families will be impacted by it? Isn’t it more normal to see their families making adjustments in response to this new development?
And if you thought that their financial independence would give working women some leverage then NFHS 2022 data will prove you partly wrong. As per the survey, 85% of married women who earn mostly take decisions on how to spend their earnings jointly with their husbands. For 14% of women, their husbands are the sole decision makers in this regard and only 18% women take this decision on their own. So not only do they have extra burdens to handle but they also cannot spend their hard earned money as per their wish.
It’s time that we start questioning the unrealistic benchmarks that we have set for women. We need to recognize that they are humans too and need some breathing space in their otherwise overly hectic lives. They need not be perfect, can definitely make mistakes and do not need to feel guilty for anything that they do for themselves. They can have the ‘privilege’ of being a little selfish.
Image source: by filadendron from Getty Images Signature Free for Canva Pro
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